Sadly, House isn't mine, but boy do I love messing with somebody else's invention. I'm forever grateful to David Shore!
It has taken way too long to get this posted. I think I have just a couple more chapters to write to get to the end of this story! Then I think I will focus on my 100 Themes of House thread.
Brace yourselves. This chapter contains romance. I don't usually go there, but where the muse sends me I go!
Like Father, Like Son
Chapter 30
"Alright, Cuddy, now it's your turn! Serving the food is woman's work so, given that you're the one with the boobs and the fat ass, that would be you," House teased.
Rachel giggled. "Mommy has a fat ass!"
"Rachel!" Cuddy scolded.
House intervened, "Where is your mommy's ass, Rachel?"
"Ummm….." Rachel rolled the thought through her memory banks and realized that she didn't know.
"See Cuddy, you're safe. Rachel doesn't have a clue that your ass is your butt."
Rachel squealed with delight! "I know what that is!" Then she sang, "Mommy has a fat ass! Mommy has a fat ass!" using the mocking tune that everyone is born knowing.
"House, how could you?" Cuddy growled between clenched teeth.
"Mommy, why are you mad? You call Housie "ass" all the time! Is it bad?"
A stunned silence filled the room until House burst into uncontrolled laughter! He tried to speak numerous times, but the laughter and the tears prevented anything coherent from issuing forth. As he laughed, House slid down the wall and was sitting in a heap on the floor.
Rachel stood eyeball to eyeball with House. "Housie," she said with a sense of wonderment, "I didn't know you could do that."
"Do what, Rachel?" asked Greg, knowing that his father was too incapacitated to respond.
"Laugh…and cry! Are you okay, Housie? Don't cry! Don't smile! It's scary!"
This time, it was Wilson who dissolved into hysteria.
Rachel rolled her eyes as though to say, "Adults, what are you going to do with them?" and everyone else fell apart. Then, in her best House imitation, she sighed and said, "Come on people! Get it togevver!"
Remarkably, it worked. House sobered and took Rachel by the shoulders. "No saying that Mommy has a fat ass or a fat butt, it's true, but it isn't nice to say." As though he was telling her a secret, House continued, "I like your mommy, fat ass and all, but that's just between us. Also, you must never tell anyone that you saw me laugh, or cry, tonight. If you do, I'll have to tell everyone that you were drunk and imagined it. Do you understand?"
"Yes, Housie." Rachel was as solemn as anyone in the room had ever seen her. "Housie?"
"What?"
"Are you gonna share that pizza, or are you just gonna think about it?" Some people in the room thought that she sounded just like her mom.
"That's up to your mom, Rachel." Turning to Cuddy, House lifted an eyebrow.
"I absolutely think it's time to eat!" Cuddy responded hurriedly, as she cut the pizza. "Rachel, I need to get your bib, first, before you can eat."
"Oh, no! This is a bib-free zone, Cuddy. Bibs are strictly forbidden! Messiness is the word of the night, remember?" House relished the look of dread that passed over Cuddy's face.
"I was hoping that you'd forgotten. Wilson's t-shirt will never look the same," Cuddy responded.
House smirked and looked evilly at Wilson. "He'll live."
As expected, the meal was filled with laughter and lots of sarcasm. When stomachs reached capacity, there were sighs and long silences. Eventually, the adults started clearing the table as Greg and Rachel finger painted with chocolate pudding. Rachel was absorbed in the activity as she alternated between scooping the pudding into her mouth with her fingers and drawing pictures with those same fingers on the piece of paper that Greg had taped to the table for her. Although, Greg hadn't been following the conversation during the clean up he, and Rachel, heard Cuddy's voice loud and clear as she responded to something House had been chiding her about.
"House, you run around that hospital like you rule the place! I can't believe you would say that!"
Greg could tell that whatever it was that House had said prior to that really got under Cuddy's skin. He looked at Rachel to see if she had picked up on the tension, as well. Instead of looking anxious, though, she looked like there was something that needed to be said and that she was the one to say it.
"Greggie, I need to clean up! I have to talk to Housie! It's very important." There was no mistaking Rachel's determination, so Greg wiped off her hands and face the best he could, given that Rachel was on the move.
"Housie! I need you!" It was clear that Rachel was Cuddy's child. She knew how to give orders.
House hobbled into the room, took one look at Wilson's dining room table and went to get a towel to clean up the mess.
"Housie! I mean NOW!" Rachel ordered. House returned with a handful of paper towels and a stern look.
"You sound like your mother and I refuse to have two Cuddy's giving me orders. Fix it." As House wiped up the mess, Rachel's chin started to quiver, but she didn't cry. House had seen that look on Cuddy's face and he realized that Rachel had the same sort of grit as her mother. Rachel was going to be a winner, someday.
"I'm going to throw this mess away and then I'll be back. Can you wait that long?"
