Hey guys, I know it's been a while. This chapter is longer so I hope it makes up for the wait.
Author note at bottom, please read.
Thank you to my amazing beta. I do not own Twilight.
Chapter 10
"I love you Anthony," I whispered.
"Love you too," he whispered back.
I made my way home, alone, for the first time in five years.
Daddyward
I woke up feeling groggy and disorientated. It took me a minute to remember where I was.
I closed my eyes again and took a deep breath; a slow, long, deep breath.
The whiskey still lingered in my mouth and my head was heavy as the slow aftermath of alcohol I had last night settled into my body.
I spent most of last night talking to my sister about Bella and Leah. I told her about this beautiful woman that had just appeared in my life with a daughter, and that I couldn't get enough of them.
Alice was over excited, and claimed that maybe she was "the one." I had to laugh at her theory, Alice believed in love at first sight- soul mates and all that shit. But it did get me thinking, for a minute anyway.
I then listened – and drank- while Alice babbled about the fashion show she was organizing. I was a gentleman and "oooed" and "awed" at the right moments; but actually spent most of the time content, staring at my wall, as I thought about the sleeping beauty next door.
After a couple of hours talking with Alice, I decided to call my other sibling, Bree. She already knew all about Bella. Apparently my Mom had shared stories with her about Bella over the years. Bree also mentioned that Mom had photos of Leah on her fireplace beside the rest of us.
I made a mental note to look for those photos later.
I slowly got up, showered, dressed, and had breakfast before I went over to Bella's. I hoped I did the right thing- leaving Anthony overnight. It wasn't that I didn't trust Bella; it was her reaction I was worried about. I did it so that she would see that I did trust her, and that it wasn't her fault that that sick bastard took her child.
It also helped me with being separated from Anthony. I promised Charlie that I would work on that, and I was. Bella would tell her father that Anthony had stayed overnight at her house, and Charlie would see that I was sticking to my end of the deal.
Bella reminded me a lot of Charlie. They were both, stubborn, strong, and sincere. I've always respected Charlie. I've tried to prove myself to him every day, and have shown him that he did the right thing by hiring me all those years ago. Charlie not only gave me a job when I was lost and struggling to find my feet; but he gave me a partner who had become the most loyal friend I've ever had, and he also taught me how to be the best single father I could be.
My mind wandered to the day I held Anthony for the first time as I ate my cereal.
XXX
"Mr. Cullen, your son is in perfect health." The nurse cooed at Anthony, making him smile at her. I watched them in amazement. He was finally here, I had my son with me and he was perfect.
Perfect? Yes he was, but what about me? I have been so worried about him and where he has been for the last six months that I had forgotten everything I was taught. I have missed out on so much of his life already, and I didn't know the basic things about my own flesh and blood. When did he sleep? What did he like to eat? What toys did he like?
I was prepared for a newborn baby, not a six month year old baby.
The nurse must have read my mind or my facial expression gave my insecurities away.
"Do you have any clothes for him? The ones he came in are too small?" she asked tickling his belly.
"Shit," I tugged at my hair, "I, I, didn't think..."
"It's alright, there's a shop on level four that has baby clothes if you want to run down and grab something?" she replied, and I did what she said.
The shop was small, but it somehow held everything you needed to take a baby home- a newborn- that was what this shop was made for, however my son needed bigger clothes.
"Excuse me?" I asked the sales woman, "Do you have anything for a six month old boy to wear?" I gave my mother's favorite smile in hope that I didn't look like a dead beat dad.
"Oh, yeah, we have some adorable outfits right over here," she gushed in deep Texas accent.
I followed her over towards the clothes; she must have been about eighteen years old, swinging her hips as she walked. I looked away from her and stared down at the clothes. They looked very big for Anthony.
"Here ya're."
"Um, okay, thank you," I mumbled and quickly picked up a couple of outfits.
"Wait," I panicked. "I, um, I need other stuff. Can you help me?" I begged, feeling completely in over my head.
The saleswoman – named Clare- helped me grab a baby bag; diapers, formula, bottles, food, a couple of hats – they were a must she informed me – some toys, baby wipes, baby powder, and diaper cream. I also bought another car seat to take him home in. Clare told stories of other people and their kids while we ran around the store buying everything I needed. The stories only increased my anxiety of being a single parent.
