The One That Got Away

-7 Months Ago-

"Hey, kid." Emma walked in and dropped her bags on the kitchen table. Henry was just clicking off the phone and placing it in the receiver before coming to help with the groceries.

"Hey, did you get more cocoa?" He seemed to be focusing more on digging through the bags, than actually putting anything away.

"Of course." She smiled. "Was that your dad on the phone?"

"Yeah."

"He settled back into his old place?"

"Yeah. He says he wants me to come visit him soon. He'll send a plane ticket."

"Well you know the deal. If you want to visit, just let me know, and we'll make it happen." She smiled at him and he nodded.

"Maybe later." He shrugged and went back to the bags. Before Emma could question him any further, the doorbell rang and Emma groaned. "Grandma?" Henry questioned and she nodded.

"You should go upstairs."

"You don't have to tell me twice." He grabbed a bad of chips before making a quick retreat up the stairs. Emma slowly walked to the door and revealed exactly who she expected.

"Hey, Mary Margaret."

"Emma, glad you're home." She stepped inside without any prompting and Emma just walked to the kitchen and put on a pot of coffee.

"So anything new?" Emma asked casually. She wasn't in the mood for a deep mother daughter talk, but it seemed that was all Mary Margaret was capable of.

"Jefferson and Grace left this morning." Mary Margaret leaned on her arms on the table. Emma kept at the coffee pot and didn't feel the need to turn around.

"Cool."

"Cool?" Mar Margaret tilted her head and Emma turned slowly with her brow furrowed.

"What? Is it not?"

"Emma, we are quickly losing the town here." She said and Emma rolled her eyes as dramatically as possible.

"Those two make like ten in all. I know this is small town, but I'd hardly say that we're "losing the town"." She sighed and placed a cup in front of her mother before grabbing her own and taking the seat across from her.

"Emma, how are you?" The sudden overly sympathetic tone made Emma glance her way skeptically.

"I'm fine." She said carefully.

"Emma, honey, you can tell me if you're having a difficult time with all this."

"With all what?" She asked impatiently. She absolutely hated the motherly tone.

"Sweetheart, you can hide your emotions all you like, but I know Neal moved the rest of his things out last weekend before going back to New York." She finished and Emma sighed, realizing they were having the same conversation again. She had been foolish enough to think they were finally done.

"What exactly do you think I'm hiding?"

"You must be sad-"

"I'm not sad." She lied. But then truthfully, it wasn't for the reasons her mother thought.

"Emma, the love of your life is gone." She said and Emma clenched her teeth to keep from responding. "I'm just afraid you're going to realize too late how you really feel and Neal will be the one that got away."

"Oh my God." Emma couldn't take it any longer.

"What?" Mary Margaret looked offended at her daughter's tone. "Am I that far off? Honestly?" She asked and Emma gave a humorless laugh. Some variation of this argument had occurred so many times, she was close to breaking before her mother even showed up today.

"No actually." Emma started, ignoring the pleased smile appearing on her mother's face. "To tell you the truth, only one detail in that was wrong."

"So you really-"

"Neal." She cut off the immediate rambling and left Mary Margaret looking confused at her.

"Wh-what?" She shook her head and Emma looked her right in the eyes.

"Neal isn't the love of my life. Neal isn't the one that got away. Neal isn't the one I realized too late how I feel." She watched Mary Margaret shift into the next emotion as confusion went to frustration.

"Emma, please tell me you're not saying what I think you are."

"Oh right, I forgot, we don't talk about 'She who must not be named'." She said sarcastically, seeing her mother fall more into her anger.

"Because nothing good ever comes of any conversation involving her."

"Because you always shut me down when I try to open up about her." Emma practically yelled. Her mother seemed to be the queen of ending conversations that weren't going her way and Emma had experienced that plenty.

"I'm not trying to shut you down, honey." Mary Margaret was clearly trying to get herself back in check.

"You just want me to shut my mouth every time her name is used."

