From the Diary of a Damned Soul

by cariaudry

During his murder of Sebastian Verlac, Jonathan had recalled Valentine saying that once the Clave had been dismantled his mother, the other Jonathan, and Clarissa would be coming to live with them. When Valentine does defeat the Clave how will Clary, Jace, Jocelyn, the Lightwoods, and their Downworlder friends fare? Now that they're damned, what is their fate?

2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Jace

"How long can he keep us down here?" Isabelle asked, pacing the length of the cell from wall to wall. "It's been four days!"

"Isabelle, please, be quiet a moment," said Maryse, who was seated on the wooden bench that ran along three of the walls. "I'm trying to think."

"Think about what?" Isabelle shot back, looking mutinously over at her mother. "We're trapped in a cell in the Gard, waiting for Valentine to call us up and force us to drink from his Cup. It's not like we're planning some masterful escape."

"Maybe I'm just trying to plan the best way to keep my children safe!" she snapped back, and Isabelle's face went scarlet. Myrse went back to her furtive planning, Robert watching her with sad eyes.

"Izzy, let you mother think," Jace said, and drew Isabelle over to the opposite wall where he and Alec were resting. "She's not really used to…to this." He gestured around the miserable cell. Maryse, who had been head of the New York Institute, was clearly not accustomed to being imprisoned. Then again, he, Jace, was not used to being a captive either.

"I don't know what she thinks she's going to accomplish," Isabelle muttered, but she cast another long look at her mother, frantically running her hands through her hair and shaking her head hopelessly, and felt a stab of pity. "You heard what those other prisoners were saying; Valentine's been taking shadowhunters back up into the city and he only lets them drink from the Cup if they will bear his loyalty and obedience runes. There's no way out of it now."

Jace pressed his lips together. "He might have different plans for us, since your parents were part of his Circle, and because I'm his so-" Jace cut off before he said that dreadful word that had been haunting him for months. You're not his son, you're a Lightwood. "Your mom is just trying to plan for anything Valentine might have in mind for us."

Alec, seated beside Jace, stirred and spoke softly so his parents wouldn't hear him. "What do you think is going to happen to us, Jace? I mean, you lived with him for ten years, what do you think he's got in mind?"

"No clue," Jace shrugged, trying to ignore the fact that Alec was right: Valentine had raised him. "He's got to consolidate his power fast, order the Clave, and divvy out positions to his followers. There is a lot of work that has to get done in a short amount of time, and he might not have made any plans for us. I mean, we're just one family."

Alec still seemed concerned. "Yeah, but you're, well, Jace, you're practically his son. He sent Jonathan after you, didn't he? Valentine seemed very interested in you."

Jace looked away. "Well, he doesn't have to be interested now, does he? He's got his half-demon son, his half-angel daughter, and his wife." Jace sounded a little bitter at the mention of a daughter, but his face remained removed.

"You're half-angel, too," Alec pointed out and his gaze swept over Jace. "He might want you, too, just so he can have all the powerful shadowhunters with him."

Jace kept his face turned away from Alec because he didn't want his brother seeing the swift look of worry that crossed his eyes. Part of him was very scared that Valentine would go looking for him, and that in his hunt, he might hurt Jace's family. "Well, we'll find out eventually. Like Isabelle said, there's no way out now."

Isabelle plopped down before her brothers and she look determined. "If Valentine tries anything with you, Jace, we'll stop him, won't we, Alec?"

Jace smiled at Isabelle's anger. "Thanks, Izzy, but I don't know if you're in the position to be fighting my battles, especially against Valentine."

"You're my brother," Isabelle said firmly. "I've already lost one, and I won't lose another, not even if it means fighting Valentine. We'll stand together."

Jace relaxed against the cold wall, taking a little comfort in his family. He hadn't known how much Isabelle cared about him, and how much he cared for her, up until he felt Isabelle's arms around him, pressing her shaking body against his battered one the night Valentine made his pact with the Angel. He couldn't move as his hands had been tied up to the horse, but he leaned against her anyway trying to relax.

Isabelle had begun frantically sawing at the ropes bonding him to the horse, and Jonathan snapped around, making a violent shooing gesture at Isabelle. Jace turned to see what Valentine was doing, but he was too busy, speaking in a low, hushed voice to Jocelyn. Isabelle batted Jonathan away, but he swung around and struck her across the face. Isabelle fell into the muck and blood of the field, and Jace, in a panic, began tugging fitfully on the rope to stop Jonathan hurting his sister.

