Picking Up:

Chapter 5

Note: This chapter took a lot of work, and there are parts of it I'm still not fully satisfied with, so if it leaves anything to be desired, my apologies! I also didn't edit as thoroughly as I usually do, cause I was seriously ready to be done. If nothing else, at least it's longer than usual :)

Talia felt her heart leap at the love in that sleepy little voice, but a moment later the doubts crept in. Mama? Me? She'd never even had a mother, not that she could remember anyway; what did she know about being one? And yet… the love she felt for Sofie was like nothing she'd ever known; protective, simple, pure. She loved Susan, she knew in heart that she had never stopped, but it was complicated and confusing, utterly wonderful and completely terrifying. It had been the same with Jason, if not as strong; the same turbulence of feeling, the same worry it would fade, as it had in the end. That was the only sort of love she'd known, the kind you fear losing. But this… She didn't have to think about loving Sofie Ivanova, it was a simple fact of her life now. Whether she would love and want Sofie a year from now, or ten years, or fifty, wasn't a question; the only question was whether she would have a place in her life, and the possibility that she could lose these amazing people she'd only just found was the most frightening thing she could imagine in that moment.

All these thoughts passed through Talia's head in the few seconds she stood watching Sofie before she felt strong arms wrap around her from behind. Held that way, she felt so safe, and at least for the moment her fears melted away. She leaned against Susan, luxuriating in the feel of her body, and when those same arms turned her around the passion and love in Susan's eyes took her breath away. Their hands clasped and as they left the room is was impossible to say who was leading.

They walked hand in hand to Susan's room without a word, but the moment the door closed their mouths met, kissing with all the hunger they'd felt for weeks. They stumbled toward the bed and Talia fell back across it. Susan leaned over her with a predatory grin and Talia reached up and pulled her body down on top of hers, desperately needing to feel her. Susan smiled into the kiss as her hands began to roam, slipping under Talia's shirt and caressing the smooth skin of her stomach. After a few moments they pulled apart for air, and Talia's husky voice sent shivers through Susan as she murmured, "I want to see you."

Susan began to pull off her shirt, but then Talia's hands were on top of hers and the storm raging in her eyes told Susan she wanted to do this herself. Reluctantly Susan let go of the garment and forced herself to sit still as Talia removed her shirt; it had already been far too long since she'd felt Talia's lips against her own and her patience was rapidly disappearing. The moment the shirt was off she started to lean in, but she was stopped before reaching her goal by the soft hands sliding up her bare chest to unhook her bra. Susan could no longer resist helping and soon the bra had been flung away and Susan's lips were once again locked onto Talia's.

Without ever breaking the fierce kiss, Talia flipped Susan onto her back. She thrust her tongue into the woman under her over and over, claiming every inch of her mouth as her hands sought out the ample breasts lying just beneath her own. Talia's mouth captured Susan's moans as the blonde grabbed each nipple between her thumb and forefinger, twisting them to the edge between pleasure and pain. Suddenly hands and mouth were gone and Susan whimpered at the withdrawal of the contact. Uncertain why Talia had stopped, she searched the face above her for answers. She sensed Talia's hesitance, but the raw need in her eyes sent a wave of desire through Susan. "Take me," she growled, and it was all the permission Talia needed. She lifted her hips to allow the removal of her pants, and then Talia was inside her, body and mind. Three fingers plunged deep inside her over and over, and she could feel her own heated flesh surrounding Talia and yielding to her thrusts. The rhythm intensified as Talia's mouth came to her nipple, licking it lightly and relishing the tangy sweat before sucking hungrily. When she bit down none-too-gently Susan grasped her lover's hair tightly, in equal parts to keep from screaming and to hold Talia's mouth more firmly against her. As the hot tongue circled her nipple Susan moaned her lover's name. The response in her mind was a seductive purr. ~Mine.~

Suddenly Susan understood the hesitance and the need, the intensity of the fingers driving her mercilessly to the edge. Talia's dominance, though hot as hell, wasn't exactly characteristic of her interactions with the telepath. But tonight, Talia needed to possess her, to lay claim to her body as she already had to her heart.

Gripping the blonde hair more tightly, Susan pulled the head from her breast. Talia relinquished her prize only reluctantly, but her fingers continued their rhythmic thrusts as she allowed her head to be guided towards Susan's. Blue eyes sparkled in the dim light, but there was a tenderness behind the need. Susan brought Talia's mouth close to her own, so that when she spoke the simple word was felt as much as heard. "Yours," she growled before bringing Talia's lips to meet her own. There was no yielding in the word, no submission, no subservience; only pride. Pride that, at least for this night, she belonged to the woman she loved. A moment later Susan pulled back from the kiss, and with a predatory smile she nipped Talia's lower lip. "Mine."

Talia felt tears spring to her eyes as she smiled down at her lover. Well, *almost* my lover, she corrected herself. I think it's high time I finish the job.

