AN: Sorry this chapter was a bit delayed, work has been crazy. I just want to thank everyone who reviewed/favorited/followed, I really appreciate it so much! Each time I see that, it makes me that more motivated to write more/faster. Quick question- this chapter is longer, and I was wondering if you guys would prefer updates that are a bit slower but longer, or quicker, shorter updates? Anyway, thanks again!
The title of this chapter/song featured in this chapter is "Hang With Me" by Robyn, and I'll just say it's going to be a kind of song throughout this story that really represents Jackson and April, but I don't want to say too much. Some other lyrics: "Just don't fall recklessly, heedlessly in love with me/Cause it's gonna be/All heartbreak, blissfully painful insanity"
Enjoy!
Meredith Grey was a person who usually kept her cards close to her chest. Well, at least she tried to. Due to the intricate nature of her friend's relationships with one another, everybody inevitably knew everyone else's business. Even so, right now she really only had one person with whom she'd willingly share her secrets. But Meredith was okay with that.
"How's your mom?" Cristina asks in a low tone. They are waiting for their Legal Methods class to begin Derek Shepherd's class to begin, but Meredith had gotten a call early that morning about her mom. Ellis Grey, the much-lauded medical and healthcare lawyer, had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's two years prior. One of the greatest and most respected legal minds of her generation, Ellis had continually pushed her daughter to be the best, to be extraordinary, and now that Meredith is attending her mother's alma mater, Ellis isn't even cognizant of the fact.
"It hasn't been a good few days," Meredith murmurs, and that's an understatement. Ellis thought Meredith was a paralegal, and kept expecting her to bring in case files. And so after a hard day spending time with her mother, and trying to get everything ready for her first day of law school orientation, when Meredith met a very attractive man in a bar, she just wanted to be a girl in a bar. She didn't want to be Ellis Grey's daughter and she didn't want to be worried about starting 1L. She was just a girl. And he was just a guy. But of course, Murphy's Law existed, and so everything that could go wrong, did. At least in Meredith Grey's life. She wasn't just a girl, and the guy wasn't just a guy; he was Derek Shepherd of the Montgomery & Shepherd law firm, which he had founded with his wife, Addison Montgomery. Her "just a guy" is her married professor. Typical.
Derek Shepherd strolls into the classroom, and he's wearing a tie and shirt under a sweater, smiling at everyone. "Good morning!"
"Ugh, does he have to be so cheery?" Cristina says under her breath to Meredith. Meredith knows Cristina is still excited that Derek Shepherd is teaching one of their classes, but Meredith appreciates the support.
"Now, I know all of you are eager to learn, and, well, I'm eager to teach. This Legal Methods class is relatively new to Seattle Grace Law. It's a three week intensive at the start of the semester, preparing you for all of your other classes both this semester and the next. Once Legal Methods is concluded, your other classes will become more intense. I'll be teaching more specialty classes to the second and third years, but the brass wanted me to have a chance to work with you first years as well," Derek says, looking around the classroom at each of them. "At Seattle Grace, it's important to continually look for new ways to innovate our approach to law. While the legal field is based in tradition, lawyers don't have to be stuck in the past. Furthermore, as Dean Webber mentioned in his convocation, I will be taking you through your first experience with Competitive Moot Court. Now, who's ready to get started?"
The class murmurs a few yeses here and there.
Derek cocks his head, glancing around the room. "Ok, so now I know you aren't morning people. Good to know," he says, eliciting chuckles.
After class, Meredith quickly gathers her belongings. Derek had spent the last two hours detailing the different approaches to legal thinking, and how effective they would be in their various classes, from Contracts to Constitutional Law which awaited them in the spring. These research and analytical skills would serve them throughout their years in law school and beyond. By the end of period, April Kepner was not the only one leaning forward excitedly.
Meredith could already tell that he was going to be a good professor, which- which was just annoying on multiple levels. She can feel Cristina and George's concerned gazes on her, so she quickly brushes past April and Jackson, who are talking about how excited they are for moot court with Shepherd in the spring, and the pair look up startled. Meredith walks out of the classroom and down an empty stairwell, away from the sound of students leaving their classes, before she pauses to take a deep breath and close her eyes. All the tension of the past few weeks, from the stress whenever she visits her mother, to the new pressure of law school, was just piling on her shoulders. The sudden sound of the stairwell door opening startles her, and she jerks up from her position leaning against the wall. It was Derek, with his tousled dark hair, and she just could not deal with him right now.
