Trigger warning! Some sad and a bit graphic stuff in this chapter.

Griffin Anatomy

Chapter 2:

Clarke POV:

I stare at the nothingness that is my ceiling, it's about 3-in-the-morning. Finn's arm wrapped around my waste. My back to his chest, and I just can't seem to shut off my brain. The last 2 months have changed quite a bit. It's been 2 months since I first slept with Finn. It's been 2 months since I first started working as an intern at Ark Hospital. And 2 months since Bellamy and I had that like chat in the on-call room. I wouldn't say Bellamy and I are friends now, not my any means. But we both have refrained from using any poisonous words at each other. We still go at each other's throats, it's really only about mundane things now.

Just yesterday I walked down to the kitchen for breakfast, Bellamy was there. He's here a lot now. He was making himself a PB&J sandwich. And Oh Boy, was he making it wrong. I still don't understand how someone puts the jelly on top of the peanut butter, it just mixes it all together. Yesterday was different though, he had this heat in his eyes. And I was enjoying our argument way too much. He was saying something about it taste better that way. And I couldn't stop looking at his mouth, he had just licked the knife and some of jelly was on his top lip. I felt a rush a liquid between my legs and I knew I had to get out of there before I jumped him.

I felt so bad when I went back up to my room, I couldn't look Bellamy in the eye all day. Somehow I feel like I cheated on Finn, which I know isn't true. I'm sure Finn looks at other girls all the time. But I swear another minute and I would have jumped him, right there in the kitchen. Maybe my problem is that I just need more sex. With my crazy work schedule, Finn with his long brain surgeries. And he gets those horribly long phone calls from his family. We just haven't had the time. Maybe now would be a good time?

I turn over so Finn and I are now facing each other, and I start kissing him. I roll him over so he's on his back and I climb on top of him. His eyes are still closed when I hear him mutter something. I start kissing down his chest when "Ray-mm… That feels so good." I freeze. Ray? My mind runs blank. I don't know any Ray. I look back up at him, his eyes are still closed. "Raven, why'd you stop?"

"Finn, who are you talking about?" His eyes shoot up and looks at me panicked. "Clarke?" His croaks voice out.

I move away from him, feeling of dread filling my gut. "Where you expecting someone else?" Pulling my lips in a tight line.

The panic is now evident in his tone. "No, no, no. You see I-I was, uh, dream-ming about the bird. Y-yeah the bird. And I think-k my brain got confused… That's all. Now come back over here." He said the last part with more confidence. All I can think is how that feels like a lie. That 'Raven' is not just some bird. I've not heard him stutter on words before. Not once. But then I think better of it, the anniversary of my father's death is coming up. My mind is never clear around the anniversary; I always think people are betraying me, that I can't trust anyone. I need to trust him, I pretty sure I'm falling in love with him. So I crawl back over to Finn and have the sex I so desperately need.

The next day my mind is off. So off I almost gave to wrong medicine to three different patience's. All I can think about is how Finn didn't say 'Raven' at first. No, he said "Ray" a nickname. He said it with what sounded like love to. No Griffin. I think to myself. It's just because dad's death date is in a week. Get over yourself. He told you, that he loves you this morning. Don't forget you said it back.

When I see Finn sitting at our table, with all our friends. He looks up at me, and his face lights up like I've never seen before. And I know all my worries are foolish.

It's a good thing Octavia's brother is an attending, and he brings long Miller, who also is an attending. So no one questions Finn at our table. People have been slowly acting like I'm a real person around here. Last thing I need is for it to get out that I'm sleeping with Finn. Everyone would just assume I'm using him. People would believe I'm just like my mother for sure.

We're all chatting away when Jasper and Monty start throwing food at each other.

"Jasper. Monty. Stop throwing food at each other or you will get none of my lasagna tonight" I say basically scolding them.

"Ahhh! Come on mom. We were just having a little fun" Jasper whines. I roll my eyes at the nickname my friends have so graciously given me.

"Guys, listen to your mother." Bellamy said with a wide grin on his face. Eyes narrow with amusement at me.

I roll my eyes again. Bite my lip too hind my own grin. "I'm sorry if the people I live with act like 5-year-olds, and have to make sure they don't lose their jobs." I bite out.

Octavia chimes in. "See that's why you're the mom, Clarke. Always looking out of us." She smiles. At the statement my heart swells a bit. Then I see my father's face flash before my eyes and the feelings gone.

