Someone was in the annex. Is it Lou, have she come back? My little colourful chatter box is back. I pressed the button on chair as hard as I could in hope to make it moving faster. Oh, how I hated this stupid chair, detested my useless aching body.
'What are you doing here? – I demanded realising it was Lou's sister.
'I could ask you the same. Shouldn't you be dead by now? – Katrina regretted the last remark –
'Sorry' – she said looking a bit embarrassed
'Don't be. I should have been dead, if your sister didn't come out with this brilliant idea to disappear'- She looked at me in disbelief.
'What you think she did it because of you? To keep you alive.' – she was fuming – you are not worth it Will.- she turned around and started packing. –' I am not here to talk to you'.
'What are you doing?' – I repeated.
'What are you blind now too? I am packing. Lou asked me if I can bring her stuff. As if I have no other things to do.- the last sentence she said rather to herself.
I missed Louisa so much. Talking to her sister now, someone who had been around Lou, made me crave her presence even more. - 'I would like to see her..? Could you?'
'No, she thinks you are dead. Regardless what your plans are, you are dead to her and it should stay like this. That is for the better. She is grieving now. She doesn't have to do it again later.'
Grieving – she was missing me. Warmth spilled all over me. So silly, she will get over it, the sooner the better. Katrina was right, I shouldn't be bothering her. But I was a very selfish man. I needed to see her. Now that everything was postponed by a month. Month in my state is very long. Maybe she be willing to see me.
'I am not dead yet' – I started, but she didn't let me finish
'No you shit, no. Why do you have this incredible urge to destroy other people lives? Isn't this enough that your life is .. Lou was good the way she was before you.' – Katrina was shaking.
What is she talking about? I gave her life. I opened her horizons, pulled her out of her little, safe shell and showed the opportunities that are just there waiting for her.
'Now she is more lost then after.. - she whispered
' What did you say?'
'Never mind. Just leave her alone.' – she stopped packing and turned to face me to reveal tears in her eyes.- ' Please let her be.' – she pleaded.
My mother suddenly appeared in the room. As usual great timing. - 'Is everything all right?' – she looked at Katrina up end down.
'Did you know about Katrina coming to pick up Lou's stuff? – I asked.
'Yes of course. Ms Clark probably needs them and as she is not working here anymore it makes sense for her to move. You can't disagree with that, can you now? - She seemed tiered. On one hand she was pleased that everything got postponed. On the other though as if she was struggling to find energy to fight for me, with me.
'Did you talk to Lou?'
'Not since we picked you up from the airport.' – she answered with no emotion in in her voice.
She didn't care about her. Louisa failed in the task my mother hired her for. It didn't matter to her what will happen to Clark.
Did I care? Did I really care? I didn't ask Katrina how was Lou? I asked if I can see her, not because I wanted to know how she is doing, but because I missed her company. I was no better than my mother.
I retreated to my room. Katrina was done in less than an hour and Clark was now fully removed from my life. I kept wondering about what Katrina said, about destroying life and Lou not being well.
I wasn't supposed to be here and learn all of this. It was almost as if I was witnessing life, life of others after my death. I knew they will be grieving, however in most cases the deceased isn't there to experience grieve caused by his death.