Jonathan smirked at Jace and jerked the rope holding Jace so he toppled forward into the mud. By the time Jace got his feet, Jonathan was advancing on Isabelle, but Alec suddenly emerged, freed Jace, and the two managed to overpower Jonathan and get Isabelle out of Jonathan's reach. It was a short lived victory, though, since Valentine had Maryse and Robert at the point of his sword. They had surrendered quickly, and, for his pains, Jonathan punched both Jace and Alec solidly in their sides.

Afterward, there was much confusion, but Valentine's demons and loyal shadowhunters rounded up the armies. They were led away, forced at sword point back into the city and up to the Gard, where they were forced into cells. Four days later, the Lightwoods hadn't heard word yet from Valentine, but they knew their own day of reckoning was coming shortly.

A sudden scream of terror echoed down the hall outside their prison cell. Jace jumped by up by instinct, Alec and Isabelle a beat after him. On the other side of the cell, Maryse and Robert looked up, their eyes sharpened like razors. Cautiously, Jace approached the door and peeked through the small, barred window set in the stone. At first, he saw only the stone hall, dotted here and there with other cell doors and torches. Then, from the darkness at the end of the hall, two figures appeared, shadowhunters from the marks on their arms, and between, walked three pale-faced people.

Jace recognized the delicate face and dark eyes of Aline Penhallow, flanked by Jai and Patrick. They were being taken to meet their fate at Valentine's feet. Aline looked ill, like she was about to be physically sick. Her eyes darted frantically around the hall, as if trying to find someone or something that might save her from Valentine. As they drew level with the Lightwoods' cell, Aline's eyes found Jace's face, and he saw fear cloud up her gaze and then she and her parents were marched away.

"It was the Penhallows," Jace said hollowly. "They were being taken to meet Valentine and take their oaths."

Isabelle and Alec shared a panicked look, but Maryse gasped. "Jai and Patrick were being kept only ten cells down from here. They'll be to us by tomorrow."

Jace swallowed loudly and went back to his place on the bench between Alec and Isabelle. Robert, who was still in shock from the death of Max, stared up at the three children across from him, and he found himself confused at the sight of Jace sitting between his two children. Part of him wondered for the first time who this boy really was; they had taken Jace in when he was ten, but seven years suddenly didn't seem like enough time to know Jace.

The family stayed like this for the rest of the night. Around one in the morning, Isabelle finally succumbed to sleep, and she curled up, using Jace's lap as a pillow. Alec didn't sleep, but he seemed to lean against Jace, as if drawing strength from the presence of his brother and parabatai. Jace, for his part, took great comfort in the feeling of his siblings.

Through the night and into the morning, more and more groups of shadowhunters were taken down the hall, not to return. It seemed that there was no way out, no escape, and it began to feel like a weight resting on the Lightwoods. When a patch of daylight shone through the small window level with the ground in their cell, Alec released an audible sigh. They waited, though they didn't know what for.

A loud grinding told them all that their time had come. Maryse and Robert rose, ready to defend their children, and Isabelle stood before Jace, determined to keep her promise to protect him. The door creaked loudly and they all tensed.

"You don't need to rise for us," drawled a voice that Jace knew only too well.

"Valentine," Maryse said, lifting her chin, ready for what he had to say. "I'm surprised you would come to see us personally, and not just wait till we were brought before you."

Valentine smiled coolly and then gestured for Jonathan to come in. There was a tense moment between all present while Jonathan smiled pleasantly around, and then Isabelle threw herself at Jonathan, snarling like a lion.

"You, you cowardly, pathetic dic-"

"Isabelle!" Alec yelled, and grabbed her, swinging her around.

But Valentine just laughed and Jonathan smiled serenely. "We're not offended. Anyway, Maryse, you asked why we're here. You will find it was my custom to visit all my former Circle members, and offer them my blessing. You and Robert were follows of mine once-"

"Until you murdered our son!" Robert roared.

"A tragedy," demurred Valentine. "But no reason for you to die; it would hardly serve the boy's memory if you were to perish. I offer you a future."

"We don't want your future," Maryse spat.

"Then I'm going to offer you the alternative," shrugged Valentine, his eyes dark but sure. "You will drink from the Cup, and so be saved from becoming a Forsaken, but you will then be stripped of your runes."