"Look we're…we're getting off track." She said and Emma rolled her eyes again, her mother managing to curb a conversation about her curbing conversations. "You and Neal had an entire year together, loving each other and being happy."

"Trying to love each other and trying to be happy." She corrected.

"Really? You're still saying none of those feelings were real?"

"Yeah actually. I'm still saying it and you're still not understanding." Emma's hands were flat on the table and her eyes right on her mother's. As controlled as she tried to be about this, it seemed like this may be the straw that beaks the camel's back. She could feel that long time control slipping.

"Emma, how could you have been with him…the way you were, and not have felt anything?" She blushed slightly and Emma understood what she was saying. She was not blushing though.

"You mean sex, Mom?" She definitely found satisfaction in the continuation of the red painting her cheeks. "Is that what you want to talk about?"

"I didn't-"

"Because that's fine with me. If it'll get you off this then let's talk about it."

"Emma-"

"I couldn't do it." She interrupted her and Mary Margaret's jaw stayed open for a few seconds as she tried to understand.

"You couldn't do…it?" She tilted her head and Emma ran her fingers through her hair as she finally broke eye contact for a moment.

"I tried to be happy with Neal. I really really did. And I guess on the surface I did a pretty remarkable job considering my pre-teenage son was the only one to figure it out. Even Neal never completely understood why I wouldn't sleep with him." She shook her head at the thought.

She never got to say any of this out loud. No one would understand so she had kept it completely to herself. But voicing it now just reminded her how frustrated she was, one, with herself for pushing Regina aside for a life that made her nothing but miserable, and two, at everyone else for being so completely blinded to see the woman they all claimed to love, shriveling up into nothing before their very eyes.

As oblivious as she found Neal, he wasn't the one she was most angry with. He really should have seen something was amiss when Emma fed him the story about wanting to wait till they got married. Celibacy wasn't exactly something she was into, so how he didn't see a blaring red flag was beyond her. But then he had just accepted it. It was why she had a hard time blaming him for much. He had tried to be sweet and understanding. Chalking her attitude up to their past and trying to work through it instead of pushing her.

No, it was her family that she was angry with. Her father was as passionate about fairy tale happy endings as her mother or anyone, and Emma hated that he shrugged off any attempts at communicating and instead, would spout out a generic line about true love and move on. She wanted a father. Not a Prince Charming.

Her mother was the worst. While she did love her, as Emma knew that was something a daughter didn't easily shake off, she still had some huge problems with the woman. How her own mother was less interested in finding out what she needed, than what she wanted for Emma, made the blonde want to leave them all behind and simply travel the world until she somehow miraculously found the one woman that had ever attempted to give her what she wanted. She knew that was illogical, but it was always the dream when they got into these conversations.

She could see her mother so conflicted now, as she always was. The part of her that was a caring mother, working against the majority of her that was Snow fucking White. The perfect little princess who only knew right and wrong, good and evil, black and white. She knew the true caring part tried to surface, but Snow always shook it off and progress was never made.

"So you're saying…you two…you didn't…at all?" She seemed wholly uncomfortable, but her curious and invasive nature always won out.

"No. We tried." She shrugged, remembering the first time she had tried to accept her new life. "But as soon as it started, I couldn't stop thinking about the last time I slept with Regina. Which didn't help my mood." It had in fact, effectively ruined the entire evening.

Nothing had been right. His hands and lips, they weren't right. They were aggressive, but it had been one sided. Regina had her moments of being a bit more rough. They both did, as they both learned to drop the shy act and enjoy their short time together, but then Regina had learned Emma first. That was something Emma had found so wonderful about their times together.

She had learned Emma's body first. Spent time finding out what was okay and what brought her pleasure. Before either of them had touched the other with a firmer hand, they had known how to take care of the other. That was another place Emma's mind went when she had tried to be intimate with the man. She had found learning and exploring Regina's body to be one of the best experiences of her life. Regina was soft and warm. She was receptive and Emma had found those first few times together more passionate that she would have thought either capable.