I had most of this stuff back home in my apartment, but I wasn't going home. I couldn't face being in that apartment tonight.
I paid for Anthony's stuff and managed to squeeze it in to one backpack – one that I had bought in another store- and the baby bag.
"Did you buy the whole store?" The nurse laughed when I return to Anthony's room. I was surprised to see the same nurse rocking him to sleep.
"Just about."
"Well, why don't I let you two have some time together and I'll get his discharge papers."
The nurse handed Anthony over to me, he was wrapped in a gown and his little body just melted into my arms; he was so small and chubby for his age. It was the most terrifying and best day of my life. He was only a few months old, but I felt like he was older, that we had been apart for years instead of months.
I watched him for a couple of minutes, taking in his baby smell and features.
My parents are going to be so proud when they see him. He looked so much like my mother at that age.
My parents?
That was where I would go.
I'd go home, start a new life with my family.
Jane might not think I would go there and even if she did, we would be surrounded by my family and she wouldn't get anywhere near him again. I promised myself.
"What do you think, Buddy? You want to go and live in rainy Forks?" He raised a small fist towards me- I took that as his sign of agreement.
I bundled him in the clothes that were too big for him, and wrapped him in the blanket that my mother made for him almost a year ago. I had brought it with me when I got the phone call earlier today. It was the only thing that I have carried around with me like my own security blanket.
The sun was shining when we finally left the hospital. The streets were busy and alive with people walking through their life. I grabbed the nearest cab; threw in all the bags and called my father, while fitting the car seat in the cab.
"Edward, any news?" he inquired, his voice aching with worry.
"I have him, Dad. I have him," I choked out. The emotions of what happened today were finally catching up with me.
"Oh thank God, Esme! Quick!" He yelled in joy.
"Dad, Dad?"
"Sorry son, I'm just so happy."
"I know, but I need your help Dad?"
"Anything, Son."
I took a deep breath and felt my heart free itself from emptiness that had been lingering there.
"I want to come home." This time a sob escaped my mouth, I wanted my mother more than anything right then.
"I'll send the plane," were all the words I needed to hear.
"Where to, Sir?" The driver asked when I ended my call. I must have looked ridiculous; a young man with a toddler in his arms, crying to come home to his Dad.
"Airport, please."
I leaned over the car seat, while laying my head on the back of the cab seat, and watched my son sleep. He looked so small and fragile. I tucked the blanket by his sides and pulled his hat up away from his face. I guess he didn't like it being moved as he lifted his small hand and tried to pull mine out of the way. I grinned at his actions; craved for more. I was awarded when he grabbed a few of my fingers, gripping on them tightly as if silently saying he needs me. I kissed his forehead and left my hand where it was. He was safe, healthy and here with me. I cried silently all the way to the airport.
XXX
Even though it was Bella who opened the door, it was my son's squeal and two small children that made my heart leap. They ran straight into me, hugged my legs, and made me feel like the luckiest son of bitch.
"Good morning, my little monsters," I greeted them before they followed Bella back into the kitchen.
I followed her too, where else was I going to go?
Bella was wearing jeans again, but this time she wore a classic white shirt tucked into them. Her hair was loose and flowed down her back. She looked gorgeous.
I watched her closely; her face looked fresh, and her eyes were peaceful as if all her problems had just melted away. I smiled to myself – I had put that peace there, even if it was just for a little while.
"Morning, Love. You look well rested," I smiled.
"I am, thank you," she smiled back.
"Good. So what is the plan for today?" I asked clapping my hands together, excited to spend more time with my three favorite people.
"Oh, well, I have an appointment with Mr. Banner about Leah starting school next week, this morning." Oh! Damn!
I walked over to the coffee machine and poured myself a cup. It was an excuse to stay here a little longer and stated, "Mr. Banner is not the principal anymore."
I watched the worry creep back into her face, maybe I should tell her about Bree. I didn't want her to worry for no reason.
"It's okay. My sister is the principal now. So Leah's in safe hands," I winked, hoping to ease her mind. Maybe I should tell her about my conversation with Bree last night- well what I remembered of it anyway.