Robert's eyes widened. "That's the alternative?"

"It is a privilege I have extended to my Circle members. If you will not follow me, you will not be made a Forsaken, simply a human slave." Valentine's eyes roved over to Jace, who was staring at him in horror. "The choice is yours."

"I won't pander to you," Robert growled. "I would rather be dead."

"I won't kill you," Valentine said firmly. "I am not interested in spilling more shadowhunter blood. The choice as I've given it is yours. Now, I find I must have a quick discussion with Jace."

Jace had been expecting this, and his stomach did a minor flip when both Valentine and Jonathan's eyes turned on him. "I don't think I'm that interested in talking with you."

"Unfortunately, Jace, it's not your call to make," answered Valentine. "When you go to drink from the Cup, you will not return with the Lightwoods. I have other plans for you."

"I'm staying with my family," Jace replied swiftly.

"The Lightwoods are not your family," Valentine answered, smiling just a little. "In fact, in a few days, the name Lightwood will cease to exist. Robert and Maryse will no longer be members of the Clave, and Isabelle and Alec will go to another family. You, however, will come with me."

Jace blinked and shared a look between the Lightwoods, and he saw that though Myrse and Robert had paled at Valentine's statement, they seemed resigned to their fate. "If Alec and Isabelle are going to be adopted, I'm going with them. You can't split us up, anyway, I'm Alec's parabatai."

Valentine's eyes sparkled maliciously and he and Jonathan shared a swift victorious look. "I meant to discuss that business with you, Jace."

"There's nothing to discuss," Jace said firmly, and he automatically listed toward Alec. "Since I was eleven, Alec and I have been parabatai; it was witnessed by the Clave and we bear the runes."

"I'm aware," said Valentine blankly, "but the word of the previous Clave bears little consequence here. Now, you must understand why we have a problem, Jace?" When Jace stared defiantly back, Valentine only raised an eyebrow. "Your parabatai is an undesirable member of the Clave given his…orientation."

Alec couldn't help but blush and he dropped his eyes shamefully; across from him, Robert smiled encouragingly at his son. Jace, though, simply shrugged it off. "I don't care that Alec is gay, he's still my parabatai."

"You don't care, but I do," Valentine answered. "I won't have my son paired to some-"

"I'm not your son!" Jace snarled, and he rose to his feet, his face flushing angrily for Alec. "I'm not your son, I'm not going with you, and Alec Lightwood is my parabatai."

Alec felt his jaw hanging open just a little at Jace's outburst; he saw that Valentine, too, seemed shocked. Maybe he thought Jace would fall in line now that he had won, maybe no one had ever spoken to him like that, or maybe he was just so used to an obedient son that one who yelled back at him was unheard of. Whatever the reason, Valentine couldn't voice his surprise.

"Well, there you have it, Valentine," said Maryse, standing and drawing his attention away from her children. "None of us are going to concede to you; you might as well go now."

"I'm not through here, Maryse," Valentine said coldly, and his eyes roved back to Jace. There was an odd look in his eye, some strange hunger that wanted to consume Jace. Instinctively, Jace tensed, ready for a fight. "You're choice about coming with me is already made, Jace. However, because you are my son, and because I don't wish there to be any hostility between us, I'm going to make you an offer."

"I don't want to hear it," Jace answered, turning away.

"Trust me, Jace, you do, because it could mean the difference between life and death for your little parabatai." Valentine waited for Jace to answer, but he didn't, so Valentine continued. "Regardless of what you feel or want, I will not allow you and Alec to be parabatai. Now, as I'm sure you're aware, there are a few ways to go about severing the bond."

Jace felt a cold sweat break out on his hands and he swallowed loudly, waiting for his fate to fall. "I won't let you do this."

"Yes, you will," snorted Valentine, drawing nearer to Jace. "You can voluntarily allow me to sever the connection and strip you and Alec of the rune that binds you, or, I can execute him, and the bond is broken because he is dead. It's your choice, really, but I think, if you're as loyal and true to your family as you claim, you will not allow Alec to die."

Jace felt his stomach drop out, and beside him, he felt Alec go cold. He can't, he won't…the amount of pain it would cause to sever our bond, not to mention the risk of harming us psychologically, is too great.

"Jace, I'm going to need an answer," Valentine said, but his voice was distant.