They stare at one another for a moment before Meredith keeps walking down the stairs. "Fine. I'll be the one to go," she says, angling her body to move past him, and she's aware of his body and the memory of how it had felt over hers, and she hates it.
"Listen, Meredith, wait-" Derek reaches a hand out, lightly touching her elbow, and she jerks it away.
"No! You're married. You're my professor. You are my married professor, so right now, I have nothing to say to you." Meredith states definitively, turning to leave the stairwell. At the door, she looks back for a moment, and Derek is smiling half-amusedly and his blue eyes are looking at her in such an intimate manner…
"And don't look at me like that!"
"Like what?"
"Like you've seen me naked."
"But I have seen you naked," Derek points out with a charming smile.
"I know that, but stop anyway! I refuse to be the dirty mistress!"
"Meredith… I'm getting divorced." This stops Meredith in her tracks, and she looks back at Derek.
"You're what?"
"I'm getting divorced. Right now, Addison and I are focused on dividing up our assets. I'm not too concerned with our monetary assets or the real estate, but the firm is… it's more complicated. But I'm getting a divorce, so you're not the other woman. You're not," Derek finishes.
"Yes, but I am your student." And with that, Derek's face falls. Even with his apparent divorce, Meredith can't risk this connection with her professor jeopardizing her career. 1L is too important.
"Yes, you are."
"So we can't do this. I can't see you, and you can't look at me like you've seen me naked, even if you have. All right?"
Derek stares at Meredith for another moment, before saying quietly, "All right." And when Meredith finally leaves, the resounding slam of the door closing behind her keeps repeating in her mind.
"Listen… I did the whole dating a professor thing," Cristina says. She and Meredith are strolling through the law school library, perusing the material. Cristina had had the idea to check out any books they thought were going to be important later in the semester, and just keep renewing them so other people couldn't read them. With Cristina's words, Meredith is reminded of their political science professor Preston Burke. They had been in the spring of their senior year of college when Cristina began dating the then assistant professor, after having a class with him in the fall. While it was frowned upon, it wasn't technically against the rules. Cristina and Burke's relationship was complicated, and if Meredith Grey, whose life was constantly in upheaval, thought their relationship was complicated? It was. And when Cristina became pregnant with Burke's baby right after graduation, Meredith was the one by her side at the abortion clinic. Burke and Cristina broke up soon after.
"I wasn't with Burke because he was my professor, I wasn't with him to get good recommendations for law school, and if you want to be with McDreamy, it wouldn't be because he's your professor. Any idiot would know that," Cristina says with a scoff, and Meredith appreciates the fact that Cristina can put aside her competitive tendencies and be Meredith's person.
But right now, Meredith really doesn't want to think about this, or talk about this, so she changes the subject. "How's Owen? Is he back from base?" Owen Hunt had served in the Judge Advocate General Corps for the past three years. Hunt, as both an Army officer and a lawyer, provided legal services to the army but now he was returning to Seattle. Owen had been offered the opportunity to serve as an Assistant US Attorney in Seattle. He and Cristina had gone out a couple times before he was called into duty, and Meredith still wasn't sure exactly what their status was.
"Not yet. He's scheduled to arrive in a couple weeks," Cristina says, shifting her gaze back to the row of books lining the shelves.
"You don't want to talk about it, about him." Meredith says; she doesn't need to ask.
"No, I don't."
"Ok, so we're not gonna be talk about boys anymore. We're going to focus on passing all of our classes, and we're going to be at the top of class by the end of the year. Ok?" Meredith turns to Cristina, a firm look on her face.
Cristina nods her head. "Damn right we are. Well, I'll be first, and you can be second in the rankings. So, how are the new roommates?"
"Well, April is nice. Maybe too nice," Meredith says, not needing to say anymore. After all, she and Cristina had earned the nickname and reputation of "The Twisted Sisters" in college. "And she's a bit uptight from what I can tell. Jackson is nice, as well, but he also seems to be pretty arrogant." And even though Cristina is her person, the one person Meredith tells all her secrets to, she decides not to make mention of the fact that Jackson Avery is the grandson of the legendary Harper Avery. She knows what it's like, being related to a phenom, and if Jackson doesn't want that information to get out yet, that's his prerogative. Jackson hadn't said anything to Meredith about his family, but growing up in Boston as Ellis Grey's daughter meant knowing the who's who's of prominent attorneys, and the Boston Averys? They were the elite. In fact, Meredith is pretty sure she met Jackson once at some function her mother dragged her to ages ago. When Meredith was going through her punk phase, Ellis stopped bringing her along.
