Chapter 11 The Lonely Lioness

Hermione spent most of her time in her study, reading, over the next several days. She did not once see her husband. When she went to bed late, she was alone, and when she awoke the next morning the bed was empty. One night Hermione thought she felt him climb into the bed in the earliest hours of the morning but she was skeptical given that she woke to find the bed empty and cold beside her. The house always seemed to be uninhabited, she could find no trace of him anywhere. Her only guess was that he was in his study upstairs, the door of which was locked at all times. So, Hermione resigned herself to reading in her study for most of the day and eating her meals alone at her desk, since they had no table in the dining room.

Crookshanks had gotten over his initial anger at her and now spent most of his time in the window of his master's study. It was warm and sunny making it his ideal napping spot. There was little else for him to do seeing as there was no mice to chase and very little furniture to play on. Hermione did not let him outside for fear of losing him in the jungle of a garden, that she had no urge to tame at this time. She preferred him inside anyway that way she could talk to him but he would merely flick his tail in annoyance that she disturbed his nap.

Everyday she hoped that she would get a letter from Harry or Ginny but one never came. One day, she wrote a short letter to Ron; he, however, returned it unopened the next day. Hermione wondered if there was something wrong with Finley that caused him to return with the letter undelivered but deep down she knew that this was not the case. Just like she knew that there was no hiding from any owl in the wizarding world so she was simply not being sent any mail.

One afternoon about a week after she had moved in, Hermione needed to escape the loneliness. She walked into the sitting room to find it in the same state as the night she had arrived though dust had began to gather along the shelves and the mantel. Hermione walked toward the large fireplace, her eyes searching the mantel. On the far end sat a simple silver snuffbox, that Hermione grabbed. Just as she had suspected it contained floo powder, though not enough for her travel anywhere, but enough to talk to someone.

Hermione kneeled before the empty fireplace and threw the powder in. A green fire leapt to life and she placed her face in shouting, "The Burrow!" A sicken, spinning sensation consumed her for a moment then everything righted itself and Hermione was staring into the kitchen of the Burrow.

The kitchen seemed to be vacant but it was hard to tell for certain at this angle. "Hello," Hermione called out. Her yell was meet with silence. "Mrs. Weasley?" Hermione shouted louder this time hoping her voice would carry to the next room. Nothing moved or made a sound. "Ginny? Ron? Harry?" Hermione hollered as loud as she could but still no one came. Tears gathered in her eyes but she was determined not to let them fall. "Anyone?" It was nothing more than a loud whisper. Still the room remained void of people and Hermione lost hope that anyone was home or if they were, that they would answer.

Slowly, Hermione withdrew her head from the fireplace and shock the ash from her hair. She sat back and pulled her knees to her chest. The tears slide silently down her face as she put her head on her knees, trying to make herself as small as possible. She had been forgotten, what did it matter if she sat on the floor and cried? Her heart ached with loneliness and regret that she ever thought marrying Snape would be a good idea.

He may have been brilliant, loyal, and brave but he was also a recluse with a cold manner that lacked emotion. The exception, of course, was his temper that could flare at any moment with no warning. In her rush to make a decision Hermione had focused only on his good qualities and ignored his day to day demeanour. She had seen him as her hero in this horrible situation but he was no knight. He was enough of a decent human being to do the basics that she had asked of him and nothing more. He did not plan to trade his new found freedom to be at her beck and call.

She wished that she could blame her feelings of emptiness on him but the consequences belonged to her actions alone. She had alienated herself from her friends by marrying this man. Her and Ron would never mend their relationship, even to be friends again, because he carried to much hatred for Snape now. Neither Harry or Ginny were fond of Snape and the two were busy being blissfully happy, now that they were finally married. That left Hermione, here alone, sitting on the floor of her new home with no companionship other than a cat that would rather be sunbathing.

For what felt like an eternity, Hermione sat frozen on the floor, crying softly to herself. Then, she slowly wiped away her tears and stood on shaky feet. What good did it do to sit and cry, it certainly did not help the situation or fix anything. So, she walked out of the sitting room and closed the door, trying to leave the bitter feelings behind, as she returned to her study.

Over the next week Hermione wrote a short letter everyday to Harry, Ginny, and Ron. There was never a reply from Harry or Ginny and all of the message to Ron were returned unopened just like the first. Finally, Hermione gave up on that endeavor all together.

Then one morning Hermione entered the kitchen intending to get herself breakfast only to find a large parcel sitting on the counter. Curiously, she approached it to find her name written on the brown paper wrapping. A huge smile crossed her face as she began to open the package. Hermione wasn't really sure what she expected but she was disappointed to find that the parcel was not from one of her friends. It was from Professor McGonagall and it appeared to be all of the notes she had requested for teaching Muggle Studies.

"At least I will have something new to occupy myself with," Hermione murmured to herself with a sigh.

