How To Train Your Dragon: Possibilities

7. Raw: As the second anniversary of the Battle Of The Bewilderbeast draws near, a traumatized dragon hears something that seems to confirm his guilt over that day. Now Hiccup must fix his mistake or face dooming their friendship when they need each other the most.

They used to say that time flew when you were having fun. They never did say anything about what time did when you were busy though. Especially if you were busier than you ever thought you had the capacity to be. That's all that time seemed to be used for on Berk these days. Doing your duties, working, keeping the peace, all of it. At least for one particular resident. No one ever seemed to ever question who 'they' were either, the ones who came up with that sort of wording in the first place. Hiccup always thought that was odd, how it was just always there in the common knowledge of the people. Almost to the point they took it for granted.
'I think 'they' need to think more logically whenever they make a new traditional phrase,' he thought to himself. He was currently sat at one of Berk's cliff edges, staring out over the setting sun as the sky blazed a dark red. It was beautiful, a moment of calm before the inevitable storms would roll into this part of the world. The clouds acted like arches overheard, curves of white that seemed to frame the half-disc of sunlight that peeked over the horizon as if to emphasise its beauty. The wind was enough to make the messy locks of his hair shift in place a little, but not strong enough to make it feel bitterly cold.

There was a reason for Hiccup's reflection on such a topic. Taking things for granted, assuming they'll always be there. That last part stung in his chest, a weight pressing down on his heart that felt awfully familiar. It had happened before, just over a year ago and for good reason. Tomorrow was the anniversary of the Battle Of The Bewilderbeast. Two years to the day that he lost his father. It didn't feel right to call it that. You don't celebrate deaths like you do a real anniversary. The same feeling clamping around his torso had happened during the first landmark a year ago, that sick twisted mixture of nausea and chest pain that seemed to flare up whenever his mind wandered towards the subject. It wasn't nice to deal with, not when every day was a subtle reminder he was doing the job his father had been doing before that night without his guidance. Sure, Hiccup had put it aside for the greater good, embraced his duty and become a good leader for the village. Some had even said the best, given what he had achieved in such a short time. The fact he would be making Stoick proud of him was enough to push back the lingering feelings that still remained in the day to day. But now that this event was coming around again, Hiccup found himself stopping and reflecting on how things could've been different. They nearly had been, only set in stone by fractions of measurements. If he had stepped a little too much to the right, if his father had been a meter closer to him, if Toothless had resisted the urge to fire for a split second longer... who knew what it would be like? Would he still be chief or would Stoick? Would Drago have won or lost? Would they have both died or would they have survived? It was impossible to say, but Hiccup's analytical brain wouldn't stop going over those possibilities, not when the memory of that battle was looming over tomorrow like the shadow of Timberjack wing. He rolled his eyes at his own behavior, wrapping his arms around himself and idly brushing over his stomach with his right hand as he did so. That would've been the spot where he could've taken the hit instead. He had nearly tried doing this exact thing last year, thought about going off into a sulk for most of the day. He had wanted to at the time. He'd thought that doing that and keeping all this negativity away from everyone was the best thing to do. Letting his mind wander through other topics would surely help. Luckily, since rebuilding the damage from Drago's attack was more substantial than anyone had guessed, he'd managed to get through last year's anniversary just fine with no one the wiser thanks to that rebuilding. But now without that task to hone in on, something about this year felt wrong. Like it wouldn't be so easy to contain his feelings about what had happened after bottling it up for so long. He wasn't sure he could manage it twice in a row.

'I'll be fine. You would be, right, Dad? You wouldn't get all teary eyed and blubbery over this stuff, huh? Occupational hazard...'
The thought rolled around Hiccup's brain like it was ricocheting off the insides of his skull. He knew he wouldn't get an answer to it, but logical thinking never did come clearly when you were emotional, even for someone like him. He'd keep it together though. That view of the sunset was doing wonders for him right now and he wouldn't want to drag anyone else down with this brief low mood. He'd be fine by tomorrow. He would have to be. However, someone else had a different idea on how to cope when the young chief felt something nudge at his back, along with an insistent growling.
"Oh, hey there, bud," Hiccup said matter-of-factly, reaching out one of his hands to briefly rub his fingertips over Toothless' nose as he continued to look out over the sea from this rock cliff perch. As the limb fell and rested in his lap again, the dragon seemed puzzled. Hiccup had been here for a long time, enough to make Toothless a little wary of the situation and curious enough to investigate as the time had ticked on. His rider had been known to get thoughtful moods sometimes, but this seemed deeper than normal. The Night Fury warbled, pushing his snout into Hiccup's side to try and get his attention, maybe take his mind off whatever it was he was thinking about. After all, he hadn't seen his human most of the day, having been too preoccupied with his own duties as the Alpha to have chance to search or even remember what tomorrow was. Hiccup didn't even seem to flinch at the attempt as his arm repeated its previous action and stroked between Toothless' ear plates.
"Should be getting inside soon, bud, only going to get colder this late," he said, his gaze not once leaving that sunset. Toothless pulled his head back, tilting it to the side for a moment before he too looked out over the waves. He had to admit it did look really pretty, his wings adjusting themselves as he sat still. His Hiccup's behavior was... strange. It made him feel uncomfortable to know something was bothering the Viking without knowing what it was, making him croon in worry in a resonating tone that vibrated through Hiccup's eardrums. The young chief looked towards his dragon with a soft smile, raising up one of his hands to rest on the Night Fury's nose like they had done so many years ago. But before Toothless had a chance to savor the contact in a mimicry of that day, Hiccup's digits slipped away and made the dragon's expression sour. That was far too brief. It wasn't right. His rider seemed to at least notice that.
"I'm fine, Toothless, really. I just need some time to think on stuff, OK? I'll be inside soon." Toothless wasn't convinced, not one iota, pressing one of his claws into the ground as it clicked in his head why Hiccup was acting like this.

