Just One Yesterday

by beccs1792

Mrs. Clara Moore is traveling on the Titanic with her husband. She is a young mother who has always been fiercely devoted to her husband but with his withdraw after the birth of their son, she has felt the lack of companionship take its toll on her. Will she re-connect with her husband during this trip or will she make a new and stronger connection in an unlikely place?

20. Illusion

Chapter 20

Illusion

The following afternoon, Clara departed for the home that she had shared with David. Her black veil covered her face as they stepped out into the day, and her dark figure contrasted strongly with the bright and cheery London world. As people walking along the sidewalk passed by the house, they tipped their hats in respect to the family, and as they hurried away, Clara distinctly heard the words "Titanic," "Survivor," and "Her husband died." There was nothing Clara would have enjoyed more than for the black abyss of clothing that she had on, to swallow her up on the spot. She felt sick and embarrassed, and as she climbed into the vehicle, she recalled the argument she'd had that morning with her mother, who forced her to get out of bed. Clara had been sound asleep, dreaming of being reunited with Herbert, when her mother barged into the room and told her it was not proper for a lady, mourning or not, to stay in bed past eight am.

When her father's driver pulled the car up in front of the house she owned, just a few blocks away, Clara was alarmed to see that the windows had already all been covered with curtains, and a laurel wreath was on the door. She blanched at the idea that everyone who passed her home would now know she was a woman in mourning, even if it had already been all over the newspapers that her husband had "heroically gone down with the ship." The car door opened and the driver offered to take Clara's hand. She could not help but notice a contrast once again that morning, of his tan driving gloves with her black silk gloves. Clara met the man's gaze, staring at him, who simply looked back perplexed, not sure what to say or do.

Finally, it was Benjamin who spoke, "Mummy, can we go inside now?"

Clara turned her head to look at her only child and nodded, "Yes of course my darling."

She climbed out of the car and then Benjamin hopped down beside her, following closely behind as they climbed the stone steps, Clara's hand gripping the cast iron railing tightly. Her black boot had just touched the top step when the front door swung open, and there stood the entire household staff of the Moore family, prepared to receive their mistress. Clara looked around the room, and saw the clocks had indeed been changed to 2:20, to mark the time that Titanic had sunk, which was the time accepted for David's death. The parlor had been covered in flowers, and there in the quiet dark room, on a table, was a wooden coffin. Clara walked past the butler, slowly removing her hat from her head, and approached the table. She stared inside of the coffin, at David's quiet face. He simply appeared to be sleeping, Clara wondered briefly if she should reach out and touch him. This man, who she had spent so much of her life with already, who she had loved terribly and created a child with, was now gone in spirit, laying in a box in her home long before his time was ever supposed to come. Clara felt a fat tear well up in her eyes as she reached out a gloved hand to brush a strand of hair down. Then she gently wiped down his jacket, as if to remove lint that was not there. After a long moment of silence, and Clara knew everyone was staring at her, she leaned over and kissed her dead husband's ice cold forehead. Clara returned to her full height and turned to face her family and staff, who were all still staring. Clara took a few steps and then eased herself into a cane back chair, "I think," Clara began quietly, "I think I should rest. I am suddenly feeling quite ill."

Her mother quickly came over to her only daughter and placed a hand against her cheek, "You feel terribly cool, child."

Then Morris, the butler, came over and offered his hand to Clara, "I can help you up the stairs if you wish ma'am, or I can carry you."

Clara tore her gaze from the butler to the sweeping staircase, a feature she once adored and now feared, then looked back to Morris, "I think trying to climb the stairs will be simply too much for my body to endure."

"Yes ma'am." With a simple gesture, the butler picked Clara up into his arms and carefully carried her up the stairs to her bedroom. Esther met him inside and instructed him to set her down on the bed, and she would take care of the rest.

Morris did as he was instructed and then left the two women alone in the bedroom. Clara looked up wearily at Esther, "Sweet girl," she began softly, "After I am in bed, can you please go to the messenger office and see if any notes have come from New York, and if not please send one to Bertie asking when he shall be back?"

Esther began to remove the pins from Clara's elaborate up do, and then she carefully placed the black veil down on the chair beside the bed. "Yes ma'am," Esther said quietly. The maid helped Clara to finish undressing, and then after checking on Benjamin, who was happily playing in his room, Esther left for the messenger office.

