Dirty little secret

Chapter 4

It's been a couple of hours since I saw Sanji doing something I never thought I ever would. 'I didn't think that shitty cook was that much of a pervert!' I stomp my way around the beach as I give him time to put himself back together as well as to avoid suspicion. 'I've never really made it a habit to find Bed Company and I sure as shit have never seen anything like that up close! It was so dark I couldn't really see what he was even doing, but it looked like he was doing something I've only heard about. Anal I guess is what it is, I've heard those types of guys talking about it but I've never seen it. It always sounded unpleasant and was something to be laughed at. But it sure sounded like he was enjoying it, but why would he; I thought he was a ladies man!'

I rack my hands through my hair in frustration as I get back to the Sunny and head straight for the bunk room. 'I just need to sleep this off and forget about it all.' I peek into the room and check to see if he's in there, luckily for me he's nowhere to be seen. I immediately strip down to my boxers and flop into bed, determined to sleep and hope I forget everything I saw tonight.

What feel like just a few hours later I'm woken up by a rustling sound, I crack my eye open and am met with someone leaning over and messing with my nightstand. Just as I'm about to say something I get a whiff of a certain brand of cigarettes. 'The hell is Sanji doing?' I decide to pretend to be asleep and close my eye again. I hear the drawer shut very quietly a moment later.

It takes every ounce of self-control to not move or flinch as I feel a finger gently brush against my skin just below my scarred eye. I hear him sigh quietly before I feel him move away, soon after I hear his bunk next to mine creaking as he settles himself in. 'What the hell was that for?' I ignore the fluttering in my stomach as I flop onto my other side and try my best to just shut out all thoughts.

At about 5:00am I decide to finally just get up, I was plagued with dreams of Sanji the entire night and kept jostling myself awake. All I could see was his writhing form beneath mine, nude, sweating and moaning my name in that sweet tone I heard him use the night before. 'Just because I saw him like that the night before now I can't get that bastard out of my head! To top it off I have damn erection because of those dreams now! This is bull shit; I have to get better control over myself. I can't let his perverted escapades cloud my mind!'

I throw my sheets to the side and get dressed in just pants. Looking around the room I see everyone else had made it back and are now sprawled out around the room sleeping off their night and morning of drinking. I grab up my swords and quietly leave the room. I head straight the crow's nest and grab my largest weights I use for strengthening my arms by swinging them like I do my swords. 'I just need to train, training never fails me.'

Heading out to the deck I being straight away and do my best to focus solely on training. I do everything I can to focus but slips of my dream and the real scene I saw keep flashing in my head like lightening in a storm. It feels like hours pass, I note the sun rises further and further so I assume hours do actually pass by me. I just get angrier and angrier as the flashes of Sanji just keep coming faster and faster. 'This is all that idiots fault, if he had just blocked the windows this wouldn't have happened. Better yet if he wasn't lying to us all and had just said from the beginning he was gay this would have never happened!'

I feel a prickling at the base of my neck then, I spin around and see Sanji standing there staring at me. 'This is all you're fucking fault!' I glare as hard as I can at him, I gain a small amount of satisfaction as the surprised and panicked look on his face just before he turns around and scurries into the kitchen. 'That's it cook, I just need to fight you, beat you up till I can get you out of my head for good!' Set with my new resolve I finish training at a more sensible pace and wait for breakfast to come.

During breakfast I find myself even angrier then before, I can't stop myself from glaring at him as he walks around the room making sure his "precious angles" have what they need. If only they knew what you got up to while you think we are all away. My blood boils as I stare him down as he sits across the table from me, He on the other hand is pointedly ignoring me, instead smirking at Luffy as he snarf's down the food on his plate.

"Swordsman-San are you alright? You seem a bit odd this morning." I turn my glare onto Robin and see her casually sipping her coffee as she eyes me with a penetrative look.

