kathubs requested "I think I'm falling in love with you, and it scares me." + Tara/Willow
"I think I'm falling in love with you, and it scares me."
There were times when Willow wanted to just… say it. Just come out and say it, tell Tara those words that seemed to keep lodging in her throat before she could get them out.
When Oz had left, Willow hadn't thought she'd move on. Ever. She'd wanted to wait for him, thought he'd come back… any day now. As the days stretched longer, she'd realized that wasn't going to happen. That Oz might never come back – he wasn't even writing her letters… it was as if he'd just decided to completely forget about her.
By the time she'd realized that, Willow had still not thought she'd be even remotely inclined to move on soon. She'd thought it would take a long time for her to meet someone that she felt like she could connect to the way she had with Oz.
And she certainly hadn't thought that if she met such a person, that it would be another woman.
Willow hadn't, before Tara, ever thought to question her own sexuality. But…
Tara was always on her mind. When she was around, Willow was always aware of her, of how close or far she was. She was happier when Tara was around…
Tara was pretty – more than that even. And when she smiled, the world seemed to light up, and Tara was… beautiful was the only word for it.
And then there was the… whatever it had been that had passed between them when they combined their magics to block that door with the vending machine. It had been more than just magic. Willow grew more sure of that the more she thought of it.
But… am I gay? Am I… Willlow had loved Oz. Still loved him, to a degree. But… Willow was starting to be more and more certain that she loved Tara too. Which meant that she did like girls…
Which… if it was true… certainly put a few things she'd felt around Miss Calendar into context…
Willow wanted to kiss Tara. Wanted to hold her and…
But the prospect of falling in love with Tara, especially so soon after Oz leaving… it scared her. On the most basic level, it scared her because loving someone gave them the power to hurt you… she'd loved Oz, and he'd left, and she'd felt dead inside to a degree for a while. It had hurt. And if she really did love Tara…
That meant Tara could hurt her. And the idea of giving someone that power… frightening.
And then there was the other factor… as far as her friends, the people closest to her, thought, she was straight. A normal, not-at-all-attracted-to-other-women heterosexual woman. On the one hand… none of her friends had really acted or seemed like they'd have an issue with it… Xander's initial reaction to Larry a year and a half ago notwithstanding…
But on the other hand… she could hardly know. She could care less what her uninvolved parents thought about it..But if her friends… if Buffy, or Xander, or Giles… if they… she didn't know if she could handle them rejecting her because she loved another woman.
Willow looked at her clock, still lost in thought. It was time for her to leave for class…
I'm in love with Tara Maclay. And that terrifies me.