A/N: I thought it was about time we see what's going on a few hours away in the Cuddy household. Thank you again Max for your suggestions. Also thank you again to everyone who is reading and reviewing.

I think you should know this was the hardest chapter to write so far. I don't want to alienate anyone in regards to my portrayal of Cuddy's character. I wanted to be very careful about how I portrayed Cuddy's feelings about House.

Thank you everyone who is reading this!

It was a beautiful Saturday morning and a light breeze wafted through the windows of a cozy rented home on a tree-lined street in Cambridge Massachusetts. In the kitchen, Lisa Cuddy had just finished having breakfast with her precocious daughter Rachel. Cuddy had promised Rachel she'd take her to the park today and the little girl was so excited she could hardly contain herself. After breakfast, Cuddy cleared away the dishes and the two gathered what they needed and walked to the park. When they arrived, Rachel took off for the swings. She loved the swings.

"Mommy, push me!"

"Ok honey. Hold on tight." Cuddy pushed her daughter on the swing but being careful not to push her too high. As she pushed her, she smiled at Rachel's laughter. Cuddy could never get enough of her daughter's laughter, so young and innocent and carefree.

"Do it like Howse!"

Cuddy was surprised. "Rachel what do you mean?"

"Howse used to push me higher!"

"I don't want to push you any higher honey, it's dangerous."

"But Howse did it and promised he wouldn't let anything happen to me."

Cuddy felt a lump in her throat. As she pushed Rachel a little higher on the swing, she began thinking about House. When did House take Rachel to the park? He actually made her a promise that he wouldn't let anything happen to her? It must have been one of those times he'd babysat for Cuddy. Oh, he always complained about it but every time she came home, Rachel would have this huge smile on her face. Cuddy thought she was just happy to see her mother but now she realized it was entirely possible she was smiling because she'd had fun with House. Of course that misanthropic bastard wouldn't want anyone to know he actually enjoyed spending time with Rachel. Cuddy smiled for a moment and then her face became somber as she remembered why she was in Cambridge in the first place.

Rachel still often mentioned House and it was apparent the little girl missed her friend and playmate very much. It wasn't until later that Cuddy realized just what a positive influence he'd had on Rachel. Despite those annoying pirate cartoons, apparently he had read to Rachel, taught her medical terminology, and introduced her to his piano. Cuddy missed him too but was still shocked at his actions. In all the years they knew one another, she never would have dreamed he was capable of that.

Cuddy struggled with her feelings about House. One part of her was still so fucking angry at him while another part still loved him. When she thought of how much she loved him she felt guilty because she knew she should hate him. She spent as many nights cursing his name as she did shedding tears over her loneliness without him. House was the only man she ever really loved and so she was torn over what she was supposed to feel. She recalled that when she was with him she had let herself go a little crazy and be carefree and that had not happened since college. House had always made her feel young, vibrant, and sexy. She loved that he brought that out in her. She also secretly loved when he made her the focus of his attention, even if he was being a pain in the ass while doing it. More than anything, House made her feel loved especially when it was just the two of them alone. Nobody, not even Wilson, got to see the side of House that she did.

Cuddy had always considered herself a strong woman and was concerned about the mixed feelings she had for House. She confided in Wilson who assured her that given their history, her feelings were perfectly normal and she shouldn't beat herself up over it. He'd told her, "Cuddy, this is House we're talking about, nothing is ever simple and straightforward when it comes to him." She knew he was right.

She often wondered what was going through his mind at the time of the crash. He could have killed her. What if Rachel had been in the house? Knowing that House had never been the kind of person to harm her, much less a child, Cuddy thought maybe she and Wilson had missed clues pointing to something more serious. After all, they knew better than anyone about his emotional issues. When she talked with Wilson about this, he told her of the conversation he'd had with House just after his surgery when House made the somber admission that he knew he needed to change his life. When Wilson told her that, Cuddy had suddenly felt a sense of guilt thinking that it may have been House's incorrect assumption that Jerry was her date that caused him go over the edge. However, the more she and Wilson talked, the more they realized this wasn't the case. They had been his closest friends and for years they had tried to help him but in the end House alone was responsible for his actions.

"Mommy?"

Cuddy was brought out of her trance by the sound of her daughter's voice. Rachel had been calling her name because she was ready to get off the swing. "I'm sorry sweetie, mommy was just thinking."

"What were you thinking about?"

She smiled at her baby. "Oh, nothing."

Mother and daughter were having a blast. They built sandcastles in the large sandbox and Rachel begged her mother to let her play on the jungle gym. Cuddy watched Rachel like a hawk making sure she did not fall off the monstrous piece of steel playground equipment. Rachel was agile and coordinated and Cuddy was in awe watching her little girl move around on it. She wondered where she'd learned it and decided to ask her.

"Rachel honey, where did you learn to do that?"

Hanging upside down from the monkey bars, with her long brown hair swinging in the breeze and a huge smile on her face that stretched from ear to ear, Rachel yelled, "Howse!"

So...what did you think? I'd love to know. Please leave a review. Anonymous reviews welcome!