Speak Now

Mom,

By the time you read this, I'll be gone. Please don't be angry with me. I know you'll find me soon enough, but I just had to go on my own. I know you said you've forgiven me, and I believe you. But that doesn't fix anything. I think I may have a chance to finally make things right again. I have to try. I'm so sorry.

Love,

Henry

Emma slid the note to the side as she plopped her bag on the table. It had been sitting there, still in the place it was left by her son, since the morning she woke up to him missing. She had left it there as she'd run frantically about, searching every corner of the town over and over again before she discovered her computer tampered with.

Emma almost wasn't sure if she could handle all the emotions the filled her after that. She was scared more than anything. He left absolutely no indication of where he was and she couldn't even begin to guess. That also made her angry. Really angry. He knew better than this. He should have. They had gotten so much closer in the last year. She couldn't believe he would just leave her like that.

But then that had her curious. He wouldn't just leave if it wasn't very important. Not now. Not after everything. Something was up and her only guess was that it must be Regina. He wouldn't go after Neal. Not in secret. If he wanted to see him, he would just ask.

When Henry finally did call, she felt nothing but relief for a brief few seconds. He was a smart kid and one that could take care of himself. But he was still her son who had been missing for days and to hear his voice again was a joy she couldn't describe. Next of course, there was anger again. When she knew he was safe, that emotion was ready to spring alive. That didn't last long though. With a few more words from her boy, came something indistinguishable.

It was very interesting. She was so far away, yet the realization that Regina was sitting right next to Henry made it feel like the other woman was within reach. After two years, she was there. One little request and she could be talking to her. She could hear her voice if she just asked. But she couldn't.

What would she even say? Hey Regina, how's life? Good, good. Oh by the way, sorry for turning my back on you. We cool? No. Emma realized she could at least appreciate the extra time to prepare.

Emma placed her hands on her hips, double checking everything was in order. She opened the front pocket, confirming her plane ticket packed safely and zipped up her bag. Determining all was set, she threw her bag over her shoulder, grabbed her keys and headed out.

-1 Year Ago-

Emma knew she couldn't hide forever. Her phone kept going off and she knew people could start to panic soon. Her mother was already on the edge constantly. Like she was just preparing for Emma to run and was doing everything she could to head her off. It was beyond smothering and Emma barely had a moment of peace recently. Especially in these last few days.

She was supposed to be happy today. It was supposed to be the happiest day. It was no where near that. Emma didn't think she'd felt this sick in almost a year. Every week it felt more and more wrong. She was so sure with each passing day that things would get better. That she would think of Neal a little more. That she would think of Regina a little less. That she would love her family a little more. That she would hate herself a little less. It didn't seem to be working out that way though.

She'd cut back on the drinking. Not that she really wanted too. She would give anything for a tumbler of…well anything. But she was trying her hardest recently. With the wedding finally arriving, she had come to the realization. She made her bed and she had to lay in it. She couldn't keep dulling the pain. She needed to face it. Adapt and survive. Like always.

This is what everyone wanted. This was the right thing to do. This would make everyone happy. If everyone was happy, she could be too. It was the opposite of what Regina had said, and she was completely aware of that, but she was so worn out. She could do this and she could find her happiness if she tried. She had been saying that for a year.

Her phone went off again and she sighed. She'd go in a minute. As soon as she finished checking. She decided she had to check one last time. If she found them today. If their names came up and she knew it was them, she'd take it as a sign. She would leave town today.

She tapped her foot as she watched the screen. She still ignored her phone. She just had to be sure. Had to know for absolute certain that she didn't have a chance. That they were really gone. She heard the station door open and flinched.

"Mom?" Henry's voice reached her and Emma turned the screen away just as he came into view.

"Henry." She straightened her posture as he came and sat in the chair in front of her.

"Everyone's looking for you, you know." He wasn't angry and Emma was actually a little confused by his demeanor. He wasn't in the high spirits he should be. Something was definitely off.

"Yeah, sorry. Just finishing up some last minute work." She glanced back at her screen, deflating at what she saw. Nothing.

"Didn't find them?" Henry asked and Emma's eyes snapped to his face.

"How did you-"

"I saw it on your computer once." He said quietly. Emma was a bit shocked he hadn't ever mentioned something before now. He never wanted to talk about Regina though.

