A/N: Many thanks to allthingsdecent for her eyes and V for her expertise as a physician and for willing to assist me with a differential!

On Friday morning around ten o'clock, House entered the Diagnostics Conference Room. As he tossed his backpack onto a chair and took off his leather jacket he greeted his fellows, all but one. The short, slightly bald and incredibly annoying member of his team was noticeably absent.

"I'm guessing Taub's on baby daddy duty again?"

Adams replied without looking up from her texting. "He called and said he'd be running late, the sitter hasn't shown up yet."

House rolled his eyes. "Boring. Okay little ones; do we have a case for papa today?"

He smirked as he watched the reactions of his team. Chase just shook his head and laughed. House liked Chase; the Aussie had grown on him over the years. Chase respected House's sense of humor and his unusual methods of diagnosing patients and Housed appreciated that Chase was torn at times with wanting to do the right thing versus breaking the rules to save lives. House looked over at Park and Adams and noticed they had not laughed at his greeting. He wasn't surprised. They just didn't get him. He had tried via his most unusual methods to bring them into his world but neither was very accepting. Park, while she was an intelligent young woman, was very quiet and introverted. Having come from a very strict upbringing, she did not often question authority and she had little if any sense of humor. House mused to himself that on those few occasions Park thought she was funny he'd wanted to pull his hair out. Her sense of humor was extremely dry and worse, she was boring as hell. If it weren't for her unusual thinking outside the box at times, House would have fired her long ago. Then there was Adams. There were times when House liked Adams because she sometimes reminded him of himself when he was younger, in the sense that she showed a passion for helping people and was willing to push boundaries to get answers. Yet there were times Adams was annoying as hell. It wasn't her wanting to do good that bothered him it was that she was doing it out of the guilt she felt for having been born into a privileged wealthy family. House couldn't respect people whose motives were driven purely by guilt.

Finally he took a seat at the head of the conference table as Chase gave him a file and a general rundown.

"Forty-five year old female is complaining of abdominal pain, adrenalin rush, depression, feelings of discomfort, fatigue and inability to focus."

House interjected. "God I'm feeling depressed and uncomfortable listening to this. Can we move on to the exciting stuff?"

Chase rolled his eyes then continued, "For years she's experienced intense abdominal pain. After she got married about ten years ago, she was admitted to the hospital, put on a nutritional IV and the pain went away. Doctors told her husband she was just trying to get attention and to take her home. The pain continued, he'd take her to the hospital, same thing. The doctors told her nothing was wrong with her. She got pregnant two years ago and the symptoms disappeared only to come back about a year later. One of her doctors diagnosed her as a diabetic a few years back and put her on medication. Months later she was so depressed she wanted to kill herself. Her PCP suggested she see a shrink and she's been visiting one for the past year but she's still suffering from depression not to mention other symptoms."

With the list of symptoms still being doled out by Chase, House had a feeling it was going to be a long day. With a sigh, he threw Chase the dry-erase marker and the team began tossing around all the possibilities.

Meanwhile, a few hours away at Massachusetts General, the teaching hospital of Harvard University's Medical School, Dr. Lisa Cuddy was finishing her morning lecture on Patient Care Services as part of the hospital's Administrative Fellowship Program. She enjoyed the lectures because she enjoyed sharing what she learned in her experience as Dean at Princeton-Plainsboro. She also enjoyed being able to split her time between lecturing in the program and seeing patients in the Endocrinology clinic. Cuddy had arrived at Mass General with an excellent reputation and impeccable references and the general feeling among her colleagues was that she would no doubt be an asset to their already prestigious institution, especially in their fellowship program.

On her way back to her office after the lecture, she was stopped by Dr. Sharon Carr, a colleague who had become a very close friend in the time she'd been working at Mass General. Sharon's husband died two years ago and she was raising her daughter alone. Hannah was a year older than Rachel and the two girls often played together as their mothers sat drinking coffee and musing about life.

"Hey Lisa, feel like some coffee and a chat?"