I growl under my breath, "No actually I'm not ok, because of this idiot I couldn't sleep last night or focus properly on my training!" I glare back to Sanji as I finish, it looks like I've finally gotten his attention.

I watch as Sanji stands up and slams his hands down hard onto the table, jostling the plates and drinks, "Oi bastard! Don't raise your voice to a lady!"

'Oh, it's fucking on cook!' I stand up and resist the urge to spit in fury at him, "Why don't you stop putting on an act, you perverted freak!"

Sanji screeches back at me, "The fuck did you say!"

Just as I'm about to swing one of my swords at his stupid face Nami speaks up, "Take it out side dumbasses! We do not need more noise in here!"

I turn around and immediately start walking outside, 'I don't want to delay this fight any longer I want control of my thoughts back!'

I get to the center of the deck and turn about ready to take this idiot down. He's just standing there though spacing out, 'I'm not going to go easy on you, if you're going to space out during our fight then that's your own damn fault!' I come swinging down my sword at him; just as I get close to him he stops my blade with the sole of his shoe.

Our fight is intense and goes on forever. I actually start to feel tired but am fueled by my anger that continues to build until I feel a murderous rage coursing through my body. I'm confused about him, and how I feel about this whole situation. I no longer understand myself and that actually scares me, when I am scared I get angry, and the cause of all of this is Sanji. Sanji showing a side of himself I've never even imagined only to then cause my imagination to run wild, I want to see more of it. But why do I, why would I want to see him like that again?!

I'm snapped out of my thoughts momentarily as Sanji yells out, "Oi, Zoro haven't you had enough, this has gone on forever!"

I growl at him, "Hell no, I'm gonna fight you until I can get your stupid image out of my head!" I come at him harder than before, rage and confusion blinding me. I'm so blinded I don't notice that he has stopped trying to block my attacks as I see him bring his arms up on block his face and feel my sword make contact as it sinks into his forearm.

I jump back immediately as I hear a single pained grunt come from him. I look to his arm and see the blood start seeping then pouring from it and feel the rage and anger leave me in such a rush I'm left feeling dizzy.

It's when I hear Sanji almost cry out "Fuck Marimo," in a voice that sounds almost disbelieving, I feel a great sense of guilt well up inside of me alongside the ever present confusion. I've just hurt Sanji with my own sword, and that is the last thing I wanted to do. He stumbles forwards, I drop my swords without a second thought and grab onto him to hold him up.

He looks up at me groggily, and I hold onto him tighter, "Shit, Sanji I'm so sorry I don't know what I was thinking, I didn't mean to do that!" I gently pry is fingers from his arm and hold his wrist up to get a better look. 'Fuck that is really deep, we need Chopper.' I turn my head to the direction of the kitchen area and yell out, "Chopper, we need you out here quick!" I look back own to Sanji in just enough time to see his eye flutter closed as he passes out.

I grab onto his arm doing my best to stop the blood flow. I hear a lot of movement from the kitchen just as the door flies open and everyone comes running out to see what's happened. Chopper peeks over the railing and sees the blood from Sanji's arm, "Zoro, carry him to the Medical room quickly!" he runs ahead of us and into the Medical room I assume to prepare whatever he needs. Luffy and Nami come running down looking confused. As soon as they see my face which I'm sure has guilt written all over it, they look almost as pissed as I was earlier.

I quickly gather Sanji up in my arms and quickly carry him into the Medical room. I lay him down on the bed and back away as Chopper hurries over to the bed and starts taking off Sanji's jacket and shirt. He glances back at me briefly before turning back to Sanji, "Zoro, Sanji will be ok, he just passed out from the shock. His wound is deep but I can fix him up no problem. So please go ahead and go outside."

I bow my head down, and head back out on deck. Everyone is waiting as I come out and Luffy hands me my swords. I take all but two of them, putting them back in their sheaths. The third one still has Sanji's blood on it so I just hold onto it for now till I can clean it off. Nami storms over to me and smacks me on the head. "What the hell were you two doing? You could have hurt his hands you idiot!"

