A/N: This is the third of the three chapters I had in mind this weekend. I thought a lot about how I wanted to write this chapter, it's been one of the most difficult to date. I hope you will enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Thank you GratefulInsomniac for giving this a once-over and offering great advice. Thank you to those reading and reviewing. Finally, thanks to everyone who has created or updated their fics recently.

Disclaimer: I don't own House but if I did, Cuddy would have slapped some sense into House and yelled "SNAP OUT OF IT!" after "Bombshells" then afterwards they would have made up. House would have gone back to being our favorite pain in the ass of earlier seasons and Cuddy would have gone back to being our favorite tough-as-nails, kickass Dean of Medicine and the only person who can keep House in line.

House stared at the text message from Cuddy then placed the phone on his chest and thought about what it would be like to talk to her again. He couldn't believe she was okay with this after everything he'd done to her. What would he say? Would things be awkward like they were last time? House was trying not to be concerned but he couldn't help it, this was Cuddy, and truthfully talking to her scared the shit out of him. He pondered all sorts of outcomes to the conversation until, per Cuddy's request, twenty minutes later, he dialed her number. It rang twice before she picked up.

"Hi, House," she answered softly. Cuddy was freshly showered, dressed in tiny shorts and a tank top and tucked from the waist down under the thick covers, leaning back against a pile of soft pillows.

"Hey yourself," he said. Like her, House was dressed in the usual bedclothes, boxers and a tee-shirt. House was relieved that Cuddy seemed happy to hear from him.

"I'm glad you texted me, I was thinking about you."

"Me too."

"You were thinking about you too?" She let out a slight chuckle.

House loved the way she laughed. "You know me, I'm always thinking about myself."

"Some things never change do they?"

"Nope."

"So does this feel weird to you too?" She asked as she fidgeted at the edges of the throw pillow in her lap.

"Yeah," he replied. He was just as nervous.

"What do we do about it?" He asked.

"I don't know. Neither of us have ever been ones to talk but now with all that happened between us…"

"I know what you mean. Maybe there's a way we can make it less stressful," Cuddy smiled, she had an idea in mind that might help make things less awkward.

"I'm game," he said, curious to know her plan.

"Actually, it's simple. No lies, no deflections, no assumptions. If we want to know something about one another we tell the truth and if we don't want to answer it, we just say we don't want to answer it. No games okay?"

"Always have to be in control don't you?" He joked sarcastically.

"I'm just trying to help," she said. The tone in her voice seemed slightly hurt at his insinuation she was trying to control the situation.

"Wait, I didn't mean anything by that Cuddy. I'm sorry. Let's not start off on the wrong foot here. Actually I'm okay with your suggestion," he said hoping to reassure her.

She let out a sigh of relief. "Well that was an icebreaker."

"I'd say. Three minutes on the phone and we nearly had our first argument in years."

"I guess some things never do change," she said with a hint of laughter back in her voice.

After about ten minutes or so of small talk exchanging pleasantries and talking about things mostly related to their mutual friend Wilson, House decided to take the conversation in another direction.

"So, how's Rachel?" House asked.

"House, do you really want to talk about Rachel?"

"Sure, why not?"

"Well I'm just not sure if you're asking because you care or you're just trying to break the ice."

House sighed and said, "Cuddy, I don't want to play games."

Cuddy paused before she replied honestly, "I don't either. Our shitty communication skills got us into this mess in the first place."

"Yeah. So getting back to Rachel, how is she?"

Cuddy decided to follow the conversation he was trying to start with her. "Oh Rachel is great, really. She's such a smart little girl and she's doing great in school. She loves to read and is a great speller though she hates math, but so did I at her age. She's very active and loves to play outside and she absolutely loves music. She is enjoying her piano lessons in the after school program. I think that your talent rubbed off on her."

House smiled hearing about her little musical prodigy. "The kid's a quick learner."

"I wish I could have seen you teaching her to play."

"You were always working or doing something related to the hospital."

Cuddy knew was right, he'd watched Rachel many times so she could work late. "I'm sorry I missed those moments."

"Me too. It's okay though, it's all about the kid and she enjoyed it so that's what matters, right?"

"I suppose. I do appreciate what you did for her."

"Tell anyone and I'll deny the hell out of it," he said.

"I would expect nothing less." They both laughed.

"I was so blind...about a lot of things. I thought Rachel annoyed you."

"At first she did but not for the reasons you think."

"Okay," Cuddy said, curious as to where this was headed.

"I was jealous."

"But why? She was just a baby."

House hadn't expected this conversation but now that he started it he had to see it through. "When you wanted to adopt the first time and I gave you a hard time about it, it was because I was mad at you for telling Wilson and not me. I mean I'd been there for you during the IVF and I never told anyone. But when it came to adopting you chose Wilson. I thought you trusted me."