"Sharon, I'm so sorry I didn't call you this weekend so the girls could get together. I had some things to take care of and I got sidetracked."

"It's okay, happens to me all the time. Ask Hannah how many times a day she rolls her eyes at me because she'll call my name and I'm in la-la land thinking of something else. Shit happens, no big deal. Come on, I'm buying."

"Sure, but I'd like to dump the lab coat and grab something warmer before we go."

When they arrived at Cuddy's office, Sharon waited while Cuddy checked her voice mail quickly and changed into her winter coat. Sharon glanced at the photo of Cuddy and Rachel on her desk, one she'd seen a hundred times since Cuddy began working there. It was a beautiful photo of mother and daughter. Rachel was wearing an obnoxiously brightly colored shirt and both had gorgeous smiles and a glint in their eyes that seemed to just jump out at anyone looking at the photo. Sharon mused that perhaps the look was for the person behind the camera. Out of curiosity she asked Cuddy, "Lisa I just love that photo of you and Rachel, there's just something so special about it. Where was it taken? Was it a special occasion?"

Cuddy had just put on her long winter coat and her back was to Sharon as she buttoned it up and tied the sash. Taking a deep breath, she turned around and looked at Sharon and said, "Yes, it's a very special photo."

Sharon suspected there was more to it but didn't ask. Instead she said, "Come on let's go. Coffee awaits and I'm dying to walk in this gorgeous weather!"

As the two women left the building and headed to the coffee shop, they were quiet, just absorbing the sounds of birds chirping and the rustling of the few leaves that remained in the trees. It was really a beautiful day. As they walked, Sharon was caught up in her own thoughts and Cuddy was thinking about the picture on her desk. She remembered every detail of when and where that was taken. More importantly, she remembered who took it and why. She and House were getting Rachel ready for a birthday party and Rachel, as usual, was being difficult about what to wear. Cuddy had chosen a cute little dress and patent leather Mary Janes but Rachel would have none of that. She insisted on a grotesquely bright colored shirt and pants that did not match, both of which House bought for her. Rachel absolutely loved that outfit because House had picked it out for her one day when he took her for ice cream and she begged him to stop at the kids clothing store nearby. Of course Cuddy never would have bought Rachel that ugly outfit and it didn't take Cuddy long to figure out that's exactly why House bought it for her. Sometimes House enjoyed being the "anti-Cuddy". Rachel loved that outfit and in the end, Cuddy loved him for buying it for her. Before leaving for the birthday party, House insisted he take their picture, telling Cuddy that someday when Rachel was a teenager and being a royal pain in Cuddy's ass, she would want to look back and remember the moments in Rachel's youth when the problems that seemed so significant then were really nothing compared to what lay ahead.

"Lisa you're awfully quiet."

"Lisa?"

Cuddy was brought out of her trance. They were standing in front of the coffee shop and she'd been sporting a slight smile on her face and didn't even realize it.

"I'm sorry, I was just thinking."

"Let's grab some java and you can tell me about it."

They grabbed their coffee and chose a table outside and sat down. Cuddy looked down at her coffee and remained quiet. Sharon looked at her friend and guessed what was going through her mind at the moment. Sharon had known about House since Cuddy's first month at Mass General. They'd become fast friends and Cuddy needed a girlfriend to talk to and despite the fact that sometimes Wilson resembled one, he wasn't enough.

"Lisa are you thinking about him?"

Cuddy sighed and looked up at Sharon. She couldn't lie and in fact she didn't want to. "How on earth...? What would make you think that?"

"After I asked you about that picture, you smiled in the same way you smile on the few occasions you've talked about him, especially moments involving he and Rachel together. Does that picture have something to do with him?"

"Yes, he took it" Cuddy said as she fondly remembered the moment.

"Lisa sometimes when you've talked about how difficult he was at the hospital, you get that same smile you have on your face right now." Sharon paused before continuing, "I'm so sorry he hurt you like he did. If I ever meet him I'll kill him for you."