'It's about father, isn't it?'

But before Toothless had a chance to try and vocalize his thought, he'd already lost the human's attention, the Viking's eyes back staring into the distance as though they'd never spoken. The Night Fury exhaled sadly. He would be courteous and leave his human be, even if it made him feel sad that he wasn't 'needed' at the moment. He bobbed his head once in understanding with a soft rumble, pausing once to look over the edge of his wing before slowly making his way back to the house. Maybe it was because... no, it couldn't be that.
There had been a lot of these times lately, especially in the build up to this anniversary. Times when Toothless felt nearly helpless to aid his rider in feeling better. Stoick's death had been something caused by his own hand after all. Indirectly or not, he had cast the flame that had ended the chief's life. It was something he toiled over just as much as Hiccup did inside, near constantly for weeks after that terrible event. The memories of that event, the way he saw Stoick's very body burn because of his own power. It chilled him. Made him feel worthless. Toothless didn't want to hurt anyone else, so much so that he had become reserved and quiet most of the time unless he was in Hiccup's presence. His incredible guilt was obvious to anyone to see, the trauma of being taken over by that monster had shaken him to his very core. He'd be the first to admit he'd been selfish in wanting attention at first and his human had done his best to assure him otherwise of his role in Stoick's death. For months and now technically years after it had happened, Hiccup had been the same way he had always been with him. He'd cared, he'd spoken softly, he'd been there for him.
It wasn't your fault, bud.
It wasn't you. You would never do that.
You helped save us all. I'm proud of you, Toothless.
That warm tone of the Viking was more than enough to keep the worries buried away beneath the surface. The Night Fury loved him for that. But now it was Hiccup's turn to doubt and think too hard. And without that constant assurance, the paranoia always came back. Without those words and touches and just being with his other half, it always came back. Sometimes it made Toothless wonder. Maybe Hiccup didn't want to talk because the dragon was the one responsible for that day being important in the first place. He hated that idea, the suggestion that he could bring such awful feelings to his human. But after what had happened, how could things ever be like the way they were before? How could they act like nothing ever happened? And after all the pain he had caused his other half, was he really forgiven? Did he deserve to have been saved from the Bewilderbeast...?
No. That was silly talk. Absurdity. Hiccup would never lie to him like that. He just... had moments sometimes, right? Everyone did. He'd be fine. Just needed time, like he said.
Yes. That was it. Toothless hoped.

Even as the day had turned to darkness, Hiccup had remained long after the sun had slipped over the edge of the earth, leaving nothing but twinkling starlight in its wake. The rest of Berk was indoors, or at least most of them were, making Hiccup feel almost as though it was just him alone on the island. He'd stretched out a few times, doodled in his notebook as an exercise to distract his troubled mind. In a way, it was comforting to be by himself like this. Just enough of a barrier between the realities of being chief and his internal thoughts on this anniversary so that he could sort things out in his head. Though, even with what he had tried, he hadn't made much progress on it. Even now, hours after he'd tried to make himself stable enough to deal with tomorrow, he was still a bit of a mental mess, going over the same scenarios and ideas in his head like they were stuck in a loop. Hiccup ran his fingers through his hair with an exasperated sigh, stretching out the prosthetic limb hanging over the edge of the rock in mild paranoia it would seize up in the cooler air. What on earth was he doing? Just moping to himself? He was better than this, he knew he was.
"Come on, Hiccup, get over it," he hissed at himself. "It's been two years. Dad would hit you with the blunt end of an axe for letting yourself get this way again. You're the chief. Be strong."
But saying and doing were two different things. Something all too obvious to the person making their way over behind Hiccup's back.

