A/N: Thanks for all the comments and for taking the time to read this! So sorry it took longer than usual. I've been so busy. I meant to get this up a few days ago! Believe it or not, it took me over three weeks to write and edit this chapter. I think this chapter and the last one were the hardest so far to write. It is not easy writing House and Cuddy in therapy with Nolan!

Now, I'd like to thank: Cherokee Jedi for her quick beta. We have missed you girl! Also, Allthingsdecent, RochelleRene, GratefulInsomniac, GiveMeKevinBacon, Maya295, SomeBadHat, InThe House, OldSFFan, Ms Orton, CuddyOwnsPPTH, huddyloverxox, writrsblk, Harper Penn, PartypantsCuddy, Princeton Blues, Iane Casey and all those others who have started new Huddy fics or added new chaps to current ones. Thanks for inspiring the rest of us.

I'd also like to thank every person reading this. I never expected it to be this long. I hope it measures up to your standards. I'm trying hard. I've never written fiction...ever. Most of my stuff is non-fiction: opinion, review, humor type stuff, but never fiction so this is new territory.

Thanks for putting up with my delay. The therapy session ends with this chapter and we should be able to move on quickly to the next chapter and hopefully I can publish Friday night.

Finally he said, "Greg, were there times you thought Lisa made the wrong choice in saving your life?"

Cuddy crossed her arms in a self-hug; her hands gripped her upper arms as she awaited his answer. She certainly hadn't expected them to get this deep into things this early in the session but now it was too late to go back.

"Yes," he replied in almost a whisper.

Cuddy let out a breath she hadn't realized she was holding but when it came out; it was more like a sob. She'd known over the years, he'd been in so much pain, there were times he wished it would all end but hearing it was so painful.

"Do you still think that?" Nolan asked, his eyes darting between them.

"No." This time his answer came without thought or hesitation.

"Why not?"

House dropped his eyes toward the floor and tapped the end of his cane on his foot. With a low sigh, he tilted his head up to look at Nolan.

"Because even with all the pain and shit that's happened, I think...I'm actually happy now."

Cuddy's jaw dropped. Happy. In that moment she was both thrilled and terrified. She was thrilled because that's all she wanted for him since his infarction and terrified because she knew how he felt about happiness, he'd always insisted it was a pipe dream. House admitting he was happy was a huge step for him...for them.

"Lisa?"

"Lisa?"

Cuddy was brought out of her thoughts. "Oh, sorry."

"Where did you go?" Nolan aske.

Cuddy pursed her lips together in contemplation. "House said he was happy."

"And that's a problem?" Nolan asked curiously.

"Well..." She attempted before being interrupted by House.

"It's my fault," he said. "I planted the idea in her head years ago that people don't change."

Nolan leaned back in his chair, clasping his hands across his midsection. "Most people find change difficult for many reasons. They don't know themselves well enough and they don't have an accurate view of which they are, therefore they don't recognize those aspects which need improvement. There's the propensity to blame others for our weaknesses and faults. Few people are willing to accept that their own character traits and choices are the main determinants of the kind of life they lead."

"So House is wrong, people can change?" Cuddy asked.

"Gaining insight into one's true nature doesn't necessarily change who you are. The traits and tendencies you've had all your life will always be a part of who you are, it's just that you gain a better understanding of them."

"So what you're saying is there's no use in trying," she said. Her shoulders slumped in resignation.

"I didn't say that. Let me explain it this way. Greg tends to be very critical with the propensity to judge people harshly, saying exactly what is on his mind, whenever he chooses to do so. Recognizing now why he does it and the effects it has on him and others means each time he's about to say something harsh or cruel, especially to the people he cares about, he can take care to prevent that from happening. He's isn't going to suddenly be tolerant or accepting of people but he's learning to deal with his feelings in ways other than his usual style. Even if all he does is keep his reaction to himself, it's better than hurting the people he cares about most."

"I don't understand how anything has changed if he still has those feelings," she said, frustrated.

