A/N: Many thanks to my beta Ash.
I would apologize for the long gap in updates but I fear I will be a repeat offender. Eventually you would stop believing me when I say sorry.
Disclaimer: Twilight still doesn't belong to me. Still. How can that be fair?
Chapter 12 The Edge
Mom rushed into my room, clumsily landing on top of me in the bed, "Leah, baby, I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry." She pulled me tightly into her arms, rocking me back and forth. I felt the strength in her arms as she tried to shield me from the hurt in my heart with all the mother's love from her own. A mother's love, the kind I would never be able to share with my own child. A fresh wave of pain rolled across me.
She rocked me all the harder through my trembles, not fearful that the wolf would take me. She kept crooning in my ear that everything would be all right. The harder she rocked, the more the delicate scent of the very hormone that sent me over the edge filled my nostrils. Back and forth we moved, each movement causing me to sink deeper into my pit of despair.
My sobs were coming back to back. I had trouble catching my breath through the misery until Mom's legendary unflappable calm was broken and she sobbed silently, her tears wetting my neck. I tried so hard to bring myself under control for my mom's sake. If I could just focus on Nate, I was convinced I could calm down. His face swam before my tightly pressed eyes as I drew his scent into my lungs from the pillow in my arms. I thought of him and at the same moment an unbidden image popped into my head of a little boy, my own little boy, with curly black hair and dark brown eyes growing up loved and wanted. I could give him everything Nate missed, two loving parents and a home. Why was I doing this to myself? There was no point imagining a future I couldn't have. The more I tried to turn my mind away the more I saw. Me, standing in the sun with Nate's arms around me, his hands caressing our unborn child. .
Eventually there were no sobs, just silence as my body shook and trembled with grief for the life I wouldn't have. Mom held me secure in her arms, still not afraid the trembles would lead to my total loss of control. Mom loved me so much, so again for her I tried to gain control and failed. We lay there just crying together for I don't know how long until sharp raps on the front door drew our attention.
Mom whispered, "That must be Charlie. We were supposed to visit Nessie today." Three more raps sounded and it was apparent Seth wasn't going to get the door. Mom unwrapped herself from me and slowly climbed out of bed. "I'll send him away and be right back." She squeezed my shoulder and asked, "Baby is there anything I can do?" Mom's upset voice had me kicking myself for the possible harm to my unborn sibling, and again the grief spilled forth. Each and every thought was a spiral deeper into grief. I was pathetic and I knew it and there was nothing I could do to stop it.
I choked out the one word that I knew would help, "Nate."
Charlie's more urgent banging at the door drew Mom out of my room. My head began to clear once her hormones were in the other room and I struggled to get myself under control. Come 'on Leah you can do this. Get over it already, you knew this. Stop!
In the living room Mom's voiced was strained, "Charlie, I'm sorry I'm not ready. Today is not going to be a good day for me to go out."
"Sue, what's wrong? What is it?" The creak of leather and the rustle of soft fabric sounded on the air as Charlie pulled Mom into his arms. Her voice cracked as she forced the words out, "It's Leah." Mom, stronger and braver than anyone I knew, broke down and wept loudly on Charlie.
How could I worry my mom so? Mom needed my support now more than ever and here I was being a burden. I was thrown into a fresh jag of tears on the worthless selfish human I must be, completely unable to put someone else, not even my mother, first.
"What's wrong with Leah? Sue, tell me! Is she hurt?"
"It's ...it's..." She took a deep sniff, "She just wants Nahuel. She's really upset right now." Mom explained, leaving out any actual details.
"Why? What? Did he leave?" Charlie asked with concern about what he assumed was the worst thing that could happen to a girl.
"No, it's not that. She simply needs to be with him now and he can't come here...Charlie, it's complicated. She just needs him."
"Seth!" Mom yelled. "I'll get Seth to have Sam bring him over. Seth!"
"If he can't come here, I can take her to him. It would be faster. He's still at the Cullen's right?" Charlie sounded skeptical.
NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
The dream still lingered heavily as I emerged from a deep sleep. My mother's sweet voice soothed me in my warm cocoon. A slight pressure comforted me as she sang to me in the first language I would ever speak, but back then I could not make out the words, just the affection, the adoration and the only unconditional love I would ever know.
