Well my muse hit me in the head with a new plot twist last night - so there is another few months worth of story to come (at least).
Thanks to all my readers and reviewers I hope you will all continue on this journey with me.
(Also if you were wondering what happened to Camilla from the last weeks spoilers I had Dr Stanhope take her place)
SPOILERS - this week - A sailing trip, Kendal visits Cara and Charlie and Bianca's treatment continues.
...
The kids spent a good half hour telling Bianca about school or in Gabby's case, all the great thing she did with Ayesha at day care and they also got into their plans for the yachting expedition. AJ volunteered himself as captain with the plan of Miranda being his first mate. Gabby then got upset because she wanted to be the captain too so Reggie quickly christened her the deputy vice-captain.
"I guess that makes us the crew." said Marissa with a laugh.
"They have more fun anyway." said Bianca.
"They do?" said AJ.
"Sure, the captain gives the orders but it's the crew who get to raise the sails and steer the boat."
"Oh." said AJ reconsidering. "I don't want to be captain then, I want to do the fun stuff."
"Me too." said Miranda.
"Well as it's Jack's boat shouldn't he be the captain anyway." said Reggie.
"True." said Bianca.
Gabby pulled a face.
"But I can still be Dep-tee vice-captain?"
"Of course you can." said Marissa giving the little girl a cuddle.
There was a knock on the door. David was standing there in the doorway. Bianca sighed, reluctant for this perfect family moment to end.
"Are you ready?" David asked.
"As ready as I'll ever be." said Bianca with a grimace.
"I promise it won't take more than a moment." he said wheeling in a trolley, his equipment covered by a green cloth.
"Come on kids, why don't we grab a soda. Give the doctor twenty minutes or so to do his job?" suggested Reggie, taking Gabby's hand to help her hop from the bed.
"Mommy, will you be okay." asked Miranda nervously.
"She'll be fine I promise." said David.
He noticed that both Marissa and Miranda were holding back. He could also see the apprehensive expression on Bianca's face.
"One person can stay if you want," said David, "Marissa?"
Miranda looked up at Marissa.
"You'll look after her."
"You know I will." said Marissa putting a comforting hand on the little girls shoulder.
"We'll come right back mommy." said Miranda.
Bianca gave her daughter a big smile.
"I'll be here."
With a nod Miranda followed Reggie to the door. AJ gave her a shy smile and took her hand as they headed out into the corridor.
"There really is nothing to worry out." said David as he pulled the cover from his trolley to reveal a vial and a needle.
"I hate needles." said Bianca.
"Well I'm right here." said Marissa coming forward to take her hand.
"Bianca, could you look to the right for me." instructed David, pulling Bianca's hair away to expose her neck.
Bianca turned her head and found herself gazing into her girlfriends smiling face.
David swabbed Bianca's neck just below the bullet scar.
"Here we go." he said.
Bianca closed her eyes and squeezed Marissa's hand a little tighter. There was a sharp pick into her neck and then it was gone.
"All done." said David pressing a swab to the needle site.
"That was it?" said Bianca, opening her eyes again.
"That was it." said David holding the dressing in place a little longer to make sure it didn't bleed.
"That wasn't so bad." said Marissa giving her girlfriend a grin.
"That was a half dose." said David, "I want to see how your body reacts before increasing the dosage. A nurse will come in every twenty minutes to take your vitals for the first hour and then there will be an hourly check."
"All night?" said Bianca, her brow furrowed.
"This is still an experimental procedure and I want to take every precaution."
"We understand." said Marissa resting her hand on Bianca's arm.
Bianca nodded.
David looked from Bianca to Marissa.
"I know I've said this before," said David, "But I'm so glad you found each other."
…
When David left, Marissa settled back into the edge of the bed.
"How does it look?" Bianca asked tipping her head to one side.
Marissa could see a red mark from the needle, but that was all.
"It looks fine." said Marissa, "but I could kiss it better if you like."
Marissa leaned in but Bianca pushed her back with a laugh.
"No, because once you start on my neck we both know you can't stop."
Marissa laughed too.
They gazed at each other, happy smiles on their faces, but Bianca's expression grew slowly serious.
"So are you going to tell me how it went with Dr Stanhope?"
…
Marissa took a deep breath and ran her fingers through her short hair, her hand unconsciously following the trail of her bullet scar.
"He asked me to keep a dream journal."
"That makes sense." said Bianca taking both of Marissa's hands in hers
"He also wanted me to talk to you." said Marissa looking up to meet Bianca's questioning eyes
"He did?" said Bianca giving her teasing grin, "Haven't I been saying that all along?"
Marissa gave Bianca a look.
"Yes you have." she said smiling briefly, but her expression grew more serious again. "He wants me to talk to you about my dreams. He thinks they might be memories."