"Right. Well…I guess I need to go." She stood up but Henry stayed seated in front of her.

"No you don't." He said softly. Emma narrowed her eyes and slowly sat back down.

"What?"

"You don't need to do this." He said again and Emma sighed.

"Henry, I'm tired, and this is a really big day for all of us both. Why don't you give me a break, huh?" It was obvious she wasn't just tired. The circles under her eyes said sleep hadn't come in awhile. She had looked completely exhausted for days.

"That's what I'm trying to do."

"Henry-"

"You're doing this for me. Me and Grandma and Grandpa. To make us all happy." He looked at her and Emma just shook her head, trying to understand this sudden change.

"Where is this coming from all the sudden?"

"I just…I see you. I know you don't love him. Not like you should."

"Henry-"

"Don't do it." He said and Emma just stared at him before shoving her chair back and standing abruptly.

"This…you…god damn it!" She turned away from him, rubbing her hands roughly over her head. Henry flinched, but stayed quiet and still. "What are you doing Henry? What's the big plan now?"

"It's not-"

"You're getting everything you ever wanted. You can't keep changing your mind. You nitpicked until you got your perfect family and it worked. We're here. It's too late to go back."

"I know I did this. But I realize what I've really done. It's not too late. You were just checking the computer-"

"And they're gone. Long gone. This is our life now, Henry."

"Mom, you don't have to-"

"Yes I do. And you do too. Go home to your dad. It's time to get ready. I'm going to my parent's house. I'll see you at the wedding." Emma grabbed her jacket and keys and walked right past her stunned son.

She couldn't even have that conversation. After everything. After giving him everything he wanted. Her, Neal, a home of their own. After all that, she was putting on the final touch and now…now he changes his mind all the sudden? She felt furious.

All of this was for him and it still wasn't good enough. She slammed her car door shut. She was handing him a happy ending on a fucking platter and he was changing his mind the day of. No. She had already declared to herself that this was it. This was the final piece and she could be done. She could just learn to live after this. She would marry Neal and they would learn to live happily ever after. Time to get this over with.

She really was making everyone happy right now. Her mother had been whining about getting her into a dress for a long time and that day was finally here. Her father had been so excited to earn a son in law and he was about to get it. Her son wanted a family, well here it was.

Emma ignored all their smiling faces as she stepped into the church. She didn't look at Ruby on one side, the only girl she considered enough of a friend to stand up there with her. She didn't look at Henry on Neal's other side, acting as best man. She didn't even look her husband-to-be in the eyes as she walked down the aisle. She looked at nothing. Just stared ahead. Her thoughts were not where they should be. Not on who they should be. She had the sudden urge to throw up again, but luckily, she knew there was nothing left after the last few times.

She held onto David's arm as they walked. Despite her feelings, at least it was nice to have something solid to hold onto. Even if that figure was walking her into his and everyone else's idea of her happy ending. She was just too tired of being mad at him now. She was tired of being mad at everyone. She was completely exhausted in fact. It was almost over. Just a few more steps.

When David handed her off to Neal, she was on autopilot. She didn't really register Henry's fidgeting posture or the hand he kept touching his pocket with. She didn't notice Archie's eyes watching her an extra few seconds before he began hesitantly.

"We gather here today, to join these two…"

Emma didn't even listen closely. She did finally meet Neal's eyes. She even met his smile with a soft one of her own. She focused on those moments from their youth. As she always did, she remembered the way he made her feel when she was so used to being thrown away. How he was her safety and comfort for the first time in her life. Thinking of that made her smile come a little easier.

Everything was going exactly as it was supposed to. Everyone was here, it seemed. They all wanted to see the Savior finally have her fairytale wedding. And she was sure it was. She was sure Snow White had planned and organized every single detail of the ceremony and decorations. And she should. After all, it was a wedding for her as well as everyone else in this town. Why not make it to her specifications?

Archie led the ceremony smoothly. They wanted all the traditional lines. Well Emma told them she liked the idea of traditional, but in reality, she knew her only chance at getting through this, was if all she had to do was repeat his words. There was no way she could stand in front of the entire town and "speak from the heart". She knew she couldn't trust herself.

Archie cleared his throat and Emma tried hard to really focus in on everything. She was still operating on autopilot, even when she spoke. But they were getting to the end now and she only had to hang on a few more minutes. Archie looked around the room as he continued.