Clara lay in her bed, but her eyes never closed for more than a minute. It was as if she could hear the whole house moving. She stared up at the gilded ceiling of her bedroom, the gold painted tin that she had picked out, relishing in the luxury of it. She thought about Herbert, his handsome face seeming so distant, and she desperately wished she'd had an image of him made before she had left New York. Clara's eyes fluttered shut, trying to remember the outline of his face, and the hue of his eyes. It seemed as if hours passed before there was a knock on the door and Esther entered, quickly closing the door behind her.

Clara sit up in the bed at once, "Any notes?"

Esther nodded her head, "Yes. Herbert sent word late last night that he would be in London on Wednesday."

Clara's eyes went wide, "So soon?"

Esther handed the telegram to her employer who eagerly scanned it, "The London trials began on the second, and he departed on the third." Esther then handed Clara a rolled up newspaper, "Here is this morning's paper as well."

Clara took the paper and began to look it over, passing the headlines of returning survivors, and going to the article about the trials, "To take place at London Scottish Drill Hall," Clara read aloud, "59 Buckingham Gate." She closed her eyes and shook her head, "Poor Bertie. I hope he is able to rest on his return voyage."

"Your mother is downstairs," Esther said quietly, "She expects you for dinner."

Clara nodded her head, "I suspected as much." She stared at the telegrams again and climbed out of the bed. She crossed the room to her book shelf and found a copy of Pride of Prejudice, she slipped the notes inside of the book and then returned it to the shelf. Esther quickly helped Clara prepare for dinner and then the two women went downstairs.

"You have had several callers already dear," Clara's mother said upon seeing her daughter.

Clara nodded her head, "I trust you made my apologies to them?"

Her mother nodded, "Yes dear. Now please, sit down before you fall down. You look positively weak."

Clara took a seat at the end of the dining room table, where she used to always sit directly across from David, but instead of her husband sitting at the other end, she was greeted with her father's appearance. One of the maids came into the room and set a plate of fresh vegetables down in front of Clara, which she began to eat at once.

"Mummy," Benjamin began in a quiet voice.

Clara looked up from the piece of steamed broccoli and look at her child, "Yes?"

"Why am I not allowed to go into the parlor?"

Clara looked from her parents to her child, "My darling, we are preparing the room to receive visitors, and it is not a place for you. Now please eat your food and ask no more about the parlor."

"Yes mummy." Benjamin returned to his plate, accepting his mother's answer happily.

Clara watched her child, feeling a pang inside once more for her child's innocence to remain. She felt guilty keeping him away from his dead father, but he simply would not understand, and she worried what the impact of seeing him like that would do to him. Her gaze tore to the seat where her father was at again and she could see David sitting there, reading a newspaper and ignoring Clara's attempts to tell him about Benjamin learning how to walk. Then again her thoughts turned to Herbert, and she thought about how nice it would be to see him sitting in that seat. However, she knew that she would never be allowed to have him in this life. Her parents would never bless her marrying a sailor, and secretly Clara knew Herbert would never enjoy the life she lead. They were two very different people from two walks of life, and both accepted a compromise would have to be met in the middle. Clara was fine to leave her first class life behind, but she knew she would miss her home and the finery she had grown up around.

"Clara, what is on your mind?" Her father's question suddenly broke her from her thoughts.

Clara shook her head, "Oh nothing father. Just remembering when Benjamin learned how to walk."

Her father accepted the answer and returned to his food, leaving his child to her thoughts.

On the fourth and final morning of receiving mourners, the day before David's body would finally be interred, Clara was positively worn out. She was always with visitors who were coming to pay their respects to her dead husband. She desperately wanted to be away from all of it, and she yearned for a note from Herbert, who had not responded or tried to contact her since his last note saying he had left New York. A cousin of her husband had taken Benjamin for the day so that he would not be impressed upon by visitors, wanting to gawk at the child survivor.

"We are so sorry for your loss Clara." They all seemed to repeat themselves and Clara grew accustomed to simply nodding her head and quietly thanking them. At close to four in the afternoon, Clara was pulled away from her consistent answering of the same questions, when she saw a man with a camera on a stand in his arms, "Good afternoon ma'am, I am looking for Mrs. Moore."

Clara immediately rose to her full height, "I am Mrs. Moore, what are you doing here with that?"

The man looked confused, "You do not look old enough to be the mother of the deceased."

Clara's eyes narrowed, "Miriam?" She called.

Miriam, David's mother, was standing near her son's coffin talking to mourners about the Titanic, when she heard her name called. Her red eyes almost brightened at the sight of the photographer, "Ah, hello Mr. Lovingston," she outstretched her hand to him, "David is just in here."