Cuddy laughed. "No, no there's no need. I wanted to kill him once and God he made me cry for a long time after what he did, but now I'm okay. They say time heals all wounds and I guess it's true. I know I should hate him but I don't. I think about what we had both been through together and damn we went through so much, not just in the relationship but over the course of the years we knew one another. When you know someone half your life, it's not that easy to finally give in to what you feel and it's even harder to give it up. It was a difficult time for both of us. I still get angry sometimes that he ruined what we had but we both contributed to that mess. No, he should not have resorted to driving his car into my house and that was not my fault but I'm telling you, I've known that man a long time and the guy who drove his car into my house is not the same guy I knew all those years. One of the things I still don't understand is what was going through his mind, what snapped. That act...it was just so unlike him. Before that he had never been violent with me, never done anything to physically harm me or Rachel. I know he wasn't like that with Stacy either."

Sharon took a sip of her coffee and listened to her friend.

"House is without a doubt the most unusual person I've ever met. I mean half the time I loved him, half the time I wanted to strangle him. What the hell kind of relationship is that?"

"Why were you so attracted to him if he made your life so crazy?"

"It's hard to explain. You know how we met, you know about our relationship. It's just that from the moment we met in college, it was like some unseen force drew us together. No matter how hard we tried to stay away we just couldn't. It wasn't just about sex, although there was a lot of tension…oh yeah lots of that." Cuddy had to laugh recalling the years of pent-up sexual tension between the two of them. She continued, "It was something else. He was just so intelligent and he could pick up on the most subtle things. He could read people; he understood them, their motives. But he was so damn screwed up. He had a lousy childhood and he'd never talk much about it. Then Stacy, I told you about her, she dumped him after the infarction. He and I…it was like we knew each other all our lives. When we finally got together it was amazing. He was intense, passionate, devoted, loyal, and possessive. He wasn't possessive in the obsessed sense; it was more like he wanted the world to know I was his and he was mine. He was proud to show the world that the misanthropic cripple won the girl that all the other guys wanted. At least that's what he told me once."

Sharon smiled and continued listening to her friend pour her heart out.

"Am I crazy?"

"Oh hell Lisa, if you are, then the rest of us are too. Relationship are complicated. Feelings are complicated. This guy sounds insane and no doubt what he did was very wrong but from the way you've talked about him in all the time I've known you, he sounds like one of a kind. As for him being screwed up, welcome to the club. Hey you've told me enough about your own family life that I know it wasn't the most functional when you were growing up."

"Oh hey, if you want to see dysfunctional, meet my mother, she's the queen. I don't even know how my sister turned out so perfect considering we grew up in the same household."

"Julia does seem as if she has it together but you know everyone has their own share of problems."

"Oh noooo, not Julia. She's perfect. Mom's favorite. Perfect husband, perfect kids, beautiful home, a job she loves, lots of money, friends, everyone loves Julia."

"Are you jealous Lisa?"

"No. It's just sometimes I wish my life had been as easy as hers. She doesn't have to fight for anything; it just falls in her lap."

"Do you wish you had her life?"

Cuddy stared down at her hands which held her coffee cup. She answered honestly. "No, I don't. It just seems like Julia's got everything I ever wanted. I worked hard too. Why does everything I want have to be so hard to get? "

"I don't know Lisa. Forgive me if it sounds cheesy but you know that old saying 'good things come to those who wait' rings a bell right about now."

"God Sharon that is so fucking cheesy."

Sharon laughed. "So what is it Lisa Cuddy wants?"

Cuddy sighed then got up from the table and walked a few feet over to a beautiful hundred-year old tree that had lost its leaves for the winter. With her back to Sharon, she looked up to the sky and threw her hands in the air. Suddenly turning towards Sharon, waving her arms wildly, she shouted, "I want to be loved! I want to love! I want to feel passion! I want to break the rules sometimes and not feel guilty! I don't want to always feel like I need to be in control! I want to do crazy things every now and then and not be scared! I want to enjoy life, I want to feel alive! I just want to be whoever it is I'm supposed to be."

