"Good morning." said Dr Stanhope, welcoming Marissa into his office. "Did you have a good day yesterday?"

"We had a wonderful day yesterday. Thanks for delaying the appointment."

"Well just because I'm not being her psychiatrist at the moment doesn't mean I can't help look after Bianca's mental health." said the doctor, taking his seat and gesturing for Marissa to take a seat on the couch.

"I think it helped boost everyone's mental health." said Marissa taking a seat and giving in the doctor a nervous smile.

"And yourself?" asked the doctor.

"I'm getting memories back." stated Marissa a hopeful light in her eyes. "It's sporadic and it's not like the dreams, it feels real, like it's really me in the moment. It started when I saw this woman talking to Bianca in hospital; Sienna. In my mind I could see her kissing Bianca's cheek, I could feel the jealousy… I could even smell the coffee I remembered holding. It was really intense. I practically attacked the poor woman I was so jealous."

"Well that does sound intense." said the doctor. "And was there anything else, were there any surrounding memories."

"Um… it was pretty much just a flash of a moment and the impression it left. Everything else was still just as fuzzy."

"But you said memories?"

"Yeah, I had a flash of looking after Miranda after AJ scraped his knee… and I could almost remember my mom taking care of me in the same way. And… um… Bianca was kissing me in the park and I had a flash of JR kissing me and an argument… but that was tied to the location; he took me there for a picnic and Bianca and I were having a breakfast picnic…so…"

"Well it sounds like these memories go pretty deep if you are getting flashes from your childhood."

"That's good right?"

"Yes… but they sound quite spotted." The doctor made another note. "And how are your dreams?"

"The same I guess." said Marissa. "I've been writing them in my journal like you suggested. Although I had a new one last night. I'm not sure if it wasn't really just a dream it was kind of surreal. I was trying to tell Bianca that I loved her only JR was there. He kept saying really annoying and obnoxious things like 'Newsflash, Marissa likes men!' It was just weird."

"Do you have any anxiety about your relationship with Bianca?"

"What? Am I questioning if I like women?" asked Marissa incredulously, "… no I love her."

Dr Stanhope let the statement hang in the air.

"I mean I worry about her." said Marissa needing to fill the silence. "She's sicker than she's letting on. I can see she's in pain and I just want to wrap her up and keep her safe, but it's out of my hands."

"And it worries you?"

"Yeah it worries me. I can't bear the thought of losing her."

"Why would you?"

"Because… no I shouldn't be talking like this!"

"Who else can you talk to if not you psychiatrist? Marissa I'm here to help."

"But I'm supposed to be talking about my memories."

"I am here for anything you need to talk about."

Marissa stared at Dr Stanhope."

"But I shouldn't be thinking like this. I should be staying positive not dwelling on the worse case scenarios."

"But?" said Dr Stanhope, knowing there was so much more Marissa wasn't saying.

"But Bianca refuses to talk about it. She turns it into a joke and pushes it away and I don't want to upset her so I don't talk about it either. But what if David's magic treatment doesn't work? I... I'm scared. It scares me. Bianca is my future, I know it and I don't care if she is not crutches or in a wheelchair... or in a hospital bed... I don't care. But I don't want her hurting and I don't want her being brave for my sake... and I can't bear the thought of being without her!"

"You said that before; about losing her?"

"It's just I can see her at some point pushing me away, like she did after JR's assault when she thought I couldn't handle it… It will be to protect me, I know, at least in her mind, but still… If she's paralysed… I can see her becoming a martyr to it, being strong for everyone while she's cut to pieces inside. I don't want that to happen to her."

"Then be strong for her. Be there for her."

"I do. I try."

"Then don't stop." said Dr Stanhope. "You are right. Bianca is good at hiding her feelings when she's in pain. She learnt it the hard way, hiding her anorexia, hiding her sexuality, her rape, her pregnancy, losing her child; she hasn't had it easy. I think part of her believes that protecting others is a way to protect herself."

"So what do I do?"

"Tell her you love her. Tell her every day. Love has the greatest healing power of all."

…