Chapter 18

Shadows All Around You

Clara woke up late the next day, light was streaming through the tightly drawn curtains in the bedroom, and with how bright it was, she was not quite sure how she had slept through some of it. Slowly her legs swung over the side of the bed and she crossed the small space to the large window and she pulled back the curtains. Down below, fifth avenue was booming with business, cars, and people running here and there. Ladies were looking in shop windows and children were being quiet as they followed their mothers. In some ways, the view below reminded her very much of London, but the two would still never compare in her eyes.

Slowly, she moved away from the window and towards her bedroom door. In the living room, Benjamin was playing with some toys while Esther tidied up the room.

"Hello mummy!" Benjamin cried when he saw his mother.

"Hello my little love," she greeted, "Have you been good today?"

"Yes mummy, I have."

"Very good," Clara kissed her son on the forehead and then looked to Esther, "Has Officer-"

"He left first thing this morning ma'am," Esther finished for her, "He did not want to leave but he would have been late for the trial. He said he would try to be back by soon."

Clara nodded, "Well at any rate we do need to go and collect the money my father has made available to me so we can purchase new clothing and things for the trip home."

"Are we thinking about the trip home, already?" Esther asked.

Clara nodded, "Yes unfortunately, my parents have made arrangements for us to come home on their time."

"Oh," Esther nodded, "Very well, I shall clean up young Master Benjamin and then we can head out. Would you like me to have them send up some food for you?"

"Yes, I think that would be best," Clara said quietly before turning to go back to her room.

There was not much she could do in the way of freshening her clothing, since she had nothing. But all the same, Clara tried to freshen her appearance and she brushed her hair until it was soft, like silk, in her hands. When she exited her room, Esther was arranging a plate on a table and the aroma of hot tea, toast, and eggs made Clara's mouth water. She realized as she sat down, that she really had not eaten the night before, and as her mind went to the previous evenings events, she blanched at the thought of David's mistress waltzing through here and announcing her pregnancy.

She could not help but wonder what would have happened if David had lived to see a child of his born by another woman. How would David have reacted? Would he of stayed by Clara and paid Alice off? Or would he have left Clara for this other woman? Clara liked to think that David would have stayed b her side, purely for the sake of propriety, it would have ruined him and his family if he had openly admitted to having an affair, fathering a child by the woman, and then leaving his own family. All the same, disturbing thoughts ran through her mind as she cut up the eggs into small pieces. She knew that last night was not the last time she would see Alice and she was quite sure she did not want to know what would come next.

When every last drop of food was gone from her plate, Clara got to her feet and set off with Esther and Benjamin. They did not need to go far to find some dress shops and after several hours, Clara left with a few dresses that were pre-made, and she left her measurements with the seamstress to have some more new dresses made and delivered to her in a few days. New clothing and toys were purchased for Benjamin and after they placed an order for new luggage, the trio headed back to the hotel.

The sun was low in the sky when they returned and the hotel lobby was bustling with people who were returning after the days adventures. Clara and Esther were quiet as they entered the elevator and it was Benjamin who squealed with joy as they began to go up to the higher floor; he always loved elevators, no matter where they were. They arrived at their floor with a clang and when they exited the elevator and turned the corner to the hallway where their rooms were, Herbert was waiting for them.

"'erbert!" Benjamin cried and he took off running to the older man.

Clara felt relief flood through her system for the first time that day as they approached the man, "Hi Bertie," she greeted quietly, hoping to not draw attention from people in other rooms.

"I see you have bought half of New York," Herbert joked, he was smiling at her despite the clearly frazzled state he was in.

"This is not even all of it," Clara smiled.

"How can there be more?" Herbert asked as he reached and took a hat box from Esther.

"Oh sir, I have it!" Esther insisted.

"Nonsense," he said, shaking his head.

Clara and Esther exchanged small smiles and then Esther reached into her pocket for the key to the room. Benjamin was the first one into the room as he took off for his little corner of the room where he played with his marbles, except now he had new toys, which made the child the happiest he had been since docking.

Clara and Herbert carried the boxes of new clothes into her room and once they were closed into the room and the purchases set down, she was in his embrace.

"I missed you terribly today," Clara murmured.

Herbert's warm arms came up and enveloped her in his embrace, she could hear his heart beating against his chest as they stood together, "I missed you even more. Today was just a complete and total waste of my time."

"What happened?" she asked.

"They just asked me a couple of questions and dismissed me and then recalled me back in a few days," he shook his head.

Clara frowned as she looked up at him, "I still do not understand the point of this show."

"No one does," Herbert sighed, "Did you at least enjoy the chance to get out of this hotel?"

"I suppose," Clara pulled away from him to begin to put away her things, "My fathers associates were just laying on the condolences which made me very uncomfortable, even if I am going to have to face it when I reach London." She carefully brushed a fiber off of the large hat that she had pulled out of the box, "Then we went to stores and a few of the women recognized my name from the paper for being one of the elite who had survived, which made me sick." She looked at him, "Bertie so many people died and they scarcely get a mention simply because they were third class. Why should my name be plastered in a paper because my father and late husband are rich and I happened to survive?"

Herbert took her hand, which was still gloved, and held it tightly in his own, "It is all a show to these people and unfortunately you are caught in the middle of it because of the name you bear."

She shook her head, "We will never be free of the shadow that the Titanic has left on our lives."

Herbert pulled her to him again and pressed his lips to her forehead, "No love, sadly we will not."

xx

A/N- Holy shit guys. I am 1) SO sorry that it took me this long to update. Hot damn...and it make matters worse, the chapter was short and just filler. I hope you all don't hate me. I've been on vacation since like the twentieth and I go home in four days...it's just been really busy for me and I've barely been around my computer except for super late at night. So again, I am sorry. Please don't hate me.

Yesterday we went to the Molly Brown house because she lived here from age 18 until death! Yeah! After her husband struck gold they bought this gorgeous house in Denver because she wanted to make sure she and her children had better access to teachers and a better education. Her house is gorgeous and if you ever find yourself in Denver, make sure you go! It was just stunning to look at! They even have one of her own dresses on display! But the awkward thing was the tour guide we had wasn't the best and I had to CORRECT her...which was a little weird for me...but yeah she was all "Well the Titanic struck at 10:30" and I was like "Uhm, wut?" So yeah.

Please review guys. I love you and I will try to post soon! xo