"I did," she said.

"No, you didn't," he insisted. "You didn't think I'd take it seriously, that I would mock you for it."

"You're right. I needed someone who could be supportive and Wilson's always been that for me."

"Listen, I gave you a hard time about adoption both times not because I thought you'd be a shitty mom, in fact, I thought you'd be a great mom, it's just that I just figured once you adopted it would fill that void in your life and then...well...," he drifted off afraid to continue the sentence.

"You thought I wouldn't need you around anymore. Is that what you were going to say?" She asked hesitantly.

He swallowed hard. "Yeah. I was such an ass. I'll never forget what I said to you about you being a crappy mother. I'm still sorry for that."

"All the things we've been through and that's still bothering you? I told you long ago I forgave you."

"I know but…honestly, I was never quite sure if you were just saying that or if you really meant it."

Cuddy lay her head back against her pillows and closed her eyes, taking it all in. "I guess we can chalk that up to another miscommunication, or lack of it. God there were times I thought we were making progress but we really didn't make much did we?" She asked, sadly.

"We were both set in our ways, change was hard. I was at fault way more than you; don't beat yourself up over it."

"House, don't be a hero, there's plenty of blame to go around."

"I guess."

In an attempt to change the subject she asked, "So how's work?"

"You really want to talk about work?"

"I want to talk about whatever comes to mind."

"Okay."

"What's it like there without me?" It was a hard question for her to ask because she still missed her job there. Wilson had often told her what it was like not having her there, but she wanted House's point of view.

"Well, Foreman's not you. He doesn't look as good in the tight skirts." He heard her laugh on the other end. "He keeps the place together but he doesn't command respect like you didl."

"I never commanded your respect."

"Oh the hell you didn't! Look Cuddy, I was an asshole but I always respected you, except for when you kissed donor ass, I didn't like that but only because I thought you were better than that. I thought 'fuck it' if they didn't want to donate because the Dean didn't kiss their big fat asses. You did what you had to do to make that hospital great and that hospital in the top ten was in large part because of you. Nobody can argue knew your shit and you were damn good at it. That place is not the same without you."

"I don't know what to say," Cuddy was surprised by House's compliment.

"Don't say anything, it's my fault you're not still there kicking ass."

"Listen we don't have to talk about that," Cuddy wasn't sure if they were ready to go that far yet.

"You said we could talk about anything."

"I know, but..."

"It's still too painful for you. I'm sorry Cuddy. Geez I'm doing a bang-up job here." House banged his fist against the bed at his stupidity for bringing the subject up so soon.

"No, no, that's not what I meant. House, I forgave you and I meant it. We both paid a heavy price for what happened, wouldn't you say?"

"Yeah, I suppose we did."

"I...I just don't want to talk about it unless we're both ready," she said.

"I think I can. How about you?" House asked.

"I think so. To be honest I'm nervous as hell. I never thought we would talk about it."

"Cuddy, one night, one phone call, isn't long enough to have all of the conversations we need to have but this is a start. Just promise me you'll be honest and not hold back." He knew the only way they could move past it was to be completely honest. They needed to be able to trust one another.

"Fine but it goes both ways," she said. "We have to be completely honest and hold nothing back if this talking thing is going to work."

House was silent for a moment and Cuddy became concerned maybe he'd changed his mind.

"House?"

"Oh sorry. I was just thinking that Wilson would be proud of us," he said. They both laughed at that thought. As an afterthought he added, "Cuddy, I'd like to keep what we discuss between us so, can we agree not to talk about it with Wilson? He's trying hard not to meddle and I don't want to give him any reason to. Agreed?"

"Absolutely," she said.

"Good."

There was a long pause before House spoke again. "I don't even know where to begin. I hurt you so much."

"I know, I hurt you too."

"Nothing you did deserved what I did to you."

"House, I was so angry I could have killed you that day. I wanted you in prison and out of my life forever. I was hurt and angry and in shock. It was just so completely out of character for you. It took a few months for me to stop being so damn angry and try to figure out the burning question which was why did you do it? In order to answer that question I had to go back to the beginning of our relationship, where it all started."

"It wasn't your fault that I ran my car into your house," House stated adamantly.

"No, but I dumped you at the first sign of trouble," she replied.

"Oh hell Cuddy, you were just protecting yourself and Rachel."

"House, you crashed your car into my house, but we set in motion the events that led to it. Now that we've both accepted responsibility for our parts in it, the question is where do we go from here?"

"I don't know," he replied.

"We fucked up from the very beginning. You know that, I know that," she said.

"Yeah, you think?"