Clara put an arm out to stop the photographer, "What is happening here?"

"Clara," Miriam began, "I hired Mr. Lovingston to make an image of David's body. He is incredibly skilled in the art of taking images of our deceased."

Clara's nostrils flared, "Miriam we discussed this and I said this was not to happen. I do not want nor need a picture of my dead husband!"

Everyone in the room turned to look at the two women, clearly enjoying the idea of witnessing an argument between these two women. "I know Clara," Miriam said cooly, "But when you see his work you will change your mind."

"I do not wish to see his work. I find the act of making photos of the dead to be vile. I wish to remember the man I married, not the man I buried! And for that matter-"

"Mrs. Moore?"

"What?!" Clara turned her head to see her butler standing there, "Officers of the RMS Titanic are here ma'am. They inform me they met your husband and were greatly trouble by your loss."

All anger from Clara's body left her when she looked past the butler to see Herbert, Harold, and Joseph standing awkwardly by the front door in full uniform. She had to stop herself from running to Herbert and throwing her arms around him, "Jones, pl-please," Clara cleared her throat, "Please remove Mr. Lovingston from my home and be sure he does not return and then please bring the Officers here."

Miriam Moore even seemed to forget her anger over the photographer, opting to not argue the removal of her hired man to stare at the officers, "Clara!" She exclaimed, "You did not tell me you and David became acquaintances of the officers!"

Clara tore her gaze from Herbert, who was stepping out of the way of the butler and the photographer and she looked to Miriam, "Yes well, you did not ask, did you?"

A moment passed and Morris brought the three men over to Clara, "May I present Third Officer Herbert Pitman, Fourth Officer Joseph Boxhall, and Fifth Officer Harold Lowe, of the RMS Titanic." He put the card that Herbert had quickly scrawled on away into his pocket and then excused himself.

Clara opened her mouth to speak but instead her mother in laws voice was heard first. "Clara did not tell me about her being so well connected on the ship." She extended her hand to the men, who each pecked it politely and bowed.

"Mr. Pitman, Mr. Lowe, Mr. Boxhall," Clara began in a strained voice, "May I introduce my mother in law, David's mother Miriam Moore." Just at that moment she felt a hand on her shoulder and Clara turned to see her mother and father standing behind her, "And my parents, Mr. and Mrs. Abney."

The officers bowed in respect to Clara's parents, "It is a great pleasure to meet you," Herbert told Clara's parents quietly.

"You as well," Mr. Abney said, "I say Clara, you could have mentioned they would be coming!"

Clara looked at her father, "I had no idea. I assumed they would be far busier with the trials."

"We finished for the day just a bit ago," Herbert said, "Charles sends his regards by the way. Unfortunately, he was too tired to visit."

Clara nodded her head, "Of course. I can only imagine the exhaustion you gentlemen must be facing."

The small talk between the four adults continued for a time, and only extended further when Mr. Moore came over to be introduced to the men. Clara eventually resumed her seating position, allowing the three officers, her parents, and in laws to have their conversation. Every so often she noticed Herbert giving her an apologetic look, but so as to avoid suspicion, she did not react to his expressions.

"Oh you, gentleman surely must stay for supper," Mrs. Abney suddenly declared.

Clara stared at her mother, "What?"

"You heard me Clara. They have just come from so far away and a very long day. We need to invite them to supper."

Clara's panicked gaze turned from her mother to the three officers standing beside her, and almost as if on cue both Boxhall and Lowe began making excuses for where they needed to be. Herbert remained silent while his coworkers listed why they could not possibly stay for supper.

"Oh well, while you are in town you surely must come back and join us one night!" Mrs. Abney insisted.

"Mr. Pitman," Clara's father started, "You have been awfully quiet. Perhaps you can join us for supper?"

"If Mrs. Moore is alright with that," Herbert said gently, looking at Clara.

Clara was not given a chance to respond before her mother in law said, "Why of course Clara is fine with it!" Clara looked around at all of the people staring at her, and the mourners who no one had really been talking to for the last thirty minutes, before she quietly murmured, "Excuse me," and Clara rushed down the hallway.

Herbert watched after her, Clara's skirts rustling as she quickly walked, his heart sinking as she disappeared into a room down the hall. "She probably just needs a moment," He said quietly.

"Perhaps," Mr. Abney put his arms around Herbert, "Now tell me more about yourself, and how did you come to know our Clara and our late son in law?"

Herbert laughed nervously, "I uh-well Mr. and Mrs. Moore dined often with the Captain so I was introduced to them through him and we became friends. Just chatting often," He shrugged, "Cl-Mrs. Moore would take long walks with Benjamin and I would see them often on my walks."

