January 30th 1722
The letter sat staring at me, I would respect Edward and not read it. However, I was still curious to what it held. My wounds were healing well enough that I could now sit up without much pain. I sat outside the manor looking out to sea, willing myself to see the red sails of our ship. I had done the same for the last week, sometimes I would have Charlotte with me and other times Anne would watch her. Trade had started back up so I busied myself with keeping the books up to date, I could never sit doing just one task my mind would wander.
Apart from Anne, I shut myself away from everyone, I wouldn't even sleep in my bed. Instead, I moved in with Anne into her little house in the manor grounds, each night was filled with the same nightmare. So much so that they stopped being dreams and crept in front of my eyes when the sun was still up.
February 10th 1722
When the red sails of the Charlotte came into view, I told myself that it was a sick joke my mind was playing on me. Or if they were truly heading this way, they held only ghosts and bad news. I stayed in my chair gripping onto it so hard my knuckles were white, my thoughts had turned so dark recently that I wore the dress he had bought me, willing him to come back and laugh at how stupid I had been.
I had been so lost in my thoughts that I didn't see the ship dock, didn't see the mop of blonde hair sprinting through the town. I thought the ghost from my dreams was stood in front of me until I felt his hands on my face, it was as if the kiss chased the demons away. The darkness was lifted and the sun was finally allowed back into my life.
"Are you real?"
"What else would I be? Wooden?" the tears started to spill over instantly, my strength was gone and I gripped him to me.
"I was so scared, I thought you'd never come back" he started to stroke the tears from my cheeks until they stopped falling
"Anne told me what happened, she said you're better now just that they could cause you some pain" I realise that's why his hands are on my face, he always put me before himself "You must have fought hard to keep everyone safe if they got you, I'm only sad I couldn't have been here by your side"
"I'm guessing Anne glamorised what happened, there's nothing brave about what I did. I was stupid enough to be one of the first ones hit, wasn't even a fight" before I can finish what I was going to say his lips are clamped over my mouth and I melt against him.
He lifts me into his arms and carries me to the bedroom, we just lie on the bed holding each other. Neither of us talk, we both know what each other is thinking, what if everything had gone wrong. Neither of us would have managed if we had lost each other.
"How about I boil you a bath?" he suggests "Maybe it would help with your wounds?"
"That sounds nice" I smile at him, I sounds lovely I haven't had one since before the attack. I always wanted to be able to keep an eye on the horizon, now he's back I can relax.
The temperature of the water is lovely, my muscles start to relax and in turn, my wounds don't cause me any pain. Edward sits by the side of the tub humming to himself, he suddenly stops and stares straight at me.
"I was thinking, that we should sort out when we are getting married"
"Where did that thought come from all of a sudden?" it's not the reaction he was looking for no doubt, but it's not what he's said its what that reminded me of. I can now picture the letter in the office that arrived from Bristol, what if his wife isn't happy with his letter.
"The lads were singing on the way back, one of them started to sing lowlands away. I guess I wondered if my love would come to me dressed all in white?" the smug grin that covers his face makes me want to laugh, until the letter comes back through my thoughts.
"Did Caroline wear white?"
"Aye she did, did you wear white the first time?" that knocks me back, I can remember exactly what I wore. How my hair was, what the weather was like as well.
"Aye I suppose I did, I suppose I could again. Although with Charlotte there it kinda takes the meaning from the dress" he smiles at me and I realise I have to tell him "A letter arrived whilst you were gone, it's addressed from Bristol" his expression doesn't change, in fact he looks as if it doesn't bother him in the slightest.
"Well the message won't change with time, I'll wait till you've done and we've eaten and then we can read it together" he goes back to humming, only every so often leaving a line from the song in there.
She came to me at my bedside
All dressed in white, like some fair bride
The words made me smile and I realised how lucky I was to have this man, in a world where happiness was cruelly ripped from so many, some of us managed to claw some back.
I sat in my happy mood for the rest of the day, I forgot we said we'd read the letter until Edward sat next to me with it in his hand.
"Here goes huh" he flipped it over "It's not her writing" tearing it open I saw his eyebrow furrow and fall, when he turned to me I saw some sadness in his eyes. Taking the letter from him I began to read.
Dear Edward,
I'm sorry it has to be me to write you this letter, I truly am. I never read any of Miss Caroline's letters or what you wrote to her, so it was a shock to see a letter addressed to her. I suppose I thought you knew already, that maybe someone had let you know.
Miss Caroline passed almost two years back, she had been ill with the pox and slowly got worse. Sadly it was left too late and the doctor said there was nothing we could do for her.
I offer my condolences to you at this time and hope that you, your wife and child are all well.
I also write to you to tell you of some other news, I guess by your letter that in all the letters Miss Caroline wrote she never got to tell you of Miss Jennifer. I realise that finding out you have a daughter must be a lot to take in and again I apologise for it being from me. She is welcome to continue living here with her grandparents and myself, but understand that due to you being her last remaining parent you may wish for her to come and stay with your new family.
I again apologise that I must be the one to write so much in so few words, I will help out in any way I can and will with your permission let Jenny know more about her father.
Sincerely
Rose
Whoever this Rose is got it right, to receive news of a death in a letter is hard but to find that the death has left a child - your daughter for that matter - without a mother is a terrible letter. I put aside all of my fear and sadness that I was right about Charlotte not being Edwards own, I know he needs me right now even if he isn't letting on to how much it hurts.
"I think she should come stay with us, it's not like we don't have enough rooms for her to have a pick" he looks at me and takes my hands "A girl needs her father, this little girl has lost everything she ever had so far. Isn't it time she gained family instead of losing it?"
"You would be okay with that?" I'm scared that my voice my falter so I offer a nod "I suppose she should come live with us, I'm just scared" I pull him into my chest as he starts to sob "How could I have failed her in so little time?" I lift his face to look at me
"You haven't failed her, no way. You didn't know she existed and I have no doubts that if you are like how you are with Charlotte with her, that little girl will want for nothing" I don't know where I find this strength from. One half of me wants to scream and run away, to find a dark place to not have this reminder of his past life come to us. The other half says that the situation could be ten times worse and that I love Edward through thick and thin and will stand strong by him so he can lean on me no matter what.
But that still doesn't stop me from being scared.
I know a few of you didn't want there to be a Jennifer, if she gets too much or is irritating let me know and for safety reasons, she may have to move back to London.
thank you for all of your reviews, follows and favourites whilst waiting for these 2 chapters, I can't believe new people are still finding this story. hope you are all well, until next chapter :)