A/N: Many thanks to GratefulInsomniac for taking a peek at this before I posted it.

"So…uh…are you going to invite me in?" House asked with a grin as he broke the silence. His eyes wandered over her, taking note of how time had been so gracious to her. In his eyes, she looked even more beautiful now than she had when they were together.

"Sorry," Cuddy replied and moved aside so he could enter. He had made her blush with his gaze. She thought to herself how much better he looked since last time she'd seen him. His eyes were clear, his face had fewer lines. She thought he looked so much healthier than he had a few years ago.

As House limped past her through the foyer, he caught a hint of her perfume and recognized the scent that was unique to her. Some things never change, he thought.

"Nice place," he said looking around.

"It's the perfect size for Rachel and me," she said as she gestured for him to make himself at home.

"Speaking of, where's the kid?" He asked.

"Rachel is at a friend's house tonight. I thought it would be best so we could talk uninterrupted."

"Okay," he said. "Listen, Cuddy…"

"No. Sorry, I mean, not yet. I'd like to talk but let me put dinner in the oven first, grab us something to drink and then we can talk, how's that?"

"Fine."

"What would you like to drink?"

"Do you have any coffee?"

"Coffee? No beer?"

"Don't worry, I still like an occasional beer but it's been a long day and even with my earlier catnap, beer will only make me tired. I'm not ready to fall asleep yet."

"Let me grind some beans and I'll be right back." She left him alone as she went into the kitchen.

House took a look at his surroundings. The rented brick home was a mid-sized open floor plan with a comfortable and lived-in feel. The décor was definitely a reflection of Cuddy's personality with its warm earth tones. He'd always liked her choice of furniture and color schemes. He limped over to the fireplace and took a look at the pictures she had on the mantel, mostly of family. There were pictures of Rachel as she had grown over the years and a few pictures of Arlene and her daughters and Julia and her family. There was even a picture of Wilson with Rachel on a carousel. He felt somewhat envious, knowing it should have been him in that picture with her. They had just started to really bond when everything fell apart.

He moved over to one of the bookshelves that flanked the fireplace and noted the books there, mystery and crime, biographies, romance novels and a few old college texts. He smiled when he saw the one he had given her, The Approach to the Acute Abdomen by her great-grandfather Ernest Cuddy. He ran his fingers over the spine of the old text, remembering the moment he found it in an old bookstore many years earlier and how he'd wanted to wait till just the right moment to give it to her. He had once dreamed of giving it to her on an occasion to celebrate a milestone in their relationship. The smile left his face when he remembered he gave it to her as a housewarming gift when she was moving in with Lucas.

As he moved to the opposite bookcase, he looked at more books and photos. A framed photo behind the others caught his eye immediately. It was a picture of the two of them taken at the Oncology benefit years earlier. He was in his tux minus the tie, seated at the piano with Cuddy standing next to him on his left in that gorgeous royal blue dress that showed off all her best assets. They were looking at each other and smiling. House was floored because he didn't even know the picture existed. Just as he picked it up to inspect it more closely, he heard her voice behind him.

"Remember that night?" She asked as she placed his coffee mug next to the recliner, hoping he would take advantage of it and rest his leg.

"Yeah, but I don't remember having our picture taken," he said as he took her hint and made himself comfortable in the chair.

"You wouldn't," she said. She took a seat on the couch near him. "Brenda was overseeing the morning shift and came on duty about the time you were playing. She spotted us in the corner and took it with her cell phone. I didn't know till a few days later when she emailed it to me and told me I should use it against you sometime. You know, grumpy diagnostician smiling and all...she figured it was worth many hours of clinic duty," she said.

"You never used it."

"I guess I liked it so much I kept it for myself." She smiled at him warmly.

House looked at the photo again. He remembered how he had felt looking at her at that moment. In that blue dress, in the early morning hours, with most of her makeup worn off, she still looked like the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. He smiled at that thought, for a moment forgetting she was in the room.

"What are you thinking?" She asked.

Her voice brought him out of his thoughts. "Sorry, it's just...I remember that morning…playing the piano...the way you looked..." House looked down as if he were embarrassed. He asked, "Why do you still have that picture? Has it been there all this time?"

"It was in a box with a lot of other things that reminded me of you, of us. I never had the heart to throw any of it away. But after you wrote me the first time, I took the photo out and put it in a frame. The photo is important to me because..." she paused a moment to gather her courage, "It's when I realized I still had feelings for you. Of course, Brenda had no idea what that picture meant to me. After I got your first letter, I wanted to be reminded of how I felt when you played the piano for me that morning."

House set the picture on the table next to him. There was so much that needed to be said but there was some tension between them. He recalled that years ago they could banter and laugh and poke fun at one another, now everything was different.