Neal though, had initiated the contact and handled her like he owned her. She didn't feel he was trying to act badly, but he was so completely oblivious to her true feelings. He couldn't take any hints or pick up on any non verbal cues. He didn't understand that everything mattered. He didn't take any of those precious moments to love Emma. He didn't wait for a pleased reaction before touching her again. He just took and didn't really give back. The opposite of her interactions with Regina, who always knew how to check in with Emma without having to ask.

She knew there were just differences between laying with a man versus a woman, but then it wasn't his anatomy she had a problem with. It was him. And the biggest problem being, that he wasn't Regina.

Emma was amazed she was telling her mother this. She should be embarrassed, but in reality, it was good to get it off her chest. She wanted her to understand that the weren't in some perfectly happy relationship that Emma just abruptly ended one day. The fact that the first time they had tried to be intimate, Emma had ended up crying over her letter at the station while Neal snored away in bed, should be proof enough that things were not right.

She waited for her mother's reaction, but had still heard nothing. She finally looked up at her face and frowned instantly at what she saw. Mary Margaret was no longer really blushing like Emma would have thought, but had paled quite a bit. She was just staring at Emma, her mouth still hanging open. Emma thought back to what she had said. It only took a moment and she nearly snorted a laugh.

"Are you okay?" She asked instead, again, finding a bit of sick joy in her mother's complete discomfort.

"I…I didn't realize…that you and Regina had…had…" She shook her head as if trying to shake the image.

"Sex." Emma finished. She felt totally and completely awkward having this conversation, but the relief at saying this out loud and the look on her mother's face were doing well to overpower that. "I thought you understood we had been seeing each other for awhile when you found out."

"Well I mean, I understand you two had been seeing each other and I know Henry saw you…kissing." She even said that word like it was a curse and Emma shook her head. "But I wouldn't have imagined that you would have actually committed such an act-"

"Let me stop you there, and remind you that you are talking to your daughter. I get that you don't understand, but you don't want to say something hurtful." She really did not want some homophobic comment come out of her mouth right now. They had enough issues between them without adding prejudice into the mix. The disgusted look on her face right now was enough.

"Okay." Mary Margaret lifted her hands and tried to calm herself.

"The truth is, I did everything I could to make you all happy. Regina made that as easy on me as possible by removing herself from the equation."

"Because…"

"Because then I didn't actually have to make the hardest decision of my life. Not technically. She took that bullet."

"So she left you." Mary Margaret simplified and Emma paused with her mouth open.

"That's what you got out of all that?" She said disbelievingly. Even after so many dead-end conversations, somehow, she still found herself surprised.

"I don't know what I'm supposed to say. What exactly are you trying to tell me?" She asked and Emma continued to be amazed at just how thick her parents' heads were. She just sighed and planted her hands on the table again.

"I am telling you that Neal is gone. I tried, very hard, and know without a doubt that it is not meant to be. So I will not be running after him. We will not be getting back together, ever. I will not argue or explain that again." She said with finality. Mary Margaret bit her lip, using the very small fraction of self control the woman actually possessed to keep herself from arguing this subject further.

"Alright. Well if that is the case, then I'd like to revisit us going back to the Enchanted Forest." She said and now Emma was the one channeling her self control. "I know you're not interested in living there, but want you to think about it again. You could find you hap-"

"Don't. Please." Emma didn't need to hear those words again. "I can't leave Storybrooke."

"Why?" Mary Margaret asked exasperatingly. She was constantly frustrated by Emma's absolute refusal to going home.

"You know why. Even though you're pretending not to."

"So you're going to deny Henry the home he was meant for, for a woman you'll most likely never see again? A woman your son doesn't even want?" Every fight they had escalated from the last, and Emma could tell they would be continuing that pattern now.

"I wouldn't deny my son what he needed. And I'm not even denying him what he wants."

