MK Ladies' Food Challenges
Episode 1: 10 Mexican Pizzas
Challengers: Tanya and Jade
Place: Taco Bell
Kitana, Mileena, Jade and Tanya were in Edenia, discussing what they should do in Earthrealm.
Kitana: I got it!
MIleena: What is it?
Kitana: I say we do 'food challenges."
Tanya: Da fuck?
Kitana: What?
Tanya: Do we even know what Earthrealmers eat?
Mileena: Which is why we should go to Earthrealm to participate, see what they eat.
Kitana: So what do you think, girls?
Tanya: I'm in.
Mileena: Me too
Jade: Count me in.
The four ladies huddled up.
Kitana: How are we going to do this?
Jade: We need a vehicle, for one.
Mileena: We need to change our outfits too.
Jade: Good thinking.
Tanya: A place to live?
Jade: Definitely.
Tanya: Shall we do this?
They each put their fists together and bowed their heads. They're ready.
They all entered Earthrealm. Their first objective is to get a car. With the money they had, hey were able to get one. Their second objective is clothes shopping. Each of them got the outfits they need for the challenges. Third objective, a place to live. They found a apartment and got their stuff squared away.
Kitana: All right! We spent all day getting what we need. Who wants to start first? These challenges consist of two people chosen randomly.
Jade: I think Tanya and I should go first. We found this restaurant nearby and Tanya suggested we try these "Mexican pizzas" whatever they are. Whoever eats all the pizzas wins.
Tanya: About 6 of them, 3 a piece.
Kitana: Excellent! Go now, and good luck.
***INITIATE CHALLENGE- TANYA VS JADE***
Tanya and Jade went to a restaurant known as Taco Bell for their first challenge. Tanya is driving while Jade is in the passenger seat.
Tanya: So how many you want?
Before Jade replied...
Tanya: (Frustrated) This damn seat belt is cutting the fuck out of me, man!
Jade: Get about 6, 3 each.
Tanya: 3 each?
Jade: We're looking at about 3600 calories.
Tanya: I thought you wanted to make a fuckin' challenge, bitch?
Jade: Well, how many you want?
Tanya: Do 10.
Jade: 10 a piece?!
Tanya: 5 a piece. 10 Mexican pizzas.
Jade: I was thinking 6 a piece.
Tanya: That's 12. I don't wanna eat 12. Fuck it.
Tanya speaks to the manager via menu... thingy.
Tanya: Gimme, uh, 11 Mexican pizzas...
Manager: How many?
Jade: 12
Tanya: 11. I had breakfast before I came here.
Jade: Man, you cheatin' motherfucker!
Tanya: And give me 2 large Diet Pepsis.
Manager: Ok.
Tanya: That'll be all.
Manager: Your total is 46. 94.
Tanya: Thank you. I had breakfast earlier.
Jade: That doesn't count!
Tanya: So I'm supposed to eat a extra Mexican pizza?
Jade: You shouldn't have ate, bitch. That's your fault!
Tanya: I didn't know we was going to do a challenge.
Jade: What do you mean, you didn't know? We've been talking about this shit the whole day!
Tanya: You're getting kinda flaky.
Jade: (Sigh) You gonna eat 5, I'll eat 5. I'll give the other one to Mileena.
Tanya: That shit's gonna be cold.
The girls pull up at the window.
Jade: It's nice and cool out here. I hear it gets really hot like I'm talking mid-90s.
Tanya: Feels nice. Well, I got 11 Mexican pizzas on the way. I had breakfast before we came here.
Jade: It's gonna put us at least 3600 calories in one sitting.
Tanya: Hey, Jade. That's a hot ass outfit.
Jade: Kitana gave me this outfit. She asked me if I'm doing the challenges wearing this, I said 'yeah. I'm doing one with Tanya.' Besides, I look good in this outfit. Damn good!
Ten minutes later, the girls got their drinks.