"Well, we can fix that," Cristina says with a smirk. "When Pretty Boy is ranked below us by the end of 1L, his cockiness should drop a couple notches."
Meredith laughs. "If I was attracted to women, I'd marry you in a heartbeat. We'd be the most incredible married lawyers."
"It's true, we would. And I would marry me too."
Only two weeks had passed and the workload was already starting to get to the first years. The amount of reading they had to do for each of their classes was staggering. While each of them had been near the top of their class in undergrad, this was a whole other level. They were all terrified of being cold-called in class and not knowing the answer, including Alex, not that he'd ever admit it. He'd gotten through college on a wrestling scholarship, and still had a helluva lot of student loans to pay off. He couldn't afford to screw this up- literally. And so as the pressure mounted for everyone, Meredith's house was continually filled with tension.
"I didn't know one person's voice could be so annoying," Alex grates one morning after overhearing April and Jackson discuss one of the recent cases they had learned about in class over breakfast. He hadn't had his coffee yet, and Kepner's perky ramblings were starting to get to him. "Do you have to pay people to listen to you speak?" Startled, April looks down in hurt embarrassment, her cheeks growing red, and Jackson's eyes narrow.
"Shut up, Karev," Jackson punches Alex on the shoulder, and while Alex considers himself a tough guy (you don't become one of the winningest wrestlers in the Big Ten conference without being tough), he can admit to himself that it hurt.
"Jesus, what's your problem?"
Jackson is still glaring at him, and April's eyes seem a bit watery as she gets up from the table. "I- I have to go get my notes together before we go. I'll be right back," she says before rushing out of the kitchen. Jackson's eyes remain on the empty doorway for a moment before he resumes his glare.
"What?" Alex asks defensively. "Are you telling me that you don't find her voice annoying at all?"
Jackson sighs. "Do you want me to punch you again?"
"Not particularly," Alex shrugs. Alex's shoulder still twinges as he considers Avery and his muscles. "Were you an athlete?"
"Varsity three years in high school for football, basketball, and lacrosse, and I played college football. Safety and wide receiver," Jackson finishes with a confident smirk as Alex's mouth starts to open, as if he knew what he was going to ask. Jackson's not entirely sure what to think of Karev. They had for the most part not talked to each other, as Alex had been wrapped up with Izzie.
"Figures. Lacrosse is a rich kid's sport," Alex grumbles, putting his cereal bowl haphazardly in the sink as Jackson rolls his eyes.
"So, are you and Kepner banging?" Alex asks, walking back towards the table.
Jackson laughs. "Where did that come from?"
"I'm curious. Most guys only defend a girl like that if they're related or they're together, and you and Kepner aren't secretly brother and sister, right?"
"Me and April?" Jackson smiles, teeth glinting. "We're friends. That's all."
Alex looks skeptical for a moment. "Whatever you say. Anyway, did you hear about what happened in the Bears-Vikings game?" And with that, their previous animosity fades away as they start talking about sports. Alex still isn't quite sure what he thinks of the pretty boy, but now at least he knew Jackson would be good to watch a game with, which is more than Alex can say about O'Malley.
"My voice isn't that annoying, right?" April is on the phone with Reed as she prepares her bag for class in her room. Alex's words were bothering April like an annoying, painful itch on your back that you just can't reach. She appreciated Jackson defending her, even as she could tell he was growing closer to their roommates than she was. And so, while they are both busy with law school and med school, April is trying to maintain her friendship with Reed. She had never really had truly close friends before. In high school, she had focused on her studies and 4H, and while that was great when college applications came rolling up, the rest of the time? Let's just say April was never in contention for Prom Queen.
"No, it's cute. Well, at first, it could be a little annoying…" Reed's voice trails off over the phone. "But it grows on you. Over time."
April freezes in the middle of putting her planner in her bag. "Hey!"
"I'm just being honest!" Reed replies defensively. April shakes her head. While she has gotten used to Reed's candor, that too took some time to get used to.
"What's really going on, April?" Reed's concerned voice echoes from the phone.
"It's just- I'm not fitting in very well here, and the classes are hard," April's voice is low.