Frantically, Jace was going through every possible route of escape. He couldn't refuse Valentine point-blank, because then he would kill Alec. But, he couldn't agree, because he and Alec would be severed. There had to be some middle ground, some way of convincing Valentine that he and Alec should remain parabatai; after all, it never boded well for the two who shared the bond if they were split. Often times, to harm one was to harm the other, and severing that link suddenly could drive one of them mad; they needed to be bonded.

"You could hurt us," Jace warned carefully, shooting a look to Alec, whose face was still bowed. "If you sever the connection, I mean. It could make us sick, or even drive us mad; once two are bonded, we're meant to live that way."

"Bonded?" Valentine's lips quirked up. "Yes, I know, and I don't plan on risking your sanity or health for it either. I already have another parabatai in mind; one I have hand-picked and will be worthy of you."

Jace paled. "What about Alec?"

"I don't care about Alec. I would just as happily see him dead as alive; his kind doesn't belong in the Clave. The only thing that can keep him alive now is you."

"Who-who would I be bonded to?" How can you ask that? How can you even consider letting Valentine separate you and Alec? "If I agreed to it, who did you pick to be my parabatai?" For a horrifying moment, Jace thought he was going to say Clary's name, and he felt another wave of sickness. Parabatai couldn't be lovers, and now that he knew he and Clary weren't siblings, she was all he really wanted.

"Jonathan," he answered simply.

"No." Jace's eyes widened and he felt Alec stir, sitting up and staring daggers at the boy who had killed his brother. "No. No! I won't be paired with that thing you call a son, not after what he did to my family. You can split Alec and me up, but I won't be bonded to him."

"It's not your decision to make, Jace," Valentine said curtly. "Your decision is whether or not Alec lives, and you may make it now."

He didn't know it, but Jace had moved back until he was pressed up against Alec. It was natural for him, almost like breathing, to look to his parabatai for support. Somehow, feeling Alec beside him, feeling the heat his body gave off and hearing the beating of his heart, was like a balm on Jace's nerves. Then, the thought of losing all of that hit him, and it almost doubled him over.

"Kill me," Alec said when Jace couldn't answer.

"What?" Valentine asked politely at the same time Isabelle cried his name.

"Kill me, right now," Alec repeated. "I'd rather die bound to Jace and live without him. Besides," and here he lowered his voice, "if I die still bound to Jace, you won't be able to completely break the link. You can't strip him of the rune, just add a new one."

Valentine's eyes narrowed and Jonathan's lips curled up. "If you'd prefer it that way, Alexander, I think we can certainly oblige you. Jonathan, would you mind terribly?"

"Always a pleasure." And, before Jace could move in his defense, before Alec really had time to think of what he had said, Jonathan had lunged at him, catching him by surprise and throwing him against the wall of the cell.

Isabelle screamed, jumping to her feet, and Maryse, throwing aside any dignity began pleading with Valentine to spare her children. Jonathan pinned Alec against the wall and twisted his arm till the other boy gasped in pain. Jace was up on his feet, but he was frozen as a battle took place inside him. Alec wanted to die, really wanted it, and who was Jace to deny him his final wish? He could feel it, could feel Alec's passion to die as Jace's parabatai and his fear to live as just a shadowhunter. Jace knew he would rather it be that way too; he wanted to be Alec's parabatai until he died. But, standing there, watching while Jonathan took sick pleasure in Alec's withering, moaning body was tearing him apart.

"Stop it, please, for the love of the Angel, stop!" Isabelle cried. "Alec, just let it go! You don't need to die for this."

"Valentine, make him stop," Maryse pleaded. "He's just a boy and he doesn't know what he wants. Please, spare him!"

Valentine's eyes moved over to Jace, who was just standing there, looking like a rabbit in the eyes of a predator. He couldn't move, but every part of him was screaming for it. "Jace, you can end this," Valentine reminded.

"Think it's glorious, do you?" Jonathan spat in Alec's ear, leaning his elbow into Alec's spine. "Think dying like this will make you something other than a filthy coward? It won't. You're going to die like an animal. And when it's over, when you're body is fed to the hounds, Jace is still going to be mine." Alec squirmed and tried to break his hold. "When Jace is my parabatai, things will be different. You couldn't keep him in line, but I will. I'll be a good older brother, the one he should have had-not some freak like you. While you die, think of that; think of Jace being my little brother."