"Y-yeah. Okay, I got t-to go. I, uh, didn't finish my rounds." I say and got up so quick, my chair almost tips over. Once again, for what feels like the millionth time today. I hear Finn moan 'Ray' and seeing the lights leaving my father's eyes.

Wells looks up at me, and he knows exactly what's going on in my head. "Clarke" He warns "Don't." Is all he said. I shake my head. "I-I can't. You know that." I say. With that I turn and walk away. I need to be alone. I hope to god this week flies by. I love the people at that table. But my head keeps telling me that they'll all leave or betray me, because eventually everyone does.

Bellamy POV:

"I-I can't. You know that."

We all watch her walk away, slowly turning to Wells in question. He shakes his head and opens his mouth to speak. "She'll probably hate me for telling you guys this, but it wouldn't be the first time." He takes a deep breath, and I can't help but wonder what the hell he is about to say. "The anniversary of Clarke's father's death is next week. Every year she goes into this deep spiral thinking everyone around will betray and leave her. I've never known how to make her come out of it. She gets over thinking that way, after the day. But she always pushes the people she cares about away, beforehand. I'm not sure what changes after the day, but she starts acting normal again. Just give her a week, and she'll be fine. Just try to refrain from saying 'caring' things to her. She'll just freak out." When he finishes, he looks as though he has just lost a battle. Maybe he has. I know Wells and Clarke have been friends since they were kids. Being that their parents had worked together for years. He probably knows her inside and out. So I can understand wanting to care and take her pain away. Probably the same way I take care of Octavia. But one thing is bothering me, and I want to know. "You said, wouldn't be the first time. Has she hated you before?" I ask, because I can't imagine Clarke hating Wells. The sibling love the two have is obvious.

He looks at me, clearly debating to tell us or not. He opens his mouth to speak, but closes it again. He takes a deep breath. "Yes." He states and goes on. "She wouldn't talk to me for a year." He looks down, with a faraway look in his eyes. Clearly not wanting to go on. But Jasper doesn't seem to notice and asks "Why?" I would normally tell him to never mind, but my curiosity is getting the better of me. So I stay quiet. Wells huffs. "It's not my business to tell." With that, he gets up and walks away. Leaving the table with everyone in their own thoughts.

The week has pasted, and everyone notices Clarke getting more and more distant. But kept telling each other that once the day comes, she'll be back to normally. That day is today. No one has seen her. Octavia said she went to wake Clarke up so she wouldn't be late for work, but wasn't there. Wells said that it was normal and she usually takes the day off. But it doesn't stop the worry running throw my body. Collins asked Wells if he know where she went, he said no. But I have a feel he knows exactly where she is. The day goes by slow. Everyone wanting to know if Clarke is okay. Octavia, Wells, Monty and Jasper don't get off until tomorrow morning, so when I get off at 5pm, I make my way over to their house to see if Clarke is there. She isn't, so I decide to wait.

Its 11pm when I see the head lights of her car pull up. I watch from a window as she walks to the porch swing. I can tell she's drunk. So drunk, she is barely able to stand. How she drove home without killing anybody or herself, I have no idea. Anger runs through at the thought of her being so careless with herself, so I walk outside intended to give her a piece of my mind. Until I see the tears running down her rosy cheeks. I walk up to the swing, sit down and say nothing. Sometimes it's better to have someone around.

"Aren't you gonna ask me what's wrong?" She said in-between sobs.

"No, I figured if you wanted to talk about it, you would." I answer simply. With a shrug of my shoulders.

"I watched my dad get murdered." She whispers out. At that, I wipe my head around to stare at her. She's looking down at her hands, while more tears fall from her eyes. I don't say anything hoping she'll continue. And she does.

"I was 22. The semester had just ended. My dad and I were having a day of on the town like we always did the day before Thanksgiving. My dad and I hated those stupid parties my mother would make us go to. So we would always celebrate the day before, getting coffee, walking the streets and finish the day with dinner and a movie." She smiles at that, but then it fades away.

"My god father is Marcus Kane; he runs a small gang on the lower east side of Seattle. My dad and I never knew that. Until my dad found something he wasn't supposed to. He never told me what he found." She takes a shaky breath and closes her eyes. When she opened them again, they look so haunted it takes my breath away. "That day, my dad looked like the weight of the world was hanging on his shoulders. We had just gotten our coffee when the gun shots from a drive-by happened. No one was firing back. My dad pushed me to the ground and jumped on top of me, he shielded me with his body. I remember both of his hands were covering my head. I could feel every time a bullet would hit him. I counted 6, but 2 must have happened at the same time because there were actually 7." At this point I have no know idea how she's upright, let alone talking.