Finally he said, "I don't know how to do this, Cuddy." He motioned with his hand gesturing between the two of them. "This is all so awkward now; it never used to be like this."

"I know."

House suddenly got up from his chair and Cuddy could tell by the look on his face that he was in pain. He limped over to the fireplace without his cane and stared into the flames.

With his back to her he said, "For a long time I kept saying if only I hadn't taken that pill, everything would have been different, but then I realized that if it wasn't that it would have been something else. Every single day I woke up worried if that was our last day together. I worried all the time what I would do to fuck it up. I thought it was just too good to be true."

"Oh House, I wish you had talked to me but you never did. You kept it all inside and shut me out. Then the one night you tell me...the night of the awards banquet...you were drunk and you told me I made you a crappy doctor but that you would always choose me. How do you think that made me feel?"

"I shouldn't have done it that way. I just wanted you to know how important you were to me."

"I know you were telling me in your own screwed up way that you loved me but it still hurt because it felt like you blamed me because you didn't think you couldn't practice medicine and be in a relationship with me at the same time. I never wanted you to choose. You should have been able to have both."

"I couldn't handle both."

"That's where you're wrong, I think you could have if you'd tried. What's so wrong with change?"

"There's nothing wrong with it if it's done for the right reasons."

"Us being together the right reason?"

"I wanted to change, I just didn't know how. I did the best I could but you were too busy noticing all the shit I did wrong and none of what I did right."

"I know. I only realized that after the fact. I never saw the progress you'd made. I regret that. But you did not do your best and neither did I."

House turned to face her. "I know, believe me, I've beat myself up enough over it too. Not a day goes by I don't wish I could go back and change everything, the way we handled things. We really just blew it," he said.

"Yeah, we sure did," she said, nodding her head in agreement.

"Cuddy, that day I came over to bring you your hairbrush, I just wanted to talk to you. I needed you in my life. I thought if we couldn't be together, at least maybe we could go back to what we had before that."

Sensing they might be moving too quickly, Cuddy said, "House we don't have to discuss this right now, we have time."

"No," he said adamantly. "I have to do this. I wanted to just try and be friends and then...I saw that guy there; I went out of my mind. There you were moving on with your life and I froze...I couldn't move on Cuddy, not without you."

Cuddy saw his eyes were misty but it could have been from the fire.

"You've were always there, always," he said.

"House..."

"I promised myself after Stacy left I'd never get involved with anyone again, not like that. One of the reasons I broke it off with her the second time was because I couldn't go through the pain again once she realized once again she'd made the wrong choice," he said. He turned around and limped back to the recliner and took a seat again. He rubbed his leg where it hurt, then gripped his mug of coffee and took a swig as if expecting it to give him a shot of courage.

"When I was at Mayfield, I thought finally getting clean and seeing a shrink might make it possible to finally fix me, maybe give me a shot at a future with you. I had high hopes until I found out about Lucas and it hurt all over again, just like with Stacy. Every single day I fought the urge to go back to my old life, every day it was a struggle to survive. But then you broke up with Lucas and came to me. You said you loved me..."

"I did. I never lied about that."

"It hurt me to see you with him."

She wondered why he'd never told her that before. "You know why I was with Lucas. I was tired of being alone and Lucas was good with Rachel and me and we had fun. When you came back from Mayfield, I saw a side of you I hadn't seen in years and I wanted to be a part of it but I was already with Lucas and I was scared to take the chance on you."

"I don't blame you."

"I'd tried to hide it, even from myself but it wasn't working. Even my mother pointed it out to me. We invited her for dinner and afterward she spent two hours chastising me for settling for an overgrown teenager. Even my own mother knew I'd made the wrong choice. And finally I started facing the truth. One day at work, you both came to see me at different times of the day. That was the beginning of the end for me."

House tilted his head curiously.

"You walked into the room to get me to sign off on a procedure and when I saw you my heart started racing, my stomach did flip flops, my palms were sweaty. We bantered on about the test but it was more fun than work and I tried to figure out how I could get you stay longer without you knowing what I was up to. But you left and then I felt this awful feeling of loneliness."

"And Lucas?"

"He brought me lunch that day as he often did. When he walked into the room..." she paused and he raised his eyebrows at her and nodded, wanting her to continue. "When he walked in, I felt nothing."

"But you stayed with him."

"I think out of a sense of confusion and obligation. I kept telling myself I'd deal with the situation and then a few days passed and he proposed one night over dinner. I panicked, thinking it was the only chance I'd have at a family so I said yes. That night I put the ring on, but I took it off before I went to bed and never put it back on."

"You lied to me in Trenton...telling me that you didn't love me...I thought it was finally over."