Nolan sensed her frustration and tried to explain things more clearly. "When someone reaches that moment of truth, when they realize that what they're currently doing in their life just isn't working anymore, they begin to think differently. It's the catalyst for changing one's way of thinking and nothing proves that more than one's actions."

Cuddy nodded slowly in understanding. "House has always believed in actions over words."

"Exactly," Nolan replied. "The way to do it is review the past and make a list of the ways in which you haven't changed. Maybe you've made lots of resolutions to do better, only to find yourself slipping back into familiar ruts. What mistakes do you keep repeating? Real change begins with the recognition of the ways in which you have remained the same, made the same unfortunate choices, followed the same destructive pattern your entire life."

Looking at House, Nolan asked, "It took you a while to understand this concept didn't it Greg?"

House, who had been watching the interaction closely, nodded slowly. "I fooled myself into believing that just by gaining some great insight about myself, all I had to do was use this." He pointed to his head. "To reprogram out all of the problematic behaviors and thinking. That's what a person of reason and intellect would say is the right thing to do."

"You're a man of great reason and intellect and even you realized it didn't work," Nolan said. "You realized you needed to do more than just think and talk, you needed to take action."

"Yeah. That whole modified thinking crap they write about in the books is a pile of shit."

Nolan chuckled.

"But House, when you got out of Mayfield, you took action. You tried doing things differently. You quit your job…you went out with Wilson and your team. You took cooking classes. Nothing worked." Cuddy recalled how House threw himself into many different things in an attempt to avoid his old habits.

"I wasn't actually trying to change my life; I was doing whatever it took to keep my mind off the Vicodin…and you."

Cuddy leaned forward, elbows resting on her knees, her head in her hands. She rubbed her hands over her face, then clasped them together under her chin and looked up at him. "It was that bad," she said, sadly.

"Yeah," he replied.

"Lisa, Greg finally realized that the only way to have real transformation was through new experiences and not the same old thing he'd been doing. But it couldn't be for the sake of just avoiding Vicodin…" he paused. "Or anything else," he added.

Cuddy perked up as if she'd had an epiphany.

House knew that look. "What?" He asked.

"Putting Chase in charge of the team, agreeing to the lecture offer at Mass General, the physical therapy, everything else you've been doing. Normally it would be out of your comfort zone but this...it's all a part of it isn't it? This is all part of your actions."

"You could say that. Although I actually did need someone to run the team while I wasn't there."

"I know it's not easy for you. I wish it'd never come to this. I can't believe that we had to go through all of that...shit...to get to this point in our lives. Look at the price we paid," she said, shaking her head.

"Better late than never Lisa," Nolan said. "I know that sounds cliché but it's true."

"We just could never talk, not really but things have changed. It's so much better than it ever was."

"It's very healthy to share one's pain. Greg and I have discussed that. He's made great progress."

"Easier said than done." House tapped his cane on the floor between his feet. "I do…" he said, pausing to look at Cuddy." I do want to share more with you, it's just not easy. Most of my life I've dealt with shit on my own."

Nolan sat back, leaning his elbow on the arm of his chair, rubbing his chin with his index finger and thumb, thoughtfully as he watched their interaction.

"House, just because it's always been that way doesn't mean it has to be that way now."

"When you lose every good thing you ever have in your life you just...you don't want to share anymore. I wanted it to work but…like my dad always said, you have to learn to survive without the things you want. He said wants didn't matter."

Cuddy swallowed hard and felt the lump in her throat.

"I did everything I thought he wanted to get his respect and it was never good enough. All he could say was that I could do better. He'd tell me I was spoiled and didn't deserve the things I had and that maybe if I lost them, I'd appreciate them more."

Cuddy sat silently, tears in her eyes.

"So...you figured when you lost something good in your life it was because you didn't deserve it. Then you just gave up."

"Something like that." House pushed himself up from the couch and walked over to the window that looked out upon the grounds. He did that often when he found himself in a situation where he had difficulty facing his therapist.