"Apparently chieftains are also immune to the passage of time as well as the cold, huh?"
The voice out of the relative silence of the night made Hiccup jerk up to alert status with a yelp, placing a hand on his chest as if to make sure his heart was still beating from such a shock. He huffed, crossing his arms as Astrid sat beside him, the young woman brushing her braid over her shoulder as she settled next to him with a smirk.
"You know, I could easily make it a punishable offence to sneak up on people when they're in deep thought. I am in charge, you know..."
"You could do that, but I know you won't," she replied simply, folding her legs to the side to lean in a little closer.
"Yeah..." Hiccup replied simply, rolling his shoulders with another exhale as the cool breeze tingled his skin. "Sorry about being... 'away'. Been distracted."
"I noticed," Astrid commented, her former jolly expression having twisted into one of concern in a matter of seconds. "I didn't even see you at breakfast like usual. Have you really been here all day?"
"Not all day, no. A lot of it though."
"Morning kisses not enough of a reason to show up?"
Hiccup's lack of reaction to Astrid's attempt at humor made a surge of emotion run through her. Not a good emotion either. She brushed her hands tenderly over his own, squeezing her fingers in between the gaps and holding them together in their laps as her voice became quiet.
"... are you alright?" Hiccup hesitated in an answer. He shouldn't say anything. Just deal with it and move on like a grown up. Like a Viking. It was a shame that he never did follow the Viking code very well though. He eventually ceased the biting of his lower lip to speak.
"You know what tomorrow is, right? Well... that." Astrid kept her focus on her boyfriend with a slight tilt of her head as he continued to speak. "And yeah, I know. 'Hiccup, you've had to deal this before already last year, you'll be fine!' " he exclaimed, putting on a fake Viking brogue to his voice as if to mock his own mood. "I can't help it. Something about it still gets me."
Astrid didn't say anything at first either. When Hiccup had been upset in the past, even all those years ago when it concerned Viggo and the first time they flew out to find Drago, he hadn't wanted to listen. And she accepted that was just how Hiccup dealt with his problems sometimes. Just time to himself enough to think and sort his emotions out. But even last year hadn't been this bad, the amount of rebuilding work they had been doing for such a long time probably having been too much of a concern for him to focus on anything else. Without that, this year was different.
"You know..." Astrid began, taking a long pause when she noticed Hiccup was still staring out across the ocean. "I don't think I'll ever get used to the idea of seeing you like this. It doesn't look right. And I also know that you don't like it when people pry. But I hate it when you're sad." Hiccup slowly looked back at her with a weak smile. As much as her care was appreciated, he looked exhausted. Dark rings around his eyes stood out against his pale face in the equally pale moonlight, almost like he hadn't slept.
"Come on, Astrid. Me having a moment of self-loathing? What else is new," he stated dryly. Astrid didn't find it funny and squeezed his hands tighter as if to force him to tell.
"Hiccup, please. If tomorrow's going to bother you, shutting it away won't help. You can tell me. Maybe getting it off your chest will help." Her partner stayed silent for a moment before he smirked a little to himself. Well, it was either be honest or risk a punch to the arm at this point. Been a while since she'd done that.
"You know what I always wondered? How do you do it?" he asked, confusing his girlfriend at what he meant. "How do you... get over stuff like this? When Mom disappeared, I was too young to know what grief was. Even during the War, I was either too sheltered inside out of harm's way to notice anyone had gone or all you guys were just too good at staying alive through all the fighting for it to be a problem. And here I am now still wondering if I'll ever just be able to man up and get on with what I have to." Hiccup's trademark gestures with his arms throughout his dialogue were enough to made Astrid smile, just a little. There was a fraction of the Hiccup she knew in there still, shuffling herself a bit closer to try and pry it out.
"It's not a case of just getting used to it," she explained. "It's always hard to come to terms with stuff like this and I wish I could say it gets easier but it isn't. When anyone thinks on lost family, it will hurt. But also think on how you've done amazingly so far despite all of it. I mean, two years as chief, Hiccup! I still remember when you were telling me it wasn't for you at all."
"I still don't think it's for me sometimes."
"And why not?" she continued. "You fought off Drago Bludvist and beat him at his own game, even without your dragon. You rebuilt the entire island with your leadership faster than anyone could've done. Everyone's honoured you're in charge."
"But-"
"No buts. You're fine at this, babe. I don't think you have a reason to worry. Tomorrow is... just another day. And that's all it should be."
"...yeah," Hiccup replied, nodding his head. Astrid did have a point. Even if he wished that Stoick could be around to give advice or some idea of how to handle the more delicate situations right now, the fact that it wasn't just Astrid speaking so highly of him was a good indication he was doing his father proud. Astrid herself knew it to be true and seemed pleased that her love had accepted her words. But that wasn't all there was to it. Something else was bothering Hiccup, otherwise that dour look wouldn't still be plastered to his features. Sensing she was making some success with getting out the truth, Astrid pushed a little bit harder.
"Is there anything else? It can't have been just that. Not all day." Hiccup had fallen silent again for a moment. He debated internally with himself whether to admit what he was thinking, the whole mantra of a chief being strong coming back to his thoughts. But, he'd already admitted one emotional weakness. Might as well make it two and be done with it. Hiccup shifted in his position to face her properly and clasped at her hands with a fierce grip she was seldom used to. She even had to hold back a wince from the surprising strength he was displaying. His emotions about this were running high, that was for sure. He figured if he was going to tell her, no need to hold them back.
"Today, I... I just keep thinking about what could've happened differently. If Dad had been slightly faster or I had done something more to try and stop it and... every single time, I come back to him. It's his fault and I..."
"Him...?" Astrid asked, her voice quiet enough to nearly be obscured by a brief gust of sea breeze. Who was he talking about? Both Vikings were unaware of the pair of brilliant green eyes watching them from the darkness as Hiccup began to rant unhinged. He didn't seem to want to say who it was, his voice stammering everytime he had to bite back the name.
"... I know I shouldn't feel this way. I shouldn't. A chief has to be clear headed, not obscured by stupid 'feelings' and junk," Hiccup started, mocking that last word as though it were a taboo for Vikings to have. "But every time I think about that day... I'm still angry. Not just angry, furious. I feel so mad when I see... him staring at me and... and I hate him. I hate everything he did. I hate that I couldn't stop him and I hate the fact that I gave him a second chance to make up for what he did. And I hate being reminded of what happened every time I see his face. I'm not a fighter, I know. I'm not supposed to be mad enough to feel like I could pick up an axe over it, but how am I supposed to do my job if I feel like that?"
Astrid wasn't sure what Hiccup was talking about, but the implications of what it could be made her blood run cold. Though not quiet enough for them both to ignore the rustling of bushes and leaves behind them from the owner that pair of eyes leaving the scene. The pair of them saw nothing and could only assume it was the breeze. They were wrong.

'...h-hate...?''

Toothless could scarcely believe his ears and eyes. He couldn't. He wouldn't. He daren't. He would never say that. He had only heard fragments and pieces of what Hiccup was saying. But that single line stood out in his mind as the only thing to nearly make him feel physically sick.
I hate him.
His worst fears and paranoias about whether Hiccup had ever truly forgiven him for that day on the Sanctuary shores were being realised right before him, unfolding like a waking nightmare. All those times before when Hiccup had reassured him it wasn't his fault, that it was all the former Alpha and Drago's doing... it wasn't to help a traumatised dragon with what he had done. It was just Hiccup trying to surpress his feelings to keep everyone happy. Hiccup being his usual giving, wonderful self, the trait he loved about his human. To do that even in the prescence of a creature that he despised for killing his father... Toothless would be proud if he didn't feel a hole tearing his heart to shreds. Hate. Anger. All that vitriol of the moment. It was all his fault and Hiccup thought so too. The dragon couldn't close his mouth from the shock.

