Middle Ground

Chapter 15

A/N It would not do to explain everything that has happened as RL took control but believe me, please, when I say I am so glad to be back and have the time to do this. I hope there are some people still glad to see this after so long. To those who do, and those who have PM'd me and reviewed to remind me this story has readers still (Lexie, especially, you made me leave RL behind long enough to get this story in order again), I say THANK YOU and offer this, and every following chapter. Those will find their way to you as soon as possible, until we reach the end. I will not leave you hanging this time. It WILL be finished.

It hit her out of the blue. She was waiting for him, for once the first one at the spot they'd arranged to meet, and she was struck by the truth of what they were doing. What they were about to embark on. Or had already done. Had long since entered into.

She wasn't sure why it hadn't hit her before, why it came to her only now.

She stood in the middle of the room, the scene of the crime they would commit and she could no longer ignore the question at the back of her head. The question that had been dancing, hovering, on the periphery of her mind for the past week. Past months.

Were they really going to do this?

Was she?

An affair?

Because that is what it was. That's what they had. She wondered if that cheapened them, their ...whatever it was they had had so far. Or if it only felt like that because the truth was out now. Until last week, they'd been able to pretend they were friends. Just friends. Friends who weren't supposed to be friends, sure. Friends who were not supposed to meet each other in secret, yes. But nothing had happened, nothing tangible had been between them. Nothing that could be named.

But now, as she stood there, surveying the room they were about to tarnish with what could really only be described as an affair, adultery, she couldn't fight the truth anymore. Just because something didn't have a name, wasn't given a label, didn't mean it wasn't there. Wasn't real.

It was. It was real, and painful and ugly. And too beautiful to let go of.

So Yes.

Yes.

She was.

They were.

She didn't fight the onslaught of guilt either. She despised herself for what she had done and what she was about to do. But she had despised herself for much longer than this and she had learned to live with it, live in peace with it even.

And he had become home, in the past few months. Fiyero.

He was the only person she trusted, fully and completely. The only place she knew that offered safety and comfort.

She couldn't give that up.

It had become a choice. It wasn't stronger than she was. It wasn't a pull that she couldn't resist. It wasn't desire that bound her to him against her will. It was a choice she made every week. Every day.

She wasn't as strong as she thought she had been once, but she made that decision with eyes wide open regardless. It wasn't one that got easier every time, the guilt and the reasons not to didn't fade with time, with every passing week and every moment between them. They were there all the time and she made that decision anyway.

She was faced with the choice between a clear conscience, Glinda's happiness, loyalty to her friend, the instinct to do what was best for Fiyero on one side and her own need and love for him on the other side and she chose him, she chose herself, every time.

She was being selfish. He belonged to Glinda, not to her.

But...

She paced the room restlessly, her eyes on the window, even as she knew he wouldn't enter through it and she wouldn't leave.

Because...did he?

Did he really?

Wasn't there some part of him that she could lay claim to? That she held within her?

There had to be.

He looked at her, every time he saw her, he looked at her as if she was …..precious. Valuable. Worthy.

He looked at her as if she was a woman and she hadn't felt like that before.

And he loved her. He'd told her so. He told her every single time.

There had to be truth in that.

Sure, he loved Glinda. He probably loved Glinda more. But not enough to stay away from her.

No. there was a piece of the world, a piece of her life, a piece of her, that belonged to the two of them.

And she wanted to hold onto that for as long as she could because at some point it would have to end. This couldn't go on forever. Something would happen to would put a stop to his and then she'd be left with nothing more than memories.

She wanted as many of them as she could get.

For this entire story credit goes to NastElilBuggr, who continues to provide a much needed sanity check :)

I won't make any promises for the rest of the story but the next chapter, at least, will be here tomorrow.