Middle Ground
Chapter 7
A/N Thank you for your reviews. They so make my day, especially now when I have three days a week where I am at uni till 8 in the evening, and then have almost two hours to travel before I get back home...it's a lot of easy dinners, let me tell you.
In any case; your words truly make my days a lot better, so thank you.
They met again.
And again.
Not for long, not with any particular goal and not for any reason that could be formulated or defended. Reason had nothing to do with it. They met because they couldn't stay away. They did it again, chasing down a feeling that could only be captured when they were together.
Elphaba tried to tell herself it wasn't wrong or strange or inappropriate. She hadn't had many friends at any point in her life and she was so accustomed to being alone now, her time at Shiz more than two years past, that now it felt unreal and almost improper and unfitting to meet up with a friend.
It wasn't. He was just a friend. Or as close as she ever got to having friends, anyway.
Save for Glinda. Of course.
And if there was anything wrong about it, it was that he was risking his life, as part of the Gale Force, by meeting her and not telling anybody about her.
But she was risking hers, by meeting up with a soldier of the Gale Force and not telling any of her fellow Resistance members.
And it wasn't as if he knew anything about her, really. He didn't know about her job, her missions, her hiding places. He didn't know she had something resembling a home. Or, well...not a home, but at least a place to eat and sleep and do her research and her planning. He didn't know it was right here in the Emerald City she did most of her work.
She didn't know much about him, either, but he volunteered more information; he told her about the Gale Force, about their missions, their ideas of where she was and what she did and he didn't hide any of their plans from her, or so it seemed.
She never offered him the same. She simply couldn't risk it. She would risk her own life by continuing to meet him in the forest. That, she could live with. But she wouldn't risk her mission, her fellow Rebellion members, or the Animals she wanted to help.
But Fiyero knew that. And he never asked.
It was getting to be dangerous, though. She was aware of that. It couldn't last. Every time she was on her way to the forest she told herself it was the last time. They couldn't keep this up, it was bound to end badly for one, if not both of them.
But every time she left and he asked to come back in ten, six, three days, she would. She tried to keep at least a week between their meetings. She couldn't risk too much time away and neither could he. He was more careless than she was and more willing to risk his life. But she wasn't willing to risk either of theirs.
She landed swiftly and safely and put her broom away.
"Elphaba."
Her name, so softly spoken and with such relief, was immediately followed by hands on her shoulders that pulled her back against him. She heard the voice in her head that told her to pull away but it faded the moment she let her head fall back against his shoulder. His lips touched her cheek and the voice came back, but only fleetingly as she turned in his arms and hugged him back.
Oh Oz, they shouldn't be doing this. She couldn't deny that. This wasn't mere friendship and it never had been. Her body buzzed as the air did around them and her fingertips itched to touch him. His lips had left a burning sensation on her cheek that spread through her entire body.
She shouldn't be here.
This should, and would, be the last time.
"Are you alright?"
His voice was so tender it was nearly enough to make her cry.
She shook her head, not seeing the point in lying. At least not about this.
"We have to stop this."
The expression on his face, the pain in his eyes, made her want to take back her words but, at the same time, only strengthened her resolve. It proved her right.
"Fiyero. This can't go well. It has to stop sometime. We both know that. We knew that from the start. How do you expect to keep this up? It's getting towards the winter. Do you want to keep meeting in the freezing cold, to stand in a forest with me? Don't you think that will attract attention at some point?"
She was rambling, wanting to get the words out now that they still made sense, but he refused to agree.
"So we think of something else."
"Like what? This isn't safe. Not for either of us and I can't...I can't..."
She wanted to finish her sentence but didn't know how. In the end, she settled for silence and raised her eyes to his.
He put his hands on her upper arms and ducked his head a little to study her. It made her squirm and she tried to pull away. She hadn't been lying. She couldn't do this. Not anymore. Not now that it was becoming so painfully clear what she really wanted.
Not that she would ever tell him that.
"Elphaba."
His lips touched her forehead and he looked at her again. There was such warmth and kindness in his eyes. How could she walk away from that?
"Fiyero..."
Her voice wasn't what she'd wanted it to be, but it only made him hug her again and tighter this time. She wondered, couldn't help it, if the hugging was merely a poor substitute for what lay beneath the surface; a desire that scratched at the walls of their willpower.
She needed to put a stop to this, but she didn't know how. The days were long and the nights even longer. It was cold and lonely. She'd never minded the loneliness. She was used to being alone, revelled in it most of the time. She worked well by herself. She didn't need anyone. She never had and she never would.
But Oz, she wanted him. She wanted him in her life. Even if it was just like this.
It was a reprieve. A shelter. A cocoon. Something to hide in and rest for a little while. And now, she had to give that up. He was offering and she was going to walk away.
How?
"I'm tired."
It was barely than a whisper. Hushed words that shouldn't be spoken but they'd escaped her lips before she'd had time to stop them.
He pulled back a little to look at her, to study her face, then nodded and pulled her head to rest against his shoulder.
"Stay."
His words were nearly as soft as hers.
She pulled back to look at him as if he'd gone insane. But also, with the tiniest shred of longing. She hoped, hoped with all she had, that he hadn't heard her admission. That he couldn't tell how badly she wanted to do as he asked.
He did know that. He'd known that all along, though he wouldn't point that out. And he had heard her. It were always the words she whispered that held meaning and he had learned to listen.
"What?"
He would never point that out either because it would change her mind and likely chase her away for weeks on end, at least.
"Stay the night."
She gave him a look that made him roll his eyes.
"Not like that. I didn't mean it like that. Just as...just us."
She shook her head even as her heart beat faster at the thought of it and her head ache seemed to disappear at the idea of a quiet night, a safe night, with Fiyero by her side.
"I can't."
His hand came up to the side of her head to rest there, his thumb brushing her forehead.
"You can. Not here, not now. I get that. Meet me somewhere."
"Meet you?"
"Yes. I'll find some place and leave the address for you. We can meet there and just...just talk. Or sleep, whatever you want."
She shook her head with a sigh. If only...
"Fiyero.."
"I promise you it'll be safe. I promise. All you have to do is show up."
"But..."
"You know I won't betray you. You know that, don't you?"
She nodded but felt stupid, then shook her head again.
"I can't. It's not right."
He couldn't hold back the impatient sigh.
"Nothing is right. Nothing about any of this is right. But...but Elphaba..."A hand moved through his hair in frustration.
"What's so wrong about it? We're not doing anything wrong."
"You are. You're Captain of the Guard. And you have Glinda. So I am too. All of this is wrong."
"The first is just a ruse, which I told you. And Glinda won't know. She doesn't know any of this. And I am not doing anything wrong. And neither are you...and even if it is wrong...I don't care."
His other hand stroked her hair and she felt her eyelids droop. She was so tired and what he suggested was so...it sounded so...so nice. Even if it was just once. Just one evening. Somewhere warm and safe and comfortable. Somewhere with just them. She'd give almost anything for that.
"Please?"
His voice was pleading. He wanted this as much as she did.
"Okay."
His smile was dazzling.
"Okay. I will leave you a note somewhere. I know where we can go."
"Just tell me now. I'll remember it."
"Two days from now."
She gulped.
"Okay."
And then it'd be done. Then, she'd end it. She would.
"Elphaba."
She turned around, barely able to look at him but unable to look away.
"I'll see you there. I'll leave the balcony door open."
She nodded but didn't speak. She wasn't sure she could. One night, and then she'd end it all.
A/N Thanks!