Chapter 23 (Tris' POV)
On the way to the Fear Landscape Room, I can't help the butterflies in my stomach. How could I show Tobias my fear of, you know, that. I mean, I trust him completely, but it's still going to be embarrassing, no?
"Wait here, Tris," he says to me, before going to get the serum ready and hooking the program correctly.
A few minutes later, he arrives with a black box, with two needles. I open the box and take out one of the needles. Standing on my tiptoes, I carefully inject the contents into his neck. He does the same for me, sweeping my long hair over my shoulder to better expose my neck, before the needle pricks my skin. When it is done, and both syringes are in the box again, we open the door and walk in, finding ourselves in my Fear Landscape already.
There is a large grassy field. The fence ahead of us stretches far and wide, tall and daunting. There is only a slight breeze to accompany the bright azure sky, and the way it blows through Tobias' dark hair almost makes me forget that I am about to face my worst fears. But then the wind speeds up, and I remember again. I bend down, falling to my knees, searching for a weapon to fend off the attack. I see Tobias doing the same. I know that he knows this fear- it was one of the fears that I experienced during Stage Two simulations. Soon enough, my fingers touch a material feeling like metal, and I immediately grab it. A few feet away, it seems that Tobias has found a gun as well. We rise up just as a massive cloud of darkness and wings and cawing comes closer. The frantic feelings begins to rise, and I struggle to contain myself from cowering. I must not show weakness. I must calm down. I start shooting the birds, imitating Tobias, and soon, my heartbeat slows and the grassy field and the large fence disappears.
I barely get out a sigh of relief before the sound of rushing water is heard, and I see my reflection from the glass. Tobias is in the tank with me, and his hand grips mine tightly. It is then that I suddenly realize- this is not just my fear. It is Tobias' also. His confinement. I must get out of this fast- I don't want him to suffer. I know that getting out of the tank wouldn't be hard. Imagine that the water isn't there. Imagine it is ice. Not glass. It is ice, easily breakable. I squeeze Tobias' hand while balling my other one into a fist, and with all the force I can muster, I punch the iceand it shatters, water pouring out, all over the floor.
Then it's loss of control- I'm in water and I can't swim. Tobias is next to me, fighting to stay on top of the water, like me. We both cling to the rock, and I try to ignore the wave slamming at my back.
What feels like a solid wall hits me from the side, forcing the air from my lungs, and I fall hard, gasping. I can't swim; I've only seen bodies of water this large, this powerful, in pictures. Beneath me is rock with a jagged edge, slick with water. The water pulls at my legs, and I cling to the rock desperately before once again a wave pulls me under. But then Tobias is there, and he's pulling me up, up, out of the roaring waves and onto the hard, rocky land. The scene fades, again.
I expect this to be familiar. Or more familiar. But it isn't I'm still tied up high above the ground, with fire burning under me. I glance to the my right in alarm, and realize that Tobias is still with me... Just tied up as well-but not flame, thankfully. Peter and a bunch of other people, including my friends, come out of the shadow, laughing at me, sneering at me, disgusted by me. The flames burn higher, and I feel the heat... Edward glares at me, hate etched on his face. The image of the butter knife in his eye nearly makes me sick. But then it's forgotten, as I hear Al, laughing as he yells, "Why? Why'd you kill me? It's all your fault, Stiff." I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to shove away the image of Al's dead body, lying on the chasm floor. But I also hear Tobias, firmly telling me to break out of it. His voice gives me just enough strength to open my eyes again, and force the sky to make it rain, making the fire stop. The scene changes.
I glance around at my room, feeling strangely wistful. I could be safe here. This was home. But if I'd stayed, I wouldn't have ever met Tobias. As I think that, I glance up at him. He smiles faintly, and I know that he understands what I'm thinking about. Suddenly, from the other side of the window, the man from the aptitude test appears, two people with him. After a moment of silence and anticipation, fists began to thunder on the window, banging, scratching. And it shatters.
Human bodies, no eyes, featureless, pile in, one after another like an endless train of humans, and they stumble toward me, toward me and Tobias. I yank him to the closet, shutting the door and like last time, so instinctually, I imagine a gun two inches next to the hand. Grasping it, I hand it to Tobias, and he nods, before I conjure one for myself. The closet door pounds again, pushing, shoving against the weight of Tobias and me. I squeeze my eyes shut, picturing that there is another door in this tiny, cramped closet, leading outside. It appears, and Tobias pushes me up, and follows me, running, out just as the closet door finally breaks under the pressure from all those bodies. Turning around, I see the house disappear, only to be replaced with walls around me.
