Disclaimer: I do not Twilight or any songs on Bella's CD!

(Thanks cloudshadow22 for the song idea!)

Chapter 7: Finally home

"Home is not where you live, but where they understand you"

Christian Morgenstern

"So how was your week?" Ann asked. I was sitting in her for another session.

"It was alright," I said quietly.

I told myself that I would try to get better, for Charlie's sake, but I was still having trouble talking to Ann. Ann smiled and wrote something down.

"Did anything interesting happen?" she asked.

"It was Jacob's birthday, we threw him a party," I said with a smile.

Ann leaned forward.

"Tell me about it.," she said.

I started talking, describing the details, the preparation, and the party. I told her about everything.

When I got to the part about the kiss, I paused. I did not want to talk to her about it.

"Is there something else?" she asked watching me concerned.

"Jacob and I kissed!" I blurted out before I could stop myself.

I blushed and looked at the floor.

"Tell me more," Ann said. I sighed.

"We were dancing and having a good time then we kissed," I said quietly.

"And how did that make you feel?" she asked.

I shrugged.

"I'm not really sure. The kiss was nice and all but, I am not ready for a relationship with anyone. I'm still in love with-" I trailed off unable to say his name.

Ann nodded in understanding.

"How did Jacob feel?" she asked.

I smiled.

"He saw that I didn't want to mention it and said that we didn't have to ever talk about it but" I frowned.

"I caught him staring at me afterwards." I told her.

Ann gave me a sympathetic look.

"Well Bella, I'm glad you haven't jumped straight into a relationship with Jacob." She said.

I was confused.

"You are?" I asked.

Ann nodded.

"You have to give yourself time. You're still in the healing phase, rushing into a relationship isn't a good idea. "She said.

I nodded.

Ann smiled and pulled something out of her desk.

"Here" she said handing me two journals.

"What are these for?" I asked.

"This journal is for you to write down your bad feeling, thoughts, and events." She said handing me the dark blue journal.

"This one is for you to write down your happy feeling, thoughts, and events." She said handing me the orange journal.

"Why do I need these?" I asked.

"A journal is a safe place to collect all those thoughts and feeling you have inside." She explained.

I nodded and put the journals in my bag.

"Now let's work on some strategies to help you during a bad moment," she said.

"Okay, now I want you to take a deep breath, and hold it… now let it out." She said.

I followed her instructions.

"Again" she said.

I did as told.

"When you're having an emotional moment take a deep breath and try to focus on restoring a sense of calmness and stability." She said.

We did the breathing exercise a couple more times before she told me to stop.

"Let's move on," she said.

I let out the breath I had been holding.

"Have you said goodbye to him yet?" she asked.

I knew whom she was referring too.

"He's gone," I said sadly.

Ann nodded.

"Yes I know that but have you said goodbye to him," she said.

I did not understand. Ann must have seen the confusion on my face.

"Like this: he is gone, he left me, he is not coming back, but I'm still here and I'm alive". She said.

Ann waited but when I did not say anything, she decided to explain.

"During a break up a lot of the time people hold on to the hope that their past love may return. They put their lives on hold and never quite accept reality." She explained.

She looked at me and motioned for me to say it.

"He is gone, he l-left me, he is n-n-not coming back." I stuttered.

The wound in my chest opened a little wider. I took a deep breath as Ann told me. I was surprised it helped a little.

"I'm still here and I'm alive." I said.

Ann clapped. "Good job Bella!" she cheered.

"Make sure you say that at least once a day." She instructed.

I felt my eyes water up a little but I held them back not wanting to cry in front of her.

"If you want to cry, cry," Ann said.

I shook my head. All this crying was getting on my nerves.

"Don't bottle up your feelings. Let them out! Tears are a sign of healing and remembering your past." She said.

She stood up and patted my back.

"Babies cry when they come into the world because their scared and confused but they stop. They stop because they understand that this is their new chapter. This is your new chapter Bella," She said "it is as Elizabeth Gilbert said in Eat, Pray, Love. Do not apologize for crying. Without this emotion, we are only robots."