"Well, that's to be expected. You're in a transition period. So you'll transition, and everything will be fine. How's Jackson doing?"
"Oh, Jackson? He's great. He's fantastic. He's- ok, well for classes, he's also struggling a bit. But he's being his charming self and getting along with people, so there you go." April replies sullenly.
"And that's a bad thing?"
"No, it's not a bad thing, I'm just..." She falters and starts again. "I'm scared I'm going to be left behind, Reed."
"April, I'm sure that's not going to happen. Jackson is... Jackson. He can be shallow sometimes, but he's a good friend. He's our friend. He is. And even if he does get wrapped up in all this new stuff, you've got me. Always." April smiles. This isn't the first time she's thanked God for randomly assigning her to be Reed's roommate.
"Hey April, Meredith, Izzie, and I are going to study at the library this afternoon, if you'd like to come?" George peeks his head into her room, and April turns, her phone still pressed to her ear, and George's eyes widen at the sight. "Shoot, sorry," He says, backing down the hallway. April shakes her head, pressing her phone against her shoulder.
"No, it's fine, George, I'd... I'd love to come." And with that, April thinks that she's not going to be the only one left behind. She can find her way here too, even if it's through sheer will and her friendship with George O'Malley.
"We are throwing a party," Izzie declares. She, Meredith, George, and April are sitting in the library, working on their Contracts outlines. When Izzie had invited George and Meredith to study, she hadn't known George was going to invite April as well. Izzie was starting to suspect that her best friend was developing a little crush on the red-haired law student, and if he did? Well, it would be a lot healthier than his infatuation with Meredith Grey. The others look up in confusion. "At our place. There'll be drinks, and dancing, and it'll be fun."
A second year shushes them with a glare.
"Shh! See, I can shush people too. How do you like that?" Izzie hisses back.
"Focus, Izzie- we're throwing a party?" Meredith asks warily.
"Yes, I've decided. It'll be a good way to get to know other people in our year, and it'll be fun. We'll have fun." Meredith still looks doubtful, and Izzie says once again, this time in a more firm tone, "We will have fun, I promise."
Meredith's phone rings then, startling the group. A tense look appears on Meredith's face, her brows drawn and her lips pursed, before she excuses herself. George stares after her for a moment, before asking Izzie, "Do you know what that was about?"
"Can Jackson and I invite our friends Reed and Charles?" April asks. She never was the biggest party-goer, but between Jackson and the others, she'd feel a lot more comfortable in that setting with her friends there as well.
"Um…" Izzie hesitates, staring at Meredith's retreating back. "Sure! The more the merrier."
"Well, you did say the more the merrier," George says in an aside to Izzie. "Meredith's going to freak out."
"She won't freak out, right? I mean, she knew we were having a party…" Izzie looks around the house.
"No, she's going to freak out," Alex chuckles, taking a big sip of his Heineken. George, Izzie, and Alex are standing in the living room, surrounded by law students and other random Seattle Grace students. April and Jackson were standing next to a petite girl with short hair, and a tall dark-haired guy, laughing over drinks. "And she'll be pissed at you specifically."
"I was trying to do something nice for all of us. What has been up with you lately?" Izzie is tired of Alex's attitude; he has a tendency to lash out when he's stressed or upset about something, she knows this, but they were all stressed. It was 1L, it kind of came with the territory. But you didn't see her making other people feel uncomfortable.
"I'm going to get another drink!" George shouts over the music, eager to get away from the sudden awkwardness.
"No, stay George. You don't need to leave," Izzie begins, but she can hear the sound of the door opening even over the music.
"Izzie! Who are all these people?" Meredith exclaims from the doorway, her bag hanging limply over her shoulder as she looks past Alex and Izzie, gazing around her house. The bass of the speakers is thrumming, and people Meredith has never seen before in her life congregate in her living room, her entry way...
"Meredith! Hey! Well, you knew we were going to throw a party, and well- there's our section, and the first years, second years, and third years too…" Izzie trails off. "And apparently some masters students heard about it, and they wanted to come, and some med students?..." Izzie trails off at the look on Meredith's face. "And April invited some of her and Jackson's friends, so, if you want to blame someone… I'd look at her." Meredith sighs, brushing her bangs off her face. After awkwardly encountering Derek in yet another stairwell, and even more calls from her mother's extended care facility, Roseridge, she had hoped to come home to some peace and quiet, as she forgot about Izzie's party.
