Dirty little secret

Chapter two

I can feel it in my bones, in my blood, clouding my head. I really don't want to wake up; maybe if I just keep sleeping it'll go away? Who am I kidding; it'll never go away, it's here to stay. I open my eyes to the dim light of the bunk room, I turn my head to the right like I do every day and look at the still sleeping Zoro. I gaze at him for a while, since I've woken up earlier then I should have again. He is masculine beauty at its finest, strong muscled body, deep voice that vibrates pleasingly in my brain whenever he speaks. He has the longest eye lashes I've seen on a guy, sun tanned skin and a strong jaw.

I close my eyes and breathe deeply, hold it for a long moment before I let it out in a quiet hiss through my nose. 'I really have to stop that, its sick, wrong, dirty, to think of him like that.' I rub my hands over my face, swing my legs over the hammock to get my tired, fed up body ready for the day. I make my way to the kitchen and start cooking breakfast, I know I'll seem off today but it can't be helped, not when I've let it go on this long again. I won't be able to avoid it tonight, I should be glad we are coming up to a town in a few hours. I am glad, but at the same time I'm sick to my stomach over it. 'I can't keep thinking about it, I just have to focus and get through this day as quickly as possible.'

A while later the crew starts to file in with Luffy at the front eager as always for the food. Seeing him so happy as he bounces around in his seat does bring a real smile to my face. I can feel eyes on me as I serve the ladies their food and it makes me tense. I know the feeling of that gaze; I really wish that bastard would stop eyeing me like that. 'He really has no idea what he does to me,' I internally kick myself at that thought and make my way stiffly to my seat. I glare up at the mossy idiot and my breath catches, he is looking directly at me, right in the eye. I see he's decided to forego the top of his robe this morning; I'm blinded by his perfectly muscled, sweaty body full view in broad daylight. 'Definitely not good for my health,' I quickly look down at my plate as I feel the blush stain my cheeks, 'God damn idiot.'

There's not a lot of greater feelings then the feeling of being up very high in the sky, with the wind whipping you in the face and a long drop below your feet. We just made anchor at the town and I'm still up in the rigging. I look down at the deck and see the Marimo squinting up at me; I jump, landing gracefully directly in front of him. I feel a smirk forming on my lips at the mildly impressed expression he's got on his face.

Taking out a new cigarette I glance up at him, "Well I'm off to get the shopping out of the way now before it gets busy in the town, you need anything?"

His eye narrows at me quizzically before he responds, "No I don't think I do, I'll just wait till we all go into town later for drinks. You going to stay back on the ship tonight?"

I start and quickly look up at him, he's just staring back at me his face giving away little emotion. 'The fuck,' I clear my throat, "Well, yeah I guess I will. I don't mind, it's nice to have time to read or write out new recipes in peace." I give him a small wave before I quickly make my way to the cart stored on the ship, and go into town to get the supplies we need.

The town is pretty nice, seems relatively clean and filled with well-mannered people. It takes a couple hours to get all the supplies we need plus a few extra things I got for myself. I make my way back to the Sunny and park the cart just on the dock below. "Oi, I need some help over here!" I yell out to whoever is available up on the ship. In just a few short moments I see Franky peek his head over and wave down at me follow by the ever present scowl on Zoro's face. They both help me get all the supplies on board in quick time.

As I'm sorting it out Nami comes on deck from her room and hollers excitedly, "Ok is everyone ready to go to the bars now!?"

The crew all cheers excitedly, I sigh inwardly then plaster on a big fake smile, "I'll stay behind tonight and guard the ship, you guys go on ahead and have a good time. Luffy try not to piss off too many locals!" Most of them seem to accept this without any care, but I see Zoro regard me levelly, I turn about and make my way into the kitchen to finish unpacking the supplies.

It's gotten pretty dark by the time I finished unloading everything and putting everything in its place. I make my way down to the bunk room and head straight for Zoro's bunk. I open the top drawer to find his meager clothes as well as what I'm looking for, his spare bandana. I gently pick it up and bring it close to my face and inhale deeply. It smells just like him, warm sun, sharp steel and sweat. I take it with me and head back out onto the deck to check one final time that no one is around before I begin. Satisfied that no one will be back anytime soon, I head into the kitchen and lock the door behind me. I place the bandana on the table next to the bag of supplies I got for myself earlier.

I take out the two items from the bag and run my fingers over the biggest item. It took a long time to find a town that sold this; I think I got lucky this one did. I bought a sex toy for myself, a dildo; it comes with a suction cup on the bottom so you can stick it to a wall or the floor without it falling off or over. The other item is just some lubrication; I had finally run out of what I had been using and needed to restock. I just hope this will be the thing that will give me some satisfaction, recently I haven't been satisfied enough and it makes me on edge. When that happens I start thinking about him too much, I start to slip up. I wind up staring at him for too long or blushing easily around him. It's sick; I know he'll detest me if he ever found out, hell if any of them found out. I wouldn't blame them; I know I'm fucked up.

Regardless, this is the one time I find a short amount of pure bliss. So I'll leave behind the self-hate, deprecation until it's over and the cycle repeats itself again.

I begin by turning off the lights and lighting up just a few candles, I place one on the floor and two on the table. I strip down to nothing and place my clothes on the table in a pile away from the candles, tossing my cigarettes and lighter on the floor. My skin prickles with goose bumps as it's a little chilly. I take the items on the table and place them on the floor; I then settle myself on my knees and take a deep breath to clear my head.

I stick the toy to the floor and make sure it's secure, and then place the bandana over my eyes so the cloth is wide enough to cover the tip of my nose as well, so I can still smell the scent permeating from it. I reach out and feel for the small bottle, and squeeze some of its contents on to my fingers. I sit down on my rear, leaning back a bit. I lift up my right leg and bring my knee close to my chest and start to finger my entrance. I lose myself in the sensation of how it feels and the smell of Zoro. I envision myself with him instead of being alone; those are his fingers stretching me open instead of my own. It feels so good, to just forget everything around me and give myself over to this sick and twisted pleasure.

Once I'm able to get three of my long fingers inside up past the second knuckle I sit back up and squat on my feet. I feel for the bottle again and reach out for where I stuck the toy to the floor. I generously apply the lubrication to the toy and stroke it to make sure it's covered. I position myself over it and lean back slightly using my left hand to support myself. I then use my right hand to guide the toy to my entrance. I take another inhale of the intoxicating scent before I ease myself down slowly onto it.

It's been a few weeks so the feeling of the head of the toy pushing through the muscled ring causes a yell to escape, louder then intended but I just don't care about that anymore. Once it's past that ring I'm able to fully sit myself on to it all the way to the base, I moan deeply as it brushes past my sweet spot and bit my bottom lip. 'This is exactly what I needed,' I give myself a few moments before I continue so I can relax my body further.

After a few moments I spread my legs wider and lift up only to slide back down again reveling in the sparks of pleasure that run up my spine at the action, I let my head roll back as I moan. I start fucking myself on it in earnest, not stopping for even a moment, letting the pressure build and mind slip fully away, allowing only carnal pleasure to cloud my senses.

Before I realize it I'm already grasping my leaking cock and begin stroking it, so close to the edge it takes but a number of tugs before a white light explodes in my vision behind the blind fold and I'm lost in the bliss of an orgasm that only comes from letting myself completely go.

I collapse onto my side and lay there for a moment, catching my breath and letting the high die down. I roll onto my back, tug the blind fold down to my neck and just space off for a while. I turn my head to the side and pick up my cigarettes, light one up, let the dim light and silence envelope me.

"I wonder how long I'll last this time." I sigh and hope this dirty little secret stays a secret.

To be continued