Middle Ground
Chapter 8
A/N I apologize for the delay. I hope you enjoy nonetheless and I do promise to not take as long with the next update! And thank you so so much for your kind words.
Things seemed almost normal at times.
Times like this, where she would wait to make it to their arranged meeting spot only slightly after nightfall, and he'd be there waiting for her with things to eat and drink, with blankets ready and a fire burning.
How he knew of these places, often apartments that were clearly inhabited but empty at that time or abandoned buildings that still had running water and a fire place that they used with too little caution, was a bit of a mystery to her but she trusted him more than she should, and she didn't really want to know. She'd asked him once and he'd mentioned something about knowing the city really well because of his job, and the mention of the Gale Force and the cold, hard hit of reality that came with it, had caused them both to search for and latch onto a different topic.
It wasn't not that they weren't aware of the reality of what they were doing. It was that they chose to ignore it for as long and as much as they could. It was easier that way. Even if it wouldn't be easy for much longer.
Elphaba took of her cloak and shook it out. It was raining outside and rain made her cranky. She wasn't actually allergic to water, ridiculous rumor as that was, but it did annoy her to no end to be out in it. A little side effect of flying everywhere on an enchanted broom; the open skies offered freedom, but they also offered weather and the moodswings of Nature, that people travelling in carriages had little to do with.
She grimaced as she took the pins out of her hair and wrung out the long tresses. Ugh. Wet hair was the worst. She turned around as she heard footsteps and a towel appeared in her line of sight.
She grabbed it, ignoring the tingles shooting up her spine as their hands met.
She dried off her hair, then her damp clothes and straightened, only to be met with a steaming cup of what smelled like chocolate.
"What is it?"
"Hot Chocolate."
She looked up at him, questioningly.
"Hot chocolate? I'm not a child."
"Since when is chocolate only for children?"
She frowned but took the cup.
"I suppose it's not."
She eyed the drink a little warily. He noticed and frowned.
"You don't like hot chocolate? I didn't think it was possible for people to dislike hot chocolate."
"Well, I'll let you know as soon as I've tried it."
"You've never had hot chocolate? I didn't think that was possible either."
"My father didn't care for frivolous things."
"And chocolate would be frivolous?"
The look of astonishment on his face was enough to relax her. Memories of Colwen Grounds, of her father, of Nessa, were always enough to dampen her mood, but Fiyero's mere presence was enough to push those clouds to the back of her mind these days. She didn't want to linger on why that was.
"It would indeed," She smiled and brought the cup to her lips, her eyes on him as she took a sip. He smiled as she did.
"Thank Oz you have me to add frivolity to your life."
Her smile faded.
"Yes, thank Oz."
Neither spoke as they tried to chase the words, and the thoughts that came with them, away.
Fiyero moved first, as he moved towards the kitchen. They'd used this place twice before and he knew his way around.
"Sit down. I'll go get dinner."
She was still frowning when he returned with two plates.
"More frivolous things?"
"If you consider meals frivolous."
He seemed to realize the truth in every possible answer to that question and glanced at her from the corner of his eye as he put a plate down in front of her.
"Never mind that. Eat this. No offence, but you look like you could use it."
She let his question slide and focused on the pasta dish in front of her.
"You cooked?"
Her question was met with an exasperated look.
"Yes. Don't sound so surprised. I know some stuff."
Her eyebrow raised, she stared at her plate, then at him.
"Thank you."
The surprise in her voice had as much to do with gratitude as with her shock at his cooking skills.
He seemed to understand, as he took a seat across from her and grinned.
"You're welcome."
It was times like this that made things seem normal. Normal in a way that she hadn't known before and had never longed for, and definitely never wished for, either.
But time went too fast and the moments always passed, snippets of conversations fading to the background as they both gathered their things, preparing to return to their lives.
She'd never noticed before how time could fly. They didn't do anything but talk, for hours on end, and yet time passed so rapidly, it felt as if they'd barely seen each other. But morning dawned now , as it inevitably would, and it was time to go.
"Will you come back?"
His question broke the silence as she adjusted her hat and reached for her broom.
"Next week?"
She sighed.
"Fiyero..."
They did this every time. She was tiring quickly of pretending she didn't want to. She had always been bad at acting.
"Elphaba, please?"
He sounded genuinely concerned that she might refuse. How could he be? Hadn't she proven time and time again that she couldn't refuse him?
"I just don't think...this isn't right...and what if you get caught?"
She wouldn't refuse him anything, but a part of her, a part that was getting smaller every time they said goodbye, hoped that he'd refuse her. That he'd see the mistake he was making, because he was making one, and he'd say goodbye to her, for good. She hoped for it because she wouldn't, and she could feel the tension building inside her. At some point, the damn would burst. She had always been a bad actress, but she was even worse at keeping her emotions in check. She'd learned much and gained skills in both areas during the past year-and-a-half, but this wasn't like that. This wasn't like that at all. So, yes, she hoped he would end it.
He wouldn't, and she loved it as much as she hated herself for it.
"So what?"
She turned, a half smile pulling at her lips, but it was a smile of incredulity, not amusement.
"So what? It would get you killed."
"I don't care. Next week? Same day?"
She nodded but seemed unsure.
He grabbed her hands.
"I need this. I need you. Elphaba, without you..."
He let go of her hands, shook his head, ran his hands through his hair.
"Can you honestly tell me you don't feel how I feel?"
She bit her lip and stepped away a little, shaking her head in denial of his question. She didn't want to answer him. This part, she wasn't ready for.
"Fiyero..."
He grabbed on to her hands again and pulled her back towards him. Not that she'd gotten very far away. She'd come to notice she stayed as close as she could to him, lately. Being away from him hurt, but stepping away from him while he was still in the same room with her, had become nearly impossible.
"Can you?"
"No." Her voice wasn't hers. It had run away from her and left a throaty whisper in its place.
He nodded and slowly let go of her hands.
"Okay. Then next week. I promise I won't cook."
She couldn't smile, though she wanted to.
"Not here though. Somewhere else. I don't want to raise suspicion."
He'd thought about this. He'd really put thought into this. It made it all so much worse. So much more wrong.
Oh Oz.
She was supposed to end it. She'd promised herself she would.
And now she hadn't.
And she wouldn't.
I wrote it without thinking about it, but I think the chocolate thing has been done before in, if I remember correctly, one of Fermataoso's admirable stories. Consider it an ode, then. And go read all of her stuff, if you haven't.
Another thanks to NastElittlebuggr, who is helping me with what's to come and who is now invaluable :)