A/N: Here's a big bundle of feels for you. I honestly think this is my favourite chapter that I have written for this story. You'll hopefully see why…
10.
In years it can mean a great many things. To be married for ten years is a blessing, have a child turning ten is a joy, even the distance of ten years cannot be a full burden to love.
In months it means almost a full year. The tenth month, that most wonderfully cool and amber tinted time is a time to most for rejoicing the end of the oppressive heat of summer. A ten moth old babe starts trying to talk and understanding what it is you say.
In days…in days it is never enough.
There is never enough time to say good bye, whether it be years, months, or days. It is never enough. To say good bye to a friend will make your chest tighten and your eyes prick with tears. To say good bye to a family member will nearly make you wish for a great rain and sorrow to befall the whole world. To say good bye to a love…that will destroy you entirely. No tears can ever express the debilitating torture that is saying farewell to one you love more than life itself. It can drive a weak man mad, and a strong man to the darkest depths of his soul. To lose a love is to lose your heart. A hollowness echoes in the chest that will never be filled again. Try as some might, there will never be that perfect puzzle piece to fit it. Some will come close, but none will ever feel the same. A void. All consuming and black.
Christine sat, lounging on the divan in Erik's apartment, watching him work at his desk. He had asked her to come up to see him, but had not had anything planned for them to do. She had simply put him off saying she would not mind just staying there with him. She honestly enjoyed watching how fluidly he moved no matter what he was doing. It was as if all of the angles of his body had to constantly be discounted by perfectly smooth motions. He moved like a cat as always, but she observed that there was something more to him than usual. His shoulders were tense and his breathing more rapid. His every muscle seemed to be pulled taut or terribly coiled. He snapped at any sound made and seemed to have limited patience for anything. More than once he screwed up the paper he was drawing on and threw it hard at the wall. Being paper, it bounced off comically at his overly-aggressive motions.
Christine had simply endured this display until his arm came sweeping across his whole desk, sending everything on it clattering to the floor. His roar of frustration make his breathing heavy and laboured as she hurried to his side, boldly reaching out to his arm.
For an instant, as he looked at her sudden contact, he did not recognise her. His vision was so blinded by rage that her beautiful face meant nothing to him. He knew his fury must have burned quite brightly in his eyes because she furrowed her brow sternly. He adored her even more for this –if that was even possible- because she did not back down or show fear at his damnable temper.
He felt his features soften as soon as he realised who was standing next to him and…touching his arm. His heart nearly leapt from his chest as he noticed her hands. So soft and gentle upon him but grounding enough to make him come back to this world.
'Christine, I…forgive me.' He hung his head at his childish display of frustration.
'Erik, what's going on, hmm? You've been on edge for far longer than is healthy. What's wrong?' She looked up at him pleadingly. She slowly began to guide him over to the divan.
'There's just so much, Christine.' He told her, plopping down on the couch and putting the heels of his palms to his eyes. 'I have made myself too indispensable. Try as I might, I cannot be in two places at once. It's just…too much.' He told her, feeling the weight of his own body dragging him down. If only he could be a bit lighter, be truly a magician, it would all work. He could satisfy everyone, then. But he knew, deep down, even if he could split himself six ways, it would never be enough.
10.
Christine saw the weight of that number pressing him down. She could see it mocking her as it stood on his tired shoulders. She knew. She knew how to fix it. How she should have fixed it long ago. It would have saved everyone so much trouble, but back then she did not have the reason she did now. No, she would not have been strong enough then. But now…now she had more power in her resolve.
Coming over to him, she gently took his shoulders and pushed him to lie down. He started to protest, but she hushed him sternly. Going into his room, she came back with a blanket. She slipped his shoes off, tucked his legs onto the divan, and cast the blanket over him.
'Sleep, Erik.' She practically commanded. 'You are too tired with worry. You need to rest.' She told him as he opened his mouth to protest. Sitting down on the floor, she soothed his shoulder as she hummed a lullaby.
Try as he might, Erik could not keep his eyes open. He was floating, sailing on the silver lake of her sweet music. Her voice caught here and there, but she did her utmost to keep it smooth and calm. As he drifted off to sleep he was only vaguely aware of her suppressing a cough.
