A/N: Thank you everyone who has read and reviewed this story. I can't tell you how much I appreciate all your comments.

Michael and Julia had always insisted to their families that upon their deaths, they should be buried the next day or soon after if possible. They wanted the family, especially the children, to be able to begin the process of moving on. So, in accordance with his wishes, Michael Rosner's funeral was scheduled for late Tuesday afternoon, one day after he passed away.

Cuddy had wanted to get an early start to New Haven so she could spend some time with her family before the service. Unfortunately, leaving early wasn't possible because Rachel had pitched a fit about not going to school that day and Cuddy needed to explain to her what happened in words a child could understand. Cuddy told her that "Uncle Mikey" had gotten very sick and the doctors couldn't help him and he'd gone to Heaven. Rachel didn't understand the concept of Heaven and asked many questions and so it took some time for Cuddy to explain death to her the best she could. While this was the first time Cuddy had to explain the concept of death and dying to Rachel, there was another time she had to touch on the issue briefly with her daughter. It had taken place a couple of years earlier when Cuddy had rushed House to the hospital after the surgery he'd performed in the bathtub. Rachel was very shaken by that experience and when they arrived home finally after House was moved into a room, Rachel had asked Cuddy if House was going to die. Cuddy held her close and cried and reassured her House would be okay. Rachel had become very attached to House and so after Cuddy put her to bed that night, she'd overheard Rachel including House in her bedtime prayers.

As Cuddy pulled into the drive of Julia's home around ten-thirty in the morning, Cuddy noticed several cars she did not recognize. She assumed they were friends, neighbors, and Michael's family. She got Rachel out of her booster seat, grabbed their overnight bags and proceeded up the front steps of the very large and luxurious home. Before she could knock, Arlene opened the door and with her usual sarcasm said, "It's about time you made it."

Cuddy rolled her eyes. "Not now mom, I had to talk to Rachel before we left so she wouldn't be scared."

"Oh Lisa, you don't have to baby her."

"Mom, she's just a child. She doesn't understand these things like we do." Cuddy was annoyed that her mother's bitchiness hadn't taken a day off under the circumstances.

"Okay dear, whatever you say. Come in, it's cold out there."

Cuddy entered the house and found her sister and gave her a hug. "Jules I am so sorry. I don't know what to say but if you need anything…" She left off there because she didn't know the right words to say that would comfort her sister.

Julia's eyes were red rimmed and teary. "Leese, I'm so glad you're here. I just can't believe he's gone. He was fine yesterday morning, he seemed fine. I mean he didn't show any signs. I keep asking myself if I missed something but I know I would have noticed." Julia began rambling and at that moment Arlene rushed over and began comforting her giving Cuddy a look as if she'd said something wrong to upset Julia all over again. Cuddy knew that maybe Julia needed their mother more than her right now besides she didn't want to deal with an overbearing Arlene. In times of crisis, her mother tended to take over and become bossy and Cuddy didn't want to deal with that.

Cuddy walked into the kitchen and found Julia's three children sitting at the breakfast nook with Rachel. When they saw their aunt, they ran to her giving her big hugs. They were good kids and had always been very good to Rachel. Their eyes were red and they looked very tired. Cuddy grabbed a mug of coffee from the counter and sat at the table with Rachel in her lap while she spent some time with her niece and nephews consoling them and asking them about their lives and talking a lot about their dad. It was apparent those kids loved their dad very much. At that moment, Julia walked into the kitchen alone and asked Cuddy if they could talk, just the two of them, for awhile. The kids offered to take Rachel outside to let their mothers have some time together.

Cuddy grabbed her sister's hand as they sat across from one another, both with tears in their eyes and neither knowing what to say. Julia spoke first. "Leese, it seems like only yesterday we were sitting at your table and I was consoling you while you broke down in tears. I never figured you'd be doing it for me."

Cuddy recalled vividly the night she broke up with House and sat at her dining room table for hours crying nonstop while her sister tried to comfort her. Jules had never been there for Cuddy more than she had that night and she was eternally grateful she could be here when Julia needed her now.

"Jules, I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better. You and Michael, you…you were together so long. None of us expects to deal with this...not when we're still young."

"It all seems like a dream. I feel like I'm going to wake up tomorrow and none of this will have happened. This morning when I woke up I just expected him to be here. When I realized he wasn't here I just didn't know what to do. He's always been here, what am I going to do Leese?"

Cuddy didn't know how to answer that question so she stood up and put her arms around her sister's shoulders and held her close as the both grieved for her loss.