"That is splendid. I wish Clara had told me sooner," Mr. Abney started, "Sailing is such a splendid profession. Have you served in His Majesties Navy?"

"I was in the merchant navy when I was eighteen and-" Herbert stopped in the middle of his sentence when he heard the loud crashing of something breaking down the hall. He looked from the direction Clara had gone in to the rest of her family who seemed un phased, "Should we go and check on her?"

Mrs. Abney shook her head, "Clara is fine. She just need to release her grief."

Herbert frowned, "Excuse me. Since I am one of the last people who saw David that night, I think I am best suited to check on her." He pulled himself away from Mr. Abney's arm grip and walked down the hall. He knocked gently on the door of the room and then entered without waiting for a response from Clara.

She whirled around when she heard the door open, tears streamed down Clara's face, but before she allowed herself to embrace the man she loved, she made for the door and quickly turned the key, which she immediately withdrew from the lock. Herbert was watching her movements and when Clara turned back to face him she practically threw her arms around the man, pushing her lips against his. Herbert wrapped his arms around Clara's small frame, pulling her body against his, paying no attention to the salty taste of her kiss from the falling tears. He had missed Clara so much and had officially decided he never wanted to be away from her again. His hand came up to grip the nape of her neck, his finger wrapping around one of her delicate brown curls.

"Oh Bertie," she whispered in a deathly quiet tone against his mouth, "I missed you terribly."

"Are you alright?" Herbert pulled their faces apart to look into Clara's eyes, "I am sorry I could not send word before I came by but I needed to see you and I knew if Joe and Harry came, it would not seem suspicious."

Clara nodded her head quickly, "It has been one of the roughest weeks of my life, but I am so grateful you are here, and I am fine now that you are by my side."

"What was even going on when we arrived, with that photographer?" Herbert asked, not releasing his grip from around her waist.

"Oh Miriam has been determined for days that a photographer was going to follow the old tradition and take an image of the deceased, and I just do not want that. I have done everything in my power to keep Benjamin away from seeing his father like that, and I am not going to risk him one day seeing that picture." Clara sighed, looking down at the deep blue hue of his wool jacket, "I am so miserable and I feel as if I am suffocating in this house."

"I desperately want to take you and Benjamin away from here." Herbert gently pushed a stray piece of hair out of her face, "We could still run away together. Let this lot sort it out."

"I would like to try and not alienate my family, if at all possible and-"

Clara's words were cut off by a rapt knocking on the door, "Are you two done talking in there? Your guests are beginning to leave Clara!" Mrs. Abney's annoyed voice said, "You need to do your job as a hostess and thank them for their kindness."

Clara sighed, "Yes mother, I will be right there." She turned her attention from the door to the man in front of her, who was still holding her by the waist, "We have to go."

Herbert pressed his lips against her forehead in a gentle kiss, "It is going to be okay."

Clara gave Herbert one more quick kiss and then unlocked the door. She left the room and walked back to the parlor where the mourners were beginning to depart.

"I will see you tomorrow," she assured each and every one of them. The next day would be the funeral, and she was dreading that the most. It would mean everything was final, and today was the last time she would ever see David's face before they buried him in a cement tombstone, within the Moore family mausoleum. The entire time that she talked, Herbert stayed close to her parents, being incredibly charming and polite. In truth, he was desperately trying to get to know her parents, so that if the time ever came for them to know about his affair with their daughter, they may be more amenable to him. At long last, when the door had closed behind a mourner for the last time, Esther came to get Clara so that she could change for supper. The two women walked up the stairs, Herbert casually watched them out of the corner of his eyes as they went, while still remaining involved in the conversation he was having with Mr. Abney. Esther opened the door to Clara's bedroom and gently closed it behind her once Clara had entered the room.

"So I see Mr. Pitman has arrived," Esther said as she quickly began to work on Clara's hair.

"I was just as surprised as you are, I assure you," Clara told the girl.

"I do hope you two will both be careful. I worry what your parents and the Moore's will say when they learn the truth," Esther said.

"I worry as well," Clara murmured.

The two women worked quickly to prepare Clara for supper and soon afterwards, Clara headed for the staircase of her home. She noticed Herbert was nowhere to be found, but before she could react, she heard a squeal of delight come from her small child, "Mummy!" He cried, and Benjamin had his arms wrapped around her legs in a flash. Clara smiled down at her son and she bent down to her son's level, "Hello my little love," she told him in a quiet voice.

