Okay, here's the next chapter! Since "it" is about to start on Tuesday, I promise that I will do my best to keep up with this story. Even with all the work that stupid gay teachers give, I solemnly swear to make this a top priority. I apologize if it takes a while between chapters.

So please enjoy! ^_^

"ITACHI! LET ME IN!" Kisame pounded on the door, and let me just say— he did NOT sound too happy.

Oh, shit! Sasuke thought. He quickly put down the book he was reading, walked over to Itachi's bookshelf in the closet, and snatched the first book cover he could get his hands on. The mistake here was that he didn't actually really LOOK at the book cover BEFORE grabbing it.

Sasuke quickly walked back over to his bed, slipped the book cover over his book, and sat down to casually continue reading.

"ITACHI!" Kisame was pounding harder and harder on the door every second. Sasuke did his best to ignore him. Until…

BANG!

Sasuke perked up and looked straight ahead to see Kisame, standing at the bottom of a broken door, which was lying on the ground. Kisame looked mildly shocked, as did Sasuke. There was a loud silence as they both stared down at the door.

"Wow," Sasuke finally spoke up. "It must be THAT TIME OF THE MONTH." He enunciated every word as Kisame had the first day.

Kisame just folded his arms crossly as Sasuke continued reading. "Leader-sama gave us both permission to go to the mall today," he said angrily.

"What? Why!" Sasuke questioned with great wonder, giving Kisame a very crusty look.

"Because, you have to buy me a new lamp ONCE AND FOR ALL."

The Uchiha rolled his eyes. Kisame hadn't stopped pestering him for a while about his "beautiful lamp" getting destroyed because he had smashed it over his head.

Sasuke was NOT about to give in. "No, thank you. I'm much more mesmerized with this here story." At least he was telling the truth.

Kisame stepped around the door to look at the cover. "Fuzzy Pink Sparkly Unicorn," he read aloud.

"Wh-what!" Sasuke yelped. He rapidly turned the book around to look at the pink swirly title. It did indeed say, "Fuzzy Pink Sparkly Unicorn" with a picture of a fuzzy pink sparkly unicorn.

What the hell! Why does Itachi even HAVE this book in the first place!

As Sasuke gawked down at the heinous cover, Kisame ripped it off the book to reveal the actual story.

"Make-Out Paradise," he read aloud. Then he looked up at his partner. "Really? You actually READ this crap?"

Sasuke flipped. "It's just that, well, I was um… bored. And I just so happened to stumble upon this here book in, uh… Deidara's room. Yeah, Deidara's room! Hehe…"

Then an awkward gay-baby silence.

"You are so full of it," said the half-shark man.

Sasuke sweatdropped.

Thanks to the previous incident, Sasuke soon found himself being dragged to a small, very shabby mall in Amegakure.

As the two criminals stepped inside the mall, they were immediately greeted by thousands of merchants, spraying perfume on them or stuffing pastries into their mouths. Sasuke tried his best to get away, but instead he got a makeover.

"AUGH!" He yelled. "Kisame!" He turned to look at his partner, who looked to be enjoying himself. "KISAME!" He yelled again.

The blue man turned to look at the Uchiha, eyeliner framing one of his eyes. "What!" Then, upon seeing his partner made-over, Kisame gasped. "Dude, LOOK at you! You… look kinda… hott."

"AUGH! DISGUSTING, MAN!" Sasuke yelled over all the happy merchant voices.

"So what do you want?" Kisame asked just before another pastry was shoved into his razor-toothed mouth.

"Remind me why we're even HERE in the first place!" A sparkly charm necklace was placed over his neck.

"Zhoo ga do ga ve a wam!" Kisame was trying to say something, but two more treats were placed into his mouth.

"What?" Sasuke asked, exasperated.

Kisame looked as if he were about to choke. He swallowed hard before coughing, sounding as if he were about to hack up a lung. But the merchants didn't seem to care, as they kept on going with the pastries.

"FIRE STYLE: FIREBALL JUTSU!" Sasuke quickly said before performing the famous Uchiha jutsu.

Well, let me just say, that was the END of the merchants.

The Uchiha ran over to Heimlich Kisame, who looked as if his eyes would roll into the back of his head.

After that very… disturbing moment, the two criminals decided to act like none of that had ever happened.

So they continued to travel through the tiny mall, looking for a perfect lamp for Kisame.

