Sorry for the wait. I will finish this story; it just might take me some more time. This chapter is shorter than some of the others, be happy or sad accordingly. I know I keep saying one or two more chapters, but I do want to write some of the after effects Merlin and the others are going through. I have no idea how many more chapters at this point. Just know that we are drawing closer towards the end. Have a great week
Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin.
Merlin cried out in pain and his eyes flew open.
"Merlin?" was all Arthur managed to get out.
"Merlin?" Arthur repeated again. Merlin's eyes were wide and unfocused. They kept darting around the room, trying to see an enemy that wasn't really there. He didn't appear to be completely comprehending the situation. It was as if Merlin heard Arthur's voice, but had yet to see the prince. Luckily, Merlin wasn't trying to fight Arthur. His breathing had started to become less erratic and his eyes were no longer full of fear. Arthur decided that it wasn't enough. Merlin still wasn't sure he was safe. Arthur brought a hand up to Merlin's face and gently brushed back his bangs. Merlin's eyes moved from the tapestry that was on the wall and settled onto Arthur's face. Arthur held his breath while Merlin stared intently at Arthur, trying to figure out if Arthur was real or fake. Merlin blinked a few times before shifting slightly.
"Arthur?" he croaked. Almost a full week of not using his voice had left Merlin with a feeble and rasping voice. Arthur let out the breath he was holding. At least Merlin recognized him. And now that Merlin realized Arthur was here with him, he had calmed down considerably. Arthur frowned and placed his hand back on Merlin's forehead, ignoring his friend's flinch as the hand settled underneath the bangs. Merlin felt hot and he was sweating profusely. Arthur prayed that it was just because of all the activity Merlin had been doing the past few minutes and not an infection setting in.
"How are you feeling?" Arthur needed to go alert Gaius that Merlin was awake. He needed to be checked over to ensure no lasting damage had been done to his brain. But Arthur wasn't about to let Merlin be alone for very long. Leon had been sure to explain that Merlin would be suffering some sort of battle fatigue and leaving him alone would probably cause him to panic and revert back into a state of fear.
"Tired. Thirsty," Merlin managed to say. Arthur chuckled. While he was worried about Merlin and his injuries, he was elated that Merlin was awake and talking. He hoped this wasn't a dream. It felt too real. Then again, some of his other dreams, some of his other nightmares, had been just as real. But Arthur couldn't focus on that. He needed to get Merlin some help and some food. The kid was already way too skinny. Then he had to go and fall into a coma for a week, which caused him to lose even more weight. Arthur smiled and slid off the bed. Merlin stared questioningly up at Arthur, trying to decipher what his movements meant. Arthur knew Merlin wasn't going to like this next bit, but he couldn't put any weight on his ankle. Arthur readied himself and planted his feet on the floor. In one swift movement he managed to scoop Merlin up into his arms. Merlin squawked as he was lifted off the bed. Arthur felt Merlin's uninjured arm loop around the back of Arthur's neck and grip his shirt, helping to steady himself in Arthur's arms.
"Not a damsel," Merlin muttered. He buried his head into the crook of Arthur's neck. This caused Arthur to smile. Merlin was awake. Merlin was safe. As Arthur was walking to the table, he felt Merlin's breathing even out. Arthur bit his lip. Merlin needed rest. But he also needed to stay conscious. An executive decision was made.
"You can't fall asleep yet. I need you to eat something solid and stay awake so Gaius can check you over," Arthur commanded. Merlin shifted in his arms and tightened his grip on Arthur's tunic.
"Hurts."
"I know. We're trying to make it so that it doesn't hurt," Arthur said. He set Merlin down onto a chair and pulled him closer to the table. Merlin shivered. Arthur draped a cloak around his shoulders and then went to add more wood to the fire. He went back to Merlin and knelt down in front of him. This was the part Arthur was most afraid of. Merlin looked like a child, a very sick child. Arthur didn't want to leave his friend alone for any length of time. But he couldn't very well shout for someone to get Gaius. That would just cause a panic and it might scare Merlin. Merlin could see Arthur beginning to look worried. He placed his hand on Arthur's shoulder, bringing him out of his thoughts. Arthur sighed. It would only be for a few seconds. Merlin would be alright until then.
"Merlin, I need to go get Gaius. While I'm gone, eat some bread at the very least. Try and get more if you can." Arthur quickly saw the panic rising in Merlin's eyes.
"You can't leave me! Please, I don't want to be alone," Merlin cried. His uninjured hand managed to grip Arthur's collar so hard that his knuckles turned white. Arthur sighed and placed a hand on Merlin's.
"It will literally be for thirty seconds. I just have to go across the hall to get Leon so he can get Gaius. Don't worry. I'll be right back," Arthur said gently. Merlin slowly let go of the tunic.
