Stargate SG-1: Broken

by mirwalker

Chapter 8

Daniel exited the elevator without speaking to the other staff continuing on to other levels, and shuffled down the corridor with his head as low as his spirits. Nothing they'd tried, nothing he'd done or dreamt up seemed able to make any difference to Britain's health or happiness. In fact, it only seemed to get worse no matter what they did. And now, though his teammates had volunteered to be there with him, he knew that he alone had to figure out how, or even if, he could break the newest news that would break the younger man's heart.

Turning into the Infirmary, his eyes immediately noticed unexpected movement at Britain's bed; and he looked up to see the feverish and near-delirious patient somewhat upright at the bedside, trying feebly to disentangle himself from all the monitoring equipment. He rushed over, scolding, "Britain, you shouldn't be up."

"I can't I can't stay here," the feverish man scratched out, with more vehemence than his appearance suggested he should be able to muster. "The others need me, and I'm no use here…"

"You're burning up; you need to lie down for now," Daniel insisted, supporting him and trying to turn him back to the bed.

"No, please let me go home! Let me go… Daniel…," he pled, his burst of energy waning quickly, until he sagged against Jackson.

Holding him firmly so he didn't fall, and couldn't flee, Daniel apologized, "I can't. I can't let you go home; not now, not..."

Britain's insistence and resistance had evaporated entirely, and he feebly let Daniel get him back on his back. He didn't move from where he was placed, draped like so much cloth on the bed.

Knowing it was more exhaustion than surrender, Daniel offered him a sip of ice water, and then wiped his face and arms with a slightly less cold cloth. "I know it hurts; I'm doing everything I can. And I promise you, I'm going to take care of everything. Somehow…"

More lucid for the small ministrations, Britain whispered, "You are not responsible for me, Daniel. You've no obligations to me." When his friend fell still and silent at that release, he weakly wrapped his fingers around Daniel's hand, sensing it was hesitance, not lack of content. "Is there something else?"

Daniel bit his lip and swallowed, before he could clarify, "I am grateful that you saved my life; and I care about you Britain. That's still the best I can offer."

"Then that will have to be enough… And you are saving mine now; so we are even, and will build from there." Slight squeeze. "I would still very much like to go home. Please?"

The catch in Daniel's breathing was audible; and there was a tremble in his firm, but gentle grip.

"Daniel? Your breathing has changed; what is it?" Britain dragged his hand up Daniel's arm in reassurance, but was not able to reach beyond the elbow. "When I go back to Menagerie, we can remain in contact through the Ring. Daniel?"

Daniel cleared his throat, and retook the comforting, if misunderstanding hand. "Britain, I need to tell you something else... Dr. Fraiser has done a number of tests, and… has determined that the damage is probably too extensive for her to do anything else."

Softly, but surely as he'd always been about his infirmity, Britain forgave, "I long ago came to accept my blindness. I did not expect your medicine to fix it."

"I'm not talking about your eyes, Britain," Daniel corrected, his own beginning to leak a little, as he pulled his chair closer. "Your wounds are bad. Very bad. And the animal's claws appear to have been poisonous. It's just too much. Even the healing device of the Tok'ra—the allies I told you about who'll be here anytime now, even their technology, it doesn't seem to have any effect. I'm so sorry. I can't make it better…"

Britain didn't move at all, soaking in the full meaning of what Daniel had shared, at what his apology really meant, at why he seemed upset. He could see the big picture. "Fitting. But I have lived longer than my parents or most Broken… So I will go back to the village, and die with my people. I will do what I can to help them adjust to Anjal as leader, and to that without me. I owe them that."

"Britain, there's more…," Daniel hurried to stay ahead of his swelling anguish. "You can't go back. The beings we referred to as the Zookeepers apparently do exist, and have sent word that if we meddle or otherwise contact Menagerie again, there will be dire consequences for the village. We don't know whether it's really them, whether it's a bluff, or anything. But we don't feel it's wise to risk it—for your sake, or the village's."

He sighed, sniffled and swallowed, making his final, tearful apology. "So despite everything you've done for us, I can't make it better and I can't take you home. I don't know what else to do for you; I'm so sorry, Britain. I can't fix-" Unable to continue, he dropped his head, still clutching Britain's hand, as if to wring some further release from it.