"I was angry. Angry that you'd finally come around too late...again. But later...after Hannah...that wasn't when I realized I loved you...I'd known that for years. I realized I couldn't live without you. I meant every word of it when I said I loved you."

"But you didn't want to love me."

"Because I was afraid!" She didn't mean to raise her voice so she softened her tone. "We'd circled each other for years and when I thought we were getting close you'd pull away. I couldn't handle it if we finally got together and you..."

"I wouldn't have done that."

"I didn't know that though." Her eyes were wide with unshed tears.

"Cuddy," he said softly. "Don't you see? It was you. I never could've done that to you."

"I know now. You're not the only one who's changed." She smiled and he smiled back.

"I never questioned that you loved me Cuddy. I questioned whether you could accept me for who I was."

"I thought I could. I guess I was wrong and you were right."

"I usually am." He joked.

Cuddy got up and put another log on the fire. As she kneeled stoked the fire she spoke again.

"House, after we broke up, you really hurt me. Wilson came to me and wanted me to give you another chance. He told me you deserved it and I agreed with him, but I told him it wasn't about you, it was about me and what I deserved. When I broke up with you, you did what you always do when you're hurt and scared, you indulged in self-destructive behavior. You took drugs, had sex with God knows how many hookers, and you did stupid risky things. You could have died jumping off that hotel balcony. Hell, you could have died in that bathtub."

"Don't you think I know that? I wasn't in my right mind."

She stood up and faced him. "Exactly. You did what you always do. Instead of dealing with things like the rest of us, you self destruct. You could have died. Do you realize what that would have done to me?"

House looked at her and shook his head. His leg ached so he walked over to the couch and sat down. "What it would have done to you? What about me? You crushed me when you dumped me. You ripped my guts out Cuddy; it hurt a hundred times worse than what Stacy did to me. I was scared to death of what would happen if it didn't work out but I risked it anyway because you were worth it."

Cuddy returned to her seat on the couch next to him. Their closeness did not go unnoticed by either of them.

"House it wasn't about the pill; it was about you being there for me. I thought I was dying. I needed you to be there for me and you couldn't because you were scared. I didn't need you to be comforting; I just needed your presence. What about me House? I was scared too." She sat there with her head in her hands, trying not to cry.

House was frustrated. "Cuddy I don't know how to make this right. I don't know what to do."

"I don't know either."

"I'm just trying to be honest with you," he said.

"I know. Tell me, why are you different now? What's changed?"

"I've been to hell and I don't ever want to go back. Losing you and then all the stupid things I did afterwards...it all changed me. It made me think about where I've been and where I want to go. I had the choice to live or die. I chose to live. I don't want to go back to that miserable life ever again."

Cuddy just listened, amazed at the change in his attitude.

"Cuddy, I can't take back what I did to you but I can learn from my mistakes and do better."

Just as Cuddy was about to say something, the oven timer went off. They had covered a lot of ground and she welcomed the distraction, even if for a few moments. "Dinner's ready."

As she walked towards the kitchen, House followed her and asked, "Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Sure. There's clean dishes in the dishwasher, you can grab us a couple of plates, glasses and silver."

House hooked his cane on the handle of the kitchen island and limped over to the dishwasher to grab dishes and utensils. "Can I ask you something?" He asked as he went about gathering his items.

"Sure."

"Are you ready to talk about your feelings…about what I did to you that day?"

She thought about it for a moment. "Not right now, we've got time for that," she said.

"We should get it out in the open as soon as possible. You wrote me about how you felt but I need you to tell me. You have a right to tell me how you feel. I want you to feel like you can get mad at me, yell, and scream at me if you want." House was concerned that it would quickly become the eight hundred pound gorilla in the room. He felt it had to be dealt with, sooner than later, if they were to make any headway.

Cuddy was frustrated. "House, we've got time. Let's eat first."

"We can eat later. This is important. I need you to be straight with me Cuddy."

"Why is it so important at this moment?"

"I just want you to talk about it, that's all. You need to get it out."

"It can wait." Cuddy was quickly becoming frustrated at his insistence. One thing hadn't changed about House; he could be relentless when he wanted his way.

"Please Cuddy; we need to do this"

The mood shifted and both of them could sense it. Cuddy was annoyed with House for pushing the issue. She continued with what she was doing and he sensed she was ignoring him.

"Cuddy…"

"House! Enough!" She snapped at him. She threw her serving spoon down on the counter, and turned to him, taking him completely by surprise with her change in mood. "You want to do this now? Fine, let's do it!" Cuddy marched up to House and got right in his face. "Sometimes I hate you for what you did. You ran your fucking car into my house; you could have killed four people, five if Rachel had been there. You could have hurt us, hurt me. You could have hurt my baby, House. Rachel!" She was in his face yelling at him, tears in her eyes, but he dared not say a word.

