Chapter 8

The Push

Pittman was nervous as the time came close for dinner. He worried that she would not come and that he had completely overstepped his boundaries. Then the positive thoughts accompanied the nervous ones; they had really enjoyed themselves on the deck that day, Clara had said as much. He knew however that she was confused because he felt the exact same way. Herbert Pittman was smitten with this beautiful woman who was also married, yes it was an unhappy marriage, but it was a marriage all the same.

At meal times, Pittman usually dined with Lowe and Moody, but that particular night he convinced them to eat in their rooms, just in case Clara did come. He then began to pace back and forth, nervously; the food was starting to get cold and his shift started in forty five minutes. He had over loaded on coffee so that he could survive the shift without falling asleep and now he was starting to get a little jittery.

He was just about to turn to go into the small dining room when he heard gentle footsteps on the deck and his name called. Herbert turned around to see Clara, looking like a vision in the moonlight, with the lights on the walls of the ship casting an almost angelic glow around her hair.

"Hi Herbert," Clara said quietly, "It took me a bit because I had to get ready on my own," she smiled, "I do not know how women do it."

"You look beautiful," he said quietly.

Clara did in fact look even more beautiful than Herbert had ever seen her and he did not even think it was possible for her to look even better. She had her hair pinned up to her head with beautiful jewels in her hair. She had a coat on but under the coat he saw a white dress that flared slightly at the waist. There were jewels and silk flowers sewn into the gown and the jewels made chinking sounds when she walked.

"Thank you Herbert," she replied, her face was a deep red.

Her skirts rustled as she walked towards him and she flashed a smile at him as he opened the door for her and she walked in to the room. Pittman gently closed the door behind him and pulled the chair out at the table for Clara, who sat down.

He fixed two plates of food for them and gently set Clara's down in front of her, "I am sure this is not what you are used to but it is some of the best food they have ever provided for officers on a ship I have worked on."

"Well I would hope that the officers are provided with decent meals," Clara said.

"Sometimes I have only had biscuits, water, and pork to get me through," he shuddered, "It is far from appetizing."

"Oh that does sound rather dull," she admitted.

"I still can not stand salted pork," Herbert laughed.

"You are such a fascinating man," Clara began as she took a knife and quietly cut the chicken on her plate, "In just two days I have learned so much about you and I have never met anyone more interesting, let alone someone with such a kind heart."

"It pains me to know that you are married, I hope you know that," Herbert said, "And I know that it is not my place but I just need you to know that," he said quickly.

Again Clara felt that painful tug on her heart, "In two days Herbert you have treated me better than my husband has in nearly ten years of marriage." She looked away from him to hide the tears in her eyes.

He frowned and stood to his feet to come over to her, "Clara, he is not worth shedding tears over. I am sorry if I upset you," His hand came up to cup her cheek and he used his thumb to brush away a stray tear.

Clara's big and sad eyes met his warm and caring ones and she fell apart under his gaze. She threw herself into his arms and began to cry into his chest, "I am just so tired of this life," she cried, "I just want to take my son and run away."

He gently wrapped his arms around the woman and sat down on the floor, his back was up against the leg of the table. Gently, Pittman rubbed circles into Clara's back, "Shhh, it is going to be okay," he whispered.

"It is never going to be okay as long as I am married to that man," she said.

Pittman was silent for a long time and then words came spilling out of his mouth before he had even realized what he said, "We could always run away."

Clara looked up at him, "Run away?"

"It was a silly idea and-"

"No, it is a wonderful idea," she sat up, "Just take Benjamin and we leave. Go as far as we can."

He stared at her in surprise, "Really? You would be content to run?"

She nodded, "I am tired of all of this. I just want to be a good mother and I want someone to love me."

Herbert carefully pushed her fallen locks of hair out of her face and gently he pressed his lips to hers. Clara felt herself completely fall apart in his arms and she leaned into the kiss, her arms even wrapped around his neck and his arm tightened around her middle as he pulled her closer to him. When they broke apart, the two were silent and breathless as they stared at each other. Clara had never been kissed like that and this (for all intensive purposes) "stranger" had just kissed her, as if he was truly in love with her.

"When we dock in New York I swear, I am taking you away from all of this. You, Benjamin, and I, we will get away from it," he said.

She beamed at him, "Do you mean it? Truly?"

"I mean it," Herbert got to his feet and pulled Clara up to her feet.

"I love that idea," she told him, "We can go West."

He kissed her forehead, "Indeed." Herbert lead Clara back to her seat, "We should probably eat something. My shift starts," he checked his pocket watch, "In ten minutes."

"Oh goodness," she shook her head, "Indeed, eating is a marvelous idea."

Dinner seemed easier and lighter, even if it only lasted about ten minutes but Clara was quicker to smile and laugh. She talked animatedly about a life on the West Coast based off the stories she had heard and the idea of swimming in the Pacific Ocean completely enthralled her.