Britain did not stir at first, his expression already one of someone entirely spent on every level. Rather than mirroring Daniel's sorrow, a wave of weary anger pushed through any other emotions steeping in his fatigue; and he pushed out quiet words with crisp intention. "I have never believed I needed to be 'fixed,' Daniel, never let them make me be truly 'broken.' I have only ever wished to be whole." He slipped his hand up to rest against Daniel's damp face. "In what time there was and for my part, you have helped make me that. For that I thank you."

Finished, Britain pulled back his hand, closed his eyes, and turned away to rest, leaving Daniel free to quickly step toward the door and distance from such fierce forgiveness.

Not trying, or able, to see ahead of him, Jackson softly slammed into Carter, who had witnessed the exchange after coming down to lend support. "Daniel, wait…"

Jackson's frayed ends unraveled in the presence of someone he could trust, and someone who should know better than to try any quick comfort. "That's all I can do now, Sam: wait! For him to die. I broke his heart and he saved my life, and all I can do is watch and wait."

"You kept him from dying alone in that canyon," she pointed out flatly, knowing better than to go softer or harder in response to his passionate vent.

"I drove him off to the Gate that night, and then kidnapped him from his home! By death or Keeper prohibition, he'll never go back there, to his people. I've literally taken away ALL of what little he had. And still he is gracious," he pointed back to the absolution and affection Britain had just offered in exchange for the bad news.

"He is an English gentleman," she tried adding a little levity to interrupt his understandable self-blame. She also suggested quickly, "Return the favor, and let that be enough."

"I can't do nothing, Sam; I can't… What would you do if this was Cassandra?"(1)

"Fight for her with every shred of possibility I could find or make. And you know why? Because I care about her, just like you care about Britain, Daniel. Whether you want to admit it or not, and even if it's not the way he'd like you to care, it's something. And you can help him, Daniel. Dr Fraiser says it's a matter of will for the time being, so be with him and give him some hope."

Hope flashed across his swollen eyes, before disgust crashed down over his face. "You want me to lie, to pretend that I love him so he'll hang on?"

Carter leaned toward him and lowered her voice, "I'm suggesting that you be honest that you do care. If that's all he's got, that might be enough."

"He's orphaned, blind, dying and now banished; he's collected the whole set!"

"It could be worse," she challenged him flatly.

"Enough with the stiff upper lip crap, Sam! How could it possibly be any worse?!" He threw his arms over his head, reaching for this elusive "better" she kept offering.

"He could be alone," she said simply. She stepped over to him, placed a soothing hand on his cheek, and slowly turned his gaze back into the room. "Don't let him be alone."

Seeing his spiral had been broken, she put her hand on his back, and guided him back toward the bed. "It's OK to have feelings for him, whatever those feelings are… He's a wonderful person, an old soul, and you know that, we all do. Regardless of the body."

They stood at the foot of the bed, where Britain had not moved at all, beyond the shallow breathing still registering on the monitors.

"…Regardless of the body," Daniel repeated, as if taking her advice as a manta for the moment. "Regardless of the body." But rather than calming further, his eyes flew open and he jumped in place. "Regardless of the body! That's it!"

He gave her a quick, excited hug, took a long look at their patient and ran from the room with a bewildered major not far behind.

Hammond, O'Neill, and the just arrived Tok'ra representatives Aldwin and Martouf were sitting at the conference table talking over paper reports; and all looked up at the heavy footsteps and shouting that started before the briefing room door was thrown open and Jackson ran directly toward the visitors.

"If you can't heal him with the device, you could give Britain a symbiote!"

Casting a glance at the surprised looks on the Tau'ri leaders' faces, Martouf stated calmly, "I'm sorry, Dr. Jackson, I don't understand."

"Dr. Jackson, really!" shouted the Earth general.

O'Neill shot a look at Carter who jogged in with a shrug to them all, curious herself where the outburst was going.

Jackson ignored his superior, as he leaned on the table and gestured to the two pale-clothed men. "You're always telling us about how you have trouble finding willing hosts; right? Well we've got one, a good one."

"Britain? Behind-the-Gate Britain?" O'Neill realized, with no small disbelief.

"As we'd communicated after your initial contact, Dr. Jackson, Britain is too badly injured…" Martouf began to explain with a little irritation slipping into his calm demeanor.

"…From wounds he received defending me. If I hadn't been there, he wouldn't have been injured trying to protect me. I owe him, and I'm asking you to help me correct that interference from us. It's win-win!"