"I never thought you would have been capable of what you did! You broke my heart, you wrecked my home and you ran away while I was left behind to pick up the pieces! I couldn't even walk into the hospital without people staring at me and whispering about me behind my back. Do you know how hard that was for me? I left my home and the job I loved and worked so hard for because of you." Her voice cracked as she yelled at him.

She poked her finger into his chest. "Is that what you wanted to hear House? Is it?" She sobbed loudly and pounded her fists into his chest as the tears streamed down her face. "Godammit I've known you for more than half my life. How could you do that to me?" Suddenly she began to hyperventilate and he knew he had to do something quick.

"Cuddy…it's alright," he said to her softly, in an attempt to soothe her but she fought him.

"Lisa!" That got her attention. She stopped fighting him and looked up at him, lost. He wrapped his arms around her tightly and held her close to him, hoping to calm her. Cuddy buried her face in his chest and sobbed. House leaned back against the kitchen island and held her. It seemed like an eternity before her tears finally subsided. She looked up at him again, her eyes swollen, her face red and blotchy.

"You okay?" He asked, tenderly, wiping away the remaining tears.

Unable to speak, she nodded yes.

He kissed her forehead and she wrapped her arms around him and nestled in his warmth.

"You called me Lisa," she spoke muffled against his chest.

"I promise it won't happen again."

She let out a weak chuckle and he knew she would be alright.

"Come on, dinner will wait," he said gently. He led her out of the kitchen into the living room. They sat on the couch together. He put his feet up on the coffee table to ease the pain in his leg while he kept his arms around her and held her close. She could hear his heart beat and it calmed her. When he felt her relax, House breathed a sigh of relief.

"I'm so sorry, Cuddy," he whispered as he kissed the top of her head and rang his fingers through her hair gently. "So sorry."

A few hours later, House awoke on the large couch in Cuddy's living room. Cuddy was nestled between his body and the back of the couch, with his arms around her. The events of the last few hours came back to him. He recalled that after her sobs had subsided, she remained in his arms, neither of them wanting to move. He had told her they just needed a little rest and afterwards they could have dinner and continue their conversation if she was up to it. She agreed and they fell asleep.

Now he lay there with his arms around her, slowly running his hands up and down her back. It felt so good to hold her in his arms again. He whispered in her ear, "Hey sleepyhead, time to get up."

Cuddy woke slowly and looked up at House. "How long have we been asleep?" She asked.

"About two hours," he said. "How do you feel?"

"I'm okay. My eyes hurt."

"You did a lot of crying." He wiped her eyes and kissed her forehead. "You hungry?"

"A little. You?"

"Yeah, I haven't had anything since some dive back in Connecticut."

"Come on let's get up. I've got to clean myself up and we'll eat."

"You look fine," he said as they moved into a sitting position on the couch.

"I need a shower, I just feel icky. How about you?"

"Do I feel icky? Uh no, but thanks for asking."

"No I mean do you need a shower?"

"Actually I showered and changed before I came over."

"Okay. Do you mind if I do?"

"Can I watch?"

"House," she said rolling her eyes.

"Go. I'll get our dinner."

"You don't mind?"

"Cuddy, I made you cry, it's the least I can do."

"Yeah. Listen, about that...I don't know what came over me. It wasn't like me, not at all."

House put his fingers over her lips. "Don't. You had every right to lash out. You were already stressed about us meeting today and I pushed you past your limit. I don't know why I did it, I guess I was anxious to get this all out in the open. We've waited so long. I was wrong to push you and I'm sorry," he said looking down at his feet. Even though he was glad it was out in the open, it bothered him that he pushed her and made her cry.

"Oh House," she said as she sighed. "Maybe it was just another necessary step in this...whatever this is we're going through."

He looked into her eyes. "Maybe. I just know I don't want to be the cause of your tears ever again," he said quietly.

"Baby steps, House." She rose from the couch and held out her hand to assist him. "Come on, don't be proud, let me help you."

House hesitated a moment then took her hand and let her help him up.

"Now," she said, "Why don't you heat up dinner while I grab a shower?" She walked towards her bedroom and then turned around and asked, "You don't have a curfew do you?"

"No," he replied.

"Good. We'll have plenty of time to talk and this time we'll try to stay calm and rational. No more yelling or fighting. God knows we've had enough of that to last us a lifetime," she said as she smiled and turned back towards her bedroom.

"Yeah," he said quietly, nodding his head in agreement as he turned around and headed towards the kitchen.

Well, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. It was a long time coming wasn't it? I felt there were some things even going back to the Lucas era that still needed to be hashed out. I hope you liked it.