"She basically invited all of Seattle," Alex retorts. Meredith's brow creases in response to the tone. She knows Alex well enough that something's up with him beyond his usual sarcasm.
"Here, I'll pour you a shot," George leads Meredith across the living room, making his way to the makeshift bar that had been created at the beginning of the night, reaching back for a glass. "Trust me, you don't want to be in the middle of that." Meredith strides forward, grabbing the tequila bottle, taking a big sip from the bottle. "Or, you can drink from the bottle. That's cool."
"It's been that kind of day, George," Meredith says, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. "It's been that kind of day."
"So, you were kind of amazing in class today," Jackson says. He's tipsy, he's still aware enough to recognize that, but he's had a rough day, and Cristina's looking hot as they stand in a corner of the upstairs hallway. Charles had wanted to take a closer look at the crown moldings; as he drunkenly declared, "This house is a gem!" He's such a nerd, Jackson thinks affectionately, and Reed and April were still chatting downstairs. They were discussing Jackson's grandfather had called him that afternoon, telling Jackson that he planned to come visit him in Seattle soon, and while he ultimately loved his grandfather, Jackson wasn't looking forward to Harper potentially meeting his new classmates, or Harper's lectures about his future.
"I know I was," Cristina flips her hair back, bringing Jackson back to the moment. That kind of shameless self-confidence always gets him going.
He reaches one hand up, brushes a dark curl of hair behind Cristina's ear. Cristina is staring off, and when Jackson leans forward, brushing his lips against hers, once, twice, she doesn't immediately push him away. Jackson's hands settle on her waist, gripping her firmly, before Cristina breaks the kiss.
"I have someone. I have someone and I have a situation, so I can't be doing this," Cristina says abruptly, brushing past Jackson.
Jackson leans back, turning his head to follow Cristina's retreating back. "What the hell just happened?"
"I kissed her, but she said she's got someone and a situation. That's what exactly what she said. What does that even mean?" Jackson stands next to April, taking another sip of his beer. The party is still raging on, and the living room is packed with people, the crush of bodies making the room very warm.
April lifts her head up to peer directly into Jackson's eyes. She occasionally had had a drink while out with Reed and the others, but she's never been this drunk before. Reed had mixed drink after drink for April earlier in the night, telling April that she needed to lighten up. But then Reed met one of the second years from Seattle Grace Law, and April had found herself alone next to the bar.
"I have no idea what that means," April begins, her eyes wide, "But didn't I tell you? Did I not tell you not to go there?" She punctuates each word with a flailing hand hitting Jackson's shoulder, and he holds up his band to bat her off.
"I know, I know, ok?" he says exasperatedly. He admired Cristina's intelligence, and she was beautiful and sharp, but he didn't have any deep feelings for her. Still, it was never fun to be rejected. Jackson sighs. "Hey, I've still got you though, right?"
April laughs, staring up at Jackson affectionately, her formerly combative hands now patting him on his cheek. Jackson had noticed April had been feeling a little off lately, so he was glad she seemed to be feeling better. "Yeah, you've still got me." Just then, another song is queued up, and the thrumming beat spreads throughout the room. "I love this song!" April squeals excitedly, grabbing Jackson's hand and bringing him out on the dance floor as he trails bemusedly aftert her. I'm pretty sure April has never heard this song before in her life, Jackson thinks, smiling. April usually isn't a big drinker, and Jackson usually isn't a dancer. He knows he kinda sucks at dancing, so he doesn't like doing it in public. But right now, the music is pumping loudly and April's drunk, and when she starts singing along to the music and dancing, Jackson laughs again and starts dancing with her. "Will you tell me once again, how we're going to be just friends…" April sings. And Jackson's still laughing as he looks up and sees George joining Meredith and Cristina on the table. While Jackson has had his own share of being in the middle of two beautiful women, he's pretty sure this is O'Malley's first time. He can see from the corner of his eye that Izzie and Alex are arguing about something, and Charles is pouting in the corner as Reed flirts with some guy, but right now, he doesn't want to worry about any of that.
"Then I guess you can hang with me!" April finishes, singing little too loudly, her eyes sparkling, and while Jackson knows they're both going to regret tonight due to the massive hangovers that await them in the morning, and he knows that Cristina Yang and him were never going to happen, and 1L is still kicking his ass, and his family is crazy… But right now? Tipsy and laughing and dancing with April? He doesn't feel worried about a thing. In fact, at this moment in time, everything feels right.