She sat on the floor beside the divan for several hours, reading one of the books he had stacked on the coffee table. It was rare for him to have anything on the now battered piece of furniture, so she took extra care in handling the small tome. It was in French and was mostly a collection of old fairy tales from all over the world. She looked over her shoulder to the still sleeping Erik. It seemed somehow odd to have such a man reading stories most heard as children, but she could not complain or argue as she was being quickly wrapped up in them herself. She was deeply enjoying one about a mermaid who had fallen in love with a prince and made a harsh deal with a sea witch to be able to see her love when Erik stirred behind her. Putting the book down, she turned to see his hand, which had slipped out from beneath the blanket and hung with balletic poise, was now tightly clenched. His breathing was quick and he was starting to jerk about, clearly in the throes of a nightmare.
'Erik,' she whispered gently to him. 'Erik, shhh, it's just a dream. It's just a nightmare. I'm here, nothing can hurt you.' She took his hand, smoothing out his fingers into her gentle palm. 'Shhh, just relax.' She urged, starting to hum a bit. She had to give up on this, however, as her cough began to return. She did not wish to wake him with the horrid sound of her retching, so she sufficed to sooth his shoulder.
What she could see of his face did relax and calm at her touch. She smiled at his innocent bliss. She longed to remove his mask so that he could be more comfortable, but did not dare to without his permission. Instead, she ran her fingers through his thick, dark hair. It was soft and smooth under her hand, and she noted the small smile her motions brought to his lips.
'Oh, my poor Erik.' She cooed as she cocked her head to look at him better. 'You worry over so much. The Khanum demands you so very often –that witch-, the Shah calls you off to politics at every turn, and here I am, making you worry even more. I'm so sorry. I don't mean to be such a bother to you, Erik. I never did want it to be this way, but I know how to fix it. I won't see you suffer over my burden anymore.' She pulled his hand to her and kissed his pale knuckles before placing it beside him and patting it comfortingly as she rose.
Erik, who had been awake when he felt her touch his hand, had watched her nearly weep for him through veiled eyes. He still could not believe she cold care so much about him, but that mattered little when her words sunk in. Casting off the blanket in a hurried flourish, he flew to the door, leaning over her to put his hand against it. He stood at her back, holding closed her exit. She did not jump or move as he loomed over her, still trying to catch his breath from the effect of her insinuation.
'Christine, you're not a bother to me. You make all of my other worries vanish. I spend my days waiting to see your smile because it relieves all pressure. I don't know what I would do without it.' He admitted, wondering at his own honesty. He watched her try to hold in her tears, quickly losing the battle. Her shoulders were shaking terribly before she did the most unexpected thing he never could have anticipated. Turning around, she flung her arms around his torso and simply buried her face into what her comparatively short stature could reach of his chest.
Erik took an involuntary step back from the impact. He felt like the wind had been knocked out of him as he gasped for solid breath. Looking down in an amazed daze, he saw Christine, sobbing into him. His little Christine was right there, pressing herself up against him for comfort. He felt her breath heat his skin through his quickly dampening shirt as she cried her pure tears into him. Her arms clung to him as she began to shake even more with the force of her sobs. Just when he was starting to get used to this, his arms cautiously curving around to meet her back and hair, her knees gave out beneath her. He instinctively held onto her as they dropped so that he was sitting on the floor with her laying in his arms, cheek still held to his chest. This sent his breath into ragged gasps.
'I'm sorry,' she wept again.
'No, Christine. You need never be sorry.' He felt his hand bravely come up to run from the back of her head all the way down to the tips of her curls which now pooled around his arm which continued to hold her lower back. It felt like rubbing silk strands and his breath caught in his throat because of it.
They stayed like that for a good while, though it could have been years and Erik would have treasured every moment just as much. She was so sweet in his arms, even if she was crying. At length, he noticed her fingers begin to loosen at his back. He pulled away, expecting the moment to be over, when he noticed that she had snuggled her cheek into his chest and was happily sleeping.
Erik thought his day had ended with pleasant surprises from Christine, but this proved they were still continuing. He looked down at the sleeping form in his arms with pure adoration. She was like an angel, her cheeks so tantalizingly smooth and pale. He could not stop his fingers as they gently brushed her skin. He gasped slightly at how heavenly it felt to touch her and to his infinite joy she only smiled dreamily in her sleep while nuzzling her other cheek further into him.