The darker haired Tok'ra glanced at the papers they'd been given, and offered a different interpretation of events on Menagerie. "If I understand these reports correctly, Dr. Jackson, had your team never visited, he would have faced those creatures alone. If anything, your presence merely prevented him from being killed immediately. Allowing him to die would, in fact, restore that likely natural outcome."

Aldwin and Martouf looked at everyone for some confirmation or correction.

"Why you…!" Jackson started, not sure whether to be more shocked, disappointed or angry.

The Colonel re-entered the fray, assuring, "Daniel, sticking up for the Tok'ra is the last thing I'd ever want to do. No offense, Marty. 'Al'?" he stressed their valued friend and ally status with a nod to each visitor, and a dry smile for good diplomatic effect, before turning back to his scientist. "But we can't just hand out Tok'ra worms like aspirin every time somebody gets hurt. Besides, it's rude to always offer up the broken hosts…"

He winced immediately when he realized what he'd just said, and saw Carter smart at the further implication of her father's own bonding.(2)

Jackson turned the awkward interruption to his own argument. "Martouf, Aldwin, as indelicately as Jack put it, Selmak and Jacob have set a precedent for joining symbiotes and seriously ill hosts." He dropped his volume and changed his tone to asking over anger. "I realize that it isn't the ideal circumstance. But the improved recuperative abilities and the extended life ARE part of your selling points to potential hosts. And think about what the Tok'ra get for this little medicinal effort: Britain is an incredibly quick learner, has an amazing memory, is a superb reader of people and has an amazing aptitude with languages." Not seeing much change on the alien faces, he turned for help. "Sam?"

Not sure whether she sided with him entirely, she nonetheless offered that, "Britain could be a great translator, interrogator, or intelligence analyst."

Martouf cut to the quick, observing, "He is blind, Dr. Jackson."

"He is a person! Who has many other skills to offer," he shouted quickly. He took a breath, and moved to his core question as well. "Do you have a symbiote in need of a host? And, if so, shouldn't you at least let it have the option?"

Martouf looked to his colleague, as O'Neill shrugged almost in apology to them and his boss, unsure what to say.

"There is Shal'c," Aldwin shared softly.

Martouf's face made it clear he was not pleased with that revelation or idea; while Jackson seized on it, "Who is Shal'c? And what's wrong with him? Her? Shal'c?"

Martouf explained his expression, sounding almost apologetic that it had even been brought up. "I do not think that Shal'c would be either appropriate or interested."

The Stargate military officers looked confused. The scientist looked hopeful.

"Lantash does not care for Shal'c," Aldwin explained.

With a flash of the eyes, the evoked symbiote spoke from Martouf's body. His disdain was clear. "He is Goa'uld; a recent and, as you know, rare defector to the Tok'ra. Though professing to have renounced the Goa'uld hunger for power, he retains their arrogance and airs."

"'Their arrogance…?'" O'Neill smirked. "Seems to be a bit of the kettle talking there…"

Representing himself again, Martouf expounded, "Our point, Colonel, Dr. Jackson, is that I would not wish Shal'c on a host you obviously care for so much. And, I seriously doubt he would stoop to having a host with what, undoubtedly in his opinion, would be such a serious defect."

"But he might; right?" Jackson persisted.

Aldwin seemed not to share his colleague's adamant view on the issue, and provided more context than dismissal. "Having forgone the sarcophagus since his defection, and due to injuries sustained in evading the Goa'uld to reach us, his host nears his physical limit. Shal'c has proven sincere to date, but he does have that Goa'uld past. As you can see, he is not yet fully trusted among the Tok'ra." He looked directly to Jackson. "If Shal'c will have him, would Britain accept that burden?"

"Yes."

"Daniel," Carter half-whispered from behind him, "have you even asked Britain about this?"

"Not about his case specifically," he admitted. "But I've taught him a great deal about the Goa'uld and Tok'ra."

Martouf warned, "Dr. Jackson, the blending is not a decision in which you can speak for another. Britain must choose freely and with full understanding of the commitment and risk involved."

"He's a survivor; I know he'd agree."

"Then let us ask him," suggested Aldwin, standing to travel. "I would like to meet this great Britain."

Jackson smiled and gestured toward the elevator, as the others looked to one another for indication anyone would refuse. Both a little surprised at their apparent agreement, Martouf and O'Neill were last to leave the room.

NOTES

1. A relationship formed in Singularity (1.15), and revisited in several episodes thereafter.

2. Jacob Carter had terminal cancer when he was joined with Selmak in The Tok'ra, Part 2 (2.12).