"Why is Leon across the hall?" he asked. His voice was shaking slightly. Arthur wondered if Merlin was trying to stall so that Arthur would be convinced to stay.
"We all wanted to be near you, just in case anything happened," Arthur said. He paused, wondering if he should tell Merlin about how it was also easier for Gaius to treat the knights when they were all in the same place. He decided Merlin would eventually find out and that he shouldn't lie to him. "Gaius also wanted us to be close together so that he could treat all of our injuries more efficiently." Merlin's eyes widened.
"What happened? Are you alright?" he asked. Arthur could hear the panic start to creep back into Merlin.
"We're all fine. Just a few bruises. We're all fine." Arthur did his best to reassure Merlin. Merlin sank back in the chair. His eyes were hollow and depressed. Arthur stood up. He couldn't waste anymore time. The longer he stayed, the more convinced he would be to not leave and get Gaius. Arthur cleared his throat.
"Eat, Merlin. I'll be back in a few."
Once Arthur was out of the room, Merlin attempted to pick up a piece of bread that had been lying on a plate. He didn't really feel hungry, but he didn't want Arthur to be upset either. Merlin wasn't sure how much of the enchantment was still effecting him and the others. He didn't want to give Arthur any reason why he should be mad at Merlin. He didn't seem mad, but Darian's enchantment could probably change that, if the man wanted. Merlin gasped. Darian! He didn't know if Darian was dead. What if he wasn't? What if he managed to create some flimsy excuse and Arthur believed him? Merlin's breathing rate increased to the point where it felt as though no air was getting into his lungs. Merlin squeezed his eyes shut and attempted to block the images of Darian looming over him.
"Oh, my little lamb, I would never let a treat go so easily," Darian's slimy voice called out. Merlin gasped and tried to shrink away from the man, but he was everywhere. He was laughing and hurting Merlin. Merlin felt Darian's hands on his torso. He felt Darian touch his forehead and grab his uninjured hands.
"Go away, please!" Merlin sobbed. He was trying to curl in on himself but someone wasn't letting him. Darian was forcing him to stay in a position that would allow him access to Merlin's blood. Merlin tried to kick Darian off him, but his legs just flailed weakly, unable to land a kick. Darian wasn't phased by any of Merlin's attempts at escape. He just kept laughing and laughing. He was never going to stop. The last thing Merlin was going to hear was Darian's laughter as he drained every drop of blood from Merlin's body. All of the air had been sucked out of the room. Merlin was suffocating and bleeding and begging. Arthur left him. He left him to die.
"Merlin, you need to breath," a gentle voice commanded. It broke through Darian's laughter. Merlin could have sworn Darian's voice and presence was being dragged away from him. Maybe Lancelot had come and knew what Darian was. Maybe Merlin wasn't dying at the hands of a monster. Though there still didn't seem to be enough air in the room. Merlin felt himself being pulled against something. "Just like this, Merlin. Deep breaths," the voice said. Merlin was aware that someone was rubbing circles on his back. He was aware that his breathing was beginning to match the exaggerated breaths of whoever was currently holding him.
"That's it. Just relax. You're safe now, Merlin." Merlin finally calmed down enough to realized that he was currently sobbing. He buried his face into the chest of whoever was holding him. Darian wasn't here. He never was.
"Sorry," he whimpered. He didn't understand why this was all so hard. Why was he reacting this way?
"It's alright. You're safe now. Darian can't hurt you anymore," the voice whispered. The hands attached to the voice were still rubbing circles on his back while the other one held him close. Merlin couldn't help but feel safe in these arms. Merlin took some more deep breaths before deeming it safe to open his eyes. He looked up.
"Leon?" he asked. Leon's face looked as though it had been bashed into a wall, repeatedly, and the bruises around his neck were equally disconcerting. Leon gave a smile and helped pick Merlin up off the floor. He deposited Merlin back onto the chair that Merlin remembered sitting on and gave him a weak smile.
"Why are we on the floor?" Merlin asked. He didn't remember ever falling off the chair. Merlin looked around the room for Arthur. He promised Merlin he wouldn't be gone for very long. Merlin sighed with relief upon seeing Arthur hovering by the doorway. It was clear Arthur didn't know what to do, but the fact that he was here made Merlin feel safe.
"When we came in you were writhing on the ground. I was afraid you hit your head on one of the table legs," Leon explained. He rubbed Merlin's uninjured arm before standing up strait and giving Merlin another smile.
"Sorry," Merlin muttered again. His face was burning with shame.
"There is no need to apologize. Arthur can stay here with you while I go get Gaius," Leon said. Arthur was quick to plop back down next to Merlin.