Earlier that morning in Princeton, House was in Nolan's office for his weekly therapy session. He hadn't slept well the night before and contemplated cancelling his appointment but the nagging little voice in his head told him not to. He needed routine in his life and his visits with Nolan were part of it. He knew that screwing with the routine, especially when it was working would be dangerous for him. House lived with the constant fear that any sudden changes in his life would send him into a downward spiral so he was constantly looking ahead to anticipate problems in an effort to avoid them. It was a very stressful and difficult way to live but he knew if he slipped again, he may not live through it. He couldn't afford to take that chance.

"Greg, did you hear me?"

"What?"

"I was talking to you. You just zoned out. You okay?"

"Yeah, just thinking."

"Anything you want to discuss?"

"Well it is the reason I'm here now isn't it?"

"If you want to go in a circle again that's fine with me, you're paying for the session."

House leaned forward, hands on his cane, chin resting on his hands. He was about to open up a big can of worms. "My mother called me the other night. She wants to see me."

"Does that bother you?"

"I've successfully managed to avoid seeing her since my father died."

"Why is that?"

"I like it that way."

"You don't like your mother?"

"I love my mother."

"Then why don't you want to see her."

"Do we really have to discuss my mother?"

"You brought it up."

"Yeah I was hoping you'd forgotten that."

"Greg, as I've said to you before I firmly believe many of your issues are deeply rooted in your youth, there's no time like the present to discuss them. Look around, it's just you and me. I'm not taking notes, there's no tape recorder. Nobody will ever hear what goes on in this room."

"It's not my mom…it's just that…if I spend any length of time in her presence she's eventually going to want to talk about him."

"And?"

"I'm afraid if she starts talking about how much she misses him and how he loved me in his own way, I'm going to freak out. I don't want to hurt her because I hate him."

"Greg, we've never discussed this before, at least not in detail, but why do you hate your father?"

"He wasn't my father."

"He raised you."

"Yeah. Raised me." House said it so softly that Nolan hardly heard him.

"What did he do to you?"

House got up and began pacing the room. Nolan knew when Greg did that it meant there was something really bothering him.

"Greg it's okay."

House suddenly turned to Nolan and yelled, "NO! IT'S NOT OKAY!"

Nolan was taken aback by this unusual display of emotion. He could see Greg's face turning red and the knuckles on the hand holding his cane had turned white. He was shaking. He encouraged him to relax.

"I'm not here to judge you. I'm here to listen to you and help you make sense of things. I know this will not be easy but it's built up inside you for years. Someday you are going to need to talk about it."

House hung his head; he seemed defeated which again was unusual for him. Finally he sat back down in the recliner, laid his cane in his lap and said, "He never thought I was good enough. As far back as I can remember he was a son of a bitch. I tried. I tried so hard to get him to like me but he just didn't….." his voice trailed off.

Nolan encouraged him to continue.

"Everything had to be perfect. The household was structured like a military organization. He'd bang on the wall of my bedroom at four in the morning to wake me up for school. He'd check my bedroom and bathroom to make sure they were spotless and if they weren't I'd have to spend hours in there cleaning the tile grout with a toothbrush. Everything had to sparkle and shine, my clothes had to be perfectly pressed. My mother was not allowed to do any of this for me; he believed a man had to learn to do things on his own."

Nolan sat back in his chair and listened. He was getting a much clearer understanding of why Greg House was the man he was.

House continued. "If I was late to dinner because I was at practice or a friend's house, he wouldn't let mom give me dinner. He'd order her to throw it away and make me watch. Later my mom would sneak food to me. He'd make me get up at four in the morning in the winter and do calisthenics in the backyard in just a tee shirt and shorts. He'd give me ice baths to make me show I was a man and could handle pain. He made me sleep outdoors on cold nights to toughen me up."

Nolan was speechless and he realized just from those few revelations Greg looked exhausted.

"Greg there is no excuse for your father's behavior. Let me ask you, did you ever attempt to rationalize his behavior?"

"I did when I was a kid. Once I figured out he wasn't my dad, it occurred to me that maybe he knew it too and took his anger out on me because of it. I don't know if he ever knew for sure but I thought maybe he did and that was why he hated me. Of course, I was nothing like him so I figured it must have been a relief for him to know that he hadn't screwed up. "

"How did you know he wasn't your father?"

"Certain hereditary things. Also, after he died I ran a DNA test and confirmed it."