I gave in and cried.

Ann did not comment just stood next to me the whole time.

When our time was up, I walked out feeling just a little bit better. Charlie had to go to work today so he could not come with me. I headed to my truck pulling out the CD Jacob gave me. It was a nice gesture.

"Hey Bells" Jacob's voice echoed.

"I heard this song the other day and it reminded me of you!" he said.

The music started playing and I wondered what song could have reminded him of me.

You make me smile like the sun,

Fall out of bed

Sing like a bird, dizzy in my head

Spin like a record, crazy on a Sunday night

You make me dance like a fool,

I laughed. Jacob had a great sense of humor. I had a feeling I was going to like this song.

Forget how to breathe

Shine like gold, buzz like a bee

Just the thought of you can drive me wild

Oh, you make me smile

Don't know how I lived without you

'Cuz every time that I get around you

I see the best of me inside your eyes

You make me smile.

When I got to La Push, Jacob was waiting outside with Quill, and Embry.

"Hey Bells," he said pulling me into a hug.

"Hi," I said.

I noticed they all were holding books in their hands.

"Today's a homework day," Jacob stated seeing my look.

"I have a history report due on World war 2," Quill cried out loudly.

"I have research project due for science," Embry said quietly.

"I have an essay due in English on Romeo and Juliet." Jacob said.

I remember that Romeo and Juliet was the last movie I watched with him.

I forced a smile and followed them inside breathing deeply while replaying the song from the car in my head.

I pulled out my chemistry homework and started on it. Occasionally I took a break to help the boys. Quill's report was easy enough. I helped him find out small stuff like facts, dates and people involved.

Embry's was a little harder. I helped him as best I could but I did not know much about the water system.

Jacob was the hardest.

I knew a lot about the book but talking about it hurt me. I forced myself to get through it though.

Jacob noticed I was hurting though.

"This is dumb," he said taking the book out of my hands.

"What?" I said confused.

Jacob smiled.

"Let's go make snacks," he said.

Quill and Embry cheered.

"Thanks Jake, I was starving!" Embry said loudly.

I was surprised because Embry was usually so quiet.

I guess hunger did that to a man.

We went in the kitchen.

"What's wrong Bella?" Jacob asked.

I shrugged.

"It's nothing," I said turning away from him.

"It's not anything Bella," Jacob said.

I sighed I decided to tell the truth.

Ann was always telling me that I needed to open up more.

"Romeo and Juliet is the last movie I watched with him," I said.

Jacob nodded in understanding. He wrapped his arms around me.

"You should have told me." He said.

He pulled away and gave me a smile.

"Let's get cooking," he said.

I decided to make a white bean, spinach, and pepperoni pizza and Layered coconut chocolate chip layered bars.

Jacob and I had fun playing with the dough and hitting each other with the flour. The kitchen was a mess afterwards but I would clean it up later. Once the pizza was in the oven, I got started on the coconut/chocolate chip bars.

Jacob went back out in the living room with the others.

I loved cooking. It always cleared my mind. I used to cook all the time in Arizona but for some reason I did not really cook that much once I got here.

I dropped the spoon I was holding. I did not really cook because He could not eat what I made. I did not want to upset him by talking about my love of cooking. I did not feel comfortable eating around him either.

I shook those thoughts away and went back to cooking. When I finished I set the food out to the boys. They were instantly shoving their faces.

Jacob paused long enough to set aside two slices and a bar for me too.

I smiled surprised by how comfortable I was. I ate quickly too not as fast as them though.

Embry was arguing with Quill and Jacob over the last slice. He punched Quill in the face and laughed when he fell out of his chair.

"What's wrong with you dude?" Jacob asked.

Embry growled at him and I noticed his hands were shaking then he froze.

"Sorry Jake" he said quietly eating the last slice.

I wondered what was up. Everything went back to normal after that. I was worried about him though. I could tell Jacob was too.

When Quill and Embry were leaving I pulled Embry aside.