While I was on the phone with both of my sisters, I had managed to drink a bit more than I should have. I don't even remember how I got into bed. I did remember asking Bree for advice on how to make Bella date me. I decided not to say anything right now. I will talk to Bree later and find out what I said to her first. Also, Bella just giggled because of me, and I would be damned if I was going to make her upset right now. I was enjoying this morning too much.
"Your sister?" she asked adorably.
"Yeah, my big sister, Bree."
We talked a little about my family. I was a bit surprised how she knew so little about my family. I knew that she was close to my parents, so I just assumed that she would know certain things.
Bella took a shower, which allowed me to spend time with the kids. I got them dressed and ready for the day.
"You excited to see your school today, Princess?" I laced up her pink glittery sneakers. Leah just shrugged her shoulders.
"Aunt B, is our teacher, eh daddy?" Anthony asked while pulling at his hoodie.
"She's your principal, Buddy. Mrs. Cope is your teacher," I replied. "Alright, all done. Let's go and watch a bit of T.V. until Bella's ready."
XXX
I left Bella to handle a very grumpy little girl and took my son to Seattle.
We did a little shopping for some more school clothes. However, we also pick up some presents for our new neighbors. I wanted Bella to know how interested I was in her romantically, but I also didn't want to scare her away. From the way she looked at and acted around me, I thought she may be attracted to me also; but that does not mean that she would want a relationship with me.
Once we had spent more money than necessary, I loaded our purchases into the car and headed to this new family restaurant that opened last week. Before I even thought of perusing Bella, I needed to know how my son felt first. He always came first.
"Are we going in there?" Anthony bounded, pointing at the big red building.
"Yep, I thought we'd try it out."
"Cool."
Cool was the word he used to describe the inside as well; and the fish, the statues of circus people, and the people dressed as clowns. The clowns really freaked me out, but Anthony loved them. He talked to them, and laughed at them hitting each other, they even showed him how to juggle. Me, I just wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible. I was impressed with the restaurant overall, but it was a bit too noisy and crazy for my liking.
The clowns left us alone when our meal arrived by an acrobat. Anthony's eyes widened when she arrived; I guess my son just had his first crush. I chuckled at his expression- I would absolutely be using this against him when he was older. His face was red from embarrassment, but he couldn't take his eyes off of her. I almost fell out of my chair when she ruffled his hair, his smile never left his face, and I was sure there was some drool falling from his mouth.
When I had finished my burger and fries, I figured it was a good time to talk to him about Bella and Leah. I just hoped that all the clowns weren't too much of a distraction for him.
"Hey, Buddy, can I talk to you about something?" He nodded his head while chewing on his burger. I took that as my cue to just go ahead.
"Do you like Bella?" I started.
"Huh, huh, she's cool," he smiled.
"Well, I like Bella too, but in a romantic way," I said, watching him closer to see if he understood. He didn't, which I expected, he was only five.
"What's a romantic way?" he asked. His eyebrows pulled together in confusion.
"When you're older, like Daddy's age, and you meet a girl, and you think about this girl all of the time, and you want to spend a lot of time with the girl. You may even want to kiss that girl, cuddle with that girl, slept next to that girl. That's a romantic way."
"Well, I like Bella in a romantic way. I want to spend time with her and make more cupcakes." He smiled to himself, I laughed at his innocence.
"Anthony, I think you like Bella in a friend's way. Do you want kiss her?" I asked.
"I do kiss her, I kissed her cheek this morning, like you do to Grandma."
"I know, but do you want to kiss her like Aunt B kisses Felix?" My sister and her new boyfriend were very much into displays of public affection.
Anthony wriggled his nose in disgust and stuck out his tongue. "Argh, no way! That kissing is gross. Nana C always gives me loads of kisses over my face, that's gross too, yuck."
This made me laugh even more. I knew how he felt about Nana C, I still hated when she visited. Even my Dad makes a face when she does it to him, and it was his mother.
"Yeah, Nana C slobbers a bit," I laughed. God, I loved hanging with my son.
"You want to kiss Bella?" he asked.