"3 of the bullets went through my dad into my back. When the shots stopped. I rolled my dad on his back, to see his face. But before I looked at him, across the street I saw Marcus Kane with a smile on his face staring at me. He just nodded and walked away. I looked down at my dad, he was somehow still alive." She stopped and took my hand, and I swear it felt as though the world was no longer there. The only thing that existed was the two of us. She looked deep into my eyes.

"I took his head in my hands and scream at him to stay with me. That he couldn't leave me alone to deal with mom. That he was supposed to walk me down the aisle. I just kept saying all things he was supposed to do until something is his eyes changed. It was acceptance." I know what she's talking about because I have seen it in patience's eyes before.

"That's when I stopped talking. All I did was nod and told him that I loved him. It was like he was waiting for me to say that, because the next moment I saw the lights leave his eyes. I told the cops everything. How my dad found something on Marcus, and of how I saw him across the street smiling at me. My mother and the cops said it must have been shock because Marcus had a steel tight alibi." She's quite for a minute, I can tell there's more she wants to say.

"I thought it was Wells's fault… I had told him about Marcus and how my dad found something. I thought he told his father. My mother, Marcus and Thelonious were all are really close friends. I thought he was the reason my dad was dead. That is, until a year later when I found out my mother and Marcus were dating. And I knew. I knew it was my mother who told Marcus my dad was on to him. I still feel horrible for the way I treated Wells. He told me he rather have me hate him, than knowing what my mother had done."

I throw my arms around her and say. "He loves you Clarke, he would do anything for you. He knew what he was doing, don't feel bad. He made his decision to protect you." I whisper in her ear. We're both are quite for a long while, when she speaks up again.

"When Wells and I were kids, we walked in on my mom and Jaha fucking. We were about 10 or 11-years-old. After that we walked in on them together a lot. My dad knew, I would walk past his study, and he would be crying. I really have no idea why he stayed with her. He gave up his whole life for her. He quit his jobs, so I could have a parent at home. She would make him do anything she wanted. My dad deserved a thousand times better than her. He was the most selfless person I knew."

I stay quiet, letting all the words sink in. How Clarke came from The Ice Queen I'll never know. From what she told me, it must all come from her dad. After hearing all that, my feelings for Clarke only grow. I feel it in my chest, so light and strong. I'm still holding her in my arms. I feel like I should say something. But I have no idea what. So I just sit there, with my hand running up and down her arm in a soothing manner. Her sobs have turned into to hiccups. I'm so wrapped up in her, I didn't notice another car drive up and a person stand next to us.

"What the hell is going on here!?" We both jump.

"Finn…? When did you get here?" Clarke asks. I have the same question in my mind.

"Long enough to see you guys cuddling." He said in an aggravated tone. Which only pisses me off, because he knows what today is for Clarke.

I sign and say. "Look man, it's not what you think. I was just here." I don't want to give it away that Wells told us about today. And Clarke really doesn't need the added stress.

"He was just letting me use his shoulder to cry on. Okay? Nothing else happened." She has annoyance in her tone and its written all over her face.

"Why were you crying then?" Did he really just ask that? What I wouldn't give to punch him square in the face.

"It doesn't matter why I was crying. I just was okay. Now are you done, because I would like to go to bed." She states, clearly exhausted. Crossing her arms over her chest.

Collins take an over dramatic huff. "Yeah, let's go to bed." He rolls his eyes. But glares at me as he followers into the house and all I can do is smirk of how threated he is of me.

On my drive back home, all I can think about is how Clarke wouldn't tell Collins why she was upset. I wonder why she trusted me with all that information. I'm happy she did but isn't that something you tell your boyfriend or best friend. Not the guy you hate. Maybe she feels something for you too. A little voice comes from the back of my head. I roll my eyes at the thought. Don't be an idiot. She's with Collins, not to mention way too good for me. She probably just thinks of me as a friend.

But I still feel her lingering in my arms. Her smooth skin, and the way she smelt of vanilla. Her breath ghosting down my neck. It felt so good having her in my arms. Shielding her from the world. I now have this need to protect her from anything and everything that comes her way. I've never felt this way before, and I have no idea how to handle it.

God I'm so screwed.

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