"Cuddy," he said, still looking out the window, "There were times I thought we'd make it but there were other times I just knew it wouldn't last. It couldn't. I didn't have the guts to end it, I never would've ended it. So I pushed you and then you pushed back and you stuck around. We'd have a fight and not speak for days and then I'd think...even hoped...you'd eventually realize I was no good for you."

Cuddy sighed loudly. "You hoped? So all those arguments? You did that stuff on purpose?"

House turned from the window to face her. "No, not all of it. I mean...I shouldn't have pushed so hard but...I was waiting...for that one moment I'd push you too far. It was inevitable. I had to protect myself."

"You should've had faith," she argued.

"Like you did?" He asked, his eyebrows furrowed as he stared at her.

"I guess I deserved that," she said. "We started everything off wrong."

"How so?" Nolan inquired.

"We just assumed we could jump into a relationship and nothing had to change."

"Did you really think you could do that?"

"I told House I didn't want him to change."

"Greg?" He asked looking up at House who still stood by the window looking out again.

House shrugged. "I assumed she would accept me for who I was."

"Lisa, did you mean it when you said you didn't want him to change?"

"I thought I did but…looking back…no, I didn't."

House turned around again and leaned back on the windowsill. "Then why say it?"

"Because I was afraid of losing you if I'd told you that I hoped you would want to change. I just didn't want to discuss it too much because I didn't want to push you away."

"Greg, it's not unusual to hope that the person you are with will want to change. Obviously Lisa hoped being with her would make you want to live your life in such a manner that would allow you to be happy," Nolan said.

"I didn't want to be someone I wasn't. I don't do things other guys do just because they're supposed to do it."

Cuddy chimed in. "I loved who you were. I just wanted you to let yourself be and enjoy the relationship. I wanted you to let your guard down and just be happy for once."

"But I couldn't do that. Every time I turned around you were there to point out my mistakes," he pointed out.

"Because you weren't even trying," Cuddy accused.

"Cuddy, you kicked me out. You cut off sex when I didn't do what you wanted me to do."

"I was just upset, I-"

House interrupted, pointing his cane at her. "You were trying to control me."

"I never tried to control you!" She said, raising her voice.

"You did!" He fired back.

"Why didn't you just talk to me?"

"The same reason you didn't talk to me."

"You were afraid."

"Yeah."

House stayed by the window, still leaning against it, twirling his cane. Cuddy leaned back on the couch, rubbed her hands over her face in frustration. Nolan watched them and decided to keep the flow of the discussion moving forward.

"Again it comes down to communication and trust issues. I've found more often than not the inability to trust comes from something deeper than most people are willing to admit. There reasons you both have trust issues likely have little if anything to do with one another. Learning to trust one another may require digging into your own pasts and tackling those issues. Greg has done quite a bit of that, as you know Lisa, and if you haven't done that yourself, it might be a good idea. You can talk about it, write it down or whatever. Try to share those things with one another."

"We've been talking about it," Cuddy said.

"That's good. Keep it up. Resolving those issues and understanding more about how that affects your behavior now is important," Nolan said. He decided to turn the conversation a bit. Turning back to Cuddy, Nolan asked, "Lisa, may I ask how you felt when you realized you still had feelings for Greg?"

"I was conflicted."

"That's understandable."

"I was torn about my feelings for him. Sometimes I loved him, other times I hated him. I knew that people would think I was crazy that I still loved him. We had a unique relationship that most people wouldn't understand. I've already told House this...that I was worried what people would think if I returned to him, considering the magnitude of what he did."

"Do you think Greg would hurt you in the future?"

She shook her head emphatically. "We may hurt one another with words but physically he would never harm me."

"Greg, how do you feel about what Lisa just said?"

House was overwhelmed with emotion. He didn't even know where to begin. "I don't ever want to hurt her like that again. I was so angry and hurt when I saw her that day...with that guy in her house. I just didn't understand how she could move on while I stood still, unable to move in any direction. It was devastating. It broke me."