"So he is suddenly okay with Regina and hoping she'll return for him? I find that hard to believe." She said incredulously and Emma grit her teeth.

"Nothing was sudden. But seriously, has it honestly never occurred to you why his name is still Henry Mills?" She questioned, watching her mother falter slightly. This was nearly a pointless fight, but Emma couldn't help it. Her mother wanted to keep pushing, well she was in the mood to push back.

"I thought you two just hadn't bothered with the paperwork yet." She tried to shrug it off but Emma knew she hadn't asked them about it because she was afraid of the answer.

"Yeah. For a year and a half, we've just been lazy." She said flatly. "I brought it up three times with him, getting nothing more or less than a grunt in response before I finally told him to let me know when he wanted to go through with it. It's never come up again." She watched Mary Margaret's careful expression. Emma would never understand just how they pulled so far apart, but during these fights, she couldn't blame herself. They all called her the stubborn one, but Emma knew it was an inherited trait.

"Emma…" She began slowly. "I can't guarantee that your father and I will remain in Storybrooke forever. You know we're trying for another baby and I don't want a child raised here."

"I know…but I can guarantee that I won't leave. I'm sorry." She was sorry. Sorry she just wasn't the daughter they wanted. Not the Savior or Princess they desired. She felt bad about it, but it was getting time they learned to accept it as she was finally doing herself.

The argument finally died after that. Mary Margaret saw the finality in Emma's eyes she always tried to ignore. She wouldn't give up hope completely. She never did. Even months later when they hugged goodbye. Even when they settled into their old castle. Even when she found herself with child again.

She found acceptance though. It took awhile and the day her husband returned after a trip back to Storybrooke to discover both Emma and Henry had left town abruptly, she still held onto her hope. But she knew, deep deep down, that they were where they should be. Wherever that was now.

-Present Day-

Emma kept her eyes down, feeling slightly awkward about the small admission. It was true, of course. She was afraid to even visit the Enchanted Forest. She was just so sure that with her luck, should Regina ever return, it would be the moment she and Henry left and her one chance would disappear forever.

She felt slightly foolish about it now though. Seeing even this small glimpse into Regina's life made it pretty clear that the woman wasn't planning on returning to Storybrooke for unrequited love any time soon.

She wondered if the thought ever crossed her mind. If Regina ever considered coming back for her. She knew she didn't deserve that. Regina didn't owe her even a phone call. But Emma was human after all and just couldn't help but hope that all the desperation she had to reunite wasn't completely one sided. She had spent all this time holding onto that letter, praying those feelings weren't dissipating.

Looking at Regina now, Emma searched for any signs of her feelings. Regina was so guarded though. Each time she thought something was sparking behind those dark eyes, Regina would shake out of it and her careful, almost disinterested expression would take over and Emma nearly thought she imagined it.

She knew now though, that wasn't the case. Not entirely. The hug and then mentioning the wedding had shown something, but it was her reaction to the last comment that sparked Emma's dwindling hope again.

She chanced a glance up again and could see the whirling emotions in her eyes. Regina was trying to stay controlled but she couldn't hide everything. Emma knew that one comment had done something. She didn't want to push, but at the same time, knowing she managed to provoke emotion in Regina again renewed her hope and Emma didn't want them to fall back again. She just didn't know what to say.

"Regina?" A small, very timid voice interrupted her thoughts and Emma looked down to see the small girl Regina had carried in stepping into view. She saw Emma though, and tucked part of her body behind the wall again.

"Lilly?" Regina's voice grabbed her attention and the girl made a bee-line for the familiar woman. "It's okay, sweetie." Regina pulled her into her arms and Lilly immediately buried her face in Regina's neck to stay safe from the stranger in the room.

Regina spent a few seconds just rubbing her back and trying to reassure her. It would be a lot for the little girl to meet several new people on her first day officially living in a new home. Regina knew that and unfortunately for those new people, Lilly was the priority and Regina wanted to ensure her comfort first.