'... he... never forgave me...'

He'd only come back outside when he had noticed Hiccup still hadn't retired to bed and to his side. He just wanted to check on his beloved rider to make sure he was OK. The night was always harsh on Berk, but he had instead found that out first hand. Not with the weather, but with words. The truth about what had made his human so upset. If dragons knew how to curse, Toothless would be doing so at himself. He had been an outright murderer, of course he wouldn't be forgiven so easily. How could he be forgiven for something so terrible?
Stupid dragon, stupid, naive, idiot dragon.
And the thoughts began to snowball in his head as the Night Fury's emotions spiralled out of control just like his rider's own. He knew he hadn't heard most of the conversation. He knew logically that Hiccup could have been talking about almost anyone else who was there that day. But who else could he mean? Either way, it didn't stop those thoughts, his turmoil over that night on the Sanctuary shores, from manifesting into nasty accusing voices.

You killed their chief.

It never has been the same with him since then, has it?

He only wanted to keep the peace.

You don't deserve him.

Toothless felt his eyes sting, hot moisture building behind the lids as the reality of what Hiccup really thought began to sank in. The voices were right. He didn't deserve him. The dragon blinked, damp scale reflecting in the dull light of the moon. He felt like he nearly choked, unable to make a sound before twitching his wings once. In a matter of moments, nearly silently from his instinctive stealth, Toothless turned tail and ran. He didn't know where he was going, he didn't know how far he would go. But he needed to get away. Anything to stop his Hiccup from feeling any more pain. No more hurting, no more sadness. If he was the source of it... then what right did he have to stay? For some selfish reason of being coddled?

'...I never deserved you...did I...? Not after what I did...'

If only the Night Fury had stayed just a fraction longer.

"Hiccup... you don't mean...?"
"Why not?"
Astrid was lost for words at this reveal. How could Hiccup say such a thing about someone so important to him? Had the weight of tomorrow's event really gotten to him so badly? Or... was he just being vague because he still didn't want to talk about it? Her face scrunched into a scowl, seemingly fed up of the vagueness as her inner Viking bluntness made itself known to overpower it. She freed one of her arms from his gasp and promptly smacked him on his own.
"OW!" Hiccup helped, the action having taking him by surprise as he hissed and rubbed at what would be a massive bruise in a few hours. "Geez, still got a heck of a right hook there, Astrid..."
"Hiccup, be serious! You couldn't have possibly meant-"
"Why wouldn't I mean that about Drago?"
"Because you... wait, Drago?" she asked, her brain having to catch up with her own confusion as though it had lost all ability for a split second. Hiccup nodded his head.
"Yeah... I mean, I'm supposed to be the peacekeeper. So I tried to reason with him and give him another chance after what he pulled on us. It's pathetic... what kind of chief reasons with the man who killed their father? And yet every time I see his face, I just... wanna take him out and I know I shouldn't. It's not who I am. I'm not a fighter, but sometimes I wish I was to make up for my mistakes."
Astrid suppressed the urge to punch him again at his revelation of conflicting feelings. Knowing who it was had this make a whole lot more sense than it had a few moments ago and relieved her mind that something else hadn't spilled out into the open which would've sent shock waves throughout Berk.
"It wasn't a mistake. You were just being you." She simply sighed in relief, holding onto Hiccup's arms again and just leaning against him. "That's why I like you." Hiccup was a bit surprised from her sudden change of mood from 'furiously punching' to 'content and cuddle-able'.
"This isn't an attempt to catch me off guard is it?"
"Off guard for what?" she asked with a hint of a sly grin. A grin that made Hiccup nervous.
"I-In case you think I need another pu-"
Astrid did catch him off guard. Though this was with a gentle kiss, her head having snapped forward and tongue tied him (literally) by muffling his sounds. Despite the cold air, she could feel the heart radiating from Hiccup's face, almost enough to make her laugh all over again. As she pulled away and leaned her head against his shoulder, Hiccup turned dead silent, twiddling his thumbs against hers furiously to show how flustered he was. A few moments passed, the sound of the open sea being the only accompaniment to their embrace.
"You'll get through it, Hiccup. OK? Remember; just another day."
"...yeah. I'll be alright. Thank you, Astrid," he answered, rubbing over his hands with his fingers.
"Anytime. I do love you, you know."
"I love you too..." Hiccup mumbled, causing Astrid to smile at getting him to blush this hard. This had helped immensely. With Astrid, the village and his beloved dragon by his side, Hiccup felt like he could face this and keep Stoick proud. He could and he would. Just another day. Wasn't it?

He just had no way of knowing the damage he'd accidentally done.

The morning came without pomp and circumstance and rightly so. Regardless of what the date symbolized, Hiccup wanted to make sure it was just a regular day in all possible ways. No special ceremonies, no acknowledgement. Just... a day, like any other. Astrid had helped better than she realized last night, the pair of them having spoken and talked for a while before coming home. Nothing in his room had looked out of place, either from how dark it had been or because he was severely in need of sleep when he got inside, meaning that Hiccup had no way of knowing that Toothless had gone missing.

