Chapter 5 after such a looong time -_- Sorry. Mea culpa. This is the downside of being an AP student… ahahaha… Thank you so much for everyone who has reviewed the story thus far. You all make me smile favorably upon you 3 And since some of you may have waited all of this time TT_TT, this chapter is a bit longer than normal.
Summary: In everyone's eyes, Hinata has remained the same, even after so many years have gone by. She's still the same innocent, gentle, caring young woman. Even when the news of Naruto and Sakura hitting it off, the village felt incredibly sorry for the girl who had been in love for so long. But to Hinata, that was just what she had wanted everyone to see. Deep down, concealed behind her mask, Hinata is a completely different person. And only one person has been able to see behind the lies… and now he's more than determined to reveal the truth.
Pairing: Sasuke and Hinata
Rating: M to be safe
Disclaimer: I do not own anything
With Eyes That See the Bigger Picture
Episode 05
Looking up ahead at the main street, Hinata continued to stumble to and fro down the road. Her shopping experience was dull and gray – her shopping list plain. Hinata ran options of food entrées in her mind with the collected ingredients. The rain's pounding droplets on her seemingly weak umbrella did not help concentrate either along with the equally throbbing headache. She made a sharp turn down a smaller road towards her house near the edge of the town.
Hinata slowly reached out for her key from her back pocket and fumbled multiple times at the lock before finally managing to open the atrocity. Upon entering, Hinata staggered inside, almost tripping over herself before setting down the groceries in the kitchen and collapsing on her bed. The pale ceiling above was soon out of view by the back her eyelids. Hinata took in a deep breath and let out as she turned to her side. Sleep. Never had this word sounded so beautiful.
It felt… peaceful. As if sleep would make all of her worries and stress disappear. Tsunade had introduced her to a mission a month prior and only recently had she managed to crawl back to the village. Her work for the moment was done. Finally. She was finally free.
Or so she believed.
Knock knock!
Hinata groaned a little too loud for her normalcy and slowly slumped out of bed before she made her way to the door. Who the hell calls at this hour?
Reaching out towards the door, she barely unlocked it before Sakura rushed in past her.
"Can you believe it?" she exclaimed, ignoring Hinata's frown, "Naruto is still not back from his mission! I'm starting to feel a bit worried."
Hinata turned towards the kitchen robotically on the norm to prepare a meal for her uninvited guest, "I'm sure he's fine, Sakura. Naruto is a big boy. He'll manage." Sakura followed Hinata momentarily.
"But! Isn't it normal to worry about the person you love when they are away?" She leaned in by the door slightly, "Are you ever worried?"
Hinata stopped mid-way to the cupboard, "About what?" (her voice rather high).
"When Sasuke is out on a mission, are you ever worried?"
'Midnight-cookies' skid off her plate as Hinata suddenly turned to face Sakura, her face completely pale, "Why would I worry about Sasuke?"
Sakura stared ahead in confusion, "Naruto… he told me that… you and Sasuke were… are you?"
"Are we what?" Hinata questioned rather sternly. Her eyes began to penetrate the other girl rather coldly, a characteristic she would have to avoid in the future keeping up the façade.
"Aren't you and Sasuke seeing each other?" Sakura managed to squeak, "Isn't it perfectly normal to be worried about your significant other?"
Hinata's frown disappeared as she slowly brought back her usual stoic composure, "I think Naruto was mistaken," a fake smile followed by a fake laugh, "You see, he must have misinterpreted the situation, that's all."
Sakura eyed the other one, analyzing. "I was just wondering…"
Hinata swallowed a bit too hard as she placed the cookies and reached towards the beverages. "About what?" She heard Sakura hoping on top of the counter and turned to see her swinging her legs to and fro like a child.
"I was trying to imagine how hard it must have been for you… I… I'm not going to apologize for taking the initiative with Naruto but…" she paused, trying hard to focus her thoughts properly, "To be in love with someone for so long without swaying to anyone else during all of these years… is very noble in my opinion. I mean, it's a feat that I myself have tried to accomplish before but… it's hard. There are so many temptations to forget him and move on that you soon begin to doubt your own feelings for that other person. It's so easy to find someone else and move on.
There were times when I wanted to simply forget about him. And after I thought of such things, I would punish myself for being so unfaithful. And when I look back on it," her shoulders slumped faintly, "I begin to realize that those feelings were so misguided. I question whether I really loved him… or whether I was simply fooling myself for the sake of being able to say that there is someone that I liked. Because, it almost felt as if having someone to fawn over meant to be human. But when I looked at you… I always saw that glimmer in your eyes when you were watching over Naruto. I saw how you would get embarrassed simply if your gaze met with his, or even if he were to greet you, you looked as if you were the happiest person alive. It was genuine and true – I could tell that you very in love with him, and not a parasitic nuisance."
