Marissa was trapped in a familiar dream. It came to her every so often, a dream that was almost a nightmare so unfamiliar were the emotions that coursed through her.

She was lying on a bed in some anonymous hotel room watching an infomercial on the television. Bianca was sat on the bed beside her and she could feel her eyes boring into her, but Marissa didn't move. She didn't turn her head, and she didn't acknowledge her. She just stared straight ahead, her attention directed at the television screen. She didn't want to move – if she moved then Bianca would say something…

"… I'm attracted to you…"

… and everything would change.

Marissa wanted her to say those words, wanted the change, but a huge part of her was holding back; part of her that was afraid to hear it. It was a part of herself she didn't recognise. She had never felt like that about Bianca, she had always been so sure – hadn't she?

But the terror was real. The fear and doubt that wracked her was almost overpowering. It was as if admitting for even a second the possibility of Bianca being more than a friend would be breaking some great unmentionable, unfathomable taboo. Marissa didn't understand her feelings. Bianca meant the world to her, the connection between them had been instantaneous, just as it was with AJ, and there was never a question of fear, never a moment of doubt that they belonged together; but in the dream, fear was all she felt, fear and shame and confusion.

Marissa grew more and more uncomfortable in the stiff position on the bed, she knew she had to move. She shifted just slightly to get more comfortable and Bianca starred down at her a moment longer before scooting away…

"I can't do this anymore!"

The path of the dream never changed. Bianca began speaking… stammering her way to an admission but Marissa pretended not to understand; she was waiting for the four little words that would shatter her safe little world. In the dream she would laugh and try to brush it off and then she would run away, run to the arms of...

No, just the thought of it made her shudder...

Why would she run from the most kind, wise, beautiful woman she had ever met? – she didn't know.

…

Every time Bianca made her earth shattering revelation, the first words from Marissa's lips were always 'Are you're kidding me?'…

'Are you kidding me?' As if Bianca's words were a surprise…

'Are you kidding me?' As if Marissa's own feelings were any different...

'Are you kidding me?' As if this was a bad joke that should be swept quickly aside…

'Are you kidding me?'…

Every time she wished she could say something… anything else.

…

Marissa's focus was drawn back to Bianca, she was gazing at her a nervous smile on her lips, a spark of hope in her eyes as she spoke the phrase that changed everything;

"I'm not expecting anything to come from it… But I just wanted you to know… I'm attracted to you…"

Marissa felt the words she didn't want to say reaching her lips, the fear she didn't understand bubbling up inside her. She fought it down, fought it back, but this was a dream and a dream has a path you have to follow…

Like a blip the scene reset; Bianca was gazing at her once more, a nervous smile on her lips, a spark of hope in her eyes;

"I'm attracted to you…"

Marissa fought back against the words springing from her lips.

"Are you… are you…are you..?"

She didn't want to say it, she needed another word, a better word.

"…kid… ki… kissing me!"

"No, no, I've felt like this for a while…" began Bianca following the dream script before realising the words had changed. "…What?"

"Kiss me." sighed Marissa leaning forward, fighting back the fear she didn't want to feel.

Bianca stared at her, her eyes wide. Her lips didn't move but Marissa heard her answer;

"Are you serious…You want me… us?"

…

And then the scene changed once more like a reset button had been hit. Marissa was back to lying on a bed. This time there was no television on and the room was dark but she could still feel Bianca's presence beside her.

Marissa took action, rolling over to find Bianca's lips in the dark and kissed them fiercely as if it prove once and for all that the fear that ate away at her in this dream was not her own; could never be her own.

Bianca gave a moan of protest, attempting to push her away, but then her body relaxed and she gave herself to the kiss, parting her lips and welcoming Marissa in.

As Bianca's warm arms wrapped around her Marissa decided this was a much better end to the dream. She left Bianca's delicious lips and found a path to her neck.

Bianca gave an unexpected laugh.

"Good morning to you too." she said. "That has got to be the nicest way to wake up."

Marissa stopped her kisses and pulled back to look down at Bianca's smiling face. She blinked suddenly unsure of where she was.

Bianca noticed the confusion.

"Marissa?"

"I'm awake." Marissa stammered, trying to get her bearings. She looked around realising she was in Bianca's room at Kendal's, remembering the invitation for her and AJ to spend the night after the picnic.

"Were you dreaming about me?" asked Bianca a curious smile on her face. "Was it a good dream?"

Marisa replied after a moment, returning a smile of her own.

"I like reality better."

…