The morning rays peered in through the open hatch of the house roof brilliantly, the morning sky a nearly equal shade of rosy color as the sunset last night. Hiccup stirred, his body clock having automatically adjusted to be aware of his surroundings just in time for a Night Fury attack. He pulled the blankets over his head to hide himself from view, only the occasional spike of hair visible to the outside world of his cocoon. He braced himself with a light smile on his face, eager to get the day over and done with with his best friend by his side. But the longer Hiccup waited, the more confused he got. He had expected to feel Toothless press his bulk into his side to get him out of the bed by now, yet nothing had happened. He pulled the fabric off his head and looked over the other side of the room to see if there was a sneak attack planned instead.
"Toothless?" Hiccup's question was given no response, neither audibly or visually. Instead, he found himself staring at an empty raised platform where Toothless usually would be. The chief forced himself to sit up, quickly hopping out onto solid ground with a bit of a unbalanced sleepy wobble. "Bud? You in here?" There was no response. Hiccup frowned to himself. Maybe he was just outside to get ready for their morning flight? He still had to feel a slight welling of burden in his chest about this. He hadn't meant to be so dismissive of his dragon the previous night and he wanted to make up for it if he could. Easier said than done when said dragon had vanished. He had to wonder why. Even if Toothless was outside, it wasn't like him to do that anymore. Ever since the Battle, the pair of them always woke together. To break that routine out of the blue didn't sit right. Either way, he would find him eventually. Berk wasn't that big after all. After quickly donning his flying leathers in preparation for the morning journey, Hiccup hurried down the stairs with an uneven metal clunk and wooden bump of his feet against each step. Valka and Cloudjumper were nowhere to be seen either, probably having gotten their own flight in before he had even woke up. With no reason to stick around, Hiccup grabbed a chunk of leftover bread from the living room table and stuffed it in his mouth, huffing around the foodstuff as he adjusted the straps around his sleeves. Slightly stale, but enough fuel to find his dragon.1

The day was surprisingly clear that morning, the clouds barely a prescence in the sky. Already the village was alive with activity, dragon and Viking alike heading off to the usual duties of the day. In the distance, Hiccup would even make out the glowing embers of dragon fire rising from the Arena, showing that the other Riders had at least gotten to work with the new recruits. Hopefully they would stay as embers and not nearly cause a wildfire like last time. Business as usual. Now he just had a missing dragon to find. The young chief walked through the village center, greeting the passers-by and other residents. Some of them were soft spoken, well aware of what today meant to him. While Hiccup appreciated their care in handling the situation, it wasn't what he needed. The fact Toothless was making himself difficult to find was starting to twist itself into that clenching feeling in his chest again.
'Come on, Toothless, where are you?'
Hiccup first approached the blacksmithing dentistry, noticing Gobber already hard at work refitting some new saddles for the dragons that had managed to grow over the last year. He didn't seem to notice the young chief approach him from the roaring of the forge fire until Hiccup spoke up. His head was still spinning and whirling around, trying to catch any sign of black scale or wing, anything. He didn't even realise what he was doing.
"Busy day today Gobb-ER!"
The last emphasis of that syllable was jarring compared to the idle tone the sentence started with. As he had tried to lean against the fitting machine, Hiccup hadn't been paying attention to the rest of his body in his scanning of the shop and accidentally pushed a bunch of tools onto the ground. The resulting crash, despite Hiccup's best efforts to keep it on top of the counter, scattered hammers, pliers and all manner of metal objects on the ground, making him wince in regret.
"Yep... OK, that happened..." he hissed at himself with screwed shut eyes, just as Gobber turned around with an expression that only seemed to say one word. Really?
"Yeah, well it wouldn't be so bad if someone didn't try to wreck my shop just by saying hello!"
"Old habits die hard, I guess..." the chief mumbled, shrugging his shoulders as Gobber smiled in that usual crooked manner.
"Ah, don't worry about it, lad. I remember the days when you used to do a lot worse than that."
"W-Worse...? I don't know what you're talking about..."
"Well..." Gobber started, switching out one of his prosthetics to the wooden hand to count fingers on. "There was the axe thrower, the bola sling, the automatic sword dispenser..."
"Hey, th-they were all works in progress, they function just fine now!" Hiccup protested with a pout, though his former mentor's laughing at the memory soon made that expression fade. "Busy, huh?"
"Oh, yeah, as ever. Only just starting to run out of the metal from Bludvist's lot, so I've still got plenty. Need to fashion saddles for the new recruits, reinforce the ones belonging to the twins on account of an... 'accident'. Don't ask... and a couple of teeth to be pulled. And they say you're the busy one."
"That's good..." Hiccup murmured with a slight smile, his eyes having once again wandered off to look around the shop's narrow spaces and hiding places. "Say, Gobber... you seen Toothless this morning?"
"Me?" the blacksmith retorted over the fire with a raised brow. "I thought you two were damn near joined at the hip by now. But nah, too busy trying to make my own dragon do his job... GRUMP!"
Hiccup raised his hands and nodded again in thanks just as the usual booming of Grump's lazy fire starting and Gobber's ranting about the adoption process began to echo from the bowels of the shop for everyone to hear. Those two would never change. However, it still left him no closer to finding Toothless.1