"Do you know who your real father is?"

"Yeah. A friend of the family."

"How do you know?"

"Well, the most telling sign is that we have the exact same birthmark in the exact same place."

"Wow." That was all Nolan could manage at that moment. He knew how perceptive the man was but he never imagined that at a young age Greg would have figured out John House was not his biological father.

"Yeah, wow. That's what I thought too."

"Were there ever any good times with your father?"

House paused a moment immersed in deep thought. "Yes."

"Would you like to share them? "

House became quiet and leaned back, eyes closed as if in meditation.

"It's okay Greg we don't need to talk about that now." Nolan was patient, he knew he needed time. Nolan tried something else.

"Greg, do you blame your mother?"

House thought about that before speaking. He really hadn't given it much thought.

"No. It wasn't her fault. I remember her paying a lot of extra attention to me after he was mean to me. And when dad had to take trips or go on maneuvers mom and I spent a lot of time together. She taught me how to cook, play piano, and iron my own clothes and a lot of other things. I often wonder why she put up with him. Maybe she felt guilty for having cheated on him, I don't know. I just know that my mother saved me. You think I'm screwed up now? Imagine what I'd be like if she hadn't been there for me."

This information was a lot for Nolan to absorb. Gregory House was a misanthropic son of a bitch but he wasn't that way because he wanted to be, he was that way because of his life experiences. Nolan sighed as all this new information came forward from House. It took nearly a lifetime to make him this way; it will take a long time to make him whole again. He really liked Greg, he respected him too and he silently thanked God that Greg hadn't given up.

Nolan decided to subject abruptly so as to help House relax a bit. "So how's the writing?"

"It's okay I suppose. I was busy last week so I didn't have a chance to write much. I wrote some music."

"Really?"

"Yeah, just random things that came to mind."

"Good for you. I know how much you love music. You should play more. Even if it invokes sadness, music is a great way to express your feelings. I know you hate talking, but I would encourage you to play more if you can."

House didn't say anything but nodded his head in acknowledgement.

"I almost forgot to ask you if you mailed the letter to Dr. Cuddy."

"Yep. Wilson mailed it for me."

"So now we wait."

"Yeah" he sighed. "Now we wait."

Nolan continued. They had a few minutes left and he thought it might be good for House to continue talking.

"Greg?"

"Yeah."

"At least consider talking to your mom about your dad. Maybe it can help you forgive."

"Forgive?"

"Yes forgiveness is a powerful thing."

"Why would I want to forgive him?"

"The point of forgiveness isn't about the other person so much as it is about you. Holding on to bitterness and anger can cause a great many problems. Being able to forgive those who wronged you is a crucial part of your healing. You cannot forgive someone until you have fully felt the pain that person has caused you. Greg, you have been feeling this pain most of your life. It's time to let it go."

"You think if I forgive my dad I can just forget?"

"Forgiveness has nothing to do with forgetting. You'll never forget Greg but forgiving your dad, should you choose to, may lift a great burden you've been carrying around for most of your life. It would be good for your physical and emotional health and allow you to sustain better and longer lasting relationships. I don't think you realize the extent to which this anger has manifested itself in your life through your actions."

House got up and began pacing the room again. He went to his favorite place, the window, which seemed to help him clarify his thoughts as he looked out. "I'll have to think about it. Right now I'm not ready to forgive him."

"Can I ask you another question?"

"If I said no would that stop you?"

Nolan chuckled. "No, it would not."

"Shoot."

"Has anyone ever forgiven you for anything?"

House wasn't expecting that question. Had anyone ever forgiven him? He'd wronged a lot of people including his team, but the only people whose forgiveness really mattered to him were his mom, Cuddy, Wilson…and Stacy. He thought about them. He'd been very mean to Stacy in the last months of their five-year relationship and he wondered if she ever forgave him for it. Wilson had forgiven him for Amber's death, he'd told House as much. Cuddy had told him one night as they snuggled on the couch together that she had forgiven him for lashing out at her and telling her she'd suck as a mother. She had also surprised him by forgiving him for walking out on her the morning after their amazing night together in college. He thought to himself, there are so many things I've done wrong to Cuddy and Wilson, how could they forgive me? As far as his mother went, he knew he could have been a better son. He'd never told anyone but he was ashamed that he had let his mother down; that he had done something so heinous that he had gone to prison. His mother was a good and kind woman and raised her genius son better than that. What his mother thought of him weighed heavily on House's mind.

"Greg?"