There was an abrupt silence before Hinata turned to face Sakura completely.
"I don't think that your 'love' was all that different from mine. I would say that at first, we were both attracted to those people simply because we were too stupid at the time. But… I think that your attraction to them physically had transformed into indisputable love," she smiled slightly, "You cared for that person when they were at their lowest and when they were in their time of need. You worried for them when the situation was dire and was relieved beyond point of tears when you found out that they were alright. What you felt was no different from what I did."
Hinata pushed the plate to Sakura initiating for her to take some.
"But," Sakura clutched onto a cookie as she slouched even lower in humiliation, "My feelings disappeared over time. Yours were crushed… by my own selfish desires."
Hinata grew silent.
"I am the source of your misery, don't you see? I am not worthy of having my feelings be compared to yours – not when I am spending my time in contentment while you are away on the sidelines watching." Sakura's thumb suddenly crushed the cookie in two, "I'm-!"
"Stop pitying me."
Another pause. Sakura's eyes widened at the comment but dared not to look up.
"Don't you dare," Hinata began as all traces of her other self were disappearing, "Don't you dare pity me with that load of crap. Don't you dare look down upon me."
Her voice was now raising significantly, "You have your own life to attend to and I have mine. I don't try to interfere with yours and you don't try to with mine. Naruto isn't part of my life, so stop it with this half-attempt of a pathetic excuse to feel better about yourself."
Sakura lowered her cookie back unto the plate. "You're right…" She slid off the counter, "I am trying to find means in justifying my actions. But… if you were to suddenly decide to try to snatch Naruto away from me…"
Hinata frowned at the comment but then smiled earnestly at the logic of her friend, "I would have to watch out for your triumphant revenge?"
There was a final silence before the girls broke out into a wholeheartedly laughter. It was normal at this point. Since practically everyone in the village knew of Hinata's crush on Naruto, it was only natural that the two would be on uneven terms. But now… it was normal. Making these sly remarks about their love lives and jokingly abusing each other's wounds was… normal. It was a means of preserving communication between the two, much like how Ino and Sakura would constantly bash at one another after their issue over Sasuke was resolved. Normal.
"Well then, how about a celebration of your return?" she grinned sheepishly, "I can ask Tenten and Ino to join along tomorrow and the four of us can go down to the park and have a small picnic-gathering? It'll be fun for everyone!"
Hinata inwardly sighed at Sakura's chipper mood. It was amazing how the girl could change topics as if they did not even exist. Then again, so could she. Rubbing her forefingers together, Hinata cowered a little in response, "Alright, how about tomorrow around six? That way, the sun will be setting soon and we could enjoy some barbecue?"
"Amazing idea!" Sakura explained as she hopped off the counter, "I'll provide the meat; I know Ino can do veggies, and Tenten will have the bread and beverages ready. Do you think you can bring some utensils and blankets?"
Hinata nodded up and down.
"Excellent! Well, I won't keep you any longer; you're probably really tired already." Sakura made her way back to the entrance door and stopped shortly before continuing, "Have a good rest."
"You too. Don't wander off and get lost in this part of town." And with that, the front door was shut lightly closed as Hinata finished it off with the locks.
That was close. She grimaced. I have to be more careful about stating my thoughts.
Hinata slid back to her room and began to undress herself. She turned on the bath water and slowly pulled herself in, grabbing the soap and shampoo along. Peach. No pun intended. Hinata stared at the wall in front of her absent-mindedly as the water began to overflow on her stomach. What Naruto had told Sakura was… ridiculous. Such things did not exist between her and Sasuke. But with Sakura trying to apologize was even more ridiculous. She did not need for her to feel sorry about the turn of events. It just happens. Her figure cringed as she pulled her knees closer together. Tears began to drip one by one, soaking the skin in-between her arms and cheeks. It happens to everyone, everyone get's their heart broken.
Soft sobs and hiccups erupted. It's only a matter of time before you too will move on.
o.o.o.o.o.o.o
Rain plummeted the following day. Unfortunately, Sakura suggested that they move the picnic-turned-failure unto her roofed veranda so that they could at least enjoy the rain. Autumn-scented candles were set up by Ino and Tenten brought extra umbrellas just in case. Fattening cake also found its way to the gathering. The girls sat at a large table as they got comfy in the chairs enveloped in cozy blankets.