"Is he-"
"Darian's dead, Merlin. You saved all of us," Arthur said. Merlin hoped that the pride he heard in Arthur's voice wasn't imaginary. It didn't seem like it. Arthur's eyes were shining with what appeared to be adoration and respect. Merlin looked down and tried to figure out how he saved everyone. He sort of remembered Lancelot and him being in a closet. He also remembered crawling down the hallway.
"We'll tell you later," Leon said softly upon seeing Merlin trying to remember the events that happened. The knight squeezed Merlin's uninjured shoulder before moving to the door.
"I'll be back soon. Arthur, keep him awake," Leon commanded. Arthur nodded and turned back towards Merlin.
"What's wrong?" he asked. Merlin had been chewing on his lip.
"I'm sorry," Merlin whispered. Arthur couldn't believe that Merlin was still apologizing. What had he done wrong?
"Merlin, this was not your fault. You did nothing wrong," Arthur said, trying to reassure Merlin. He lifted his hand and went to place it on Merlin's shoulder. But seeing Merlin look so broken and lost made Arthur hesitate.
"He tricked me," Merlin whimpered. His arm curled around his ribs and Merlin slowly shrank back into the chair. The past events had caught up with him. All the damage Darian had done was Merlin's fault. If only he had listened to his magic. If only he had fought harder. Arthur said that he and the knights had only received a couple bruises. Leon's face told a different story. This was all Merlin's fault. He hadn't been strong enough to fight Darian. He wasn't able to protect his friends until it was almost too late.
"Merlin, he tricked all of us," Arthur said. Merlin looked up, tears were still running down his face. Arthur wiped them away with the pad of his thumb.
"He's gone now. He can never hurt another person ever again," Arthur said gently. Merlin shook his head.
"I couldn't fight him," he whispered. Arthur gave him a weak smile.
"You broke his leg and spit in his eye. That's fighting in my book," Arthur said. Merlin looked up and gave him a weak smile.
"Wanted my blood," Merlin muttered.
"Yeah, we looked through his things and managed to find the spell he was using," Arthur explained.
"Lancelot broke the amulet," Merlin said.
"That he did." Arthur was about to go through a more detailed account of what happened when the doors burst open.
"Why the hell didn't anyone tell me he was awake?" Gwaine's voice snarled. Merlin whimpered and curled in on himself even more.
"Gwaine, please. Try to stay calm," Arthur said as gently as he could. He had the urge to punch the knight for causing Merlin to be afraid. Honestly, what the hell was Gwaine thinking bursting into the room and snarling like a rabid beast? Arthur was glad he hadn't caused Merlin to go into a complete panic like before. The memory of finding Merlin thrashing around on the floor, screaming at Darian to leave him alone was far to fresh in Arthur's mind. Merlin did not need to be any more stressed. Arthur heard Gwaine take a couple of deep breaths before walking across the room.
"Merlin, mate, how are you ?" he asked, plastering on a cheery smile. Arthur could tell it was forced. Merlin uncurled slightly and stared at Gwaine. The bruises on his neck contrasted with his skin. Though they weren't as bad as before, you could tell Darian did a lot of damage to the knight.
"You're hurt because of me."
"No, I'm hurt because some bastard tried to take you from me. Let's just say I didn't let you go without a fight," Gwaine winked. He reached forward and awkwardly patted Merlin on the shoulder. Arthur could tell he was trying to hold back.
"I'm not breakable," Merlin muttered. Clearly Gwaine wasn't as subtle as he thought he was. Gwaine smiled, this time not as forced, and hopped up on the table.
"Gwaine," Arthur whined. Merlin giggled. Gwaine picked some grapes out of the bowl and began munching on them.
"Have you eaten anything yet?" Gwaine asked.
"Not hungry."
"Come on, for me," Gwaine pleaded. He set the grapes down and clasped his hands together. He put on quite the show, widening his eyes, quivering his bottom lip, trying to make him seem like some puppy dog. Merlin smiled and picked up a small piece of bread.
"Only works when I do it," he said, tearing off a chunk and putting it in his mouth. There was a knock at the door. Merlin dropped the bread and began breathing heavily. Dammit! Why could no one enter the room quietly, without causing Merlin to panic? These people did realize that Merlin was injured and scared, right? Surely common sense dictated that you should be quiet and respectful so that Merlin didn't feel as though he was about to get butchered again.
"I'll get it," Gwaine said while Arthur dropped to his knees and began to sooth Merlin.
"No one is going to hurt you. You are safe," Arthur said. He took Merlin's hand in his own and began to gently rub it between his palms.
"Sorry," Merlin whimpered again. Arthur gave a weak smile and turned to see who was at the door. It was Gaius and Leon. Leon took one look at Gwaine and rolled his eyes.
"Really, this couldn't wait until morning?" he asked. Gwaine gave a cheeky grin and threw an arm around Leon's shoulders. Gaius rushed towards Merlin and began a visual inspection.