"Sorry, was just thinking."

"About?"

"I used to think forgiveness was overrated."

"Given everything you've been through these last couple of years, do you still think that?"

"No."

Later that evening after the last of the guests had paid their respects and gone home, Arlene cleaned up the house while the Cuddy sisters spent some time with their children at bedtime. Arlene kissed both her daughters goodnight and left them on the couch in front of a fire. They sat quiet and felt comforted by the warmth that enveloped the room. Cuddy opened her mouth to say something but Julia said, "Hold that thought!" and she ran barefoot into the kitchen. She returned with a rather large bottle of wine and no glasses. Cuddy was surprised as her sister seemed so proper, she couldn't imagine her drinking wine out of a bottle. It had been a long day with the funeral service and then the gathering at Julia's home where friends and family ate and drank and remembered Michael. Julia had enjoyed having so many people at her home honoring her husband's memory but she was exhausted by the end of the day. She needed something to relax her and was thankful for the unopened bottle of wine her mother had brought over for Thanksgiving.

Julia relaxed on the couch and picked up the open bottle, taking a swig. "Leese, thanks for being here for me and the kids today. I can't tell you how much it means to me. This morning it all seemed unreal but now it's beginning to sink in."

"I know this sounds corny but things will get better. Hang in there, you've got great support and if mom doesn't drive you crazy she may actually be good to have around here for awhile."

Julia laughed. "Mom can be such a pain in the ass but really she's been great. She took care of so much today and she was so great with the kids. Funny how sometimes we can't stand her but the kids just love her to death. "

Cuddy grabbed the bottle from her sister, took a drink and chuckled. "Oh that's because they don't know her like we do. If they knew what mom was really like, they'd run for the border. You see, that's the beauty of being a grandmother, the grandkids get all the good, none of the bad." And with that both sisters laughed and took turns taking swigs from the bottle of wine.

They sat there quietly for a few minutes, just enjoying the peace and the fire. Out of the blue, Julia asked, "Can I do this Leese? Can I make it own my own? Michael made sure that financially we would never have to worry but I'm talking about…can I survive without him? I feel like my heart is broken."

Cuddy didn't know how to answer that. She understood having a broken heart but not like this. "Oh Jules, you are stronger than you know. You've always been that way. When Michael worked long hours, you took care of three kids and a household not to mention you got your real estate license and worked part-time too. You did a lot for your family and you did it well. You should be proud. I know this is hard, I can't even imagine what you're going through but I know you will make it, I know you will. I've never told you this but you are a lot like mom. Mom held us together when dad died and you will hold your family together now too. I know you will."

Julia looked at her sister and smiled, "You were always the tough one. I remember dad used to brag about you to his friends. He always told them how you were going to make it big someday in a man's world and damn sure enough you did it. I put on a good façade sometimes but when you've got a husband and three kids depending on you, what else can you do? I had to be strong, I didn't have a choice."

"You did have a choice and you always made the right one Jules. Don't underestimate yourself."

"It was easier when we didn't have kids because it was just us and nothing to lose but having kids…changed everything didn't it? We have to protect them, they depend on us."

"Yeah. I try to protect Rachel so that my problems don't become hers."

"But sometimes they do and there's not much we can do about it. My kids are teenagers now and I tried to shield them from our problems. When Michael and I would fight, I hated that they had to hear it. Kids don't understand adult problems and so they worry."

Cuddy was surprised at her sister's revelation about fighting with her husband. "Fighting? You and Michael? I don't believe it."

"Oh wow Leese, where have you been?" She laughed a bit which was a relief for Cuddy to see her sister be able to laugh. "Michael and I have—we had our share of fights. He thought he was right, I thought I was right. Mom used to tell me someone had to give but I didn't want to. I'd given in so many times early in our marriage that later on I just decided it was his turn. He could be somewhat of a control freak at times and well to put it bluntly he could be an asshole too. But I'll admit I could be a bitch and I had my own way of doing things. Now I feel guilty about thinking that about him. Actually, I'd give anything to fight with him again. I know that sounds absurd but really I would."

Cuddy was quiet. She really didn't know what to say to that.

"If he was such a control freak and an asshole at times, why did you stay with him?"

Julia laughed. "Because I loved him and he loved me and because when things got tough, we knew we could rely on that and build from there. Oh Leese, this is why you've always had such a hard time with relationships." Cuddy looked at her as if offended and Julia caught on quickly. "Please don't be upset, I wasn't trying to criticize you." She took her sister's hand. "Before you get upset, let me explain. You were always the one who had high standards and wanted the best of everything. I admired that in you, you never wanted to settle for second-best. But I think sometimes that hurt your relationships with men because you'd get scared and run the first sign of trouble you'd run."

