From the moment he wakes up to his first steps on school concrete, he's pondering his actions.
An overcast, a perfect match to what he's feeling.
The uphill feels strangely steeper.
The main campus students' comments don't even register today.
Even the juice tastes bittersweet.
No one's outside on this day. He clenches a fist. Probably all inside. With…
Hold on! He stops dead-still. Why am I getting so worked up about it? He looks down at his hands. Thank goodness they're not shaking - since when do his hands ever shake?
All you have to do is tell her it was your fault in the first place, and apologize. I'm sure she'll take it well, dream-Nagisa consoles.
"As if it's that easy…" he mutters.
"What's easy?"
He swiftly spins around. What a coincidence. Nagisa.
"Didn't see you there, Nagisa-kun," he greets flawlessly. "I was talking about last night's homework, breezing right through the questions."
"Karma-kun?" Oh no, there are those worried eyes again. Walls up, defenses locked. "Is there anything troubling you?"
"Hm? Why do you ask?" He tries to display as nonchalant as a front as possible.
"I just wanted to check. Let's get to class, we don't want to be late!" He dismisses quickly, hurrying past the redhead.
That was weird. He shoves his hands in his pockets and walks after him.
It's only eight-thirteen. We're both earlier than usual.
The wooden walls, screen door...everything looks so forlorn now. He tiptoes by the staff room - no need for his teachers to inquire about his well-being, too.
Last stop.
He's right outside the classroom now. He takes a deep breath. This is it. Just be what everyone's expecting - smooth, tough, smart - and you'll be fine.
The door yields to his force.
Alright, action! There are only a few students, less than a quarter of the full class. Nagisa sits blankly at his desk. Nakamura is scribbling in her notebook at a speed to rival Koro-sensei's. Isogai is staring out the window. Kayano is deeply immersed in a book. His eyes search the room for the desk he wants -
But it's empty.
He lets out a breath he doesn't know he's holding. So she's not here yet. At least it gives me some time to form something -
"K-Karma-kun?"
That voice.
Stuttering.
"Um, y-you're blocking the way…"
He doesn't have to look to know who it is.
He steps forward deliberately, then takes a good look at the girl before him. Everything about her seems normal, just that…
...her right arm is in a cast. It's simple, white and not too outstanding.
I'm the one who put her in that.
"Karma-kun?" She tilts her head in question.
He's about to reply when he hears footsteps behind him. Then before he knows it, everyone (or at least the four students that are there) is crowding her, asking what it was, is she okay, how glad they are to have her back -
He quietly slips away, she's in the door frame, she won't be able to see him. He seats himself as his classmates begin to calm down as well. He takes out his notebook, for the sake of looking busy. The girl on his mind makes her way inconspicuously to her desk.
Why does it have to be so close to mine?
He concentrates harder on the math notes in front of him.
I'll have to confess sooner or later.
Then why not now? Dream-Nagisa materializes in his thoughts again.
Right now?
Yeah, there aren't many people around so your confession will go unnoticed, he explains. Or do you want to do it when everyone's here?
You're right. What he said made sense. The less people around, the less likely he was to get overheard.
It's time to go in for the kill.
He stands up, pushing the chair away from him. He's about to walk over to her when -
"Oh Karma-kunnnn!"
Wasted.
He sits back down, hiding his mild disappointment. "Hello, Nakamura-san."
"Hey, I wanted to ask you something," she purrs.
"Go ahead." I swear, if it's something about my troubles, I'll -
"Why're you wearing a tie?"
"...why not?" is his response.
Oh, he is so hiding something…
"Really? It's not because you wanted to look good for a certain someone?" She gives him a knowing look and covertly motions towards the desk to her right.
He throws out his best disgusted face. "Don't give me that."
She pouts. "Aw, someone's in a bad mood today."
Well maybe it's because he's trying to accomplish something but keeps getting interrupted…
You're not getting interrupted, dream-Nagisa interrupts shrewdly. You just can't face it.
Hey, whose side are you on anyways?
He knows that it's true, though. He could easily fend off Nakamura and open up to Okuda in that very moment, but he doesn't.
"Hm, whatever," he replies, disregarding her attempts at prying.
She chuckles to herself as she walks away. Overkill.
Everyone who arrives does the same thing. Enter, make a beeline to the class chemist. Ask about her health, to which she would tell them to "stop fussing" and "it's not a big deal".
The day passes quicker than she had expected, but the fact that "Okuda is disabled" ingrains itself more into her life as each event goes by.
She insists on not sitting out at PE.
"I-I have to continue pulling my own weight!" she pleads with Mr. Karasuma.
"...I know...but if you get hurt even more, that would be counter-productive," he says reluctantly. "I want to train you as much as anyone...but more injuries won't do you any good."
So she's sent back inside with Koro-sensei as company. She runs the entire way with tears in her eyes.
Then, science. Even her favourite subject becomes unenjoyable when they get to experiment with substances. Having a useless right hand means being left-handed, and being a righty using her left hand means knocking things over and overall clumsiness.
Lunch doesn't count as a subject, yet it's the worst of all. She eats outside like she usually does. What she doesn't anticipate is how hard it is to use chopsticks with your non-dominant hand. Over half of it is left untouched when the designated period is over.
I could ask someone for help...she shakes her head. That would make me seem even more helpless than I already am. I have to prove I'm strong!