They approached the lamp shops, which had shelves that were just PACKED with very nice lamps.

"Okay," said Sasuke. "Just take a look around, I guess."

But Kisame was already eagerly checking out every single lamp in the shop. This would take a while…

The Uchiha followed the tall blue man throughout the shop as he critiqued every single one he saw.

"Too small. Too tall. Too fat. Too weird." A vein popped in the Uchiha's head as he tried to keep his cool. The man at the counter read his magazine; as if he didn't care that the only two customers in his shop were from the Akatsuki.

"Dude, can you just PLEAE make up your mind already!" Sasuke asked incredulously.

"I have to find 'the one'," Kisame said with a glare in the direction of the Uchiha.

"It's a f*ckin' LAMP. What do you expect!"

"You're MOM'S a f*ckin' lamp!"

Big mistake, Kisame. Big mistake…

Sasuke snatched up the nearest lamp. "WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY!" The lamp he held was white, and the shade was a soft blue at the top and darker blue at the bottom, which was the waves surrounding it, with the same darker blue color of fish silhouettes diving all around the waves.

"AAHH!" Kisame squealed, clasping his hands together while looking at the lamp as if it were his true love. "It's PERFECT!"

It sucked to be Kisame at the time because for one, that lamp was "the one," and two, because he got beaten up with it next.

As he was hit over the head with his beloved lamp, he backed up against another shelf, where all the lamps fell on his head.

"OUCH!" He yelped, crouching to the ground, hands over his head.

"That's what I thought!" Sasuke screeched shrilly.

The shower of lamps ended, leaving Kisame, looking rather pitiful and scraped up on the ground, giving Sasuke puppy eyes.

But that did NOT stop Sasuke.

"All I said!" Kisame desparately started as Sasuke pinned him to the ground. "All I said was 'your MOM'S a f*ckin' lamp'! Is that a crime!"

"YYYYYEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS!" Sasuke screeched VERY shrilly. Now Kisame was bleeding from his ears.

"B-But you killed your mom! Itachi!"

This got him a huge hit RIGHT smack on his forehead, shattering the light bulb within the lampshade (which now looked like a crumpled mess).

Where was the shopkeeper all this time, you ask?

Well, this anime Teddy Roosevelt stood behind the counter, not quite believing his eyes. He just stared in shock, not wanting all his precious lamps to get destroyed. But if HE were to jump in, he would probably get destroyed.

Two S-Ranked criminals getting beaten up, or doing the beating up, with a lamp. WTF.

Finally, the shopkeeper closed his magazine and rushed over to where the half-shark man was getting beaten up and was bleeding a massive amount of blood from his blue forehead.

"Um, sir!" the shopkeeper frantically said to the Uchiha. "That-that is NOT aloud in my shop!"

Sasuke acted like he wasn't there, and continued stabbing, hitting, and slapping Kisame with the special lamp.

"NNNNNOOOOOOOOO! Kisame cried. "NOT MY PRECIOUS LAMP!"

"Um, hey!" The shopkeeper said. "That is NOT aloud here!" He really wasn't doing anything to help poor, distraught Kisame.

Sasuke continued to rampage like a madman, acting like the shopkeeper had no existence in this world.

"ITACHI! WHY!" Kisame wailed. "WHY MUST YOU ALWAYS DO THIS TO ME!"

"BECAUSE YOU'RE A STUPID IDIOT!" Sasuke cried with a wack to Kisame's head.

Suddenly, the broken, damaged lamp was snatched out of the Uchiha's hand. Both Akatsuki members looked up to see the shopkeeper, the lamp in one hand, and his other one outstretched toward Itachi, whom he looked at very bitterly. "That would be $105.99, please."

Sasuke looked at all the broken lamps around them before picking one up, taking off the lampshade, and calmly standing up to face the shopkeeper, who had a trace of fear in his eyes. Then, Sasuke promptly shattered the light bulb over his head.

Kisame, who was now in a sitting up position, sweatdropped. Right before the whole shelf fell over on him.

The shopkeeper was apparently stunned in that very position as Sasuke walked right out of the shop.

Kisame held an ice pack over his forehead. He glared straight ahead as he walked side-by-side with the Uchiha back to the Akatsuki lair. Neither said a word, but it was silently agreed that they would NEVER go back to that mall again.

And Kisame didn't really want a lamp, anymore.

Reviews, anyone...?