Middle Ground
Chapter 13
A/N Thank you for the reviews. Here's the next little instalment. I hope people are still with me, even if is taking forever.
He didn't need much persuasion to do what she asked, or maybe ordered was a word that fit her better, but he wasn't fully convinced she was okay.
He'd been wanting to do this, had been dreaming about this, for such a long time, but not once had he made an attempt to actually kiss her. And she hadn't given him an opening either.
The line had been blurry and tempting to cross, but it had always been there. Now, it was gone. Erased from the page without a second thought.
They should probably reconsider this whole thing but neither was willing to do so.
She was lying back on the mattress, her legs tangled with his, and his hands were all over her body. And she didn't push him away. She didn't tell him to stop. In fact, her hands were on his body as much as his were on hers.
He should have given her an out. A real one. Instead, he'd not asked a single thing, and taken what he wanted. And he didn't feel as guilty as he had expected, had imagined, he'd feel, because she'd wanted it too. It had been a long time coming, he'd been the first of the two to acknowledge that, even if only to himself.
He wouldn't walk away. For all the ways in this was supposed to be wrong, he couldn't bring himself to walk away. Whatever the consequences, this was worth it.
But she needed to make up her own mind on that front. She needed to decide for herself if she dared to cross that line, even wanted to. He might not be worth it to her.
He pulled back, took a deep breath and focused on calming his body down enough to not distract him from what he needed to say.
"Elphaba."
Her eyes were wide and her cheeks flushed. Her lips were swollen from kisses they weren't accustomed to. She looked absolutely irresistible and he felt his body respond. He lifted himself off her, both for her sake and for his, but she muttered a protest and reached for him. He tried not to pay attention to her pout and the way the fabric of the sheets strained against her chest.
"Elphaba..."
He was begging her to listen and it seemed to work, as she lifted her eyes to his, confused.
"Don't you...?"
He actually laughed at that. He couldn't hold it in. Oh Oz, she'd be the end of him. She didn't appreciate his laughter though because she frowned and moved to sit up. He helped her up a little and kept his hand in her neck, ensuring her attention.
"I want to. I really want to." His laughter faded into a more genuine grin,"You have no idea...how badly I want to..."
"Then..."
She only looked more confused.
"This is a line we hadn't crossed. And now..well...we crossed it and we won't be able to go back."
"Are you sorry for that?"
She asked him in such a genuinely curious, innocent voice. As if the answer only served to satisfy her curiosity and would have no further impact on any of their lives.
He pulled her up completely and into his lap. Her legs wrapped around him, which he tried not to focus on, and her arms came up around his neck. Her face still held that innocent expression and he wondered for a second what had happened to her. She was different. Different, yet so the same. There was a quality there now that he hadn't seen since that moment with the Lion cub all those years ago.
He looked up at her.
"I think I've been willing to cross that line for three years. But I'm not so sure you are too. And I never wanted you to regret this."
He made it sound as if there had never been any question, any doubt, as to whether or not this was going to happen. She supposed there hadn't been.
"And if I do?"
"Then I'll walk away."
And it was true. He would let her go, if she wanted him to. He just really did not want her to want him to.
She bit her lip in contemplation.
"I feel bad."
She admitted it, and felt better for it, and then worse.
"I feel bad because we shouldn't be doing this."
He nodded and, trying not to look too hurt, loosened his hold on her. She only locked her legs around him tighter, her body shifting in his lap, distracting him to no end.
"We shouldn't, but I want to."
It was a mere whisper again, her voice. As it always was when she said things she felt she shouldn't be saying. She hid her face in his neck for a moment and then looked back at him, her bottom lip once again the victim of her teeth and her eyes as wide as he'd ever seen them.
"I really want to, Fiyero. I wanted it just as much as you did."
He swallowed and slowly let his hands come around her and rest on her back, fingers spread wide, as he pulled her towards him. He caught her lips in a kiss so deep it made her moan and he moved his hands to the small of her back, fighting a little with the knotted sheets that were wrapped around her in impossible twists and turns, before he let her fall back into the mattress once again. He looked down at her, her dishevelled hair, her wide eyes, her slender body. The trust she was putting in him, by being here and how awed that made him feel.
He loved her. He really loved her.
He smiled at the realization and then grimaced. How was he going to tell her that?
He didn't have to think about it any more, though, because she said it first. Never in a million years would he have thought she'd say it first, but she did.
"I love you."
The words clear but her voice slightly pitched, as if unsure of her words and whether or not she should have spoken them. He smiled in relief and positioned himself on top of her, not looking away for even a second.
"That's really good to hear because I love you too."
She smiled but still appeared unsure, so he let his hands come up to caress her face and kissed her eyelids and cheekbones, before pulling back to look at her again.
"I love you so much more than I have words for."
The smile she rewarded him with was bigger, more genuine and more than worth it.
He smiled back at her and captured her lips again.
More than worth it.
Do keep in mind that this is still an Intermission fic. Not as many years have passed as when ALAYM happens in the musical, so they're not those people yet. There's still getting there. There might just be the tiniest bit more hope in both their lives at this point. For now ;)