She picked up the box and took it to her study, leaving the door open behind her. Hermione set it on the desk and took a seat. She slowly began to sort through all of the papers and reading through the notes. Just as McGonagall had predicted it was all things that Hermione already knew, having grown up with muggle parents. Teaching this class would be a breeze for her, just like taking the class had been in her third year. Still, Hermione liked to be prepared so she dove right in and began to plan out lessons for each class, picking up where Professor Burbage left off.

She was so consumed by the task that when she looked up at the clock it was late afternoon. Her stomach growled and she stood to get something to eat, since she had skipped breakfast to examine the contents of her package.

As she came out of her study she heard footsteps on the stairs and looked up to see the tail of black robes disappearing at the top of the stairs. "So, he is here," Hermione whispered watching the empty stairs. The sound of a door shutting and locking further confirmed what she had suspected. Her husband locked himself in his study, for long periods at a time. To Hermione's knowledge this was the first time he had been out of the study since their first night here. Or at least this was the first time that she had definitively seen and heard him out of it.

How had he walked right by the open door to her study and she not heard him on his way down the stairs? How long had he been down stairs that she had been oblivious to him? Maybe, by shutting the door to her study all the time he took that to mean that she wanted to be left alone. Maybe, he thought that this is what she wanted, her own space and to be left to her own devices so he stayed out of her hair. When, in fact, she had hoped that she could see him, talk to him, even for a few minutes, after two weeks by herself.

She had never spent so much time completely on her own. Growing up Hermione had her parents and her muggle friends around all of the time, unless she asked for some privacy. When she started at Hogwarts, privacy was almost completely gone from her life, since she shared a dorm room with several other girls. Hermione spent a lot of time at the library to not only do homework and read but to at least have some semi privacy. Summers had been spent on vacations with her parents who had missed her during the school term or at the Weasley house, where privacy was almost none existent. Even when she, Ron, and Harry had been hunting for Horcruxes she had constant company. This was the first time in her life that she had gone so long without anyone around.

Hermione felt her heart constrict as the sudden overwhelming loneliness had consumed her being. Tears filled her eyes and she felt a cry of despair threatening to break lose from her throat. It was all she could do to hold herself together as she turned around and escaped into the study, slamming the door behind her.

Leaning against the door, the tears started to fall. Slowly, Hermione sank to the floor, her back to the door, sobs racking her body. Reaching up, she pushed the hair from her face and knotted her fingers into it on each side of her head, holding it free of her wet face. Her chest ached with the loneliness and the regret that this marriage had brought her.

For what felt like hours, Hermione cried to herself before she ran out of tears. Her breath came in short gasps and her back ached from her position against the door. She slowly detangled her hands from her hair and whipped her face. It took her a long while to regain her composer and clear the fogginess from her thoughts.

This whole tantrum had been pointless. There was no reason to be so upset over the fact that Severus was avoiding her. Yes, she was lonely and bored in this house but she could not expect him to be eager to spend time with her. He had been forced into this marriage and Hermione could not assume that he would be a willing participant.

Besides, it was not his companionship that she actually desired. She wanted to talk with Harry again and spend time with Ginny, laughing. Hermione wished she could sit in the kitchen of the Burrow with the Weasley family, her family. She yearned for her parents who she had not seen or spoken with in more than a year. But more than anything, she wanted Ron to wrap his arms around her; she wanted him to reassure her that things were going to be okay.

Hermione shook her head, she had to stop thinking about a romantic relationship with Ron, it was not possible anymore. It had been easy to push thoughts of him to the side in the two weeks before the wedding when she had so many things on her mind. It was much more difficult now that she had so little to occupy her time.

Standing on shaky feet, Hermione took a deep breath. Her earlier hunger was gone so she walked slowly to her desk and resumed her seat. She needed to be distracted and the best way to do that was throw herself into her work.

For the next week Hermione spent her time with her study door open in the hope that maybe her husband would appear again. If he came down the stairs it was on silent feet and did not speak to her. At night she stayed up as late as she could, hoping to find out if he was coming to bed but when she fell asleep at one or two in the morning he had still not entered the room. Every morning, she woke to find the bed still empty next to her. It frustrated Hermione that he avoided her to such an extent.

The fourteenth of July was a couple days away and Hermione filled with dread. How was she supposed to ensure that they followed the law if she could not tell him that she was ovulating soon? She was sure that they would be sent to Azkaban after being married less than a month, unless she could figure out some way of telling him. She racked her brain for ideas and could only come up with one possible idea. She planned to slip a note under his locked door and hope for the best.

When she sat down at her desk to write the note, words eluded her. She crumpled up several half written notes and threw them aside. Finally she wrote the simplest note she could think of.

Severus,

Will be ovulating the 14th

Hermione

With the note in hand, Hermione walked upstairs and down the hall to the locked door. She reached out hopeful that it would be open but disappointed to find otherwise. So, she slide the piece of parchment under the door and turned away. Slowly she walked back down the hall, as if any moment the door would open and he would be standing there. This was not the case however so she trudged down the stairs back to her study. It was back to her books and her lesson plans for the time being.