My cocoon was cramped and uncomfortable. Along with the affection in her voice I had learned to distinguish distress when she cried out every time I stretched my limbs. For her I tried to keep still. The pressure I had found comforting came again but stronger, making the tight space even more uncomfortable. As long as I could I fought the urge to move but the pressure grew stronger and stronger until I couldn't resist the urge to push back. Her cries made me anxious and I became convinced that if I could get out we would both be fine. I fought free, tearing and finally biting despite her cries. The dream always ended when I saw her lifeless bloody face. This morning instead of seeing my mother I saw my Leah's face; lifeless, frozen in pain and stained with blood.
I wrenched myself free, jerking my body into an upright position in bed while pushing my hair back. Even as I slept I was aware it was a dream, 'the dream.' The dream had become a familiar feature of my life to be suffered through. It never failed to leave me in a well of sorrow. This morning the pain lingered stronger than it had in the last century.
Leah's scent surrounded me but she was gone as I expected. She told me she would return to her home this morning. I missed her surely but that couldn't account for this continued anguish.
Dressing quickly I left the room to join the others, feeling shaken and inexplicably sad. Perhaps it was the talk with Leah, of her desire to give birth to my child, which brought the strength of the memories back with such gut wrenching impact. There was no way I would allow Beautiful to suffer that fate.
Jasper winced when I entered the kitchen. "Whoa, there. Something's not right with you." He held out a hand to keep me from coming closer.
"Bad dream," I explained, still trying to shake the image of my mother's lifeless face mingling with Leah's in my mind.
"No," Jasper spoke thoughtfully, "It's not a bad dream, it's too strong." He pondered a moment longer and retreated further into to the kitchen to get away from me. I waited patiently, having become familiar with another person assessing my thoughts and feelings. There were no secrets here and frankly I was curious. "It's unnatural. I have never felt anything quite like it... No, unnatural is the wrong word. The tenor is familiar but it's not yours. That's Leah, that's Leah for sure. It's intense, she's devastated."
"She needs me!" Jasper's instantaneous iron hold around my chest stalled me in my progress to the door.
"Calm down Nahuel. Those are her emotions; she's not in any physical danger. Calm down." Jasper commanded again irresistibly.
"Leah needs me." I didn't struggle in his hold; I knew his strength was superior to mine. "What if it were Alice?"
He ignored my ploy, "You cannot go onto their reservation unescorted." Jasper's even voice steadily pulsed with his calming influence. "Let me see what I can do. I'll talk with Sam."
Calmness reigned as I had to give credence to the life that would be lost if someone tried to keep me from her. She would not like it if I killed or seriously harmed her pack brothers. I would not cause her more pain, not now. "I will wait." With that promise, Jasper released me.
I crossed tile floor of the kitchen to the coffee maker waiting with a full pot of fresh ground brew made just for me. I didn't even know who made it, but from the moment I began to stir someone was ready to care for me. The Cullens were too kind; I would not cause them trouble here. I simply could not get caught on the reservation. My chances were very good, this natural enmity they seemed so fond of speaking of did not seem to apply to me. My scent did not trigger the wolves' sense of danger. I poured a cup of coffee and relaxed against the counter sipping slowly, waiting for Jasper's eyes to stray off of me just once. I did not need a full second.
A full minute passed as I grew impatient for Jasper to have a vague lapse in attention. I began assessing the distance between me, the door and a wary Jasper. We would have gone on like this for at least another thirty seconds before I made a break for it if Seth had not burst through the kitchen door.
He looked around wildly before crossing the room quickly and grasping me by the shoulder. "My sister! My sister needs you. You have to come with me. Now!" He tugged my arm forcefully as though I needed the encouragement. I led the way out of the house.
LLLL LLLL LLLLL LLLLL LLLLL LLLLL LLLLL LLLLL
The glass of the car window was cold beneath my head. I stared at the bleak rainy landscape of Forks passing by. Laying down on the backseat had only made my head hurt more so with great effort I had pulled myself into a seated position. I was all sobbed out. Silent tears rolled down my face. I didn't bother to wipe them away anymore, they would only come back. The gray sky and sheets of rain reflected my mood perfectly. Now nature chose to be on my side.
Maybe Nature hated me. What had I done so wrong that I was to be perpetually punished? I didn't search for an answer. I didn't want to think anymore, that way madness waited. Forever I would be a wolf, an unnatural creature straddled between two worlds, not belonging to either.