"I know Nami, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt him." I sigh and run my hand through my hair. 'I can't believe I actually cut him with my own sword. It's not like this was his fault, he has no idea I even saw him last night.'

"You need to be more careful, both of you do. As punishment why don't you go into the kitchen and finish cleaning up. I'm sure Sanji would appreciate it anyways." Nami flips her hair as she walks off to go up to her room. The others give me pats on the shoulder as they walk by to go do whatever they had planned for the rest of today.

I head up to the crow's nest first and clean up my sword before sheathing it. I then head back down into the bunk room after and place my robe on, as well as change my pants since a bit of Sanji's blood got on them. After having finished all of that I finally walk into the kitchen to see most of the dishes have been placed at the sink already with just a few still scattered on the table. I begin the mundane task of cleaning the Galley.

Sometime later Robin walks in with a book in hand, she gives me a small smirk as she settles herself at the kitchen island. I'm just drying off the dishes and placing them away at this point, "So Swordsman-San, do you want to talk about earlier?" Robin asks casually.

Robin has always been kind as well as a wise person. Maybe she would be able to help me sort out my thoughts about Sanji. It's worth a shot anyways; I can't talk to him about it, if he knew I saw him I'm sure he wouldn't be pleased. Considering the act he does put on, he's obviously trying very hard to hide was he was doing. I just don't understand why he has to hide it, let alone why I want to see more of it all the sudden.

I put down the dishes I was holding and turn to face Robin. She has a concerned look on her face, but she gives of a caring and open aura. I lean against the counter, "Ok, I'll explain what's going on but I don't wanna say too much. You may have noticed last night I came back early from the bar?" Robin nods. "Well, when I came back I saw something, something that's left me confused and therefore angry. I saw Sanji, doing something I don't want to repeat, I don't think he would be glad if I did." Robin nods again, her face seems to have a look on it as though she knows where this is going.

"Ever since then I can't stop thinking about it, it's strange; I want to see more of it. I didn't think I would ever want to but, that's all I can think about now. It makes me confused and irritated, and I can't just ask him about it. But now I've gone and hurt him because of my own carelessness." As soon as I've finished I take a deep breath, it feels so much better to talk to someone about it.

I glance back up and see Robin looks like she also now understand everything. "I see now, that does explain a lot. I believe I know exactly what you're talking about. I won't lie I've actually seen it once myself. I had also come back early but this was a few months back. I had already been suspicious that he was possibly gay, but seeing that confirmed it." Robin just gives me a smile and stands up coming around the island to start making tea.

As she's making tea she continues, "I considered talking to him about it as well, I figured it must be exhausting acting like something he's not constantly. But the more I thought about it the more it dawned on me he must really not want us to know. He hides it very well, and if he's trying that hard to hide it, its possible something in his past has made him want to hide it. I think it's sad, to have to hide you're true self like that, it must be very lonely." Robin pours us both a cup of green tea, and then looks me right in the eye.

"Based on what you're telling me, that you want to see more, it sounds to me like your understanding your true feelings for him. Feelings you probably didn't know where there because you never thought it was an option. But like I said, he must be lonely and sad having to feel like needs to hide this from us all. I've heard of some islands condemning men and even women for being gay, isolating them and even being physically violent, so perhaps he has an experience with something like that." Robin sips her tea and gives me a moment to understand everything.

If Sanji has really had to deal with something like that then I feel even more shit for taking it out on him. I don't want to pity him, I'm sure he would kick my ass if I ever did. But I do feel sad for him if he has been lonely, unable to tell his closest friends and family about who he really is just to avoid being ridiculed and hated. I can't imagine any of us on the ship would hate him for being gay, I didn't think about the fact that he must be lonely.