"Are you okay?' I asked.

Embry shook his head.

"I don't feel very good," he said sadly.

I put my hand on his forehead and pulled it away shocked.

"You're burning up!" I exclaimed.

I led him back into the house and made him lie on the conch.

"What's wrong?" Jacob asked seeing my panicked expression.

"Embry's sick, he's burning up" I said.

I ran a rag in cold water and laid it on his forehead.

"That feel's nice." Embry said closing his eyes.

I found an ice pack in the cabinet and out it in the freezer.

I started tearing the kitchen apart trying to find a can of soup.

When I did not I started making him some chicken noodle soup from ingredients I found in the fridge.

"Bella calm down!" Jacob said.

I looked at him.

"I'm going to call Sue, she's a nurse okay," he said.

I nodded and the second he walked out of the room, I went back to cooking.

While the soup was on the stove, I rewet the rag on Embry's forehead. I found a thermometer and put it in his mouth.

It beeped

"112!" I shouted.

I saw that it was still rising. "Fuck!" I yelled, even though I wasn't one for profanity.

That was too high.

"Wake up Embry!" I yelled shaking him.

I had to get him to the hospital.

He did not even twitch. I pulled out my cell phone about to dial 911 when Harry Clearwater and Sue were here.

"What's going on?" Harry asked.

I turned around to face them.

"His temperature is too high and he won't wake up." I said.

Over the last few weeks, I had gotten close to Jacob's friends I thought of them as mine to.

Harry put his hand on his forehead and gasped.

He shared a look with Sue. Jacob read the thermometer and growled.

"Shit, let's get him to the hospital!" Jacob ordered.

Harry held out a hand stopping him.

"Sue and I will take him. You and Bella stay here "Harry said.

He lifted Embry into the car and he and Sue drove away speeding.

Jacob wrapped his arm around me.

"Come on", he said.

We sat on the conch in silence until Billy came home.

"What's wrong son?" Billy asked.

"Embry's sick," Jacob said.

I nodded too upset to speak.

"His temperature was over a 100!" Jacob exclaimed.

Billy's eyes widened.

"Where is he?" he asked.

"Harry and Sue took him to the hospital." I said.

Billy calmed down.

"Good" he said and rolled to his room.

"That was weird" I commented.

Jacob nodded. "Yeah it was but my dad's always been weird," he said.

I could not judge.

Yesterday I caught Charlie posing with his gun in front of the mirror.

"The names Swan, Chief Swan"

I shook my head to clear my mind of that. I stood up.

"I should head home," I said.

Jacob shook his head and grabbed my hand pulling me back on the conch. He pulled me back into his arms.

"Stay." He said.

I blushed. I really needed to put some distance between Jacob and I.

Jacob leaned his head against mine, and I could feel all the tension leave his body.

But not tonight.

I closed my eyes and slipped into a nice peaceful sleep.

"Should we wake them up?" Charlie asked.

I was confused.

What was he talking about?

"No, let's take some pictures and embarrass them." Billy said.

I heard a few clicks and saw some flashes. I hid my face in my pillow.

"That is so cute" I heard Charlie say.

A few more clicks and flashes.

I heard my pillow yawn. Wait, pillows do not yawn. I opened my eyes and found myself staring into the sleepy eyes of Jacob.

"Hey" he said not fully awake.

"Hey" I said confused.

What was Jacob doing in my room?

I heard snickering.

I turned to see who else was in my room and was blinded by more flashes. I found out it was Billy with a camera, and Charlie with his camera phone.

"What are you doing?" Jacob asked.

"Say cheese" Billy said.

I covered my face with my hands.

"Dad stop!" Jacob yelled.

I head Charlie laughing.

I heard Jacob growl and then there was a sound of a struggle.

I looked around and saw that everyone was gone.

"Give me that camera dad!" I heard Jacob yell from the kitchen.

I heard some crashing sounds and Charlie yelling.

I stood up and went to the bathroom.

Just a normal day at home.

I paused.

Home, I smiled.

I guess this was home now.