The Arena was the next logical place to look. Maybe the Night Fury was wanting to make sure the dragons involved wouldn't be unruly for the new recruits. That would make sense. As Hiccup approached the Arena entrance and passed the inner stone archway, he had barely opened his mouth to speak before a piece of shrapnel zipped over his head like a plasma bolt, impaling itself into the wall. He checked over himself quickly to make sure he wasn't missing anything as he raised his head to get answers. Conviniently enough, he got them from a rider straddled atop Barf and Belch.
"And that, ladies and gentleman, is how you tear your target to shreds. The ol' belch and smelt!"
Ruffnut and Tuffnut. Of course it would be them doling out this kind of advice. Astrid, Fishlegs and Snotlout seemed about as impressed as Hiccup in their escapades, a raised brow on all of their faces as they stared at Tuffnut mid-exclamation. The other recruits seemed just as baffled as to what they had just seen, making the male of the twins huff when he noticed they were all staring at him.
"Oh, come on, I spent a lot of time on that name!"
"Maybe if you put more time into keeping that fire under control instead, we'd be more impressed," Astrid snorted, rolling her eyes.
"You're just jealous you can't be as explosive as we can, Astrid," Ruffnut said with a shrug of her shoulders. "It's OK, not everyone can have the most firepower in their dragon, but what can you do with just one head to work with?" Astrid scrunched her face up into a scowl before Snotlout burst in with an interruption.
"I feel I should be the one to point out that no one here can beat Hookfang and me in this department. Fire. That clings to stuff. You can't win!"
"I would argue that projectile based attacks are far more effective in this regard of single targets..." suggested Fishlegs, holding out one of his cards as if to prove his point based on dragon facts alone. Snotlout shook his head.
"Forget the dumb cards, sticky fire beats travelling fire any day!"
"Are we just going to forget the giant gas explosion? Huh?" Tuffnut injected.
"Actually, all of you have your advantages in certain situations," Hiccup finally said. "Now, if you could just elaborate on what those are, maybe the other recruits would have a better time understanding why they're watching you blow stuff up."
The other Riders looked up from their squabbling as their chief and gave polite greetings, as much as the ones currently arguing seemed a little too on edge to be anything more than brief. Astrid on the other hand smiled warmly at Hiccup and stood to the side making room for him in their group.
"So, what are you doing anyway?" Hiccup asked as he approached.
"We're trying to train the recruits on how to pick and choose your targets in a fight, with how different dragons can create different fire effects based on shot limit and distance," Fishlegs explained with a content nod. "It's been going rather well, until-"
"Until the real heroes rocked in and showed that gas explosion is the best explosion!" Tuffnut piped up.
"Preach it!" his sister joined in, prompting the two heads of their dragon to look at each other. Even they didn't seem convinced. Hiccup snickered to himself as he copied his behaviour from the shop, looking around the arena with intent to try and find any trace of his own reptile.
"Uh, earth to chief? You in there?" Snotlout asked, peering in closer and waving a hand in front of his face. Hiccup jumped back, startled.
"Oh, y-yeah, just... uh, have you guys seen Toothless?"
"I haven't seen him since yesterday," Astrid admitted, her face seeming to scowl when she noticed Hiccup's own do the same at that answer. "He's not with you?"
"I haven't seen him since yesterday either," he replied, rolling his shoulders. His previous resilience against today were starting to waver just a bit. "Uh, thanks, I'll keep looking. Can't be far, right? Good luck with the... explosions. I guess."
Tuffnut and Ruffnut slammed their helmets against each other with a unison agreement, like they had permission to continue. As Fishlegs and Snotlout raced forward to stop their inevitable destruction of the Arena, Astrid stared after her boyfriend as he left. Maybe her advice wouldn't be as useful as she hoped.

They used to say that time flew when you were having fun. They never did say anything about what time did when you were worried though. Especially if you were more worried than you ever thought you had the capacity to be. Hiccup's thoughts mirrored yesterday's all too well as he searched, every fruitless discovery only making him more panicked and frightened over where Toothless had gone. The houses, the docks, the highest perches, even back home at least three times. All empty, all lacking a Night Fury. Right now, the sun was setting once again. When Hiccup had wanted a distraction from what today was, he had been ironically rewarded with something that made him feel worse. His breathing was shallow, harsh, the young chief trying to catch his breath as leaned against the outside wall of his house. He was exhausted from running himself ragged all over the island, but his adrenaline, his fear of what could have happened kept him going.
'Toothless... where did you go?'
Immediately, Drago sprang to mind. That lunatic, the one who he had spoken of his rage towards yesterday was a primary suspect in the disappearance of a Night Fury over anyone. It would be just like him to catch Berk unaware, all to capture Toothless. Maybe it was just to have some sort of bargaining chip, maybe to get some sort of revenge for being beaten down before. Maybe it was to get rid of the Alpha, kill many birds with one stone. But Hiccup didn't think it was too likely. Drago's forces and influence were left in tatters after that fateful battle in the skies of Berk. The self proclaimed Dragon God would be evil enough to do it, sure, but he was not capable of carrying it out.
The next imagining in Hiccup's frantic brain was Toothless being in trouble for more innocent but no less serious reasons. What if he had been injured whilst on his own somewhere? What if he was stuck out in the wild without anyone to operate his tail? What if he'd crashed into the sea..? Again, Hiccup shook his head. The two of them had been inseparable ever since they beat Drago. Toothless wouldn't be foolhardy or daredevil enough to try anything like that by himself. And certainly not after feeling how he felt.
There was only one place left that Hiccup had not yet looked. There was no reason to think that his dragon could be there, but it was the only spot left on the entire island that he could think either of them could access by themselves within a day. Despite how his limbs burned and ached, Hiccup aimed for the cove. He was close to breaking point as his body forced itself to run for the tree line. If Toothless wasn't there... what would he do?