Cuddy sighed. She didn't want to admit her sister might correct in her assumption. "I don't know where I got that stupid idealized vision of relationships. Mom and dad weren't perfect so where did I get it from?"

"I don't know Leese, I just don't know. Look, there are pros and cons in everything in life especially relationships. Everyone has their good side and their bad side. I chose to see the good in Michael. Oh don't get me wrong, I didn't just ignore the bad, it's just that I knew if I kept looking for someone who had all good and no bad, I'd be alone forever."

Cuddy was silent and took another swig of wine. This conversation had become intense. They were quiet again and just stared at the fire.

"Leese, how do you let go of someone when you've loved them for so long? I mean Michael was a part of my life for two decades, how do I let that go?"

Cuddy thought about this for a moment. "Oh gosh I don't think you can let go and really you shouldn't have to let go, not in the sense that you should forget. The life you had with him is a huge part of who you are. You just hold those memories in your heart and save them for when times get tough and you want to bury yourself in self-pity. That's when you bring out those memories and savor them and they make you feel better. Jules, it's going to hurt like hell at times. Remember how much it hurt us when dad died? Remember how worried we were about mom? She made it and so did we. You're going to laugh and you're going to cry but it'll be good for you, it's part of life. And you've got the kids too and they're a part of him and having them around will always remind you of him. When you love someone for so long, when you know them better than you know yourself.., Cuddy drifted off without thinking.

"Leese?"

"Sorry. I just mean that he'll always be a part of you so long as you remember him."

"Leese can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Michael and I knew each other for so long and now I wonder how my life will go on without him. You knew Greg House even longer. Though Greg didn't die, I remember you telling me that not having him in your life anymore made you feel like a part of you died. How did you go on?"

Cuddy was not expecting this question. She wasn't sure she wanted to get into a discussion about House with her sister but Julia was opening up to her which didn't happen often and it felt nice to talk to her like this.

"Jules honestly we should be focusing on you here but I like that we are talking like this, I mean it's been so long since we've been this close and I want to share my feelings with you." She paused, took a deep breath and continued, "I hate him and I love him and I miss him. I know I sound like a moron considering all the shit he put me through over the years and then driving his car into my house. He could have hurt me, you, all of us. I should hate him with every fiber of my being. I did, but now I don't. We went through so much over the years. I tried to forget him Jules, I really did but it's hard. I'm supposed to hate him and want him dead and curse the ground he walks on. But I don't. I can't. I don't know if I can forgive him yet. I just don't know. God, it's so fucking complicated."

Julia didn't know what to say. She wasn't angry at her sister and she wasn't surprised. She knew how much her sister loved that crazy asshole that caused her nothing but heartache for years. She had silently cursed Greg House for hurting her sister and forcing her to uproot her life. She knew how much they had loved one another and she thought finally her sister would find happiness with him, even if it was their twisted version of happiness. She hated Greg for what he'd done but she also knew how much it cost her sister to lose him in her life. Julia thought to herself, when you have the one person you love more than anything, you can't lose them. She knew that all too well now.

Julia looked directly at her sister. "Oh hell Lisa, life is complicated. Sometimes it's a real fucked up mess and a real pain in the ass but if it were too easy it would be boring, right? Just do yourself a favor and stop worrying. Sometimes you think too goddamn much."

Cuddy nodded her head in agreement then said, "I think I need more wine."

Julia, however, kept talking. "Oh hell Leese, whatever happens just remember time heals all wounds."

Cuddy just stared at her sister and then Julia realized what she said.

"Oh shit! I sound like mom! She said that to me this morning and I just looked her like she was crazy. Now I'm saying it! Oh my God I'm turning into mom!"

For a second, they were quiet, just staring at one another and then they both burst out laughing so hard they wound up with tears in their eyes. Though it was late and they were tired they needed this. The bottle of wine was almost empty and Julia left the room for a moment, returning quickly with another one. Cuddy was just fine with that, after all, what else could they do? They'd been through so much today and this was a nice break from reality. Very soon both would resume their lives. Julia would have to begin adjusting to her new role as a widowed mother of three teenagers and Cuddy would have to return home to her life as a lonely single mom. At least for tonight the sisters could pretend that everything was going to be okay.

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