As if daring the precious moment to end, there came a knock at the door. Erik softly beckoned to whoever stood outside, guessing the rhythm to be Nadir's. Sure enough, the Persian walked in, a few words already resting on his lips, though frozen instantly by the sight that greeted him. He closed the door and just stood there, staring.
Erik looked up with no barrier or limit to showing how amazingly happy he was at the priceless jewel that now rested upon him and in his very arms.
'She fell asleep here, with me.' He showed his own disbelief at the fact as Nadir appeared to compose himself to asking a question. 'Me, Nadir!' He kept his voice soft and hushed, but still could not contain all of his excitement. 'Just look at her, Nadir.' Erik turned his gaze down to her once more. 'Have you ever seen something so beautiful? She's like an angel.' He showed in his eyes all of the admiration of a father holding his new-born child.
Nadir watched Erik with growing concern and considerable fascination. He crossed the room carefully and silently over to one of the chairs and sat down in it, simply observing the man he knew to be a thief, murderer, and liar as he looked down at his most precious prize.
'If there is a God, and he made me hideous so that she could be this beautiful, then I owe him my thanks for letting me meet her.' Erik said, turning his head to observe her from every possible angle and finding her stunning from all of them. 'I've never seen her look so perfect.' Erik told him, unable to part with the sight of her for more than an instant. Her wonderfully curling lashes, slightly rose cheeks, and elegant lips were more stunning than he knew possible for mortals.
'Erik, it concerns me that she would fall asleep so easily. Obviously she was crying earlier,' he pointed to the slight redness of her nose and the rims of her eyes as evidence. 'Which should hardly be enough to make her sleep so soundly. She's fading, Erik.' Nadir warned, trying to ground his slowly drifting charge.
'Don't say that! She's fine, she'll be fine.' Erik snapped.
Nadir listened to this admission with a tinge of guilt at what he knew he needed to say next.
'Erik, I think we should take her to her room and put her to bed. I'm worried for her.' He added, hoping it would soften the blow a bit. He was wrong.
Effortlessly, Erik swept up her legs, still holding her with little adjustment, and stood. He stepped away from the suddenly treacherous Daroga, holding her away and into him closer.
'No!' He said, daring the man to take her from him. 'I-I don't want to.'
Nadir watched with fearful dread as the realisation fully hit home. 'Erik,' he leaned forward, his voice deep with warning.
'No! I won't let her go. She's mine. She chose me! She's-she's mine. I won't let her go, not ever!' He nearly wept in his growl.
'Erik, you can't possess her. She's a human being.' Nadir tried calmly.
'But I can't lose her!' Erik tried to explain, his voice rising louder than he had anticipated. In his arms, Christine frowned a bit in her sleep at this sudden noise.
'Shhh, it's alright, Christine,' Erik quickly cooed, rubbing her head soothingly. The last thing he needed was for her to wake and be convinced by Nadir to leave. 'Just sleep, everything's all right. Just rest.' He nearly sang, using his gentlest and most calming voice to lull her back to sleep. She readjusted just a bit, humming adorably as she did so. She smiled again, now displaying it more.
'She smiles at me.' Erik said, feeling his own tears pricking his eyes as he looked down at her. 'Me! And without thinking. I've never had someone smile at the comfort of being with me before.' He said more solemnly.
Nadir felt the man's pain, but knew he needed to be given the word, or else he may never understand. 'When you two met, I feared this would happen. I have long worried what would happen when you finally opened your eyes, and I knew if it was to Christine that you would take the whole world down with you, but I just couldn't stop you two. I suppose a part of me truly wanted you to find happiness in each other, no matter how short lived it may be. I am truly sorry for all you are going to have to endure because of my inability to stop this.' He admitted.
'Stop what?' Erik looked at the man, puzzled. He had taken a seat on the divan again, changing his positioning to brush a lock of hair from her face.
'You're in love.' Nadir pronounced with not a little dread in his voice.
Erik looked at the man as if he had spoken in a language he did not understand –of those there were few. He looked down to the smiling angel resting on his chest and grew sad.
'No, Daroga. Love is not for me. She could never…no, she is too good.'
'Erik,' Nadir looked at the man tiredly, leaning back in resignation of their not going anywhere anytime soon. 'Why do you deny it? Why do you always insist upon setting yourself beyond the pale of humanity? Have you no wants?' He questioned, growing frustrated at the labyrinth of Erik complex nature.
Erik looked at the Daroga, slowly reaching up and taking off his mask.