Herbert did not want to leave Clara and he especially did not want to send her back to a stateroom with David Moore. He kissed her gently in the dark shadows of the room and if Herbert Pittman was allowed to have his way, he would have stayed there and assaulted the woman with kisses all evening. But eventually he pulled himself away from her and left Clara with a promise in the words, "To the start of the rest of our lives."

xx

Clara hardly saw Herbert on the thirteenth. She knew he had worked through the night and she did not want to keep him from his much needed sleep. David kept to himself, disappearing at random intervals and the couple only dined together for breakfast. Clara dined with her friends for lunch, who seemed back to their regular selves, and it was right before dinner that she received a knock at her stateroom's door.

A steward, who she learned was named Alan, was standing on the other side of the door. He had a note from Pittman, asking her to meet him again for supper. She grinned as she carefully examined his hand writing and Clara told the Steward to let Officer Pittman that she would see him shortly. She returned to her room and finished dressing with help from Esther. "Will you dine in tonight, ma'am?" Esther asked.

"I will not be dining with my husband, I am meeting some friends," Clara answered.

"Yes ma'am."

For their second supper, Clara managed to get through the meal without crying. He told her about his night working and how the only thing that kept him up and going was the memory of her kiss, which caused Clara to blush profusely.

"Benjamin missed you today," she said, "He really had hoped to play marbles with you."

"I must admit, I missed the little fellow too. I had a dream about him being a big brother to several children," he laughed, "It was sweet."

Clara sighed wistfully, "I would love that. The doctors told me I can not have anymore babies though," she shrugged, "But what do they know? It is all in the Lord's hands, right?"

Herbert studied her face for a moment, as much as he would like a child of his own, he would never put Clara in that danger when the time ever came. He noticed the far away hope and instead of dashing her dreams, he smiled back at her, "Everything is in the hands of God."

That night, Herbert stayed an additional ten minutes with Clara and it was not until he saw a harassed looking Boxhall (who was supposed to be getting off) that he and Clara walked to the door together. He kissed her sweetly before heading out the door with Joseph (who she had met earlier when she had arrived for dinner.)

Clara watched him go and hoped Boxhall would not harass Herbert too badly for keeping the poor officer from his bed a moment longer. But when she saw Boxhall stop at something Herbert had said and then he lightly punched the officer on the arm, which caused Herbert to laugh, she knew that everything between the officers was okay. She smiled after them and then turned back to head towards the first class entrance.

Lights were dim in the hallways and Clara figured most of the people had retired for the evening. She was just about to turn the corner to the hallway where her room was when she heard an almost girlish giggle, "You monster," the voice said, but the woman was still giggling.

Clara turned the corner to see a young woman, probably no younger than twenty-five, being kissed, rather tenderly in the hallway by a man. He was dressed smartly, in a nice enough suit and his mouth seemed glued to the girl's neck. Her eyes were closed as she spoke next, "Someone is going to stumble on us. What if your wife came out?" the voice asked.

"Let her find out."

Clara blanched in disgust at the scene before her. She was about to take a step when the man straightened up to his full height, "Maybe it will drive her to enough misery that she will jump off the ship or something and put me out of my own misery."

Clara stopped in her steps at the words and the voice that said them. The couple still were so enthralled in their own little world, that they had not even noticed Clara yet. But Clara knew the man, "David?" she asked, her own disbelief betraying the hurt she felt at the idea that he would not mind if she killed herself.

David Moore spun on the spot to see Clara standing in the hallway and he carefully slicked his hair back. "Clara," he stuttered, "I thought you dined in your room tonight?"

Clara scoffed, "I am no longer sitting around and waiting on you, David. But I must say this explains a lot. The distance, the cruelty," she laughed as she walked towards their room, "Makes things much easier too." She eyed the girl who was staring at Clara with a look that was mixed between horror and contempt. Clara laughed again, "You can have him. But I do hope you know what a cruel man he can be. He will always find someone younger and better." She slipped her key into the lock and entered the room.

David shot a look at his mistress and followed Clara in, "You were not supposed to see that," he started.

"Then maybe you should not have been all over her in the hallway, outside of our suite and outside of the room where our child is sleeping." Clara began to take her gloves off and then her earrings, "You two can have each other. I just stopped caring about you, David Moore."

"You are still my wife," he said, "You will not divorce me, our religion does not allow it."

Clara frowned, "See your grandparents are catholic but you are protestant and Protestant's allow divorce. Also, our religion also states that adultery is a sin, punishable by death, you did not seem to care about that rule, so please do not pick and choose with what sins are allowable. I want a divorce and that is that," she headed towards her room, "Goodnight and thank you for giving me the final push that I needed."

David stared after his wife in complete shock and confusion as Clara disappeared into her room and a moment later he heard the lock click. None of Clara's words about a "push" made sense and all he knew was that he would not get a divorce, he would fight Clara on it, even if it killed him.

Xxxxx

A/N- Ooooh didn't see that coming, did you? God I have GOT to sleep. My head hurts and I am exhausted. Please review. :)