Marissa stepped into Dr Stanhope's office with her dream journal clutched to her chest.
"Good afternoon." said Dr Stanhope welcoming her in.
Marissa sat down in the couch and grinned.
"Um... I spoke to Bianca," she said fingering the spine of her journal. "And she told me that they are real. Almost everything I've been dreaming about have been real."
"That is excellent news." said Dr Stanhope.
"So how does this work?"
"What?"
"This hypnosis?"
"Hypnosis is a path to your subconscious mind. Kind of like your dreams."
"Only my dreams are memories."
"Precisely." said Dr Stanhope. "Somehow your episodic memory is being accessed during your dream state."
"Episodic memory?"
"Marissa you have three kinds of memory. There is procedural memory, or muscle memory if you'd rather, that relates to learnt skills, pathways formed in your brain from repeated actions. Yours is intact, you can still walk and run and drive a car. Semantic memory, effects language, general knowledge, everyday facts, yours has a few minor gaps but as a whole is unaffected. Finally there is episodic memory; the memories tied to people and places and experiences, that is what you have lost. Now I cannot guarantee that we can find all of your past locked up inside your mind, but these dreams leave me confident that some of your lost memories are still intact. And we should be able to get to them through hypnosis."
…
Dr Stanhope was pleased to discover Marissa gave very little resistance to the hypnosis and actually went under quite easily and now she was resting comfortably on the couch in a sleep-like trance.
"Marissa can you hear me?" asked Dr Stanhope.
"Yes." replied Marissa, although her voice sounded far away.
"Marissa, we are going to go back into your memories…" said Dr Stanhope, trying to think of where to begin. As all of Marissa's dreams revolved around one person in particular it seemed like a good place to start. "… tell me about the first time you met Bianca…"
…
Marissa sat in the wheelchair as it rolled down the corridor, fed up with the hospital, fed up with her wasted body, fed up with the great gaping holes in her mind.
The porter turned into the therapy pool and Marissa spotted Cara there with another doctor working with a patient. The woman was flopping around in the water and laughing; a metal cage surrounding her head; an ugly orange buoyancy vest around her body, keeping her afloat. Marissa tried not to stare but the woman gasped when she saw her, her dark eyes widening and a warm, beautiful smile spreading across her face.
Marissa looked down.
This poor woman, so badly hurt, was reaching out to her but Marissa just felt embarrassed and uncomfortable. She didn't know where to look, her own discomfort at the woman's obvious disability overwhelming everything else, so she decided to ignore the stranger's smile and concentrate on stepping into the pool...
…
"No Marissa." said Dr Stanhope, "I want you to go deeper. I want you to go back further."
Marissa furrowed her brow as she tried to obey.
"I can't," she moaned.
"Yes you can." Said Dr Stanhope, "I want you to go to the edge of your dreams, and find the bridge that lets you cross over to your deeper memories. Can you find that bridge Marissa."
Marissa's frown remained as she concentrated on following his instructions.
"I… I think so."
"Good, good. Now Marissa tell me about the first time you met Bianca."
…
Marissa was watching her son as he bombed into the water with a great splash. The little girl on the play-date with him was squealing with laughter.
"My turn, my turn!" she cried before diving into the water beside him.
The little girl was called Miranda, she was visiting from Paris with her mom and AJ was so excited when Opal arranged the play-date; he kept calling her his birthday twin.
Marissa found herself smiling at the kid's antics. It was a far cry and all the awkwardness and unhappiness that seemed to have descended on the Chandler household at the moment.
"Mrs Chandler?" Marissa looked up to see Lucretia accompanying a woman from the house, "Miss Bianca Montgomery to see you."
Bianca greeted Marissa with a friendly smile. She had a baby on her hip who was watching Marissa with the same dark eyes as her mother.
"Marissa, right." said Bianca, reaching out to shake her hand, "It's nice to finally meet you."
"Likewise." said Marissa, her own smile widening as she took her hand. "And who is this little girl?"
"Gabby, say hello to the nice lady." said Bianca, but Gabby just stared back.
"I've come to collect Miranda;" said Bianca, "I hope she's kept to her best manners."
"She's been great. AJ has loved having her around."
Marissa couldn't stop grinning. There was something about this woman; the warmth of her presence seemed to chase away the worry that had been settling on Marissa's mind lately.
At the sight of her mother, Miranda gave a moan of protest.
"Just a little longer mommy, please!"
"Please." begged AJ.
"I'm sorry sweetheart, we have to go." said Bianca.
Both kids looked devastated.
"Well maybe we could do this again sometime?" Marissa suggested.
"Unfortunately I'm only back for the weekend;" said Bianca sadly, "We fly back to Paris tonight."
"Oh," said Marissa clearly disappointed. "Well, it was nice to meet you and… um… Have a safe trip."
"Thank you." said Bianca; her smile had a curiously amused tinge to it, "If you'll let me go?"
"What?"
