**So I've been debating on how to deal with Siobhan learning about the boys' new lifestyle and I have to give credit on the idea of this chapter to my newest reviewer, Gracefulfalling! Get ready for Richard returning! As always, thank you to my reviewers and followers. Without you, this story wouldn't be worth writing! Much love! (And as always, BDS does not belong to me.)**

Chapter 9

When I hadn't heard from either of my boys by the Sunday afternoon, I went looking for them. Other than being in Illinois, we hadn't spent any time away from each other. It was weird to be alone for days and I didn't like that they didn't at least touch base. I stopped by McGinty's but the pub was closed. I looked in the window and saw that the bar fight had done some damage, but it could be repaired. I made a mental note to talk to Doc and see if there was anything I could do to help. I liked his place.

The apartment was empty and it felt like they hadn't spent much time there. There were no new cigarette butts in the ashtray and the pile of dirty clothes hadn't grown since I was there on the other night. Their rosaries weren't on the wall, so it wasn't like they had been abducted. All of it just felt… wrong.

I had no other ideas of where to go, so I wandered around aimlessly. I ended up at the church they went to. I touched the beads at my neck and thought of Gram. On a whim, I went inside and took a seat in one of the back pews. The church was empty so I found it easy to lose myself in the artwork on the walls and in the faith that I knew filled the space. I didn't agree with religion anymore. I had my faith, but I didn't like being told what to believe, but in this place, I felt something.

I went home before it got dark and started dinner. I only made enough for myself. I didn't like it. I was almost finished when I heard a key in the lock. I was ready when they came through the door and I knew I didn't look happy.

"Where the fuck have you two been?"

At least they had the decency to look ashamed. Neither one of them tried to hug me. I guess they could feel the anger rolling off of me in waves.

"We didn't mean ta worry ye, love," Murphy said, palms up in defense. "Rocco had a bad couple o' days and we didn't want ta leave 'im alone."

"Not good enough, Murphy. You promised no lies. Omission is a lie." I was ready for a fight. I hadn't been really angry. I had been scared and worried and now that they were acting like it wasn't a big deal, I was pissed.

"Lass, ye need to trust us." Connor so needed to drop the 'handle her with kid gloves' tone.

"And you need to trust me!" I yelled. "Since I've been home, the two of you have been gone and when we are together, I know you're keeping something from me. And then to disappear with way to get ahold of you, no way to know if you were okay… seriously, what the fuck?"

They did that silent talk thing and I so wasn't dealing with it. "You know what? Fine. If you can't talk to me and trust me, I'm out of here."

I stormed out of the apartment and made it halfway down the stairs before a pair of hands grabbed me. "Let go of me, MacManus!"

The hands tightened, but the boys hadn't smelled like booze. I slowly turned around on the landing and realized I hadn't even seen Richard waiting there. All of the sudden, I was very afraid.

"Hello, Siobhan," he slurred, getting very close to me. He looked like he hadn't slept in weeks and he desperately needed to shave. The worst part was the look in his eyes. It was almost manic. "Where you running to?"

"Let go of me, Richard." I tried to pull away, but he was sure to leave bruises on my arm. I couldn't move.

"You and me are going to take a walk." He pulled and I stumbled. Thankfully, I was able to right myself before I tumbled down the steps. He was babbling about being taken advantage of, that it was all my fault. I truly had no idea what he planned, but I knew I had to do something.

So I screamed.

"You bitch!" he yelled, backhanding me with his free hand.

I fell, wrenching out of his grasp. He towered over me, sneering. "You're gonna pay for that, whore." I tried to brace myself, but I wasn't expecting him to kick me in the stomach.

I couldn't breathe. I covered my head and face to protect it in some way, but it meant that I couldn't see. I curled up in a ball and cried out each time his foot connected with some part of my body. In the pain, I prayed. I begged God to save me, but I didn't expect an answer so swiftly.

Richard was pulled off of me and thrown into a wall. I heard the impact and knew it had broken something. It was Murphy's face that I saw in front of mine, when I finally lowered my arms.

"God in Heaven. Oh Siobhan," he said, voice barely above a whisper. He cradled me in his arms, feeling every shake and shiver coursing through me. I was seriously hurt.

I looked over his shoulder and gasped. "Connor!"

He looked at me, but continued to point a very big gun at my attacker who was bleeding profusely from the nose. He had an arm wrapped around his side and I knew at least a few of those ribs were going to hurt for a while. He had the look of a caged animal.

"Lass, it's yer call," Connor said, motioning to Richard.

I shook my head. What the hell had happened while I was gone? The steel in Connor's eyes felt so out of place, not to mention where the hell did he get a gun from?

"Don't," I said, staring Connor directly in the eye.

