bisexualxanderharris requested "Pain. Hate. Envy. Those are the ABC's of me, you take them away and there's nothing left." + faithsley

Okay. I spent some time trying to figure out how to make this prompt work, and then this came to mind.

This is one of those 'soulmate mark' AUs, where your mark burns when you first lay eyes on your soulmate. Faith and Wesley are soulmates, but Faith still killed Finch and went dark, yada yada, Wesley still got fired, etc. This is one of those soulmate AUs where soulmates don't always get together, and Wesley resigned himself (especially after Faith ended up in a coma following the stabbing, which he y'know, felt) to never having his soulmate.

This takes place in 1x18 of AtS, "Five By Five", the scene where Faith has Wesley tied to that chair.

"Stop trying to help me, Wesley!" Faith screamed at him. "I'm not some broken toy you can just fix! This is me! Pain. Hate. Envy. Those are the ABC's of me, you take them away and there's nothing left." Faith grabbed the front of his shirt and lifted him - chair and all - up off the ground. "This is who I am. Don't act like you know me because some fucking grand cosmic thing decided we're soulmates! So shut up before I decide Angel needs some more motivation!"

"I've had a lot of time to do eveyrthing I can to understand you, Faith. I failed you once. I don't want to do that again." For the first time, Wesley really understood that axiom that fearlessness and courage weren't the same thing. He was terrified, but he couldn't let that stop him. "You don't have to be all of those, Faith. There's more to you than that."

"Oh yeah? Like what? Shut up! Shut up!" Faith screamed again. Turing around, she grabbed the knfe she'd embeded into the table and brandished it in front of him. "You think I won't cut you? You think I won't kill you?"

"I'm sure you will Faith." Wesley had read so much on the human mind over the last year, trying to understand Faith, trying to figure out what, if anything, he might have been able to do differently. Faith - she needed help. She needed someone to reach out to her. He could have been that person - he should have been that person. He'd failed her, listened to Council Doctrine and ruined everything. He couldn't do that again.

Angel was convinced Faith was out of control. That she needed to be put down. Wesley couldn't let that happen. The universe had made them soulmates for a reason. It wasn't just random, or arbitrary. There was a purpose behind it. He'd always believed that. It had been something to hold onto, all those times his father had locked him under the stairs. That there was someone out there who really could love him unconditionally. That there was someone out there who he could love.

Of course, he'd had that illusion worn out of him as he'd grown up, especially after Faith. But he couldn't give up on the idea of it. He never really had - not completely.

I'm her soulmate for a reason. That has to mean that I can help her. I just have to try.

"I'm sure you will." He said again. "But you don't have to. Please, Faith. You-" Wesley took a breath. He had no idea if this would work, had no idea if he was understanding her at all. "You've fallen into darkness and you don't see any way out but to keep going, doing what got you here. Nothing feels under control - the only way you see to assert that control, the control over your own life, yourself, is to use violence. You… you-" Pain exploded in his jaw and he could feel bruises already start to form on his cheek.

"Shut up!" Faith repeated. "Stop it! Stop pretending you know me! You and your English upbringing and your fancy accent and your big useless brain. Your fancy suits and your-"

"I won't pretend I know or understand ever detail of your life, Faith. I don't. But I understand feeling like you have no control." Wesley swallowed, thinking back to that moment, not even a few weeks ago, when he'd tortured that man – even if it had only taken a few minutes - to find out where Angel was, leading him to that fighting arena. The deep, visceral satisfaction he'd gotten, in being able to force that man to dance to his tune, as it were.

And it wasn't the first time Wesley had felt that sort of thing. It hadn't been many times. But…

He did understand. Just a little bit. And Wesley was running out of time to convince Faith to let him help her. Angel would be here sooner or later.

"You're not evil, Faith," Wesley told her, ignoring the pain in his jaw as best he could. "You don't have to keep doing this. Please, let me help you." His eyes fell on the knife she was still toying with idly, and hit it him.

She wanted to make Angel angry. She wanted…

"You want Angel to kill you." He said, even as it dawned on him. "You want him to kill you, as punishment. You see only the one way out." Wesley couldn't help by swallow as he saw her hand tighten around the knife. He spoke more, his words coming quickly, not even sure what he was saying. Speaking on instinct. "You know you've crossed lines and you don't see any way back. You don't see any way out but to die. But that's not the only way. You can make up for what you've done. Earn your redemption." Like Angel. Like himself, for his own failures, small as they were.

"I'm evil!" Faith hissed, her voice low for a change. "I'm bad! Stop pretending you know me! Stop pretending these marks matter!"

"No, you're not. Please, Faith." Wesley begged her, "This isn't about us being soulmates, this isn't about some cosmic purpose. This is about me offering you a chance. If you motivate Angel to want to kill you, he will. You know that full well. Please… please Faith. Let me help you. Let me try."