"I do, but only if she wants to kiss me. I would like to see her more, take her out for dinner, and do grown up stuff. Would you be okay with that?" I picked up my cold fries and ate them. I needed something to do to keep my mind from flowing to the trail of "grown up stuff."
"Huh, huh, I could play with Leah," he answered, finishing his burger.
"You like playing with Leah?"
"Yep, she's so much fun, Daddy. She's my friend."
"Ants? Does Leah ever talk to you?" I asked gently and waited, holding my breath, for his answer.
"Sometimes, but it hurts her to talk."
"Hurts her? How?" I asked. A cloud of sadness washed over him. He leaned back into his seat and looked at his lap.
"Anthony, you're not going to get into trouble, I promise. I just want to know Leah a bit better, that's all. What does she say when she does talk?"
"She mostly draws and then says what it is. I ask her stuff and she sometimes answers, but mostly just shakes her head. It hurts her Daddy. When she talks she says it hurts, here." He pointed to his left chest, a little too high, but I knew he meant his heart- it hurt her heart to talk.
"Come here," I opened my arms to him. He moved out of his chair and crawled into my lap. I wrapped my arms tightly around him.
"You are such a good friend to Leah, she's very lucky to have you to share her stories with. You just keep doing what you're doing son. If she wants to talk that's good, if she doesn't that's okay too."
"Do you think Pops can help her, make her feel better?" he asked, his eyes pleading with sadness.
"Bella will get her help, Son, don't you worry about anything okay? Just be her friend, that's all you need to do, okay?" I smiled down at him. How did he get so smart? He was only five years old, but sometimes he talked like he was fifteen.
"Okay, I will always be her friend." He smiled, happy and content again.
"Alright, well it's time to go to Grandma's. Daddy has to go to work and get us more pennies since we've just spent it all."
XXX
"Hey, Edward. It's extra quiet tonight, why don't you go and take an extra hour's break?" Charlie smirked.
I looked up to him in surprise. He was leaning against his office door, looking bored and amused at the same time.
"You sure?" I asked. I prayed he wasn't pulling my leg.
"Yep, I know you like to see that boy of yours at bedtime, so off you go, before I change my mind."
I didn't need to be told twice. "Thanks, Chief," I yelled on my way out.
I checked the time, quarter to seven. Anthony doesn't go to bed till half eight, which gave me enough time to maybe check in on my princess... and of course her beautiful mother.
And that's what I did.
The house looked quiet when I pulled up in front of Bella's drive. There were a few lights on, but there wasn't any movement behind the windows. The rain was heavy- it was dropping from her roof like large puddles.
I rang the bell, a little scared of Bella's response. I actually felt like a stalker, turning up at her door, but I had to see her one last time today. I even sounded like a stalker now.
"Edward!" She blushed when she opened the door. I wondered what created that?
"Hi, I was due a break and I thought I would come and see how our princess is doing, you know, after this morning?"
She sighed with a look of defeat. I guessed Leah had been giving her a hard time all day. "She's still misbehaving, I guess?"
"Shit, sorry, Edward, I didn't realize it was raining," she ranted and pulled me inside, just where I wanted to be.
"Shoes off," she demanded. I have never been into domineering women, however, my cock twitched in attention. That was kind of hot. I wondered if she was like that in the bedroom. A man could only hope.
I laughed at myself, trying to control my oversexed dirty mind. What was this woman doing to me?
"Have you eaten yet? I was just about to order pizza if you want to join us?" she asked, gazing at me through her chocolate eyes, creating an erotic tension in the air.
I gave her a sly grin; thrilled at her invitation and enthusiasm to see me. "I'd love too." She grinned back and we got lost on each other for a few moments. Magical.
The spell broke by the alert of Bella's hunger. "Why don't you phone for pizza, and I'll get Leah."
"Sure," I agreed. I watched her walk away, her ass swayed in front of me. I gave up trying to hide my desire for this woman.
"Oh…," she stopped half way out the door, "and don't be too nice to her, she's still being punished."
I chuckled at her expression. She was trying to be a strict mom right now, but her eyes held nothing but mischief.