Cuddy stood up and walked over to House. It was as if they were the only persons in the room.

"I know," she said, tears falling freely now. "I know I've said this before but I'm so sorry."

"Me too," he replied. "Cuddy, without you I didn't care anymore." He reached up and wiped a tear from her face. At this moment he didn't care if Nolan was watching them. "You should hate me. You shouldn't have forgiven me," he said, caressing her jaw.

"I don't hate you and I can't not forgive you. I don't want to not forgive you. I have because I want to. Please accept it."

Nolan intervened in the tender moment. "Greg, Lisa has forgiven you, why can't you forgive yourself?"

"I could have killed four people that day."

"But you didn't," he said. "You can't change what happened but understanding why you did it and what was going through your mind that day is important."

"I don't want to forget what I did."

"Greg, you will never forget but you can forgive yourself and move on. You can put it in the past where it belongs. You have changed, Lisa has changed. You have both learned something very important from this experience. Forgiveness is part of healing. It is a way of being able to put the past to rest and move on."

"I don't want to make the same mistakes," he said as he leaned heavily on his cane. His leg was a little stiff having stood by the window so long.

Cuddy gave House a tender smile. She felt an overwhelming sense of relief. It was one thing to talk about this to one another as they had in private, but it was something else altogether to discuss it with Nolan. She was proud of House, of them, at that moment. Gently she took his hand and placed it over her heart. "House, we're always going to make mistakes, some of them we'll repeat over and over again. The thing is…we're learning. Baby steps. It will get better."

Nolan was amazed by the couple before him. He'd never seen House like this and with everything they'd been through, there they were putting themselves out there, making themselves vulnerable and trying to heal so they could move forward together. He watched as Cuddy gently took House's hand and put it over her heart while talking to him softly. He watched House nod to her and then follow as she led him by the hand back over to the couch. He thought they both looked much more relaxed than they had a few moments ago. He picked up and continued the discussion.

"Now Lisa, I'd like to ask you, why do you want to be with Greg?"

The question took Cuddy by surprise and she pursed her lips together in thought. She looked down at her fingernails as she contemplated her answer carefully.

"Let's see…how do I explain it?" She asked, with a nervous chuckle. "House is one of the most sensitive people I've ever known." House groaned next to her but she went on anyway. "He acts outwardly like he doesn't care but he does. I've seen him talk to his dying patients and I can sense he feels their pain. House has little patience for most people but he has so much empathy too. And he has this hidden passion for life. He can be so philosophical one moment and childlike and fun the next. When he is having fun, it shows, and he's like a little boy, carefree and happy. I love seeing him like that because there are times he looks at the world with such wonder, like it's the very first time he's seen it. It's so...beautiful," she said with a smile.

This time, House rolled his eyes at her. "Is there more?" He asked sarcastically.

She ignored his sarcasm and continued her assessment. "And he's interested in so many things, I mean his mind can be everywhere at once but when he's focused on something, that is all he's focused on and nothing else. And despite what he wants the world to believe, he's a good person with a good heart. He cares and feels so much deeper than anyone will ever know. I never felt more alive than when I was with him. He makes me feel beautiful and smart. He's got this unusual way of using words that encourages me when it sounds to everyone else like he's insulting me. He knows my weaknesses and my strengths. He challenges me to be my best. Without him I feel incomplete. With him I feel whole."

Nolan looked at House. "Greg, why do you want to be with Lisa?"

House too was surprised by the question. Not one to talk much about his feelings, he just groaned. "Do we really have to do this now?"

"Yes, we do."

"But Cuddy knows how I feel about her," he insisted.

"I'm sure she does and I'm sure we've covered quite a bit here today that you two have already talked about. So why don't you just do it anyway?"