"If anyone has reasons why these two should not be married, speak now, or forever hold your peace."

Emma's mind was starting to wander. Wander to a place it shouldn't be on her wedding day to Neal Cassidy. She was trying to control her thoughts. She was trying to focus. She was almost done. It would be easier after this. Just one more minute. All they had to do was get through-

"I do."

The irony Emma would eventually find funny, was how these were technically the exact right words. The words you're supposed to hear at every wedding. They just happened to be from the wrong person at the worst time. Now though, her eyes snapped into focus and as the room completely halted to a stunned silence and Henry stepped forward, in front of his parents.

"Henry, buddy, what are you doing?" Neal stared at his son is total confusion. Henry looked like he was a few seconds from passing out. He was not alone in that.

"I'm really sorry, Dad." He looked truly apologetic and he turned to Emma. "Mom…" He looked at her with an almost pleading desperation and Emma finally managed to close her hanging jaw.

"Henry, I…" She shook her head. She didn't know what to say and she honestly didn't think she could be any more stunned. Then Henry reached into his pocket.

The second she saw familiar papers, stained by a combination of tears and alcohol, her eyes went wide. She reached out and grabbed them from him, pulling them into her chest and concealing the letter from all the eyes trying to understand what it was. Henry reached out again, but not for the papers.

"Mom…let's just go. You don't have to do this. We can just go." He looked only at Emma now, ignoring all the eyes boring into them. Emma squeezed the papers in her hand tighter, her breathing going deep and fast. She turned her eyes slowly to Neal.

She could feel the weight of that letter. Of Regina's words she'd read so many times, yet somehow simultaneously ignored. She could feel the weight of everyone's gazes. The weight of Neal's. It was suffocating her quickly.

She could change this. She could throw that letter away and continue right on. She could shake her head at Henry and smile at Neal. She could laugh off the interruption and finish the ceremony. The way everyone in this town acted about happy endings, finishing this wedding would be the only thing that truly mattered to them anyway. She could fix this is a heart beat.

She looked right into Neal's eyes.

"I'm so sorry." She turned and grabbed Henry's outstretched hand. She ignored everyone. She didn't glance at her mother who jumped to her feet. She tuned out the calls from her ex-fiancé. She looked straight forward and tried to hold her dress as she ran down the aisle, clinging desperately to her son.

"Oh my God… Oh my God!" Emma said again and Henry just stayed silent in the passenger seat. "What did we just do? Oh man, Mary Margaret is going to murder me. She's actually going to murder me." She shook her head, barely focusing enough to drive. "Where are we even going?" She threw up her hands.

"We can just leave." Henry said, just looking forward. He was more than aware things would be anything but comfortable for him for awhile. He had no qualms about hiding out for a bit.

"We can't run away, Henry." She started with a frown. "Even if it sounds like a really good idea right now." She finished and Henry cracked just the tiniest hint of a smile.

"What if we just took a little break? We can go hang out somewhere for a few hours while everyone cools down."

"That would be a really good idea if I wasn't currently rocking a giant wedding dress." She turned to glance at Henry.

"I uh…I actually threw a bag in the back for you with some clothes…you know, just in case." He still looked forward and Emma glanced back. She looked back at Henry.

"We have to talk. You know that right?"

"Yeah." He sighed and Emma turned down another street. She paused for only a moment before hitting the gas a little harder. It only took a few minutes before they were passing the town sign.

Emma didn't drive too far. Once she knew where she wanted to go, it didn't take long to reach her destination. She did gain a couple looks when she walked through the road side diner in her dress, but she changed quickly and after replacing the dress in the car, she came back inside and took a seat opposite Henry.

"So you've been here before?" He asked, checking the menu. He was still in his shirt and tie, though he'd left his jacket in the car. With the way his tie was loosened and his hair slightly out of place, he looked like he'd run out of his own wedding. In a way, he did.

"Yeah, actually this is near where August and I came through. He brought me here where we were found."

"Huh." He said as he looked around and then refocused on the menu. A woman came by to take their orders and they fell into a quick and impressively awkward silence.

When they received their food, they used that to occupy themselves. They both managed to focus solely on their meals and not address any of the large issues between them. Not even the wedding they had just literally run out of a matter of minutes before. It wasn't until Emma's plate was clean, that she finally really looked at Henry.