Marissa looked down; surprised to find she was still holding her hand…
…
"Excellent." said Dr Stanhope. "Let's try something much further back. Marissa, I want you to go back to your childhood, back to when you were young. Marissa, you are six years old."
The lines of Marissa face smoothed out as her face took on a more open appearance.
"Marissa?"
"'es." She lisped in a childish voice
"Can you tell me about your first day at school?"
…
Mommy was crying and Marissa didn't know why. Mommy said they were happy tears because her daughter was such a big girl now and she was going to school.
Mommy held her hand as they walked into the classroom together to meet her teacher. She was a round smiley lady with big curly hair and big round glasses. Marissa though she looked like an owl; a big wise owl was going to be her teacher. Even her name sounded like an owl's with her great big eyes behind her great big glasses, Mrs Seymour…
…
"Very good Marissa. Now I want you to come forward again, back into adulthood, back into the present, Okay?"
"Okay." mumbled Marissa, her childlike demeanour vanishing.
"I want you to come back over the bridge from your dreams but I want you to keep the path to those memories open for you to access them. Have you done that?"
"I don't know."
"We shall find out." said Dr Stanhope. "Tell me again what you can remember about the first time you met Bianca."
…
Marissa sat in the wheel chair as it rolled down the corridor, fed up with the hospital, fed up with her wasted body, fed up with the great gaping holes in her mind…
…
Dr Stanhope frowned.
"Okay, we shall try something else. Tell me about your first day at school."
…
JR asked me to pick up AJ. I parked by the gate and waited for him. He ran out of the school with a gang of his friends, a picture clutched in his hand. He looked so happy to see me…
…
"Marissa, you have left the path open to your deeper memories. Your deeper memories are what you need to bring forward."
"I can't." moaned Marissa still in a trance.
Dr Stanhope sighed, this wasn't working. There had to be something, a trigger or catalyst that was missing. There had to be something that would help her break through. Maybe Bianca was the key. The memories closest to the surface were about Bianca.
"Marissa, I want you to focus on Bianca. Focus on her. Focus on the love you feel for her. Tell me about the first time you kissed."
…
Bianca had invited me to the park. We sat on the bench and she looked really nervous. She told me that she loved me, that we loved each other. She asked me to meet her there because that is where we shared our first kiss. She needed me to remember. She stroked my cheek and pressed her lips to mine…
…
"Was that really your first kiss?" Dr Stanhope asked.
"Yes… no" stammered Marissa.
"Yes or no, Marissa; which is it?"
Marissa looked uncomfortable as she tried to find the answer.
"No." she gasped.
"So what was your first kiss with Bianca like Marissa? Did she kiss you or did you kiss her..?"
"I don't…" struggled Marissa.
"The path is open; the memory is there, you just have to find it!"
"I… I… can't."
"Yes you can!"
"I… I… I… I kissed her." cried Marissa.
…
Marissa sat with her music box on her lap, the tinkling tune smoothing out the wrinkles in her mind until it all began to make sense. It terrified her, but she felt so lost without Bianca by her side. The realisation crept in about how she really felt about her. That it went way beyond friendship. She just had to face her fear, face it head on.
Did she love JR?
No!
Did she love Bianca?
Yes!
It was that simple. Marissa dropped the music box into her purse and hurried out of the house.
She must have driven around for an hour trying to find Bianca only to spot her stepping out of Krystal's and heading into the park, a cup of coffee in her hand. Marissa parked so badly she was probably going to get a ticket but she couldn't lose sight of the woman she loved. She hurried into the park after Bianca and found her sat on a bench under a tree, a faraway look in her eyes. Marissa tried desperately to find an opening line but what came out of her mouth sounded so corny, she was surprised she didn't blush.
"Has a couple carved their initials into this tree?"
Bianca looked up and Marissa's heart stopped. She knew it was love, but Bianca looked so scared, as scared as Marissa felt. Marissa tried to find the words to explain to Bianca how she was really feeling, but every sentence that left her lips felt clumsy and inadequate. In the end she realised she was babbling.
"I'm talking too much aren't I?" said Marissa with a laugh.
Bianca smiled back.
"Yeah."
Marissa realised actions spoke louder than words. She reached out to cup Bianca's cheek and pulled her close for a kiss. When Bianca's lips moved against hers it felt wonderful, it felt right; she pressed forward to deepen the kiss. She wished she could drop her purse and pull Bianca into her arms, but her music box was in there and if she dropped it the most precious gift in the world could break…
But still it was a perfect kiss until Bianca pulled away…
…
"Wonderful." said Dr Stanhope. "Now I want you to hold onto that memory. Hold on to it tightly and on the count of three I want you to wake up. One… two… three… and awake!"
Marissa opened her eyes with a start.
"Did it work?" she asked as she recovered her senses.
"You tell me." said the doctor. "Do you feel any different?"
"I feel… a kiss."
"And?"
"Just a kiss." said Marissa struggling with the memory. "A kiss and a lake and a tune… That tune again..! What is that tune?"
…