He nodded and glared down at Richard. He slipped the gun into the holster under his arm and grabbed Richard with both arms, pulling him close. "Ye're lucky. She's the only reason I'm lettin' ye live. Come near her again, and even she won't be able ta stop me." He shoved him towards the stairwell and watched as Richard took off.

Connor moved towards us, but he stopped when he saw me flinch. He looked at Murphy, another silent conversation but this time I didn't care. Murphy stood with me in his arms, no small feat as I wasn't a tiny woman, but he got me upstairs and onto the couch without dropping me. He knelt on the floor beside me, brushing my hair out of my face and looking me over. Connor disappeared, probably to rummage around in my medicine cabinet. He returned with peroxide and cotton balls, handing them to Murphy. He then made himself scarce.

I didn't realize that I was bleeding until the cotton balls came away red, leaving a nasty sting behind. We were both silent as he made sure none of the cuts and scrapes on my hands and knees needed stitches. My ribs and stomach hurt, but I didn't think anything was broken.

"You're going to Aileen's tonight." It wasn't a question and I didn't argue.

He got me sitting upright, and made me a cup of tea. He sat on the floor in front of me, letting me process what had just transpired.

"What's going on, Murphy?" I inhaled and grimaced. "The truth this time."

He sighed. "Connor doesn't want me ta tell ye."

I closed my eyes. "So I'm going to lose you both after I just lost my grandmother? Karma must fucking hate me right now."

I felt his hand take mine, fingers intertwining. "Ye're not goin' ta lose us."

"I apparently already have." I swore to myself that I wouldn't cry, but a single tear slipped down my cheek.

I felt him move to be in front of me, wiping that traitorous tear away. "Look at me." I complied only because I didn't have any fight left in me. "Things are bad right now, love. Real bad. I need you to trust us… trust me."

"How can I trust you when you won't talk to me?" I searched his face for answers.

All at once, he dropped his guard and kissed me. It hurt, but it was a reassurance that I needed. I kissed him back, fingers in his hair. It took more restraint that I wanted to admit, but I wasn't giving up that easily. I gently pushed on his chest to put some space between us.

"Tell me, Murph. Please."

And he did. He told me about the bar fight and being taken by the Russian's. He told me about Connor's leap of the building with the toilet and about beating the Russian's head in with the tank cover. There was the hospital visit and talking to Agent Smecker. He started telling me about God commanding him and Connor to be his agents of justice, which I thought was a little weird, but then again this entire day was weird. He told me that they were responsible for the Russian mob bosses' deaths, and that Rocco had been set up to fail. There were druggie bitches involved and something about killing a cat.

I was overwhelmed and shell shocked. My men… the good ones that Gram believed in… they were killers. I wanted to be angry or repulsed, but instead I felt a bit of, in some weird way, pride. It was so confused.

"I need some time to figure all this out, Murph." He dropped my hand and choked back what could have been considered a sob. I labored to my feet and dragged him up with me. "Listen to me, Murphy MacManus. I just need to wrap my head around this. Imagine this from my point of view. Honey, it's a lot to take in."

I let him wrap me up in a hug, kissing the top of my head. "I trust you, Murphy. And I trust Connor. I just got freaked out with all this. I'm going to call Aileen and have her come get me. Give me a couple of days, okay?"

I felt his head nodding, but he was holding me so closely. He thought I was going to run. I didn't know what I was going to do.

Connor cleared his throat from the hallway. "I packed yer stuff. Aileen's on her way." I limped over to him and wrapped myself around him. He sighed in relief and dropped my bag, pulling me closer to him.

"Just need some time," I mumbled into his shirt, inhaling the smell of him.

Murphy joined us, sandwiching me between them. It terrified me that this felt final, that it felt like goodbye. I didn't want it to be the end, but I had no clue how to deal with all of this, knowing that it wasn't over.

I only told Aileen about Richard, saying the boys had simply scared him off. She instead on taking me to the hospital and having me checked out. I was bumped and bruised, but as I assumed, nothing was broken. The doctors even complimented Murphy's quick thinking to clean up the cuts in case of infection. She then dragged me to the police station to file a restraining order against Richard. I didn't think it was necessary, but I couldn't tell her why. She hadn't seen the realization dawn on my ex as he understood that Connor really would kill him with no remorse. I just did as she asked.

I had trouble sleeping that night. Aileen had offered me the bed, but I took the couch instead. I knew I would lie awake most of the night so it didn't really matter where I was. I looked through the old newspapers on her coffee table and realized the destruction that had occurred without me knowing. The deli that Rocco had shot up was a bloodbath. My boys were a little less… violent, but that didn't mean the trail of dead bodies was any smaller.

I wanted to believe that Rocco was a good man in a bad situation. I knew deep down that Connor and Murphy weren't evil. It was just a lot to process and I didn't have any clue where to begin.