Mom and Charlie sat on the front seat silently, per their no chatter policy. Mom glanced at me from time to time to say, "You okay baby," or "We'll be there real soon." I smiled grimly. Real soon with Charlie at the wheel? Charlie spoke to the driver's education class every year about safety first on our constantly rain slick curving roads. He wanted to get me to Nate but he wanted to be sure I would be in one piece upon arrival. I smiled again and at once realized it was a real smile.
"Hey Charlie," I leaned forward to rap on the metal grid to get Charlie's attention. His eyes flicked to mine in the rear-view mirror. "Can you roll the window down back here?"
His eyes questioned my wisdom at an open window on a rainy winter day then they flicked to Mom who nodded her approval. He cracked the passenger side rear window. "Charlie, can you put it down all the way? It's really hot and stuffy back here." I fanned myself for dramatic effect to convince Charlie that the backseat was a whole other tropical world. Charlie rolled both windows down halfway. "Can you put them down all the way?"
"Sorry kiddo, that's as far as they go," Charlie apologized. "Do you want to stop and get out?"
"No, I'm good besides it's raining," I explained despite the water streaming into the backseat. Charlie shrugged, dismissing my sanity as the cruise approached Forks.
My smile had not led me wrong, in the next ten seconds Nate was there wrapping me in his arms and kissing my still wet cheeks. His arms forced the misery out as his lips literally kissed my boo boo better. I wriggled against him just enough to free my arms so I could hold him as tightly as he was holding me. We stayed wrapped in each other, not speaking. I listened to the beat of our heart, for surely it could only be considered one now, vaguely wondering how deep the connection went.
As the car continued its journey I heard Mom say, "Charlie, stay calm and keep your eyes on the road. Nahuel is in the back seat with Leah. You may roll the windows up now, I'm getting chilly." Listening to the hum of the windows I wondered if Charlie stayed as calm as he was ordered to.
"How did you know?" I whispered into his ear still clinging tightly to him.
"How could I not know?" He questioned. "It was very difficult getting to you. I kept over shooting the car. It moves so slowly."
I laughed weakly but happily and kissed Nate's cheek, "You're such a nut."
My eye was caught by the twitch of Charlie's moustache in the rearview mirror as he actually smiled. "Thanks for coming son."
Nate didn't take his eyes off me as he spoke, "You are welcome Chief Swan. Thank you for bringing her to me." Nate leaned back onto the other side of the car, dragging me into position to lay my head on his chest. Until the car pulled to a stop in front of the Cullen mansion he touched me steadily, smoothing my hair, dropping kisses on my forehead, rubbing my arms and back, constantly making me feel safe and secure, protected even from my own inner demons.
When we approached the house, arms still wrapped around each other, I could easily visualize Esme's arms extended out to hold onto me as long as possible. It seems we had run out of time to find a place of our own.
Nate settled on the front porch steps with me firmly at his side. He held onto me as though I might try to escape. He should know there was no chance of that. "I cannot continue here like this, with me here and..." I shushed him as Mom and Charlie skirted around us on their way in the house. Poor Mom, she still had her robe on over her sweats. She had only slowed enough to put on shoes when she hustled me out of the house. I didn't have on shoes but honestly I didn't need them and we had no time to make concessions for the sake of appearances. When we left home I only wanted Nate and she only wanted me to be better.
When the door closed Nate spoke urgently. He looked me in the eye, his thumb sweeping over my cheek, "You are too far from me, inaccessible on your reservation; I can't bear the thought of you in such pain again."
"It won't be much longer. You start work in the morning." It seemed like forever. We would still have to find a place and present a deposit and rent, not to mention furnishing a home.
"Leah, this life is not for you. Come away with me. I will take care of you in my world," he pleaded with me. I wouldn't be moved and truthfully, although my emotions stabilized, I wasn't really there, at least not for a conversation like 'leave the continent and live...' Where the hell did he live? Damn, I still hadn't gotten around to asking that yet.
When we went into the house, surprisingly the focus was not on us. Nate and I drew up short at the sight of Sam and his usual backup dancers, Paul and Jared, talking in the media room. Across the room Sam's very young wolf, David, was sprawled on the sofa. Looking closer David's face was drawn with pain even in his sleep and he wore a sling on his right arm.
Would it ever end? Quickly I worked out the likely scenario. Without Nate's enchanting, irresistible scent in the forest the other pack had finally seen some action and it had not been pretty.
"What happened?" Nate questioned Sam directly.