"I would think very carefully about how you want to proceed Zoro, I'm sure Sanji is in a delicate state of mind about who he is. If you want to be with him, then I'd be ready to try to prove it to him, let him know that he would be safe with you, that you wouldn't care what other people think. I can also say that none of us would hate Sanji, we would all still love him the same no matter who he is or what he does." Robin takes her cup and sets it near the sink.

"To be honest, I've always thought you two looked good together. I like to watch how people interact with each other. You seem to put up a front of strength and uncaring towards Sanji, but I think underneath you really do care about him. You're eyes sometime follow him around the room with a kind look rather than a glare, and when you fight normally you have this gentle smile on your face. I bet if you opened up to Sanji, and showed him your gentle side he would open up to you in turn." Robin pats me on the shoulder and says, "Good luck!" as she walks out of the kitchen.

I'm a bit dumb struck; I honestly think she's right. I just never really noticed it before. I've always appreciated his look, but of course I never told him for more than one reason. It would be embarrassing and he would probably kick my face in. But perhaps he wouldn't, I mean, he did touch my face last night pretty sweetly. Maybe he actually likes me? It would sort of make sense, I feel his eyes on me pretty often, and he seems to enjoy our fights just as much as I do. My heart also does this weird thing every time he genuinely laughs out loud.

I glance up and catch my reflection on a pot that hanging under a cabinet to find myself with a stupid grin on my face. 'Holy shit, maybe I really do have feelings for him. But I need to know if he does for me.' I look outside and see it's already getting to be late afternoon so I decide to take a nap first, I'll see Sanji after and go from there.

I finally got a restful nap in so I'm feeling a lot more like myself and in control as I stand in front of the medical room. The rest of the crew has gone into town to eat lunch and dinner, so it's just Sanji and I left on the ship. 'Ok, Robin said I need to show him my gentle side. I want to see if he likes me like that at all, if he does I want to do this. I want to see more sides of him that no one else knows. I like Sanji, I've figured that out, now I just need to open up to him, let him see it for himself.'

I push open the door and look to the bed to find Sanji almost half way to standing up. He looks a bit shocked but I am sure to school my features to a gentle and relaxed look. He takes a moment and seems to relax as well; I wave my hand for him to sit back down. I close the door behind me and come to sit next to him. I turn my body so I can look at him; he looks a little tired but pretty good. His hair is messy form having slept on it for so long; I resist the urge to run my hand through it to fix it.

"How are you feeling now Cook, you've been asleep for almost the whole day."

He looks me over briefly before responding, "Well, to be honest I'm pissed I slept so damn long. But my arm does feel ok, just throbbing a bit now." He lifts it up to show me his arm wrapped up in gauze.

'I did this to him,' I run my finger over the gauze, guilt and shame running through my mind as well as a desire to hug him tightly.

Sanji gives me a searching look cheeks slightly red as he puts his arm back down, "Listen Zoro, don't worry about this it's really ok. I know you didn't mean to do it, and I understand the feeling of being so angry you lose yourself sometimes." He gives me a big cheeky grin, the kind that makes my heart do that funny thing where it feels like it wants to leap from my chest.

He makes to get up to leave and before I even realize what I'm doing I am pulling him by his right arm, and in a matter of seconds I feel his lips on mine. Its brief but all the feelings I never let grow seem to speed up and blossom at an alarming rate. I'm elated to be kissing him but it doesn't last for long before he rips himself away from me and stumbles back a bit. I snap my eyes open and see he's very much shocked, his face is beet red and the hand covering his face is trembling slightly.

All I can think to do is stare, I'm worried if I try to say or do anything he will just get more freaked out. 'I probably shouldn't have done that so suddenly.' Just as I'm about to reach towards him he bolts from the room. I hear a door above slam closed; I can only assume he's gone into the kitchen. 'Well if that doesn't say he feels something for me then I don't know what will.' I smile and flop back on to the bed, feeling a sense of happiness I haven't felt in a long time.

To be continued

*BONUS lol, this chapter is like almost as big as two so I hope you enjoy!