Susan moaned as she felt Talia's fingers curl inside her, and her wetness increased at the sight of Talia's mischievous grin. As fingers resumed their thrusting, Talia began to kiss her way down Susan's body. She trembled with expectation as hot flesh neared hot flesh. Talia flicked her tongue over her clit, and through the ecstasy Susan could taste herself as her lover did. When Talia sucked the nub into her mouth, every nerve was on fire and melting all at once. Her hips arched to provide better access for the fingers that continued to thrust inside her, and as Talia curled her fingers and lightly bit down Susan felt herself explode. Talia's fingers slowly stilled insider her, but she continued to suck her clit until the waves of pleasure began to dissipate. Finally, Talia placed a gentle kiss on the swollen bundle before stretching her body out beside Susan, fingers still encased in soft wet flesh.

"You know, this whole situation is entirely unfair," Susan complained as she turned on her side to face Talia more fully.
"And why's that?" Talia asked suspiciously.

"You have entirely too many clothes on." She was rewarded with a throaty laugh that made her tingle.
"I guess we'll have to fix that."

Slowly, Talia withdrew her fingers one by and trailed them up Susan's body, leaving a sticky path of her own wetness against her skin. When finally Talia's digits reached her lips, Susan's tongue darted out to lick the tip of each before sucking the forefinger into her mouth. As she licked her own juices off her lover's skin, she relished the feel of Talia's shivers.

Finally Talia's fingers were clean and she began to reach for the buttons of her blouse, but Susan stopped her.
"My turn," the colonel stated firmly. Talia had thoroughly laid claim to her body, and she intended to return the favour with interest.

Later, as their sated bodies lay wrapped around each other, Susan noticed a small furrow in the other woman's brow.

"What are you thinking?" she asked gently.

"I was thinking about Sofie. About… what she called me," Talia answered awkwardly. Susan was hurt and confused by her discomfort; she had been so sure… She did her best to mask her sadness, but Talia wasn't fooled. She was tempted to rush to an explanation that would quell Susan's fears, but she knew Susan deserved her honesty, even her uncertainty.

"It was always hard for me to imagine being a parent, but after Control took over I was certain I would never… Even if I got myself back someday, too much had happened. How could I ever trust myself enough, much less anyone else ever trust me, to have a child? I had feared I wouldn't know how to be a mother, but after what Psi Corps—the only family I ever knew- did to me I was certain my chance was gone. And," she added softly, looking deeply into Susan's eyes, "the only woman I'd ever been able to imagine having a family with was gone from my life."
"You really… thought about that? Us?"

"Just once. I had a dream, the night before Control." Susan saw a long-held sadness in her eyes, but there was something else too; could it be hope? A part of her was jealous that Talia had had such an image to carry with her through the years they were apart, even though she could imagine what pain it had caused.

"I could show you," Talia murmured hesitantly. She seemed guarded in a way Susan hadn't seen her look since the day they found each other again; she could tell this mattered, but she wasn't sure why. She wasn't even certain which answer Talia wanted. As she lay there considering, Susan froze as she realized she'd never heard of a telepath showing an image to a normal—she didn't even think they were able to.

How long had Talia known? She felt the old panic start to rise, the old mantra start to chant in her head. Tell no one. Her heart started to race, but then she noticed Talia's hand lying beside hers. Talia's perfect, bare hand. She remembered the night, so long ago, when Talia had come to her quarters and taken off her gloves. When before that was the last time she had exposed herself that way? When had Talia last trusted someone the way she had trusted her that night?

Talia was asking for the same trust she had always had in Susan, and suddenly it was easy to give.

Susan laced her fingers through her lovers, and for the first time in her life she intentionally reached out to a mind not her own. ~Show me.~

Talia's eyes glistened and she leaned forward to place a soft kiss on Susan's lips. And then, Talia was inside her, and the images came like a movie inside her mind.

***Susan and Talia lay in bed, snuggled against each other as they slept, when a muffled cry came from the next room. Both women groaned as they slowly opened their eyes.

"I'll go," Susan mumbled, reluctantly removing the arm she had draped across Talia's hips and dragging herself from the bed. Talia watched her go through half-open eyes and pulled the blankets more tightly around her. The crying had already stopped, but Talia lay awake. The bed seemed to be growing and growing, and it was far too empty alone. Finally she got up and tiptoed down the hall, following the sweet sound of a Russian lullaby.

When Talia entered the nursery, her heart filled with joy at the sight before her. There stood Susan, holding their little boy and rocking him in her arms. Talia slipped her arms around her lover's waist from behind and standing on tiptoes rested her chin on Susan's shoulder. Peering down at her son, Talia reached out a hand to stroke his deep brown hair, just like Susan's, and he looked up at her with eyes that held more grey than blue. She stood there for a moment wrapped in love and the soft sounds of Susan's singing until the little eyes began to drift shut and Talia's opened. She was in Susan's bed back on Babylon 5, and as she reached out a hand the bed was too empty, and for just a moment she wondered if Susan was with the baby.***

Susan's mind was her own again and she felt a momentary disorientation as she pulled Talia closer to her, missing the warmth and peace she'd felt in Talia's dream. As Talia gently stroked her hair, Susan noticed her lover was on the verge of tears.