Rachel didn't catch the sarcasm. "Don't take your time," she replied.
House rolled his eyes at Cuddy, as he passed and could see that Cuddy didn't recognize the tone coming from her child. "She's all Cuddy, isn't she?" House didn't look happy.
Rachel had moved to the living room, by the time that House caught up to her, and she was sitting on the couch waiting for him.
Still wearing a look of determination, she patted the cushion next to her and said, "Will you sit here, Housie? I'm sorry that I sounded like Mommy."
House smirked as he looked toward Cuddy and Wilson. They had decided to hear for themselves what it was that was so important for Rachel to say to House.
"Mommy, I need my princess dress back on!" Rachel sounded as though it was obvious the time had come to get dressed again. Before long, the dress had been replaced and Rachel seemed to settle.
House had been waiting, impatiently, and was beginning to fidget, looking around for something to occupy his mind. Before he could stand up, though, Rachel had moved to her knees and took House's whiskered face in her hands. At such close proximity, House could barely see her, but his curiosity about what was so important to Rachel prevented him from backing away. Unable to fathom what was to come next, House braced himself and decided to take whatever it was the little girl had to say seriously.
"Housie, I don't want you to be sad, but I have to tell you this." House gave a slight nod of understanding as Rachel continued. "I know you rule the hospital, 'cause Mommy says so, but even though I'm Snow White and I'm a princess, I cannot marry you. You are too old and so I'm going to marry Greg. He is younger and nicer than you are. He's lots of fun. If you want to get married, you can just marry Mommy. Nobody will marry her and somebody needs to keep her company when I go away."
Everybody waited in silence to hear House's response. It was hard to tell what House was thinking and how he would respond, because the range of emotions that passed over his countenance, in such a short amount of time, was a sight to behold. Certainly, only a few seconds had passed, but his answer seemed to be very slow in coming. Cuddy started to intervene, mortification written all over her face, but Wilson held her back as House glanced over at her and barely shook his head.
"Rachel, it makes me very sad to think that I'm too old for you, but I understand. You need a young handsome prince and I just can't be that guy. As for your mommy, if you think that I need to check on her now and then once you move away, I can do that, but that's a long time off."
"But who's going to marry Mommy?" After a brief pause, Rachel continued. "Never mind, me and Greggie will just live with Mommy and she can cook our supper for us!" Rachel's face brightened up indicating that the crisis was over.
Again, she sobered. "You lost your chance, Housie! You blew it!"
Rachel hopped up from her place on the couch and skipped over to her mother. "That Housie! What are you going to do with him?" The exasperation in Rachel's voice was evident as she held out her hands and shrugged. House had clearly not lived up to her expectations.
Cuddy, who was never speechless, was mortified beyond words. In less than five minutes her daughter had embarrassed her more than she knew possible. She opened her mouth to speak a time, or two, but the words just didn't seem to come. The thoughts rushing through her mind were running along two tracks. The first was easy; she needed to censor her thoughts around Rachel. She wasn't a baby anymore and that child was evidently processing everything that she heard her mommy say, even if she wasn't able to understand all she heard. The other thoughts were less well defined. She couldn't even go there right now, but when she got home she would have a glass of wine and try to sort through them.
Cuddy was pulled from her thoughts by Greg who had seemed to magically appear at her side. Relieved to have something else to think about, she tried to give him her full attention.
"I think you need to know, that this isn't my first proposal. I'm engaged to almost all of the three year old girls at my homeschool co-op in New Orleans. Rachel is just saying that she really likes us. Don't be embarrassed." Cuddy nodded, still tongue-tied. She couldn't make eye contact.
Greg continued, "I bet if you ask your mom, she'll tell you that you proposed to your dad when you were about that age. Little boys want to marry their mommy's too. I seem to recall Freud having a field day with it." Greg didn't think that Cuddy was listening, even though she was trying to. "One last thing, I like meatballs in my spaghetti, but not mushrooms." As he expected, Cuddy barely responded, so he left her to her thoughts.
As he turned, Rachel was behind him ready to add to the menu. "Mommy makes really good S'ghettiOs, Greggie! I like the meatballs, but Mommy eats the plain ones."
"Plain meatballs?" Greg teased.
"No, Silly, S'ghettiOs! Rachel yawned and held up her arms for Greg to lift her. "I want me to hold you."
"You mean that you want me to hold you," he replied, as he granted her wish.
"I need a snuggie and a song."
"Then you've come to the right place. It's what I do best." The boy could feel the little girl relaxing against him immediately.
Greg found a comfortable chair and snuggled in with Rachel. Softly, as she dozed, he sang to her the song that his mom had sung to him. He realized that he missed her more than he ever had. She'd never see this sweet little girl, or know that House was a great dad, or that he really would be a doctor someday. These were his thoughts as he drifted off to sleep and dreamt of the life that he'd left behind just a few short months ago. So much grief…so much joy…so much change….