The power was restored on Monday late evening, brining tons of miscall and messages both from parents and Katrina, even Pat. I apologised explaining what happened, but assured them I am fine. They couldn't understand why I would need holiday after holiday. I couldn't find a good reason as to why I was in GreanWhich, without going into much detail. When asked about Will, I just said that my six months contract is over and Will is moving to Switzerland where he will have better medical attention and weather conditions. That meant that I will be coming back to live with them again and that the box room will be just fine and they don't have to worry about this.
I went back home on Thursday. Considering that I just become unemployed it wasn't the best time to be spending my savings on hotels, but I wanted to wait it out until it's done and he is gone, irreversibly.
Although Will departed this life or at least my life, he was with me at all times in my thoughts, in my dreams. Part of me wanted to forget everything, every single minute spent with Will in the past six months. The other part was in torment. Did I make a mistake? I never said goodbye, a proper goodbye. Maybe I should have gone with him to Switzerland, to be there next to his side until the last moment. No, of course not , bullshit.
I couldn't bare the pain. It made me feel claustrophobic at times as if I could not escape it. The only thing that kept me sane was running. It was a bit ironical, because running was what I could not understand about Pat and what to some extend pulled us apart. At the beginning everybody at home was making fun of me. I don't remember every being into any sport or physical activity. They were joking that maybe I am trying to get Pat back. But I just needed to escape reality. I needed to find peace somewhere at the end of the road. However every time I stopped, out of breath, it was all coming back crashing at me. Then I would run again until I would exhaust all my energy.
Today I saw Nathan. He looked a bit surprised at my sight. It was probably a bit odd that I didn't stop. I just couldn't, I couldn't exchange pleasantries. What would we talk about? The weather, the time in Mauritius, the ..
That day when I came back home although it was close to midnight, mum was still in the kitchen waiting for me. Instinctively I muttered apologies. She didn't respond, only looked at me as if trying to read my soul and then she hugged me. It was a comfort hug, long and warm, one that tells you I am there for you. And when she held me like this I started to cry. I think it was the first time I really let it go. All my feeling just melted under her embrace. Mum didn't say anything or ask what was going on. When I calmed down a bit, she took me to my room, not the box room, but the room I took possession after Katrina left for college. All my things were there. She put me to bed and kissed me on the forehead.
'We love you very, very much.' – she said quietly and left the room.
This was the first night I slept without head full of Will. I finally rested.
My mum's soothing hug was a start to my recover, but I was far from being cured. I knew I needed to put my life back on track. The only thing was I did not know how. The visit to the job centre was ahead of me again.
I was coming down the stairs, when I overheard my dad in the kitchen saying - 'I saw Will today. I guess he came back. Maybe after all Swiss doctors aren't that great. '
'Shush' – my mum lowered her voiced and responded in whisper.
I don't know what she said, but this didn't mutter I heard enough. Cramp twisted my stomach, legs became soft, so I sat down on the step. Big tear come down my check. I felt relief and huge anxiety at the same time. Then I realised it has been over two weeks since I saw him. He was alive, yet he didn't attempt to contact me. Mum's voice calling to join them for dinner pulled me out of my thoughts. I was now in my room sitting on the bed looking at a letter in my hand contemplating what was inside. It was a letter from Will.
xxxx
Today was a day full of surprises. I not only found out that Will was alive. I got a letter from him and I got mail from college offering me place in the next semester starting in October. I feared the good fortune can't last. I so badly wanted to open this letter. But little voice inside me warned me not too.
If I got this letter few days ago I would probably tear the envelope in split of seconds. Now I was on the mend and I wasn't sure if I can take whatever is inside of this letter. So I did the unthinkable.
I wrote on the envelop 'Return to Sender, No Longer lives at this address'.