"Did you read it?" She broke the silence with her question that was answered by the pink coloring Henry's cheeks. "Henry-"

"I'm sorry."

"That was private. Like really private."

"I know-"

"That was not okay!"

"I know, I know. I'm sorry." He repeated. "It was awhile ago. I was really upset one day and confused and you were reading it all the time… I just went in there and read it." He looked down at the table guiltily. Emma wasn't just over it though. She was more than uncomfortable.

"We'll deal with that later. Why didn't you ever say anything? Why is this all coming out today of all days?" She leaned forward but Henry's eyes stayed down, the guilty expression still in place.

"I didn't want to say anything. I wanted everyone to be happy."

"You mean you wanted everyone to be a family." She clarified and somehow, Henry managed to sink even lower in his seat.

"Yeah. I wanted that to be the same thing. But I know that you've been looking for them everyday recently. I know you keep reading her letter. And…knowing what it says and that you keep reading it before your wedding…that's not how it should be. Not how it would be if you and Dad really belonged together. It just took me awhile to get the courage to talk to you."

"And then I shot you down this morning." Emma added with a sigh.

"I deserved it." He spoke quietly and Emma didn't disagree. When she didn't say anything at all, Henry continued. "I think about her a lot." He admitted in a near whisper.

"Me too." Though it was obvious, she felt the need to say it.

"Do you…do you have any idea where she is?" He glanced up and Emma shook her head slowly.

"I can't even imagine where she'd go. She'd only ever been in Storybrooke before she left. They must have just started driving." Emma had been over it plenty of times in her head. She had absolutely no guesses and it drove her mad. Her only hope was to eventually come up with something legitimate in her searches.

"What she said to you…in the letter-"

"Henry, we are not talking about that." She said seriously. Henry sucked in a breath.

"Just…I just want to ask something. You don't have to answer."

"Oh I know that." Being open like this was definitely making her more confident. She saw him sigh again and softened her expression. "You can ask."

"Do you…did you feel the same way she did?" He glanced up and Emma's gaze was locked on his. She studied his expression as she answered.

"Yes." She saw how that answer conflicted him. She expected it would. Though she also knew after the lengths he went today, that he knew how she would answer. Hearing it, was just harder to take sometimes. It took him a couple minutes to say anything else.

"Mom?"

"Yeah, kid?"

"I'm really sorry."

Emma saw the corners of his eyes grow wet. She knew he was struggling with his own feelings. She was overwhelmed by hers. No matter what, she didn't like seeing her son sad. Especially when it was by guilt. She loved him no matter what.

So she slid out from her side of the booth and moved over next to Henry. She wrapped an arm around him and pulled him into her side. For the first time in a year, she actually didn't feel so completely distressed and conflicted. Just for this moment, before they went back to Storybrooke and their new reality overwhelmed them again, Emma actually felt a calm come over her. She hugged her son and rested her cheek against his head.

"I know, kid."

-Present Day-

Emma powered off her phone after one last text to Henry. He'd been rather elusive today, but that wasn't unexpected. Not with him having just run away to the other side of the country to seek out his adoptive mother. No, she wasn't expecting to get any real answers until she could look him in the eye.

She was a bit less worried right now. In reality, there was just nothing else she could do. She was on the plane to San Diego. There was no possible way to get there any faster. The only thing she could do was relax.

Relaxing though, was not something that came easily. The calm she had when finally taking her seat wore off within minutes. Once the plane was in the air, the reality that she was flying to Regina really sunk in. After all this time of looking for her, she had never really prepared what she'd say when they were finally face to face again.

When she flew to Colorado, she had been so worried about actually being able to find them, that she hadn't considered how to handle it from there. It was almost best she hadn't. Because by the end of two straight weeks of looking for them, she had been depressed enough. Maybe it was best she didn't have even more to be sad about.

Now the circumstances were completely different. She knew exactly where Regina was. Had her exact address in her phone. She would be there. They would finally see one another again. And Emma had no clue what to say.

She opened her bag and pulled it out. She hadn't looked at it in a little while. Not the entire thing at least. Not since Regina's birthday when she had felt especially sad. And then not for a few months before that. She seemed to go through phases. In the last year, she had gone from one severe to the next.