Emma just watched the interaction. She wasn't exactly surprised. She had seen the way Regina had been with Luca. Always ensuring his emotional well being and being there for him at any moment's notice. She also knew that she would be the same with Henry if he allowed it. But while Emma wasn't surprised, it was always a interesting thing to witness.

This was the woman that cursed an entire population of people? This was a murderer? This woman, rubbing a little girl's back and whispering into her ear was a monster? Well certainly not anymore. She never understood how no one else saw every side of Regina. How was she the only one that saw this side, more than the villain they feared? And they called Emma stubborn.

"This is Emma." Regina said quietly and Emma sat silently. Lilly barely peeked an eye at her, but Emma tried to give a small smile. Lilly didn't respond beyond that and Regina finally glanced up again.

"I think maybe…maybe we should call it a night." Emma said hesitantly.

Truthfully, she didn't want to leave ever, even for a second. But it was clear this was an overwhelming day and both needed a minute to breathe. Emma knew none of this was fair to Regina, who deserved time to process the very unexpected interruption in her life. Plus, Emma could be patient. She'd been dreaming of this for two years. She could give it a little more time before pushing for anything.

"You don't need to leave." Regina had the same timid sound to her voice now. She knew it would be the smart decision to make, but then having everyone here was difficult to give up.

"I know. But we can pick this up again tomorrow if you have time. Maybe I could see the center." She said it like a question and it was clear she was testing the waters. Tying to see where she might be welcome. She was overcome with relief at the small smile she got from Regina.

"I'd like that." Regina nodded, realizing it would be good to interact with a little less tension. She had no idea what they were doing, but if they were to be talking everything out like this, maybe it would be good to find ways to take the edge off.

"G-great." Emma smiled wide, breathing out slowly. "Do you want to get lunch?" She realized she was pushing it now and tried not to deflate when Regina didn't give the same smiling response this time.

"I actually have plans with someone. But how about you stop by in the afternoon?" She asked and Emma nodded, trying not to over think that. "Henry knows where it is." She added.

"Yeah, that'd be great." She smiled and stood from the table.

After calling a cab, at Emma's insistence, they got the boys to come back upstairs and once everyone was by the door, the atmosphere quickly grew awkward again. Henry managed to break through it first and gave Regina a side hug, as not to disturb Lilly still in her arms. Regina smiled and rested her cheek on his head briefly.

"Alright, so tomorrow." Emma nodded at Regina. She wanted to hug her again. Despite knowing it wasn't the best idea, she wanted it. She managed to hold back though.

"Tomorrow." Regina confirmed.

Emma placed a hand on Henry's shoulder as they turned and finally walked out. When they got into the cab, Emma glanced up from her seat and saw Regina still watching them. She offered a smile and a small wave that was returned before the driver took off. She collapsed back into the seat and let out a long breath.

"So, do you remember when you told me Mom was 'the one that got away'?" Henry glanced at her and Emma looked curiously at him.

"Yeah."

"Well, what would you call her now?" He asked and Emma paused for a few seconds.

She looked out the window and took in the scenery as she contemplated an answer. She was exhausted. Overwhelmed. Sad and happy. Worried and hopeful. Nervous and excited. So much all at once.

"I don't know." She answered truthfully before turning again and looking at her son. "But I plan on finding out. I hope you weren't too keen on head back home."

"I'm not." He gave a small smile.

"Good. We're gonna have to figure some things out I guess." She started to look off again as she thought through what this might mean. Henry was still smiling.

"Actually…I already have." He said and Emma narrowed her eyes. "Hey look, we're about to pass my school." He grinned as he pointed out the window. Emma though, didn't look away from her son.

"Your what?"

Sorry for the wait. I have the usual excuses. Busy, work, life, loss of inspiration...yada yada... This chapter ended up coming out differently than I had planned, so more on Regina's feelings will be in the next chapter. Hope you enjoyed :)