A spotlight shines from above, and in the center of the light sits my parents, Caleb, and... Tobias? Next to me, cloaked in shadow, is Jeanine, her harsh voice telling me to kill them. Kill them, or I die. As the cold barrel of her gun presses into my temple, my mother says, with a soft smile, "Tris, we love you. It's okay." My father smiles, and nods in understanding. Caleb smiles too, and says, "It's okay, we understand. You have to." But then Tobias, eyes widely frantic, spats out words. "I knew it. I knew you'd never be able to remain faithful. You'd sacrifice your whole family and me, all for your own skin. I should never have come back for you, not after how you left me, not giving me a chance to explain anything. You don't deserve to live." My family doesn't utter another word, just glance at Tobias and then back at me. But I don't see them. I glance at the gun in my hands. I would sooner hurt myself than lay a finger on my family, or Tobias. But he's not done. "All you ever did was hurt people. What's your purpose in life? Your brother, whom you thought betrayed your family by joining Erudite, is at least making the lives of Amity better. You mother and father spent their whole lives helping other people and raising you. You don't belong anywhere. Certainly not with me." I want to kill myself. Tobias, saying such cruel words to me. But I deserve it. I deserve to be in the pain he was through. I deserve it. I glance up at them, trying to see them one last time, as tears rise to my eyes and spill over my lashes, streaking across my cheeks. I raise the gun to my own head. I don't deserve them. Not after how I hurt my parents. Not after how I treated Caleb's departure. Not after I broke Tobias' heart. But as I glance at his beautiful face, one last time, I see something. Something strange. His eyes didn't match his words. His words, harsh and biting. His eyes, desperate and pleading... I can't do it. I tear my eyes away and pull the trigger, completely forgetting that I was in a simulation.
The lights come on, and I slide down, down, down. Tears are still flowing, and I suddenly remember that the whole thing -the end- was a simulation. Tobias doesn't hate me. He doesn't think I'm useless. He doesn't. I leap up, ignoring the pain my muscles (mostly my nearly-but-not-really healed shin) scream at the sudden movement.
"T-Tobias!" I call desperately, tears blurring my view.
Warm, strong arms wrap around me. "Tris," he murmurs, fingers running through my hair. I embrace him back, head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat.
Minutes later, when I have collected myself, Tobias looks at me and says, "Tris, you know I would never say that to you, right? You're Tris, you're mine."
I don't deserve someone as wonderful as him. I look back at him. "N-not even after al-all I've d-done?"
"Not even then." He captures my lips with his, moving against mine in a slow rhythm.
"Oi!"
Christina! I break apart immediately, blushing.
"Oh... Sorry? You guys said you were coming in a few minutes, but then you didn't show up after, so Will and I went to find you... Well, hope I didn't interrupt aynthing! See you!" She leaves, smiling.
"We really should go, though. We need to get lunch and then write the results on the board," Tobias says, breaking the silence.
I nod, and we leave the Fear Landscape Room, hand in hand.
A/N: I'm sorry I haven't updated in months. I haven't abandoned this story, I promise. And thank you all for being so patient...
anita1788, -9903, dillydill11, Dauntlessproigy46, Stevie16, CJ potter rider jackson and chloe. : Thank you so much, not only for the encouraging feedback, but for giving this story a chance :)
Sheo4ever: Lol don't worry, Stage 2 and 3 will be hell for Hestia, Justin, and Jose.
Emily: This occurs a year after Tris' initiation. Divergent happened, but Insurgent and Allegiant did not.
Booklover4610: Thanks! Lol Skye's sarcasm reminds you of yourself? :P yea, Alyssa's stunt was kind of funny! :P
YesReadingIsASport: You like Hestia... Hmm I'm not sure if I should be happy you like my OC or upset you like Hestia, of all people. But yea, glad you stuck with me so far :)
DaughterOfTheAshes: OMG SELECTION IS THE BEST! The Heir came out a few days ago, did you read it yet? Maxerica is the best! Yes, I like it when Tris and Tobias are the only abnegation transfers- it's like, their thing, you know?
First Runner: Haha, you really enjoyed seeing her get beat up, didn't you :P I know I did!
LivLuvLyfe: Glad to know you liked the fights :)
madisonbookaddict14: Yea- I heard about Annabeth and her relation to Magnus Chase and stuff but honestly, I wish RR would've continued with another followup with HoO. I like Greek mythology more, lol. But yea, if we hear mentions of her in the new book... (Squeal!)
NotJustAShadow: Lol, I had fun writing about Jose's beating, np. Did my Fear Landscape ending (since the beginning didn't change up) fulfill your expectations? I tried to make Skylyssa good, so yea, it's comforting to know that I succeeded!
fanficforyou: Well yea, if someone did expect Hestia to win... I'm sorry but I'll have to schedule a mental health appointment :P JK
Artofskating: The initiates' fears haven't been revealed yet, since Stage One hasn't been completed yet. But soon! Keep holding on :)
Once again, I'm terribly sorry for taking so long. If this chapter didn't meet your expectations... :'( Another one is already half-written (that's a lie, I actually wrote like a few paragraphs only so far) so don't worry, it will be up by the end of next week.
See you all hopefully soon
~myperfectionismyimperfection