"Toothless! Toothless!"
Hiccup's yelling echoed between the trees like they were the pillars of a grand temple, the expanse of green seeming to stretch into infinity as darkness began to descend. He wasn't even thinking about anything else in the village at the moment, how they'd be treating his own disappearance. All he wanted was Toothless. All he needed right now was Toothless. As he stumbled over a familiar log that had grown completely dark green from the moss spreading over its surface like a virus, he carried on, his prosthetic slipping and trying its best to stay gripped to the twig and foliage covered ground.
"Bud! Answer me! Where are you?!"
He was still given no response, nothing except for a brief flutter of bushes from a creature way too small to be a dragon running away from his voice. The lump in his throat was getting bigger the more he yelled and trudged through the forest relentlessly. He needed to stop, his skinny frame feeling like it was going to collapse like Gobber's work table earlier. But he couldn't. He dare not stop until he found what he was looking for.
"TOOTHLESS!"
His yell made his voice crack from how he strained it, Hiccup having to place a hand over his neck from how it made that lump in it feel even worse. He stammered over what he wanted to scream next, feeling his eyes become hot and wet with the beginnings of anxiety. No, this wasn't happening. The universe couldn't be cruel enough to do this to him, not today.
"Oh, Gods... don't do this, just let me find my-"
He stopped when he raised his head. And saw a pair of green eyes staring back him in what seemed to be shock. Hiccup's heart soared.
"Toothless! Bud, I'm so glad to see you!" he cried out. "Where have you-"
He didn't get to finish when those eyes suddenly darted to the side and started to move away through the forest frantically. They had looked... sad. Even afraid. Hiccup's chest tightened once again.
"W-Wait, stop! Toothless, stop!" he called, starting to dart his way through the trees to chase the slightly darker shape he could see doing the same ahead of him. He knew the dragon would be faster and more nimble, proving so the more he ran. More than once, Hiccup stumbled and hit one of his extremities on a rock or a branch or some other sort of hard object. The pain was only slight through, the surge of energy pushing through his system to finally reach Toothless forcing him to carry on.
"Toothless, please! Stop!" The Night Fury didn't even look back, only seeming to be pulling further way as he grunted in his own physical efforts. Hiccup couldn't understand it. Why was he running away? What could have possibly happened to make him do this? The young Viking grimaced as he forced his way through a particularly dense cluster of branches, his pace having slowed considerably. By the time the near elastic pieces of brittle wood had whipped back to their original positions, he had fallen again onto his knees. He scuffed his trouser legs as they scraped along the ground, bashing his hands into it to support himself as he felt lacerations from the prickly debris coat his palms. He hissed as he looked up from his fall. Toothless had vanished again. Hiccup didn't even realized he'd let a tear slip until he began to scream again.
"T-Toothless?! Toothless! No...! N-No, please don't leave me here!" he cried, slapping his hand into the ground in frustration as to why his other half was running. "TOOTHLESS!"
He had to catch himself as those words escaped his jaws. Why had he said that...? Was it because...
Hiccup shook his head, forcing himself to his feet again and briefly brushing himself down. Stay calm, stay focused. If he didn't get his bearings, he'd be just as lost as his dragon. He sniffed, rubbing at his eyes with the inside of his arm as he tried to figure out where he was. Those fallen trees... that group of rocks in the distance... he was close to the cove. He could only pray to Odin that Toothless would be there as well.

A bruised and battered Viking made his way into that secluded spot, the area coated in a pale blue moonlight. Just like yesterday. He didn't have time to feel nostalgic, sliding noises of fabric against rock echoing against the sturdy walls of the retreat as Hiccup made his way to the base of the cove. He groaned, holding onto one of his arms that had taken a particularly nasty hit for a moment. He was sure that most of his flying leathers had been equally ruined or ripped with his exertion, almost enough to match how rough his voice felt. He walked slowly through the cove, his eyes and ears as on high an alert as they could be to pick up on Toothless. He heard nothing at first, though the moonlight was helping with his eyes. He exhaled with an exhausted sigh, slipping down onto one foot with a grunt on impact. He should've been more careful. Now Mom and Astrid were only going to ask more questions when he got home. As he rubbed over his arm again, a noise got his attention. A distinct pressing of something into the ground trying to sound as light as possible. Hiccup looked in front of him and dared a smile at what he saw as relief flooded his body.
"Toothless... oh, thank the Gods it's you..." he said, pushing himself back onto his feet as the dragon stood in front of him. Immediately he noticed how Toothless was not sitting down. He was on all fours, his stance low to the ground as if he was ready to take off again at any moment. The dragon's expression pained Hiccup to see, looking nearly afraid and shocked at seeing his human here. As much as the Night Fury wanted to leave and stop his human hurting any more, something about seeing him in distress would always bring him back. An Achilles heel that he couldn't stop caring for the Viking, as much as he didn't deserve that care back in return. Hiccup took one step forward and Toothless took at least three back. That hopeful smile evaporated into the night air as he reached out one of his hands. Another three steps back.
"Bud, come on, it's just me..." he reasoned, taking another step. Another three, nearly to the point of being up against the wall. The Night Fury darted his head around like he was trying to find a way out as he felt his wings press against the stone. Hiccup's panic began to build again in his gut, making him feel like he would vomit from the tension of the moment.
"T-Toothless, it's... it's OK, it's just me. Come on, bud, we need to-"
Toothless had none of it, hunching himself up against the wall and warbling out a sad howl. It pierced the night, making Hiccup's ears ring from the volume. He shook his head, having a hard time processing what he was hearing.
"...bud, I-I... I don't understand. What's wrong?" he asked, trying to summon his knowledge of dragons to maintain in control of the situation. The parallels of that day started to creep into his head. Though now the shoe was on the other foot and it was he who was backing the dragon into a frightened corner this time. Toothless knew damn well what was wrong. He was wrong, he wasn't supposed to be with the human anymore. And now he had put Hiccup in danger, but also another agonizing situation. He howled again, nearly roaring at the Viking to get away from him.

'No! Just go! I'll only make it worse!'

"Toothless... just let... just let me..." Hiccup started, reaching out a hand again to mimic their first meeting. Appropriate in this place, wasn't it? "S-See? You remember this, right? Just come a little closer and..."
Toothless' response was another roar, a brief illumination of flame at the back of his neck, enough to make Hiccup jump backwards. He felt sick. His dragon, his other half, was doing anything to keep him away. Why?