Alec felt Jonathan cut off his air with his forearm, and he knew he was going to die now. He tried to wriggle a little, it was just the natural instinct to survive, but he knew he had to die. It was the last thing he could do to help Jace, to help his family. The last thing he could do to fight Valentine. Darkness clouded over his vision and he felt his head inflating like a balloon.

"Wait, no!" Jace had turned to Valentine, and he worked his voice around his pride. "Don't kill him-please. I'll do it; I'll let you strip my runes and I'll-" This is the only choice, this is the only way to save him; just swallow your pride and give Valentine what he wants. "-I'll be Jonathan's parabatai."

"No!" Alec rasped as Jonathan pushed down on his windpipe. "Jace, don't…"

"I'll do it," said Jace again this time with more force. Valentine continued to smile at him and he felt his heart beat faster, panicked. "What do you want me to say? I'll do it, I'll be Jonathan's parabatai instead; listen to me!"

"I am listening, Jace, but you must understand why I have trouble trusting you after your recent betrayal," Valentine said calmly.

"I'll swear it to you," Jace said as Alec's face turned purple. "Is that what you want? I swear on the Angel I'll let you strip my rune and I'll be Jonathan's parabatai!"

Valentine tipped his head. "Jonathan, please stop."

Jonathan released his hold on Alec regretfully and Alec slumped down the wall, gasping for breath. He rested his head against the wall, taking deep breaths, and slowly, his eyes moved to Jace, who was staring at him with a burning look. "You can't, Jace…"

"I'm sorry, Alec," said Jace firmly, "but I can't let Valentine do this. I don't want to be responsible for the death of my other brother."

"Noble sentiment," purred Valentine, drawing up behind Jace and laying a hand on his shoulder. "I'm very happy you've decided to be mature and reasonable about all of this, Jace. I know it can sometimes be hard to lose people."

"You don't know anything about losing people," Jace spat at him, turning about to face him. "You have everything you ever wanted, don't you? You have your wife back and the Clave and all your pathetic little followers. And I'll go with you, but you don't get me."

"I think you'll find you're mistaken," said Valentine, and his voice was eerily soft. "I don't have everything I want yet, but you're going to help me with that, Jace." Valentine held Jace's gaze for a moment, and Jace had the distinct impression that he was evaluating him, sizing him up for something, and he knew he didn't like the feeling. "Tomorrow, when the Lightwoods are taken to drink from the Cup and be marked, we will remove the rune, and you will stay with me afterward. As for Isabelle and Alec, they will be placed in a new home."

"I'm eighteen," Alec rasped from his place on the floor. Valentine flicked his eyes over the boy, politely confused. "I'm eighteen, I'm an adult; Isabelle can come and live with me."

"Live where?" snorted Jonathan. "It's not like you've got a house."

"Jonathan," Valentine warned. "While it's true you are eighteen, Alexander, I'm going to be making a few changes to the Law, namely, that a shadowhunter stops training and comes of age when they're twenty-one. Until that time, you will need to be placed in a foster home."

"Twenty-one?" Isabelle demanded. She would have been eighteen in a matter of months, so adoption seemed almost pointless to her.

"I've found that the education system is poor and needs fixing, and since I can't send all the active shadowhunters back to school, I will change the Law for the most recent generation. Hopefully, but the time you are twenty-one, you'll be a proper shadowhunter."

"Isabelle is a proper shadowhunter," Jace whispered.

"Not the way I see it," Valentine shrugged. "Now, if you'll excuse us, Jonathan and I have business to attend to. Until tomorrow then."

Valentine left but Jonathan lingered, smirking all over at Alec, who looked ill and Isabelle who was in outrage. As he passed by Jace he paused and gripped his left arm, the arm that bore the parabatai rune. He squeezed until Jace gasped. "See you tomorrow, little brother."

With those last words, Jonathan and Valentine left, closing the door softly, the lock clicking into place. Jace stared after them though they were gone, and he felt as if when they had left, they had taken his breath with him. After almost a minute of silence, Jace gasped and fell back against the wall, shaking, and sagged to the bench. His eyes were empty and unseeing, and though he knew there were others watching him, he couldn't bring himself to care.

I can't believe I did this, I can't believe I agreed to do this. He's going to take my family away, my brother…Jace shuddered and, and, unable to take the reality facing him, drew his knees up and, rested his forehead against his knees, and wrapped his arms about his legs.