She had a part in her fall, too. She should've put the ladder somewhere out of the way...or even been more aware…
She didn't want to be the type of person who blamed herself for everything, but she couldn't help feeling that way. No matter how many times Terasaka apologized to her (it had to be the seventh by now) she would always reply genuinely with "It's fine, honestly." I'm in this mess now, it's all I can do to help clean it up.
She can't clean.
She can't write, can't flip pages, can't do this, can't do that, can't, can't, can't!
Is there anything I can do?
You can be useless, a snide voice in her head says.
Don't listen to that, she berates herself. Only six more weeks to go. I can handle this.
I can be strong too.
The only thing that bothers her, just a teensy-tiny bit, was Karma.
What was he going to say?
He is also the only one who didn't fuss over her. She's grateful, but a little confused.
He hasn't spoken to me all day.
Her point proves right when the last bell of the day tolls, and he's one of the first to leave.
Oh well. I'll just talk to him tomorrow!
She gathers her things and shoulders her bag, trying not to let it slip.
Add it to the list of things I can't do.
She hurries out after saying her goodbyes and glances up. The sky has cleared up a bit - there a still a few clouds, but everything's sunny for the most part. It's not too late in the day, the shadows are still short.
She broods about what she learned in science today as she heads home.
Halfway there, she's free of the mountain, but still on the streets. She's about to turn the corner when -
"Hey, loser!"
Class B students.
She turns her head slightly and carries on.
Ignore them.
"Why aren't you answering? Don't tell me you're brain's too mush to understand simple language, huh?"
Words mean nothing.
"Answer me!" She hears footsteps, quick steps behind her. She tries to break into a run but - too late.
She's surrounded.
"Already weakened, hm?" The one in front eyes her cast. She backs away slowly, only to bump into someone. She turns around, hoping that it's someone she knows.
Fat chance.
"You've got no escape, 3-E. Let's teach you a lesson you won't forget." He cracks his knuckles menacingly and steps forward.
She gulps. Maybe without a fractured forearm I could have survived for a bit...but with it? I don't have a chance…
Maybe I'm not strong after all…
Crash!
Suddenly there's broken glass at his feet. He recoils, but catches himself just in time. He looks past her, this time.
"Ooh, it's Akabane!"
K-Karma!?
"That's right," Karma Akabane drawls. She can hear him advancing. In her mind, she can see it. She'd hate to be the bullies now.
"Are you screwing with my classmate?"
"Hell yeah we are," the lead one laughs. "And whatcha gonna do about - gah!"
She hears the sound of bodies hitting the ground and she shuts her eyes. The last time she was subject to the horrors Karma was able to dish out, she couldn't look at him the same for a week…
"Hey." She feels a tap on the head and opens her eyes. It's Karma, looking worried. He visibly relaxes. "Good to see you're okay."
But now he knows I'm useless.
C'mon, tell her!
Shut up! He snaps inwardly.
"Did you really beat them all up?" From this perspective, she looks small. Childish, even.
"Yeah…but it was a bit hard to do, since it's out in the open…"
"Oh…" She looks worried, he doesn't know why, it was Class B students who he beat up. What a bunch of jokers.
"Well...thank you for saving me, Karma-kun." She bows, showing her gratitude.
"You know, you don't have to be so polite about it," he tells her. "I'd do it for anyone who's getting bullied."
"Well…" She says awkwardly. "I th-think I'd better get going now…thank you again!" She bows once more then turns to leave.
Chase after her!
"W...wait!" He runs after her, putting a hand on her shoulder. "I'll come with you. Just in case."
And to tell you that it was my fault.
Does he really think I'm so weak that I need a bodyguard?
She tries not to let her angst show, besides, she could welcome the company. "Thank you again." She resists the urge to bow - she was probably being too liberal with them anyways.
The two lapse into silence as they set off again.
Is this what having friends is like?
I hope I'm not acting too strange.
She doesn't talk much, but he's fine with it. He has things to say to her that just won't come out - no doubt they would be talking much more if he said them.
Well, what's the worst that could happen?
She could never talk to you again, for starters, his mind suggests in the form of Nagisa. That probably wouldn't happen, but the guilt would be too hard to bear, huh? Just think about it!
I'd better hurry, he thinks absentmindedly. He's taken to ignoring him for now. Her apartment's coming up.
Soon enough, they reach the bottom of the building she lives in without any other disruption.
"Goodbye, Karma-kun. I-I'll see you tomorrow!" She bows one more time. I hope he doesn't think I'm being...whatever I'm being.
He watches her go, but remembers just as she's about to go in. "Okuda-san, wait!" Should I? Should I!?
"Karma-kun?" She totters back to where he's standing.
I wonder what it is.
He fingers his jacket.
This is it.
I'll tell her now.
Say it!
"Never mind." He puts on a (hopefully) confident smile. "I'll see you tomorrow."
"O-ok...I'll see you tomorrow!" She smiles back and enters the building.
What was that all about?
He curses himself for being so chicken.
He can partake in a four-on-one street fight and win, ace all of his tests when no one else in his class does, fake suicide all for the purpose of an assassination...but not this.
He's guilty.
And it's killing him.
Author note will be at the end now.
So here's chapter 3. Sorry for any OOC, mostly on Karma's part, I hope to allude to a reason for that in a later chapter.
Also, I headcanon that Karma only plays Animal Crossing: New Leaf on his 3DS...
(Did I use that word right? I hope I did and I don't look like a fool.)
When Koro-sensei went to pick him up for the summer festival, he was on Tortimer Island catching beetles.
Line breaks note a change in perspective or setting.
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