'I don't deserve you! You hate me! And you SHOULD!'

"Bud..." Hiccup murmured, sinking to his knees again like he was begging for his Night Fury. He tore through his memory, feeling like he could tear out the right ones from his head with his bare hands he was so desperate. And he eventually came to one specific moment.
'Think, Hiccup, think. What happened? What was different? You spoke your mind to Astrid. You were honest, you let all of that stuff out and... and that rustling...oh. Oh, Gods, no...'
The penny dropped. The truth glinted like a razor. And Hiccup wanted to punch himself. He hadn't thought about what he was saying. About who might be listening just out of concern for him not coming home that night.
"No... no, no, no, no, no, Toothless, no, I...I didn't mean..."
He should've been clear who he meant, he should've made sure he wasn't misunderstood despite his attempts to keep himself calm by not mentioning names. Now look where it had gotten him.
"Bud, I never meant... I-I didn't... Gods, I'm sorry..."
Stupid Viking, stupid, naive, idiot Viking.
All the time that his traumatized dragon had needed him, that reassurance that it wasn't his fault... all it took was one instance of being too vague and he'd ruined it all.

It all made sense now. Toothless was petrified. Horrified by what he had heard. A simple few words enough to trigger a cacophony of emotions from a dragon still internally battling with the guilt of what the Bewilderbeast had made him do. And on a day where that event was fresh in Hiccup's mind, his dragon had been let down. He'd been shunned. And then hurt. Accidentally or not, it shouldn't have happened. Hiccup knew that this sort of problem, this trauma... it wasn't something Toothless wanted to forgive himself for. Not for a very long time. It had been the job of his rider, his closest companion to forgive him instead. The young chief lowered his arm and his head, remaining on his knees as he realized his mistake. This was why he never wanted to talk about these things. It only made others feel worse when he did. But he was not going to mope. He was going to salvage this. He was going to prove how much Toothless meant to him. Hiccup sniffed and looked up again. Toothless was still pushing himself back against the wall like a frightened animal. But he hadn't left yet. Maybe that was a good sign.
"...Toothless. What I said, what I meant when I was angry... I meant Drago. I meant the real monster behind what happened with Dad. I was right when I said I hated him. I get so angry thinking about him that sometimes I want to kill him myself. But I didn't think that about you. I wouldn't... I couldn't think that about you.
"I know I didn't want to talk. And look where it got us when I did. Right back where we started, unsure of where we both stand. Toothless... bud... I'm so sorry. You needed me. You've needed me for a long time and I was being selfish. I let you down. You still need me, to prove that it wasn't your fault..."
Toothless' posture relaxed as Hiccup spoke. His words... they sounded sincere. Regretful for such a simple misunderstanding causing such a huge problem. The Night Fury warbled, tentatively taking a few steps forward with a sad expression. His Hiccup even smelled sad. As he came closer, Toothless could sense the moisture on his human's face. His former self-loathing melted away, replaced by an urge to protect. He came to sit in front of his human, his eyes on the ground like he too wanted to apologize for his behavior. If Hiccup was telling the truth, then he was still in the wrong.

'I didn't listen to you. I should be the one who's sorry.'

He crooned, gaze fixated on the floor as if in shame for this whole episode on today of all days. The dragon flinched when he felt Hiccup's hands suddenly clamp around the sides of his head. Even as those fingertips trembled, the Night Fury refused to look him in the eyes.
"Bud. Look at me. Please."
Toothless hesitated in following that command. At least until Hiccup tensed his fingers again and spoke up to make sure this would be heard properly.

"Please don't go. Please don't go, too."

The dragon's mouth opened with a light vibration as he met his rider's gaze. Hiccup smelled sad, but the smile over his face was betraying it. He was upset over what he'd done, but he was hopeful. He just wanted his best friend back. He didn't want to lose anyone else in his family.
"I need you, Toothless. I love you."
Toothless blinked once at those words. Those sweet, tender words that filled him with such pride at meaning so much to the Viking. The dragon gave a watery-eyed toothless smile before his wings curved around his front and wrapped Hiccup in their embrace, hiding him from view. At the same time, Hiccup's arms squeezed around the Night Fury's bulky neck, clinging on for dear life like he wouldn't get another chance.

'I love you too, Hiccup. I'll never leave you, again. I promise, I won't.'

Hiccup savored the vibration running against his cheek, the warmth of his dragon's scales against his skin. It seemed appropriate to face this now. Just as the night took over and the anniversary of the Battle's conclusion truly occurred. All those years ago at this very moment, Hiccup stood and watched his father go to Valhalla. But now, today had another reason to be remembered. The day that a boy and his dragon made sure their friendship would never be jeopardized again. Hiccup sighed with another sniff, the broad grin stretching across his mouth, unable to be lessened by the lateness of the day or that they were far away from home. He'd stay here all night if it meant resolving this.
"I think that Vikings have it wrong, you know," Hiccup said after some silence, making his dragon's ear plate twitch to focus on the words. "We don't need to hide how we feel to be strong. Toothless, if you're ever sad, you'll tell me won't you?. And if I'm ever sad, I promise I'll tell you. And we'll be sad together until we work it out. Alright, bud?"
Toothless nodded, pushing his head down to nuzzled the top of Hiccup's head with a content noise at the base of his throat as he squeezed the human's body close to his own.

That sounded wonderful.

Author's Notes: I'm back! I'm sorry for the delay between chapters, you know how life is. I felt inspired after reading a sad prompt by a certain jackthevulture on Tumblr about this sort of situation and I wanted to expand on it. This also helped immensely with my own mood to write. I hope you all enjoy.