"So, now that you're back, Hinata," Tenten chirped as she held onto her drink across the table, "You can't possibly have any excuses for not wanting to come and join us for the beach gathering. And so, a toast to your triumphant return and a start of your newly-made over frivolous life!"
"I thought that you guys had already gone to the beach about two weeks ago." Hinata recoiled before Tenten was able to begin the toast.
"Well, we were planning on to," Ino replied, "But because everyone was just so busy with their own missions we had to postpone the meet, which, by the way, is this Saturday and you are not allowed to not come."
"That's right," Tenten added in, "This beach gathering's sole goal is to get you out of your house and into some else's bed."
Hinata chocked on her drink as the others burst out laughing. "Don't tease her so much!" Sakura replied in between giggles.
"I've talked to the others already, including Sasuke. This week works best for everyone." Ino chipped in after the laughter died down, "Think of it like a small reunion of our classmates, Hinata."
Hinata frowned a little at the comment.
Rain continued to drop harshly on the rooftop. Hinata slid lower into her seat. Her mind wandered to that particular night.
"So, are going to continue to hide under my sheets?" his voice was rather harsh.
Hinata clamped farther into the bed, not budging to Sasuke's gentle tugs. "Leave me alone."
"I would… but you are in my bed after all." He chuckled a little… painfully.
Hinata gathered herself before lunging forward out of the bed suddenly before Sasuke had registered anything and was able to catch her. She hurriedly ducked away from his late reaction and ran towards the hall, pulling up her dress along the way. From behind, she could feel Sasuke's frustrated steps until he caught up to her.
"Where are you going?"
Hinata brushed aside his arm and glared back at him, "You are needed at seven, remember? You're already late enough as it is. I'm going home."
"Hold on, about what you just said…"
"I'm going home." Hinata stressed out the phrase once more before dashing off towards the locked door. Sasuke allowed the girl to leave abruptly without so much as a twitch.
And that was it. Soon after, he was called on a mission along with Naruto by Tsunade and Hinata was assigned to escort a high ranking individual from god-knows-where on a different mission of her own. The mission took longer than she anticipated… and seeing as how Naruto was still not back, it was uncertain how much longer Sasuke would be out. But that was perfectly alright. In fact, Hinata loved the idea of not having Sasuke in the village, threatening her of exposing her secret. It was a time when she could clear her mind off the issue at hand.
Hinata sat back up and turned towards the girls who were now in a deep conversation about what colour the other's swimsuit was. Without paying any mind to them and focusing merely on the rain, it was peaceful. It was tranquil.
It's a lie.
Hinata frowned. It's a lie that I am feeling at ease without that nuisance around?
It's a lie that you have no feelings for him, and you know it.
A sly smile slid across her face. Sorry, but I don't plan on letting you control my emotions any longer. You had your chance with Naruto and look where that got you. She glanced over to Sakura. Nowhere. It was so easy to manipulate the heart when it is reminded of its past mistakes. And yet, at the same time… it hurt to a point of no return, or so it seemed. Hinata took in a sharp breath to control her freshly made tears from the previous night. She couldn't let that resurface once more.
Sakura seemed to have taken note of this and decided to move along the gathering into a different conversation. "So, how did your mission go, Hinata?"
Hinata snapped back momentarily as all eyes were glued on her. She blushed a little and began fondling the piece of fabric in her hands cautiously. Another chance to refer away from all of that. "Well, it was really boring. I don't think you want to hear about it."
Sakura shook her head in disproval, "No way, you were away for almost an entire month and expect nothing to happen?" Ino seemed to back her up on it as she raised her cup of hot chocolate.
"T-The only reason it took a m-month was because the man that I was esc-corting messed up on the directions." She managed to squeak out a reply as if apparent to be embarrassed by such a common mistake. Tenten sneered a little slyly.
"Oh? I wonder why that man messed up the directions?" she chuckled rather low, "Could it be he was distracted by the current situation in front of him?"
On the inside, Hinata was slapping her palm into her forehead for such a stupid comment. Damnit, I should have lied and said it was a woman. "I-I don't know what you mean…"
Ino also jumped headlong into the topic, "I bet it had something to do with a young, innocent, kunoichi who is a tad bit unaware of her of sex appeal?"
The two went off about in squeals like a pair of two pigs. Sakura merely smiled a little without joining in. "So tell us, how manly was he when you became worried about where in the world you guys were?" Tenten continued.