The living room looked different than it did this morning. The bookcase was now filled with more books; a small guitar sat against the corner of her sofa. It was one more thing we had in common- music. A warm ruby rug lay in front of the fire, giving the room a warm homey feeling. I suddenly envisioned a huge green tree filled with presents underneath, four stockings hung from the fireplace mantle, and a small chocolate dog lay on the rug, playing with the kids.
I sighed.
I was getting too ahead of myself, but I couldn't help it. For the first time in my life, I wanted more than just Anthony and me. I wanted more for Anthony. I wanted to share our lives with someone; share all my dreams, thoughts and desires with someone. Share those magical moments like Christmas and Disneyland. I wanted a family, a big one.
I had a family. I had Anthony, and I wouldn't change a thing about him or our relationship, but I had room for more, so did he.
I could see the way he looked at Bella- he worshiped her; sought her motherly nature and comfort. He was so happy about making cupcakes with her. He made them with my mom all the time, but with Bella it was different... it was a mother and son moment and I wanted that for him. I wanted a woman he could go to, if he didn't want me. I also wanted that for, Leah, however, I wanted to be that role for her. The thought of another man playing house with them sent a sharp pain throughout my chest.
I should be terrified of the attachment Anthony has developed with Bella. I should be scared that he would be disappointed if Bella did not become the mother figure he craved. But, somehow, I wasn't.
I knew that no matter what happened between Bella and me, I would be there for Leah. My feelings towards that little girl would not change, and I knew that Bella would be the same with my son.
I have no idea why I trusted her so much, or how I had so much faith that her and Leah would become as important to me as Anthony, but I did.
I knew what I wanted; what my son wanted, and I could only pray that Bella and Leah wanted the same. I just had to get Bella and Leah to knock down the walls that were up around them, and let us in. Once we were in, we were never coming out.
I turned towards the door. I could feel her close to me.
"Leah's asleep. She hasn't even unpacked anything yet."
I turned back towards the back wall. There were lots of pictures hanging. I spotted a beautiful photo of a very young Leah.
"So, I have no idea what she's been doing since we got back."
"Did you take all of these?" I asked. There was one with Emmett and Charlie. They were standing at the grill, beer in hands, with smoke swirling around them from the food they were cooking. The sun was shining and their faces held smiles that I have never seen on Charlie before. He looked relaxed; content and very happy.
"Yes," she whispered as if she admitted something sinful. It went straight to my cock.
I picked up the photo I was drawn to of Leah, trying to distract my mind from wandering into dirty thoughts.
"She looks so young; she is such a beautiful little girl." I wondered if Bella would notice if I just happened to put it in my coat, took it with me, and placed in my office... right next to the one of my son.
"She was two in that photo," she stated, "she loved that teddy bear. It was huge, bigger than she was, but somehow she managed to carry it around with her." I smiled at her story. It was the first one she had really shared willingly with me.
"Your very talented, Bella." I looked at her; she was so close to me. Somehow our bodies had drifted towards each other. I took this as another sign of how perfect we were for each other.
Now I sounded like Alice. Maybe she was right though. Alice said that it was love at first sight; I was starting to think that it was true. I was captured by Bella from the moment I saw her... but could it really be love? That quick?
I honestly had no idea. I had never been in love before.
"Thank you," she whispered in that low sexy voice again.
"You're welcome," I whispered back. I wanted to kiss her so much; feel her warm lips on mine- taste her, hold her, and worship her.
I licked my lips and moved slowly towards her, never taking my eyes away from hers.
"Bella," I breathed her name.
"Yeah?"
I searched her eyes for any sign to stop. So far there was none. I did a mental fist pump; I was going to kiss my girl.
"Can I kiss you?"
Aaaand just like that; the walls were back up.
Her body tensed, and I could see the conflict in her eyes.
I tugged a loose strand of hair behind her ear, and placed my hand on her cheek. "It's okay, Love. You're not ready." I placed my other hand on her cheek, cupping her face between.
She looked at the floor.
"Love, look at me." I lifted her face up; she was not hiding from me. Not now, not after the moment we just had.
"I'm sorry," she whispered, tears falling down her pale face.
"It's okay, Bella." I tried to reassure her. I was a patience man; I would wait until she was ready.