Tanya: What kind of sauce you want?
Jade: Mild.
Tanya: You got mild and hot sauce?
Employee: Oh shit! Tanya and Jade from Mortal Kombat?
Tanya: That's right!
Employee: I like your DLC appearance. Shit's hot!
Tanya thanks the employee while she takes the Mexican pizzas to Jade's lap.
Jade: Let's park over there.
They parked in a spot with trees. Jade hands the pizzas to Tanya.
Tanya: Let's get a photo in before we eat. Let me break out the iPhone 6.
The employee arrived with 5 more pizzas.
Tanya: I forgot about those.
Now they have all Mexican pizzas.
Tanya: Give me 5. You got 6.
Jade: Oh, I see what you're saying.
Tanya: For the Instagram.
Jade: Hurry up! I wanna eat these bitches.
Tanya: Ok. Get in the shot here. Got it?
Jade is holding the pizzas by both hands.
Jade: Yeah
Tanya: Is that all?
Jade: Hurry the fuck up!
Tanya: Is that all?!
Jade: Yeah.
Picture taken.
Tanya: Ok.
Jade: Did it come out alright?
Tanya: I think so. Like that?
Jade: That's cool. You got a stupid look on your face.
Tanya: What? No I don't.
Jade: You were smiling like a idiot.
Tanya: Let's take it again.
Jade: (Irritated) Fuck me.
Tanya: Pick the pizzas up higher. Pick em up higher!
Jade: FUCK YOU!
Tanya: Pick the fuckin' boxes up, man!
Jade: Tanya, goddamn!
Tanya: Got it?
Jade: Take the goddamn picture!
Tanya: I'm goin' to, bitch. You ready, girl? Stop playing!
Picture taken again.
Tanya: That's clean.
Jade: Ok, Tanya. Take your damn pizzas.
They start eating.
Tanya: Interesting.
Jade: How is it?
Tanya: The way they made these...
Jade: Hey, um... you know what? They gave us all the pizzas and not one damn napkin.
Tanya: No napkins?
Jade: This pizza looks kind of... fucked.
Tanya finishes her first Mexican pizza.
Tanya: One down. Four more to go.
Jade: Can't believe you cheated, girl
Tanya: How am I cheating? I had breakfast before we left.
Jade: If we're gonna do this, we need to it together.
Tanya: You're the one taking binge breaks back home.
Jade: What are you talking about?
Tanya: I finish my shit before you...
Jade: You take binge breaks too!
Tanya: Yea, because of you!
Jade: Well don't take any more binge breaks.
Tanya: I ain't taking no...
Jade: I will take my binge break...
Tanya: I will too, bitch. Let's see who takes a binge break then.
Jade: Oh, I'll take my binge break, girl.
Tanya: Bet your punk ass gonna take a damn binge break.
Tanya: Man, this Mexican pizza is heavy as fuck.
Jade: It's loaded with protein.
Tanya: I will take some precautions on the way home. Pick up some Pepto-Bismol.
Jade: Man, I need some napkins!
Tanya: Use your stripper outfit.
Jade: Hell no. This shit is too clean. I don't like how they make these pizzas.
Tanya: What do you mean?
Jade: The cheese is not melted on top.
Tanya: You always complain, Jade.
Jade: No. There's too much cheese. Get outta my damn ear! It sounds a goddamn horse eating a apple.
Tanya laughs.
Tanya: You always bitchin' and complaining!
Jade: Naw, girl. They be fuckin' up! I oughta go back there and tell them, cuss them motherfuckers out! Trying to do a food challenge and they fuckin' the food up!
Tanya: Two down. I need a binge break.
Jade: Told you not to eat.
Tanya: I got 3 more of these. Usually, these things are light.
Jade: I told you. Look at all them cheese.
Tanya: It's melted, though.
Jade: That's too much cheese.
