Picking Up:

Chapter 6

In the morning, Susan's alarm sounded far too soon. Both women groaned at the same time, bringing them each to a fit of giggles. When their laughter finally stopped, Susan kissed Talia hungrily, and despite morning breath it was the best start to a day she'd had in a very long time. Finally she pulled back, then placed one final, lingering kiss on the other woman's lips before murmuring, "I'm coming home to you."

Then Susan jumped out of bed, forcing herself to move away from Talia before she was sucked back in. Never before had she been as sorry that she had work on a Saturday and couldn't miss her morning meeting. Dressing quickly, she refused to look back before she left the room, knowing if she saw Talia watching her, her resolve would crumble.

A few hours later, Sofie was sitting on the floor playing with her doll. Without looking up she suddenly asked, "Talia, do you have to leave soon?"

Talia immediately put down the newspaper she'd been reading and slid off the couch to sit near the girl. "Do you want me to?"

Sofie shook her head and was quiet. When she finally spoke again, she still wouldn't look at the woman beside her. "You could stay here, if you want."

Talia's heart fluttered. "I think Mommy might have something to say about that," she pointed out.

"Mommy likes having you here," she said simply. "So do I."

"Can I tell you a secret?" Sofie instantly perked up at that and finally looked at Talia, moving closer to hear what the woman had to divulge. "I like being here, and I wish I could stay. But I don't know if I can."

"I don't want you to go."

"Would you be very mad if I had to?"

"No, but…" She looked away again, idly twirling the hair on her doll. When she spoke again, her voice was quiet and sad. "You said family are the people who are always here for you. If you go you won't be here and we can't be family."

"Hey, look at me. I'm going to tell you something I've never said to anyone before, and I want you to promise you'll remember, okay?"

Talia's voice was sterner than Sofie had ever heard it, the usual playfulness gone. Being the child of a Colonel, she knew to pay attention to a tone like that. She sat up straighter and nodded, giving Talia her full attention.

"I love you. And if I have to leave, I'm not leaving you." Tears sprung to Talia's eyes when she felt the little arms wrap around her tightly.

"I love you too Talia," Sofie murmured, head against her shoulder. "I wish you could be my Mama."

Talia ached at the words, but she knew she felt the same. Being here with Susan and Sofie was the sort of life she had never known. For the first time she felt like she had a true family, and she would have given anything to keep it.

Susan had been distracted all through her morning meetings. She'd been meant to oversee a training exercise in the afternoon, but when midday hit she called her second in command and asked him to take control; there was no point in being there if she wasn't 100%, and Susan's heart was somewhere else already. She quickly gathered her things and headed home.

Susan seemed to be making a bad habit of listening in on conversations. When she walked into her house, all that was on her mind was finding her girls and finding lunch, but as soon as she entered the living room she was caught by the sight of her daughter and her lover. There was something so beautiful in the way they were together, their playful intimacy and genuine affection, that she couldn't resist the chance to just watch them together for a few minutes.

After only a moment she heard Talia's rich voice. "Can I tell you a secret?" She watched Sofie move in closer, and struggled to hear the next words. "I like being here, and I wish I could stay. But I don't know if I can." Susan frowned at that. The visit had always been temporary, but after last night she had thought things were changing. Had it only changed for her?

"I don't want you to go."

"Would you be very mad if I had to?"

"No, but…" Susan watched her daughter look away, and when she spoke again her sadness reflected Susan's feelings. "You said family are the people who are always here for you. If you go you won't be here and we can't be family."

Susan was floored by the words. Just last night she had heard Sofie call Talia "Mama," and thought about how much she wanted Talia in their lives, yet hearing Sofie's desire for family made it all more real—and it made her realize she'd been right all along to fear that she wasn't enough for her daughter. After the loss of her mother, then Ganya, and finally her father, she had thought family was something lost to her forever. Even on Babylon 5, where she had been part of a community and trusted and cared for those around her, she had kept herself apart, and she had never let herself think of anyone as more than a friend and ally. Family was forever, and what lasts forever in the real world? Talia's loss had shown her how little you could count on people to stick around in your life, even when you loved them.
But then Sofiie had come along, and suddenly family was a very real thing. Family was her daughter. She had made more of an effort to keep in touch with John and Delenn than she might have otherwise, wanting to give Sofie other people in her life, but she had always turned aside from the girl's desire to label them as part of their family. She hadn't wanted her daughter to experience the losses she had, to know the pains that sometimes come from family. But if David wasn't her cousin would it hurt any less if he died? If Sofie didn't call Talia 'Mama' would it break their hearts any less if she left them?

Susan was so wrapped up in her thoughts she nearly missed Talia's next words; had it not been for the uncharacteristic command in the other woman's voice she would have stayed in her own head.

"Hey, look at me. I'm going to tell you something I've never said to anyone before, and I want you to promise you'll remember, okay? I love you. And if I have to leave, I'm not leaving you."

As Susan watched her little girl hug Talia, she realized she wanted all those things said to her. This amazing woman that had come into their lives was so full of love, and she didn't want to lose that. She didn't want to lose her, not again. She had promised Talia she would come home to her, and she decided in that moment, watching the woman who had never truly left her heart falling for her child, that she didn't want that just for today.

Susan Ivanova was a woman of action, and her path was clear to her now. She headed back towards the door, hoping to leave without being noticed. As she left, she heard the words that she thought would make her heart burst.

"I wish you could be my Mama."

"Me too, dushenka moya."