Bianca's eyes went wide for a moment and then a wide grin appeared on her face. The grin however faded when she saw the sombre expression Marissa's still wore.
"You don't think so?" she asked.
"I don't know." said Marissa reluctantly, "Some of them might be, I guess. Either that or my brain has just been putting together things that you've told me or I overheard. But other dreams… I mean, I doubt we've ever gone around the grounds of the Chandler mansion hanging necklaces from trees!"
"Yes we have." said Bianca slowly. "The traditional Chandler annual after-Easter treasure hunt."
Marissa frowned.
"You invited the girls and me," continued Bianca, "To cheer us up while I was going through my divorce. You dragged me out into the garden to help hide the treasure in impossible places. I remember at one point you got me to give you a boost so you could hang a necklace from a birdhouse halfway up a tree…"
"…And I slipped, only you caught me. It was the first time you really held me in your arms." finished Marissa, a hint of awe in her voice.
"Yeah!" exclaimed Bianca, "Yeah, although I'm not sure it was really the first time I held you… what I mean is, we were just becoming friend back then… I not saying I didn't think you were cute, because you're, well, you, but, it wasn't really anything more than friendship… and me stopping your fall… really."
"You said 'really' a lot in that sentence." said Marissa with a chuckle.
Bianca buried her face in her hands before looking up with an awkward grin.
"Okay is it bad that I was crushing on you even then."
"Well if my dream is anything to go by, I think I must have been as well, a little." said Marissa, realising the truth, her dreams could all be real! "And the snowball fight in the park where you threw a snowball square in my face?"
"You were trying to cheer me up again, get me to open up. Make me throw stuff and scream"
"But your really not much of a screamer." finished Marissa.
"Yeah." said Bianca her eyes shining with delight. "And then we collapsed side by side in the snow laughing like two little kids and you told me we were going to win no matter what..."
"And we lay back… I thought you were going to take my hand, but instead you sprinkled more snow on my face."
"Yeah," said Bianca, "Sorry about that."
"It's all real." gasped Marissa.
Bianca grinned back excitedly.
"You're remembering!"
"I remember in my dreams," said Marissa, "I don't think it's quite the same."
"It's a start." said Bianca encouragingly.
"But if it really is memories then Dr Stanhope believes it's treatable with hypnosis."
"Hypnosis?" said Bianca.
"I can get my past back." said Marissa, but there was a nervousness in her eyes.
"What's wrong?" asked Bianca.
"It's just… will I stop being me?"
"Of course not." said Bianca pulling her into a hug. "You'll be you with a little extra you."
"That is either very profound or utter nonsense." said Marissa with a grin.
"I love you… only you." said Bianca reassuringly, "But there is still a big part of you missing… don't you want it back?"
"Of course I do." said Marissa pulling out of the hug to look Bianca in the eye once more. "I want back every second I've ever spent with you, and with AJ, and with my parents. But…"
"…There are other memories."
"Yeah! I was in love with JR. I loved him. I married him!" Marissa shuddered, "I'm not sure I want those memories back."
"All of those memories, the good and the not so good. They are all what make you you. There are memories in my head I wish I could erase forever, but they also play a huge part in making me the person I am today."
"I know you're right." said Marissa. "I just don't like the thought of there ever being a moment when I wasn't in love with you. If my dreams are real then there was a time I was so afraid of my feelings that when you told me you loved me I ran away."
"If it's any consolation," said Bianca squeezing Marissa's hands tighter. "I did the exact same thing when you told me."
Marissa smiled at Bianca.
"Yeah, I think I remember you telling me."
"And even if you were afraid… you still loved me!"
Marissa gazed back at Bianca with wondrous eyes, why hadn't she seen it like that? Yet another thing that made her girlfriend so incredible.
"This is good news." said Bianca. "We now both have a chance at getting back what that one terrible night at the Chandler mansion stole from us!"
Unable to contain it herself any longer she pulled Marissa back into an embrace and held her tight. Marissa hugged her back, burying her head into Bianca's shoulder, inhaling her scent. Realising she was just inches from Bianca's neck she couldn't resist leaning in to kiss it.
"I missed you last night." she whispered into Bianca's ear.
She kissed her neck a second time and followed it with a flick of her tongue, causing a sigh to escape from Bianca's lips.
"I missed you too." Bianca breathed, "So much…"
She turned her head and caught Marissa's mouth with her own…
…
Reggie led the crocodile of small people in his charge back to Bianca's room.
"I'll just check to see if the doctor's finished." He said quietly, before opening the door a crack and peering in.
He shut the door quickly again.
"We'll just give them a few minutes more." He said hurriedly, scooting the kids back to the waiting room.
…