"Edward, I, I…" She pulled her body away from me, and sat down on the sofa, putting some distance between us. I waited for her to gather her thoughts.
"I think it's best if we stay as friends. I have so much going on right now- new job, new house, and Leah. I have to focus on my daughter right now, and I, I, I don't think, you and me…" she waved a finger between us, "are a good idea. I still don't really know anything about you."
"I understand, Bella." I moved and sat next to her. I didn't pull her to me like I did the other night. This was different. "We can change that. We should start as friends like we already are, spend more time with each; get to know each other better."
"Friends?" she was asking for an agreement.
"Friends," I nodded. My father had always said that my mother was his best friend first, without the friendship, no relationship would survive.
"Alright, friend, where is the pizza?" she laughed. Shit.
"Will you still be my friend if I told you that I forgot to order it? I was distracted by your photos and never phoned for it." Bella giggled. Her hair fell in front of her face, hiding her from me.
"Oh, I don't know about that," she teased, her laughter died down when she looked at the door. I turned to see a sleepy Leah standing in the doorway. "Hey, Honey, did you have a good nap?" Bella asked her, opening her arms for her.
Leah didn't disappoint and ran straight to her mother. Bella's face glowed as she held her daughter, her love for her poured out of every inch of her body. They've had a rough ride together; I hoped that I could make life more peaceful and fun for them. They deserved it.
I didn't mention what Anthony had told me today about Leah- I would have plenty of time to tell her.
We settled for sandwiches instead of pizza. Leah clung to Bella the whole time I was there, only giving me a brief hug before I left.
XXX
The next couple of days were spent at work. Charlie made me do an extra couple of shifts so that I could still take next week off. I wanted to take Anthony to school and pick him up for his first week. This was a major mile stone in his life, and I was not missing any of it.
I never saw Bella or Leah for the rest of the week. I didn't sneak any visits while working or bump into them in town. My mom had spoken to Bella and informed me that they had their first therapy session today, and that Bella was worried that it would set Leah back. I wanted to call her or something; I wanted her to share her worries with me, not my mother.
I shook my head and tried to concentrate on what I was doing. The words blurred on my computer- creating a mass of dots on the screen. I needed a break. If there was one thing I hated about this job, it was writing up reports. They were long, useless, and boring.
I left my desk and headed to the coffee machine. The sounds of the rain echoed throughout the station, drowning out the small office chatter and phones ringing.
"Hey, Edward?" Emmett shouted across the hall. He wasn't alone; a tall blonde guy followed him as they made their way over to me.
"Hey, Emmett. What you doing here? Missing us?" I teased.
"Nope," he smirked. "What time are you finished?"
I looked at the blonde guy, wondering who he was. "Um, three today. Why?"
"Cause we're going on a road trip, baby!" He did a fist pump in the air; the blonde guy laughed. They were comfortable together, like they had known each other for years.
"What?" I asked in confusion.
"Road trip, Edward. This weekend, you, me and Jasper." He pointed to the blonde guy. Jasper... what a weird name.
"I can't, I have work and I can't leave Anthony all weekend." I sighed, taking a sip of my coffee. Mmm, the warmth flowed through causing my body to hum in delight.
"Charlie has taken you off the rota, Anthony will be fine with Mama C or just give him to Bells; she'd loved to take him." He chuckled as if we just shared some secret joke.
"I don't know…"
"Look, Edward." His face grew serious, his brow pulled together, his eyes became dark and tense, and his body was stiff. "We need your help, and normally I wouldn't ask this way, but I helped you with that douche Alice was seeing. Well now I need you to return the favor."
"My sister needs us," Jasper piped in. His blue eyes pleaded for my help.
I sighed, I couldn't refuse them. I did owe Emmett, and that Jasper dude was making me a little edgy. "Alright, let me sort something out for Ants."
Sorry for the non- kiss, but it's too soon for Bella. What do you think? Roadtrip huh? How did feel about the flashback. I want to hear your thought as always.
As a thank you, for anyone who review will get a teaser of a new story that I did when I was ill. It will not be posted for a while, but it will be very different from anything else. It will be light, fun and full of lemons with a piercing tatward and a prevella. The person who get the 400th review, no matter what chapter it is on will get the whole of chapter one.