When Cuddy finished, she looked exhausted, like a great weight had been lifted from her shoulders.

Sharon couldn't help but laugh. Cuddy put her hands on her hips waiting for an explanation.

"What?"

Sharon shook her head and explained. "Sounds like you're starting to find out who you really are Lisa, it's a good start. Now do you mind if I share an observation?"

"What's up?"

"I think you love that son of a bitch. He drove you crazy, he went back on Vicodin when you needed him most, drove his car through your house, caused you to uproot your entire life and move here but you still love the bastard. I am not judging you here okay? It's just during those moments when you actually talk about him your eyes get a twinkle in them and your cheeks flush. You just got that look again, just now talking about what you want out of life. For all the shit he put you through, that miserable bastard made you feel alive."

"I know, believe me, I know." Cuddy paused for a moment before continuing. "Sharon what he did was wrong. He committed a violent act against me. As women we're taught that we deserve better. If a man acts out against us in such a manner, the last thing we're supposed to do is to love him or want to be with him."

Sharon just smirked and said, "I know, I watch Lifetime movies too."

"Wilson told me that I should stop trying to do what I thought other women would do in my shoes. He said I should stop comparing myself to other women and instead just do what I want to do."

"Wilson is a smart guy."

"Oy vey" was all Cuddy could manage as she let out a deep sigh. This conversation had worn her out, especially when it had anything to do with House.

"Don't beat yourself up over it. Listen honey, you're not the only person who has been through this. Okay most of us don't have an ex who ran their car through our house…" before she could continue Cuddy just gave her this annoyed look.

"Okay I'm getting to the point, which is that you need to understand you can't have that perfect life you dreamed of when you were younger. You of all people know by now it's not a fairy tale, sometimes it's just downright hard, sometimes it just sucks. But life is too short not to be happy. It's also too damn short to settle for anything less than what you want."

"Easier said than done and really Sharon, you and Al had it made. I mean from what you tell me, he was the best."

Sharon laughed so loud; a few people at a nearby table gave her a look. "Listen Lisa, Al was a great guy. He was a good husband and father, but he could be a real asshole at times. He made me laugh but he made me cry too. I can't tell you how many fucking tears I shed over fights with him. I never had to worry about him cheating on me, but there were times he had to be in control, it was his way or no way. We were both very strong willed and stubborn and there were times neither of us would give in. We were married years before Hannah was born and there were times I wanted to give up. But just when I was ready to, I couldn't. I didn't want to be a statistic or feel like a failure. And honestly, he made me laugh, more than anyone else I'd ever been around. There was a side to him others didn't see. My parents thought he was an asshole at times but I told them they just didn't see the things in him I saw. When Hannah was born he showed a soft side with her I'd never seen. I try to measure people by whether they are good or bad. Al was a good person. He had a good heart. He had his share of faults but he was not a bad person. We were married ten years and dated for two before that and to the day he died I still didn't know everything about him and honestly, I never told him everything about myself either. I always held something back. It's hard to open up your whole life to someone because once you do you can't go back and if you lose that person, you don't ever want to open up to anyone again. All I can say is looking back, as time goes on I only seem to remember the good times. I guess time really does make a difference. What I know is this…I want Hannah to know that her dad, despite all his faults, was at heart, a good person."

Cuddy stood there in awe watching and listening to her friend. In the time she'd known Sharon she never knew that her relationship with her late husband had been so complicated. It dawned on Cuddy that she spent so much of her time thinking everyone else had the perfect life she'd always craved, underneath it all nobody had the perfect life at all. In fact, she was becoming fairly certain it didn't even exist and in some twisted way that thought made her feel better.

Sharon got up and took both their cups to toss in the garbage can and as she did so, Cuddy thought to herself, God I'm such an idiot. Without realizing it she let out a chuckle.

"What are you laughing at missy?"

"Oh nothing." She linked arms with Sharon and said "Come on girlfriend, time to get back to work."