Tanya: Man, shut the hell up. What the hell does too much cheese look like? These pizzas are heavy as hell. Usually, these pizzas are very light. Now they are loaded up with protein. I bet you my fuckin,' insides will be burning like crazy. I ain't eating the rest of the day.
Jade: Me neither.
Tanya: I don't wanna even look at food.
Tanya: Hey, man.
Jade: What?
Tanya: Has anybody ever told you you got beautiful skin?
Both laugh.
Tanya: While we were clothes shopping, some guy came up to me and said that, thinking he was slick. You know what else he said to me? He asked me, "You know where all the money is at in porn?" I said, "No, tell me what type of porn pays the most?" He said, "Lesbian porn." I said, "Dude, get the fuck outta my face."
Jade: What is porn?
Tanya: No idea. How many you got left?
Jade: That's 3 for me.
Tanya: Why are you taking the cheese off?
Jade: I ain't taking all of it off. They tried to clog my damn stomach with all this cheese. Mexican pizzas ain't supposed to look like that?
Tanya: What's it supposed to look like?
Jade: I can't see the damn pizza with all this cheese.
Tanya: There's supposed to be cheese on it.
Jade: I know, but the cheese is supposed to be sprinkled and toasted, ok? This shit looks like a glob of shit on top.
Both laugh.
Jade: This pizza is also about this big, man. The fuck is going on? This is number 4 for me.
Tanya: Got a lot of beans on it too. I'm gonna throw all this shit up. You're gonna have acid reflux, heartburn, breathing complications, shit leaking outta your ass.
Jade: What are you...?
Tanya: You go to the emergency room, "What happened? What's going on?" "Doc, I ate 6 Mexican pizzas." "What?"
Jade: 6 Mexican pizzas.
Tanya: Why'd you do that, man. Why? WHY, MOTHERFUCKER!
Jade: Food challenge.
Tanya: What do you get out of this challenge?
Jade: The satisfaction of knowing I completed it.
Tanya: Bitch, get the out of here. I hope you die, bitch.
They laugh.
Tanya: Binge break. You finish that one?
Jade: Yeah.
Tanya: That's 3 down. I need a binge break. Got 2 left.
Jade: Binge break.
15 minutes later
Jade: Binge break over. Let's go.
Tanya: I ain't ready yet
Jade: Man, nothing's worse than cold Mexican pizza.
Tanya: True.
Jade: Especially when they load it up with cheese.
Jade: This is my last one.
Tanya: What you mean it's your last one?
Jade: I ate 4.
Tanya: Really?
Jade: This is gonna be the first challenge that I win.
Tanya: Man, wipe all that meat and beans off your face!
Jade: That's what happens when you have a eating challenge. This is my last one.
Tanya: Well, fuck, man. I had breakfast earlier. I had 4 as well. This is my 5th one.
Jade: Girl, come on.
Tanya: I had a chicken quesonato? Uh, quesenserto, fuck it!
Jade: The hell are you talking about?
Tanya: A nice burrito made with chicken.
Jade: That's breakfast?
Tanya: For me, at least.
Jade: They give you all these Mexican pizzas and not one damn napkin.
Tanya: This is number 5 for me.
Jade: I might actually beat you.
The race is on, but in the end, Jade takes the last bite.
Jade: I wins.
Tanya: Hold up, man.
Jade: Over 3000 calories in one sitting.
Jade takes a drink of Diet Pepsi.
Jade: Good thing you said 5 a piece. Think I'm gonna be sick.
Tanya: Done, man.
Jade: I'm not eating the 6th one.
Tanya: Why would you? You'll be sicker than a damn dog.
Jade: So, we ate 5 each, that takes to at least 2800 calories.
Tanya: I think it was more than that.
Jade: Well, one extra cheese.
Tanya: And extra beans.
Jade: You're right. That's over 3000 calories.
Tanya: Let's go ahead and close this one, girl.
Jade: (To the reader) It's gone, man.
Jade and Tanya: It's gone!
JADE WINS