"Mitchell, David and Paul were running together right before daybreak when they encountered two, uh, enemies." Although the conversation was hushed we avoided the 'v' word with Charlie in the house.
"Were both enemies dispatched?" Nate asked, still holding me tightly grasped; already we were being pulled to that other side of our existence. I didn't want to deal with it now. Hell, couldn't I sort me out first?
"Were there any losses?" Nate continued to probe after Sam's affirmative answer.
"No," Sam answered gravely, "No casualties but the injuries were serious. We were lucky this time. There were two of them..." Sam continued to speak but I couldn't force myself to be present for it. Internally I knew this should be my reality check, the moment where I had to put Leah aside and focus on the big picture, I am a wolf therefore people live. Isn't that how I blew it off to Esme? I am so full of it. I didn't feel at all brave, bold or anything other than pathetic and fragile.
"Where were the invaders encountered?" Nate rubbed my back in a soothing pattern but he was obviously concerned about the where, when and how of the first attack to occur that wasn't directly aimed at us.
Sam's voice continued to wash over me as I hid from the world in Nate. I pressed my face into his neck and closed my eyes. Couldn't I just have a single moment to deal with me? My freak show world wouldn't even allow that.
Nahuel interrupted Sam's detailed recollection with a voice more gentle than he normally used with Sam. "May we speak more on this later?" He stroked my back again before saying, "Now is not a good time for us."
"Hey, what's wrong with Leah?" Sam asked as though surprised to find me there. He had enough on his mind to not have to include me in the mix.
I unfolded myself from Nate, "Nothing, I'm fine..."
Nate cut across me, "She is not fine. She is hurting deeply in her soul." He placed his hand over my heart to indicate the location of my pain. Even as the warmth of his palm heated my skin I knew the ache was gone. My nerves were on edge and I felt as though my skin was brittle at the effort of holding me together, but I was not in pain. My time on the edge of sanity was over.
I struggled to assert my beta persona, "Did we locate where the interloper came from?" I turned to face Sam and company representing my pack in Jacob's absence.
"Oh come off it!" Rosalie sucked her teeth loudly behind me. "Leave the boys to their war games." Her hand closed around my wrist in a shocking icy grip. Sure, I was used to vampire touches but usually they were the fleeting touches of an exam, a squeeze of comfort, not this full contact. It shocked my senses. Instinctively, I bristled as Rose pulled me to her.
Nate reacted by snatching me back to him, ready to protect me. Before he opened his mouth Rose held up one hand to silence him but spoke to me, "You're not ready for this, not yet."
Often I thought of vampires as cold, frozen unchanging creatures except the eyes. They always told a story; wild and feral, cold and cruel, or desperately hungry. Rosalie's eyes spoke of understanding, empathy and compassion. "Come with me and leave them to this. Heaven knows they can use some non-dog input." She ended with an insult but her heart wasn't in it, there was no sneer and she didn't even whip her hair for emphasis.
Nate swept his finger along my jaw line to position my face so he could look into my eyes. Wordlessly he asked if I was okay with leaving his side. Rosalie's words meant little to him; he wanted to know from me, my body to his, my eyes to his, that I was okay. He would stay here and perform my duties, fulfilling my obligations if I could muster the resolve to actually be fine. There would be no bullshitting him. My eyes locked with his and he nodded slightly, "You may go."
A short bark of laughter erupted from between my lips. "As if I need your permission."
His lips pulled back to show his even teeth in a smile of joy. "You do; after all, you are mine," he rested his forehead against mine to kiss my lips briefly.
I patted his cheek, "No, babe, you're mine," and kissed him back quickly.
"We're back to that again?" Rosalie spoke impatiently; she had not relaxed her grip on my wrist.
Nate released my waist but didn't break contact completely, "Beautiful, if you need me, call me."
Rose took advantage of his loosened hold, whisking me free and added, "If she needs you, you'll know." That indeed was the truth, if I needed him he would be the first to know.
"Watch the fingers Blondie, you're gonna bruise me," I complained while following Rosalie away from my wolf world.
She hustled me into her bedroom and deeper until we were in front of a massive vanity with a huge mirror. Rose pointed to the dainty pink chair, stating imperiously, "Sit, Leah, sit!"
I arched one eyebrow, "Rose, you do realize I can take you, right?"
"Possibly," she conceded, "but why end my torment at once when you and the mutts can drop by daily to prolong my misery into eternity?"
"Good point." I sat down and scooted my butt around a little for emphasis. "It's going to be ages before my scent leaves your room."