"Have you eaten yet?" he asked. Merlin nodded. Arthur decided to tell Gaius the truth. Merlin would try and make it seem as though he was fine when he clearly wasn't.
"He had some bread, that's it," Arthur explained. Gaius nodded his understanding and continued to check Merlin over.
"Is there anywhere that hurts more?" the old man asked.
"My chest, 'specially when I breathe," Merlin said quietly. Gaius nodded.
"Arthur, help move him to the bed and then take off his shirt. I need to check the bandages and stitches," Gaius commanded. Arthur nodded and once again placed one arm under Merlin's knees and the other behind his back. Merlin pressed his face into Arthur's chest and tried not to cry out in pain. Every little movement was like another stab to his body. Merlin sincerely hoped Gaius had brought a potion for the pain. Merlin wasn't sure he would be able to rest while his body felt like this.
"I can walk you know," Merlin muttered. Gwaine let out a laugh.
"You broke your ankle, mate," he explained.
"Oh yeah. Fell off the hook," Merlin said. Arthur smiled and set Merlin on the bed.
"How'd you manage that?" He gently tugged Merlin's shirt over his head and put an arm around Merlin's shoulders to support him. Merlin had been swaying rather dangerously and Arthur didn't want him to fall off the bed.
"This isn't mine," Merlin said. Arthur sighed and rolled his eyes.
"It's mine, now answer the question."
"Sire, perhaps it would be best to let him rest," Leon said gently. Leon didn't want to risk Merlin falling into a state of depression so soon. His body was still healing and was not strong enough for any more stress. Merlin still answered Arthur, showing no signs that he heard Leon.
"He left me hanging on the hook so I forced myself to get off of it," Merlin said. Gaius was busy checking over Merlin's injuries and Arthur was holding him up. Arthur knew that Gwaine was probably going to hit something when he left the room. He didn't blame him. No one, especially Merlin, deserved to be strung up by their wrists. Gaius handed Merlin a potion.
"This will help with the pain," he said. Merlin grimaced but swallowed the potion while Gaius got to work stitching some of the wounds that had been opened during Merlin's panic attacks.
"How long was I out?" Merlin asked. Arthur was happy that Merlin seemed stronger than before. Even while Gaius tugged the needle and thread through his skin, Merlin didn't fall into any sort of panic. Hopefully this meant Merlin's recovery time would speed up dramatically.
"Almost a week," Leon answered. Merlin sighed but said nothing. Arthur had a feeling he was trying to seem strong in front of his friends, but he said nothing. He could talk with Merlin later and force him to confront what happened instead of burying it deep within himself. Once Gaius was finished, he straightened up and brushed Merlin's hair back fondly. Arthur could tell he was trying not to cry. Merlin wasn't out of the woods yet, but he was getting there.
"You can rest now, Merlin. Sir Leon, Sir Gwaine, while you're up I'm going to check over your injuries." Gwaine grumbled in protest but Leon ushered him out of the room, Gaius quick on their heels. Arthur pulled his shirt back over Merlin and helped settle him back on the bed. Making sure Merlin was propped up with some pillows to ease his breathing, Arthur went to blow out the candles, but Merlin caught his wrist, tugging Arthur back towards the bed. Arthur expected Merlin to say something, but he didn't. Arthur realized that Merlin would never say how he felt. He didn't want to appear weak. But Arthur knew how broken Merlin really was. It was his job to fix that. Hopefully Arthur could get that cheeky smile back on Merlin's face. It would just take time.
Arthur pulled his hand out of Merlin's, who didn't protest, and started to blow out the candles. When the room was darkened except for the fire, Arthur returned to the bed. Merlin's eyes were wide open, staring at the canopy of the bed. It looked as though he was trying so hard to be strong and brave. Arthur climbed into bed. Merlin turned his head towards Arthur.
"Well this is my bed. Surely you don't expect me to sleep on the floor?" Arthur challenged, raising an eyebrow. Merlin gave him a weak smile before turning his head back. Arthur moved closer and wrapped his arms around Merlin's skinny frame, which had only grown skinnier since this whole thing began. Merlin relaxed and wrapped his arm over Arthur's and squeezed his bicep.
"Merlin, I'm not letting you go. I'll keep you safe," Arthur promised. He stayed awake long enough to hear Merlin's breathing even out. Arthur gave Merlin a gentle squeeze and fell asleep, confident for the first time in days that Merlin would be here when he woke up.
So quick note on the Battle Fatigue reference: for those of you who don't know, that was another name for Combat Stress Reaction, a sort of PTSD. I'm not really sure what they would have called PTSD 1000 years ago so I just chose Battle Fatigue simply because Shell Shock wouldn't fit and PTSD was a term created in the 70s. Other than that, I hope I get another chapter to you in the next two weeks or so. Have a great week.