V
My dear General du Vallon,
You are right to chide me for not writing sooner. I would proffer my most sincere apologies for my procrastination except I knew d'Artagnan would forward my letter to you, as well as share it with Aramis, though I am in receipt of a chastising letter from the minister as well.
I do not neglect you from want of things to share; however, I no longer have the strange leisure of days and days of boredom sitting around camp waiting for the generals to decide where next we battle, nor are my days my own any longer. Lest you think, as d'Artagnan mistakenly believes, I am taking up the reins of the estate again, that is so far from the truth it is laughable.
Perhaps you recall the name Bertrand Collier?He has matters well in hand here. The estate has been aiding in the war effort from the beginning, producing food and clothing as well as limited armaments. Monsieur Collier has the forges ringing, the weavers spinning, and the wine press clanking all hours of the day and night. There is not one unemployed soul on the property from the littlest shepherd to the ancientest armorer.
War has brought an unexpected prosperity to the region. There are folk here, as well, who dread the defeat of the enemy; their motivation being only a bit purer than your current covey of generals. They have sacrificed their sons to the cause, compensation in the form of monetary gain makes the sacrifice more palatable. We are living in a world where sacrifice and gain have become odd bedfellows.
While on the subject of the estate, let me put to rest your concerns about living here again. You are right to claim credit for disabusing me of the notion I was not worthy of happiness and you are correct in recognizing Sylvie's hand as the finishing touch. It is by yours and d'Artagnan's generosity of spirit that I have arrived at this place I inhabit. And Aramis to a large degree, since it was he who saw the potential and maneuvered Tréville into allowing me a second chance. It took me far too long to fully embrace that opportunity, but I am holding onto it with both hands these days. And Sylvie, bless her, keeps reminding me she would not chose an unworthy man as the father of her child.
As you so insightfully noted, a new perspective gives one a very different view of events. I knew from the beginning Catherine cared only for my title and the duties as chatelaine of my domain. She was my father's choice. And though I thought I was happy here with Anne, in hindsight, I realize there was always a tension between us that I could not name. I suppose keeping her identity a secret made her wary of giving her heart as completely as I - in my naiveté - turned over mine. Lesson learned. There is no secrecy between Sylvie and I, I have confessed my sins and been absolved of my rank stupidity when it comes to women. She is in full agreement that she is my salvation.
So even when those old ghosts occasionally raise their heads, they cannot control me as they were wont to do ... before. There is a new hand on the reins, one that meets commitment with equal commitment and steers our days in pleasant paths. As a result, I await the birth of our son - Sylvie is certain it is a boy - with glad anticipation rather than quivering knees and queasy belly. Could we, do you suppose, perhaps look forward to a time when our offspring might find their own heartsease in one another? Would that not be the epitome of destinies forged in the fires of brotherhood and war? To have our children joined together in blissful matrimony?
I did not laugh when you shared that your gambling habit became a thing of the past over night. Responsibility for another, whether it be a vulnerable child or invincible grown men, is life changing. d'Artagnan's flogging woke something dormant in my soul that I think you were born with, or perhaps it was nurtured to fruition during your formative years in the Court of Miracles - that dragon-like desire to protect all those around you.
We had carried on together for years, I did not doubt that you were both fully capable of defending and protecting yourselves. As your captain, though, it was my ultimate responsibility to act in accordance with the role I had been assigned; to protect and serve my men. I did not grow into that understanding, nor did I make a conscious choice in the moment. I acted because Tréville, without ever saying a word, had mentored that in me without any understanding on my part. It was an ingrained response to a dire situation. Between breaths I saw with the clarity of vision I'd never before experienced, what drinking had done to me and knew I would not touch another drop. So it does not surprise me that accountability has changed you, too, my friend.
My congratulations on the news of another child to feed and clothe and bring up. Despite the tongue-in-cheek best wishes, I feel the vibrations of your joy echoing in my own heart. Constance is to come for Sylvie's lying in, we expect sometime around the end of next month, so she'll be back at the garrison in plenty of time for Elodie's lying in as well. Unless it's twins as the midwife has predicted, in which case, I will have to beg Constance to remain while I return to the garrison to teach for d'Artagnan in order to ensure my ability to provide for three souls. Perish the thought; one is more than enough for me right now. I am enjoying the bliss of married life too much. I am not yet ready to return to reality.
While I do not have Aramis' ecclesiastical bent, I have at least made my peace with his God, and pray daily that you and all our men remain under the shadow of His wings. Yes, despite having no churchy inclinations, I do know the scriptures. A long ago tutor of little intelligence and even less imagination made certain of that. These days, I am occasionally grateful for that knowledge.
No thanks are necessary on the topic of your promotion, I merely offered our new regent options. She is a wise woman, no matter her still tender years, and a keen observer. She learned much from Tréville during his time in her sphere and chose accordingly from the options I was able to offer her. It is a great privilege to be a leader of men, you wear the mantle with dignity and courage and are an outstanding example of the breed. But Porthos, do not think that to quit is to break faith with me or the queen. Listen to your heart, do not fight it when it tells you that you're done with soldiering. As I said to d'Artagnan, and because I have experienced it in my own life - to everything there is a season. Be prepared to allow yourself to change with those seasons.
As for those lessons in diplomacy, next time you're home for any length of time, bring your family to visit us. I understand generals have a bit more leeway in terms of familial visitations. After all, we got into trouble because de le Force was out of camp for more than a month. Exercise those rights, man. Even with as much joy as Sylvie and this new life we've created together has given me, I miss you all and would welcome the opportunity to be together again in the very near future.
Your devoted servant and friend,
Athos
TBC