"I had so much fun at the park today!" He told her.

"Oh you did?" Clara gently placed a finger on his nose, "Darling, you are going to have supper with Esther upstairs and then mummy will be up to tuck you in and read you a story. I want to hear all about your adventures then."

Benjamin beamed at his mother, "Okay mummy!"

"Come on little Prince," Esther told the child, smiling at the pair.

Benjamin took Esther's hand and followed the maid upstairs to his nursery where he typically ate his supper. Clara watched the two disappear up to the third floor of the home, and then she continued her descent to the dining room. When she entered the room, everyone was already seated, but Herbert immediately stood up from his seat, his eyes fixed on Clara as she entered the room. He had been desperately trying to remember the first class mannerisms that Clara had tried teaching him back in New York, and while some of it was coming back, he was having difficulty remembering other things. For example, he had several different forks around his plate and he did not have the slightest idea what to do with them. Clara could see the absolute fear on Herbert's face, and she did her best to give him a reassuring smile, but she had to be careful, because her mother, mother in law, father, and father in law, were all watching her as she glided towards the table.

"Clara," her mother began quietly, "Tonight since we have more guests, I am going to take my seat at the other end of the table where the hostess would normally sit. You are to sit next to Mrs. Moore, across from Mr. Pitman."

Clara looked at the table and noticed they had indeed left the seat directly across from Herbert open for her. She pursed her lips, because Clara had never sat at another seat at this table in all of the years she had lived in this home. However, for her own sake and everyone else's, she opted to not argue. Clara knew her mother well enough that when her mother made certain choices, the best thing to do was to simply comply with the older woman's wishes. She carefully lowered herself into the seat, and once Clara was settled, Herbert returned to his seat. The two were very careful to avoid eye contact throughout the entire meal. Occasionally, when no one seemed to be paying attention, Clara would try to point out which utensil Herbert needed to use next. For the most part, she was successful in getting him to realize what she meant, but despite there being a few mishaps at the table, no one seemed to notice too terribly.

Dessert was served before too long, and it was not long after they finished, that the Moore's began to depart for the evening, and Clara's own parents began to prepare to leave.

"Herbert, chap, do you need a ride back to your hotel?" Mr. Abney asked as he prepared to leave for the night.

Herbert shook his head, "Oh no sir. I am only staying a block away; it would not be appropriate for me to accept a ride." He smiled at the man who seemed positively taken with him, "I greatly appreciate the offer, however. The night air will do me some good."

Clara smiled, "Nothing like the fresh air on the open sea though."

Herbert looked at Clara, it was the first time she had positively referenced sailing. He could not help the smile that crossed his lips, "Quite right."

Clara bid goodnight and goodbye to Herbert, wishing desperately to have one more chance to hug and kiss him that day. She stood with her parents and watched as he descended down the stairs, and headed up the street in the direction of his lodgings. Shortly after that, Clara's father got in the car, leaving her alone with her mother on the porch.

"Clara," her mother began quietly, "I know that it can be tempting to taste forbidden fruits, but you must think about Benjamin."

Clara's head sharply turned to look at her mother, "What in the world are you talking about?"

"You did a superb job of not showing your affection for Officer Pitman tonight," Mrs. Abney stated, "He however could not stop smiling whenever you talked, and when he thought no one was looking, he was staring at you the entire time."

Clara pursed her lips, "Mother, I do not know what you are talking about. Now, if you do not mind, I need to put my son to bed."

Mrs. Abney nodded her head, "Just be careful, child." She gently cupped her daughter's cheek and then descended down the stairs of the house, joining her husband in the car shortly thereafter. Clara watched as her parent's car disappeared into the night. She waited a long time, thinking about what her mother had said, and had no sooner closed the door behind her, when she heard a knock on the stained glass windows. Clara turned back to open the door, knowing the staff had gone to bed by now, and on the other side was Herbert, beaming at her. Clara stared at the man for a brief moment, and then she quickly pulled him into the house, throwing the door shut quickly before pressing her lips to his in a feverish, hungry, assault.

Xxx

Authors Note:

It has been almost one year exactly since the last time I updated this. I really don't know what to say other than I left for school and my life has just been nonstop work and stress, and sometimes travel if I was lucky. I'm so determined to finish this and I have been working on this for a few days. Hoping to wrap it up in a chapter or two. If you liked this update, or just discovered this for the first time, I appreciate all feedback. Be kind about earlier chapters though if you're a new reader…I've literally been writing this for three years. Haha.