'Do you really need to ask? This face which has denied me all human rights also frees me of all obligation to the human race. My mother hated me, my village drove me from my home, I was exhibited like an animal in a cage until a knife showed me the only way to be free. Why should I wish any of that upon another? How could I condemn an innocent to that? And yet I…The pleasures of love are forbidden to me, but I still have all the desires of any normal man. It is my curse, Nadir. To look and feel, but never touch, never have.' He looked down, tears running over his marred cheeks. 'I still want. Oh, how I want her. But I know one touch would forever taint her. Her silver voice would tarnish and my hideousness infect her. I would destroy her if I let myself…' His shaking hand echoed just over her face as he traced her lips' contours in the air.
'I can't lose her, Nadir. I can't.' He whispered, feeling his tormenting grief wrack through him.
'What if she wished to leave? Would you hold her against her will? Would you try to keep her, to sway her to your thinking?' Nadir asked, feeling his deepest fears put into words.
Erik looked at her for a moment before sobering. He turned back to the Persia, his eyes set and true. 'No. I would let her go, if she wished it. I would never force her to remain with one such as me. I would let her go, and probably die.' He swore.
Nadir was confused as to why his eyes were so wide at this confession, this promise. He had assumed something of Erik's answer, but the conviction with which he delivered it surprised him. He had known that the man loved her, but not quite this much. He knew damn well no bounds could hold Erik, but this was far more than he had ever expected. The man was deep in love, though he had yet to admit it to himself. All the harder.
'I assume you intend to find a way to save her,' Nadir guessed after a pause.
'I'm trying. It's hard with everyone in this damned country needing me at once.' Erik admitted tiredly.
'Well, the Shah and his court are about to go off for a few days, and if you give all of your plans for the site to the foreman, that should free you up enough to look after her.' He nodded to the sleeping beauty in the man's caring arms.
'What of the Khanum?' He asked, knowing full well the woman's devious tendencies to sabotage him and Christine's wellbeing.
'I'll see what I can do on that score. It may not be much, but perhaps I can buy you some time.' Nadir told him.
Erik looked at the man, eternal gratitude shining in his eyes. 'Thank you.' He told him, showing his surprise at the Daroga's generosity in his tone. The man only nodded minimally.
'Erik, I know you love to hold her, but do you not think that perhaps she would be more comfortable in her own bed?' He asked as if talking to a child and persuading them to put down a favourite toy.
Erik pulled her away slightly as he looked at Nadir, his possessiveness shinning in his eyes. He glanced down at her, knowing deep down the Persian was right. 'But she looks so happy.' He objected softly, seeing how she still smiled a bit through her sleep-filled haze of dreams.
'I know, but it would be best, wouldn't it? Besides, do you think she would want you to keep her forever? Sure, she might like it at first, but if you kept her confined, she would begin to resent it. You wouldn't want that, and neither would she.' He pointed out, carrying his words to Erik's assured thoughts.
Slowly, so as not to wake her, Erik took her once more into his arms to carry her out of his apartment to her own. He let every step there take its sweet time as he continued to gaze down at the goddess he held. Somewhere inside he felt a pang of sorrow as he realised Nadir was right, she was getting worse. He shunned away the thoughts that inevitably crept in at this, of how soon she would not be there at all. He did not wish to contemplate such thoughts of loneliness. He was sure he would die without her. She was his purpose now. She was far more than some precious jewel, she was the one object he cared about. Take away his treasures and he could not care less, but touch Christine and the whole world would pay.
He felt his arms turn hollow and heavy as he set her down in her bed. His chest felt cold and empty without her warmth. He briefly considered just curling up next to her in the bed, but Nadir's patient stare told him otherwise. He contented himself by just watching her a few moments more. Her gentle breaths filling her chest and leaving her gracefully. Her hair fanned around her head like a brown halo of curls. She was perfection in every form.
Reluctantly he left her, but determinedly he set his mind to his promised task of saving her.
A/N: Thank you Tenmonthsswift for favoriting/following both me and this story! I greatly appreciate it! For any of you who may be interested, I have recently put out a one-shot which I shall, in fact, be writing a second chapter for, called Heights. It's another Phantom fanfic and is under books just like this one, so go check it out and maybe leave me a review. Thank all for your kind support throughout this story and I hope you continue to enjoy it as the days grow short.