"I bet she just panicked all over the place, poor Hinata." Ino shook her head. Hinata laughed gently as if the comment held true. Yeah, except that I was about to kick his ass if he didn't start making sense of the directions anytime soon. She continued to smile and blush fervently. Which he soon found it in himself as to where we were and learned quite soon that my tent was off-limits at night the hard way. On the inside, she grinned proudly at her actions. No, by the end of the mission, this man was terrified of her. Not that anyone in the village would believe him if he were to complain about her services…
"I hope he didn't do anything indecent to you," a sudden voice from behind echoed brightly in her ears, "You know, you should really report anything of that sort to Tsunade. She would surely have his head."
Hinata's gaze spun to the source behind her as the ever-lasting grin appeared in her line of vision. The same blonde specs of hair were being ruffled by the same hand as Naruto stood by one of the posts supporting the veranda. He was gazing earnestly at her without her realizing that her same stupid, love-struck expression reappeared until he focused on the woman sitting next to her. Hinata's face went cold.
"N-Naruto!" Sakura beamed just as radiantly, "You're back! Wh-when did you get here?" She had by now literary jumped from her seat and rushed to his side. Yet, she avoided to show any intimate signs of affection in front of everyone as she tugged at his jacket lightly. She was probably too embarrassed knowing how the other two would react, or perhaps she did not want the pain in Hinata's heart to increase from the sight. Naruto was clearly oblivious to this unspoken notion as he, in one fell swoop, lifted her off her feet and into his arms. The same goofy smile reappeared once more.
"Today, actually," he laughed whole heartily, "We just made it back a little after five. Tsunade wanted us to write a report as soon as possible, so we had to stick around for a while at her office. Sorry for the wait, but we're back now! And here to stay!"
"Us?" Ino cut in abruptly as Sakura flushed a mad red, ducking her head into his shoulder, "You mean Sasuke is back too? Well then, where is he?"
Naruto glanced back in the girls' direction still ignoring Sakura's attempts to slide off of his chest, "He, uh, said he needed to check up on something somewhere but promised that he would return to Sakura's after he was done. I told him that we needed to finalize the time of Saturday's get-together." Naruto's attention was suddenly drawn to Hinata promptly, "Also, he mentioned to tell you that he wanted to see you for something afterwards."
"Wh-what?" Hinata replied, the sound of disappointment evident. Great, could you have sounded any more desperate?
"I don't know the exact details; he just asked to pass on the message if I saw you by chance."
Hinata rose to her feet suddenly, unaware consciously that she had done so. "I-I'll be back soon." She managed to breathe out in an almost whisper before dashing down from the porch's steps and unto the road. She couldn't remember. She couldn't recall anymore at this point whether her friends even noticed her anxiety or not. She couldn't remember what face Sakura made and whether she looked as if she was worried for her friend. She couldn't even notice it much less. Hinata couldn't recall any of the streets she passed, or the people she tried so desperately to avoid running in to, or the time of how little it was to finally reach the door of his house. She couldn't even remember how she even managed to remember which road he live on, much less the number of his apartment. She couldn't recollect herself knocking at his door. There was no sound. There was no sound as she knocked, nor when the door creaked slightly before her as a tired figure slumped unto it unexpectedly. She couldn't recall the expression on his face when his curious one met with her out-of-breath counterpart.
And then, in one instant motion, she figured it all out.
It's a lie that you have no feelings for him, and you know it.
It's a lie that you have created in order to protect yourself from other men.
You are afraid of falling in love again.
You already know the consequences of an unrequited love and cannot bear the idea of it happening again.
You cower away, trying to silence your true feelings through suppression and humiliation, but in the end all you're doing is hurting yourself.
You're afraid that this time may be the same as the last.
It is.
But it's not.
You're right.It's much worse than last time.
This time, it's not love. You don't fall in love with anyone within a couple of days of meeting them, much less when you feel in danger when around them.
This isn't love. It's false.
It is a means of escaping past pains and sufferings through physical pleasures. It's an impure and sinful way to go on about life.
And since when have you been the type to follow your morals?
"Hinata?"
You, who has deliberately lied and deceived everyone around you for your own personal gain,
You, who has tricked and fooled everyone into believing that you are innocent and pure,
You are a hypocrite if you suddenly decide to justify yourself through morals and ethics.
Bottom line is you crave to have immediate attention and affection but… not just from anyone.
"Hey, are you even listening to me?"
You only long for his attention.
"Hinat-!"
He was suddenly pushed back inside the apartment as the door forcefully slammed shut behind her.
…to be continued? ;] Hmm… a cliff-hanger :D