"House, if we had taken our time and just been honest and open things would have been different. Instead, we jumped into it with blinders on because we were so desperate to catch up on all those years we missed. It just seemed like we were just trying to take what we could get before we blew it up."

"I told Wilson from the beginning it was doomed to fail. I didn't want it to but it was inevitable," he said with a hint of sadness in his voice.

Cuddy picked up on his tone immediately. "I know. I wanted it to work too but like you, in the back of my mind I had a feeling something was going to happen."

"Wow," said House.

"Yeah," Cuddy sighed. "It was like we were just waiting for that big moment we knew was coming, we just didn't know when. We were afraid of being hurt so we each held back."

"Yeah. It sucked living like that from day to day," he told her.

"I know, she replied. "Hey House, do you realize that right now we're on the same page?"

"I guess we are. All it took was us breaking up and me driving my car into your house. Go figure." They chuckled a moment and then were silent. After a few moments, House could hear sniffling on the other end of the line.

"You okay?" He was concerned the conversation had taken its toll on her.

"Yeah, this was just all a bit overwhelming," she replied as she grabbed a Kleenex from her nightstand. "I wish we'd been able to talk like this a few years ago."

"Me too."

They were both tired and seemed to be winding down.

"Cuddy, can I ask you something?'

"Sure."

"Are you...in a relationship with anyone right now? If you don't want to answer I'll understand."

"No. I dated a few times but it never lasted long. Honestly, I always found fault with every guy I met. I guess I'm just like that."

"Yeah, you're kind of a perfectionist," he said jokingly.

She laughed, "Yeah something like that. How about you?"

"Me? You're kidding right?"

"Well..."

"I don't do relationships but to answer your question, no, I'm not seeing anyone." He added, "Nor have I wanted to see anyone since you."

"Oh, okay" she said quietly.

"Cuddy?"

"Yeah House."

"Would you have given me another chance? I mean, back then before I went over the edge?"

"I thought about it but I was afraid. I loved you so much and wanted you back but I was afraid if I let you back in I wouldn't ever be able to walk away. I worried that if you didn't recover and went back to your old ways, I would be dragged down that road with you and it would hurt more than I could bear."

"Back then I was angry and hurt, but eventually I realized you were just protecting yourself and Rachel," he said.

"Yeah, but you were hurting just like me," she said.

"We did what we always do Cuddy, we went into self-preservation mode. You walked away as fast as you could and kept yourself at a distance and I went into self-destruct mode, turning up the volume to eleven as usual, pushing away the people who cared about me."

"God, we are so screwed up," she said.

"That we are," he agreed.

"I never thought we'd talk again," she said.

"Yeah, me either."

"Hey House, can I ask you something?"

"Go for it."

She hesitated a moment before she continued. "Do you think you might be tagging along with Wilson to the Oncology conference next week?"

House was taken by surprise with her question.

"House?"

"Sorry, I'm here. I considered it but had second thoughts. I thought maybe it was too soon," he told her.

Breathing a sigh of relief that they were once again on same page she replied, "I know Rachel would like to see you," she said. Then she added, "I would like to see you too."

House smiled at her reply. They were silent a few seconds until they both tried to talk at the same time. House insisted Cuddy go first.

"I just wanted to thank you for writing me that first letter. I can't tell you how reading that really helped me to finally put things in the past," she said with sincerity.

House picked up on that sincerity immediately. "You're welcome but it should be me thanking you for giving me a chance to make things right."

"You're welcome House," she said. Looking at the clock she realized the time. "Oh shit," she chuckled out loud. "Do you realize we've been on the phone two hours already?"

"Time flies when you're having fun."

"Yeah, it does. It's late, I guess I should get some sleep," she said sounding somewhat reluctant to end the conversation.

"Yeah me too," he replied, also not quite willing to let go.

"We'll talk soon okay?" She asked in a hopeful tone.

"Yeah."

"Okay, well, goodnight House."

"Goodnight Cuddy."

House set the phone down next to him, completely overwhelmed at the discussion that unfolded over the course of the last two hours. He couldn't believe he'd spent all that time talking to Cuddy and they had been honest, without yelling or fighting or deflecting. He lay back and closed his eyes and the tension that he'd felt earlier that evening was gone and he was more relaxed than he'd been in a long time.

Meanwhile, Cuddy hung up her phone and thought back on the conversation. Given everything they'd been through, she never imagined that they'd have the chance to talk again. She wondered to herself why they couldn't have been that honest years ago? As she lie back on her pillows and let out a huge sigh, she realized that maybe the only way they could get to this point is by going through everything they'd been through. She smiled, feeling better than she had in quite awhile. With a slight smile on her face, Lisa Cuddy closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.

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