"Every night since then I've woken up reaching out for you. Even when Control… When she slept our minds blended just as they did before she took over. She never understood why she woke up that way, with my hand reaching across the bed that had never held anyone but her. Sometimes, in the half-second before the walls of my prison closed around my mind, I'd wonder where you were. I'd wonder if you were with our son, if you were holding him and singing to him. I thought of that dream so many times… At first it was something to hold onto, but the longer I was trapped the more it became a torture. It was a reminder of everything I would never have, everything we'd lost. We could never have that future; I could never be with you again; I could never be a mother… And now…"

"And now?" Susan prompted, barely daring to breathe.

"Now I've found you again. And suddenly there's this little girl who found her way into my heart, and I am terrified I'm going to mess it up. Because the truth is, I've never wanted anything as much as I want this. I've never…" Talia paused for a moment, swallowing the lump in her throat. "I've never felt like this before. Back at the Academy, I loved Jason, but the Corps was the center of both our lives, and I loved that he was a part of it and could guide me as much as I loved him for himself. And then there was you… You captivated me from the moment we met, and I was half in love before I even got a smile from you the first time. And then when you did smile at me… when we finally became friends it seemed too good to be true, and the night you kissed me I felt more drawn to you than I ever had to anyone. You were all wrong for me—you hated me, but I could never get you out of my head, and then you didn't hate me anymore. And then we were laughing together, spending time together, getting to know the people behind our labels. And I loved you, I really did. But we each kept ourselves separate. Jason and I never had secrets, simply because… we had no secrets to keep. I was young, and he was a Teep, and I had nothing to hide. My life was so much more complicated by the time we were together, and I never meant to keep anything from you but there were parts of my life, parts of me, that I couldn't share. And you always had your walls; the closer I got the more I realized that there were parts of you I couldn't reach. But now…" She reached out and stroked Susan's cheek, staring deeply into her eyes. "I see you and you see me, and the walls are gone. No more secrets. And you have this beautiful life here, with your beautiful daughter, and it's everything I've been too afraid to even hope for. You are everything I've been too afraid to hope for. I've been in love with you for 13 years, but somehow it's more now; there's something here, in this house with you and Sofie, that's been missing, I just haven't quite figured out what it is yet."

Susan pulled Talia tightly to her. Talia's arms wrapped around her waist and as her head came to rest on Susan's shoulder she felt a tear fall on her naked skin.

Susan thought about her own life, about the things that had been missing. When Sofie came along, her heart opened again, more fully than it had since long before her mother's passing—but Talia Winters already knew how to love. Talia had loved her, long before she had let herself start to love back. Even after her daughter was born, there had been things missing from her life; if she was honest, that had never really gone away completely, until now. Like Talia, she struggled to put into words what it was she had been without, but in that moment she knew that everything she had been missing was lying in her arms. What was it she had always tried to give Sofie, the things she herself had been without for so long that she wanted desperately to be sure her daughter always had? There was love, and affection, and time together; she did her best, but she always felt her little girl deserved more than she could give. What was it Susan had had as a child that she had spent the last 8 years trying to recreate?

For years Sofie had been the only thing besides EarthForce that really mattered to her. She cared about John and Delenn and David, and Stephen and Garibaldi, and the few friends she'd made since returning to Earth, but she lived her life for Sofie and for her career, and the truth was sometimes she was lonely. Not just lonely for a partner, but lonely for people other than Sofie to really share her life with, lonely for… family. At the back of her mind, never acknowledged until now, was the fear that two people could never be enough, that she alone could never be all the family Sofie needed. And what of her own needs? It had been so long since she'd even considered them. She tried to remember the last time she put herself first, and then the realization came to her: Sofie. She had put what she wanted above her career, above her fears, the day she decided to keep her baby.

Being a mother had seemed like the most terrifying choice she could ever make, but then all at once it was the easiest. She hadn't planned to get pregnant, hadn't ever thought she'd want to, and when it happened she was equal parts angry and frightened, but after weeks of indecision it hit her that this might be her chance to change her life, to be more than a uniform again, to let love into her life again. Before she knew it she couldn't imagine wanting anything more than the life growing inside her, and she fell head-over-heels in love the day Sofie Talia Ivanova was born. But since then she had lived for her child. She had no regrets, but she wondered if just maybe, it was time to think about herself again. To think about what was missing from her own life, not just Sofie's.

What was it that Talia gave her? What was it she felt when she held this stubborn, playful, loving woman in her arms? She felt love and warmth. She felt safety. She felt like here, in this moment and with this woman, she didn't have to be the strong mother or the stronger officer; she could be scared and it would be okay. She felt what she had always needed, and what Talia—lonely Talia who couldn't remember any life before the Corps—had always needed. She felt… ~Home.~

They had been silent for a long time before the word entered Talia's mind like a loving caress. She knew everything she wanted was in this house, that the love she felt here had been missing from her life for so long she hadn't even known the hole could be filled, but as she lay there wrapped in her lover's embrace her happiness was tempered with the fear that she wouldn't have a place here. With that one simple word, full of promises and hope, Talia's fears were laid to rest.

As they drifted off to sleep that night, arms wrapped around each other, Talia whispered, "Don't let me go."

For the first night in many years, Talia Winters slept through the night, never waking to wonder where her lover was.