"Fine," he grumbled. He stopped twirling his cane and looked completely serious. "She's caring, kind and compassionate. She can't say no to helping people or animals. I give her hell for it but...I admire it. She's the most intelligent woman I've ever met and she can give as good as she gets. She's tough and knows how to get what she wants and she's not intimidated or swayed by those more powerful than her. She's relentless when she believes in a cause and she'll do what she feels is right when she believes in something. She puts on a tough facade but inside she's sensitive and she hurts like everyone else, it's just that she's just gotten really good at hiding it. She's the real deal, there's nothing fake or phony about her. An she's a great mom. Rachel is a damn bright kid and she's a good kid too, she really is. She's not mean, doesn't throw tantrums, she's caring...like her mom. Cuddy gives her more love than anyone else ever could have given her. She couldn't have had a better mom."

Nolan began to say something but House interrupted.

"And...she's the most beautiful woman I've ever known, inside and out. When she loves you, she loves you with everything she has and you never want to experience it with anyone else."

Nolan grinned and shook his head in approval. He knew it was hard for House to speak of his feelings like that but he did great.

Cuddy sat speechless. House had been looking right at her when he made that last statement and when their eyes met, she saw in them complete and absolute truth. She didn't have to say the words "thank you" for him to know what she conveyed in that look between them. He smiled ever so slightly. He knew.

"What do you look back on and wish you had done differently after the breakup-that might have changed the outcome of your relationship? Lisa, you want to go first?"

Cuddy was eager to answer this time, the great weight having been lifted from her shoulders. "A lot of things but one in particular…something that still haunts me is the look on his face in the hospital that day when I asked him to tell me how he was feeling. All I ever wanted was for him to open up to me but that day...he looked at me and told me he was hurt. I saw it in his eyes; I heard it in his voice and felt it in his touch. Not only was his heart broken but his spirit was too and it was my fault. In his own way he was pleading with me to talk to him…to help him. Yet when he opened his heart to me that day all I did was hold his hand and apologize and then...I walked away. For months he'd been falling apart and I should have been there for him. My God, he was not just my ex-boyfriend and my employee, he was...my friend. I totally abandoned him."

"Why do you think you did that?"

"I never knew how to talk to House. There were things I wanted to say and yet…I couldn't find the words. I wanted so badly to try again but I didn't know if we could make it work. I was afraid of hurting worse than I was at that moment." She looked at House. "No matter how it might have looked after we broke up, I was hurting, just as much as you."

Nolan nodded and then asked House, "Greg, how about you? What would you have done differently?"

House tapped the arm of the couch nervously with the fingers of his right hand. He swallowed hard before he spoke. "I should have gone after her the night she broke up with me and if that didn't work, I should have kept trying every day until she'd listen. I never should've made her life hell by…with hookers and then marrying some girl who needed a green card. I was just…so angry and so fucking hurt. I wanted to talk to her but I didn't know how. I did what I'd always done, I self-destructed. I was relentless. I was so absorbed in how miserable I was, I didn't stop to think she was hurting too. I wish I would have just talked to her. I think things would've been different."

Cuddy took his arm and rubbed it soothingly, trying to reassure him and let him know how proud she was of him. He looked down at her and smirked and she returned it. Then suddenly, she shook her head and laughed out loud, almost maniacally. She gazed directly at Nolan and asked boldly, "Are we crazy?"

Nolan, surprised by her question, just let out a chuckle himself. He leaned back in his chair, glad that the worst was over.

"Quite the contrary. You two are the most interesting couple I've ever known and I haven't known you as a couple that long. I think you're both quite sane and I believe it's going to work this time. You two have this incredible, inexplicable bond that draws you back to one another time and time again. Knowing you, I'm quite sure there will be more pain in the future but you have learned from your mistakes and you will continue to learn so long as you communicate like you are now. Most people would have thought you two were crazy for even talking to one another again, but then again most people are not like you. So in answer to your question Lisa, no, you are most definitely not crazy. What you have...is...what works for you."

Wow, I managed to edit this from 6,000+ words down to some 4,600. I'm really ready to move on to the next chapter, which will be lighter once they leave therapy. Who's with me?