She had been feeling better recently. A little bit more content in her life and able to live in the moment. Though slightly dull, their life wasn't bad. In those moments when she managed to enjoy herself, she was able to forget her and Henry's mistakes. Able to believe she had at least slightly abided by Regina's wishes for her.

She pulled down her tray table and flattened it out. It had wrinkles and folds all over and definitely wasn't the elegant letter it had been when she'd found it on Regina's table.

Since she didn't know what to say, she figured she'd read what Regina did. She knew this letter was two years old. There was a chance that nothing in it meant anything to Regina now. She hoped that wasn't the case. There was an irony to reading it now. She wondered if Regina knew what her words would come to mean to her. Probably not.

Taking a deep breath, she looked down and reread the familiar words.

To my dear Emma,

I want to start by saying that I am sorry. I am sorry that it has come to this, but I see no other way. I know you Emma. I know you wouldn't just let me leave. One of us has to make the decision though and my gift to you, is not making you do it. I am doing this for all of us.

I know exactly what your choice was. I saw it in your eyes the moment Henry stepped from the shadows. I will tell you Emma, I do understand. I understand how conflicted you are. I saw that in your eyes as well. I know choices like this are nearly impossible to make and you are just trying to do the right thing. But while I understand that, I just couldn't wait around to hear it. My gift to myself, is to spare myself the pain.

For Henry, I love my son. I will always love him. I truly hope he understands that some day. I refuse to take away his chance at happiness. While trying to find mine, I impeded his. You know very well that has never been my intention, but we've seen that to be the result.

For you, I hope this makes things easier. I know you love Henry very much and want to do what you think is best. I believe my absence will assist in that greatly. It will at the very least, make your decision much simpler. A word of advice though, my dear, while I completely understand and support putting Henry first, please don't ever put yourself last. You deserve so much Emma. Please, don't forget how you deserve true love and happiness.

For me, well, I have finally realized that I am allowed to be happy too. I want so much, to just be happy finally. I have been quite selfish in that regard over the years. I know that and I am truly sorry for the suffering I caused you in your life because of it. You've said you've forgiven me, but I will always be sorry.

I thought I may have been finding my happiness in Storybrooke. And by that, I not only mean my life and Henry and Luca, but you as well. Our relationship may have been unorthodox. What with our unpleasant history, how most of our truly quality time was spent in secret, and how being together actually caused others pain. But nevertheless, despite the abnormal circumstances, I believe we could have been happy together.

I wish it hadn't taken so long to come to that. Truly. I wish we had talked more. I wish I had shared more. Though I will say, I shared more with you than any other in my life. It has been wonderful not to have to hide for once. To be who I was with understanding and without judgment. I know that leaving will put me right back into lies and cover ups, as will be necessary, but leaving, for me, is also necessary.

It's necessary for several reasons, one of which I must share, though I am so very sorry that I'm telling you this in a letter. However, face to face, under these circumstances, I could not tell you. It would set us back and make everything harder and worse. That is exactly what I'm trying to avoid. So now that I am gone and you no longer have to make any hard decisions about me, I will tell you the truth.

I love you, Emma. I do. And it makes this choice both so much harder, as leaving you absolutely tears me apart, but it also makes this easy, as I just don't think I can watch you with another. I think you know just how good I am at sharing. As I said, I wish I would have realized this sooner and told you before it was too late.

While I believe in the possibility of you sharing this sentiment, I know you love Neal. And I understand that. I understand how one falls in love for the first time and that does not go away and you do not simply turn away a second chance like that. My whole life, I would have given absolutely anything for another chance at my first love.

I'm sorry if this causes you pain. Believe me, my heart breaks right now. There is a large part of me that is absolutely destroyed at the thought of not seeing you and Henry again. If I didn't truly believe in my actions, I would never consider it. But this is what must be done for all of our sakes. I hope more than anything, that you two do not suffer.

Take care of Henry. He's just desperate and confused right now. He's struggling and he needs guidance. He is such a special boy. He filled a hole in my heart and for that, I will always love and adore him. He deserves to be happy, and if it is in my power to give him that, I will.

You deserve it too, Emma. Love and be loved. Fight for your happiness. Fight for what you love. Second chances don't always come around. When you get one, don't ever let it go.

I love you Emma. I will never forget you. Please don't forget me.

Love Always,

Regina