"Exactly, I'll have to throw that chair out, antique or not. I've had it since '53."
"It looks very nice, you've kept it very well." I felt sorta guilty but not really.
"Emmie was fully trained by then and I could finally have nice things again. He was a right terror at first, smashing and breaking everything. Not on purpose, but this life is an adjustment."
Rose placed her chilly hands on my shoulders and met my eyes in the mirror, "Leah, I don't have any magic answers for you or any profound words of wisdom but if you want to talk I'll listen."
"That's really kind of you. I don't know what to say... Thank you." I looked at Rosalie, a cliché of blonde beauty, frozen in time, offering me a sympathetic ear. I couldn't turn to my normal bolt holes. I couldn't burden Emily and I shouldn't have burdened Mom. My own pack would be useless. Nate gave me what I needed, plucking me from the pit of despair by just being there, but he absolutely didn't understand. What harm could it do to talk to Rosalie? Hell, if I didn't tell her Edward would probably break it down for her later and that wouldn't help me get anything off my chest. I began, "Logically, I don't know why..."
"It's not about logic," Rose interrupted.
"True. I don't know exactly why I want a baby, I just do. I'm not really the nurturing type. Most of the time I can barely tolerate the kids in my class."
"Most of the time I can barely tolerate people in general." Rose admitted. She picked up a brush, "Do you mind?"
"Go right ahead." She brushed my hair as I continued to speak. Nate being so close sealed the pain off, but he was far enough away that I could express myself.
"Children to me represent progression. I think yesterday was the first time I really faced forever. It's hard to wrap my mind around all the time ahead of me with no change, nothing to look forward to."
In the mirror I glanced at Rose who nodded thoughtfully while I continued. "The idea of continuing just as I am without changing scares me."
"You change all the time," Rose looked at the quizzically. "I am a creature without change; by contrast you represent constant change." Rose tended to listen like Nate, interactively.
"What are you getting at?" I asked her.
"Leah," Rose stopped the brush. "You change all the time. Your hair grows at least an inch a week; you break down and restructure all the time. You change too much to get pregnant much less carry and I can't change at all. We are at different ends of the spectrum." Rose shrugged. "Either way we can't have babies."
"Nope we can't," I agreed with her. "This may sound silly but I guess I always thought that if I imprinted that it would be my happily ever after. Magically everything would be better. It worked for my brothers. Once they imprinted it was like everything was right with the world. Do you know what I mean?" Evidently I liked interactive listening.
Rose stopped brushing my hair and announced, "There's no help for it." She studied my hair with a look of disgust before saying, "I can honestly say I don't know what it's like to imprint, but..."
I held up a hand to stop her, "If I have my vampire gossip correct, Seth keeps us informed, you glimpsed Emmett being mauled by a bear and instantly knew you had to save him. You carried his bleeding body for over one hundred miles to be changed into a life that, by all accounts you hate because you absolutely couldn't let him cease to exist."
Rose looked at me hard in the mirror before smiling. "So maybe I do know what it's like to imprint. That's what it's like. Hmm, I've never thought about imprinting in those terms." Rose stated ponderously, before moving around me to open a drawer at the vanity. She whipped out a pair of scissors.
Blades in the hand of a vampire made me jumpy. Those instincts I had suppressed with mind over matter as Nate preached were popping to the surface. Rose noticed, "Relax, you need a hair cut desperately."
I focused on calming my nerves and gained control effortlessly. "Why do you even have scissors, you don't cut your hair." At least I figured she didn't, her hair didn't change either.
"Bella's split ends were driving me crazy." She cringed in distaste, "She really let herself go while we were gone... not that she did all that great a job before we left." I nodded in understanding and smiled a snarky spiteful smile. Rose caught my eye and we giggled the mean spirited giggle of pretty girls laughing at those foolish girls who didn't understand that looks were power.
Rosalie started snipping before she spoke again softly, all trace of levity gone, "Leah, I do understand the happily ever after expectation. Do you know my whole story? My life was charmed. I was precious and petted by my parents, especially by my mother. She expected me to make a match that would give her the place in society that she felt she deserved. I expected Royce to be my happy ending. He was my ending, that's for sure."
A fierce look crossed her face and I was almost afraid to ask but I went right ahead, "Royce?"
"Oh really, Edward couldn't share that with Seth?" To my horror she related the entire story of being gang raped and left for dead in an alley by her fiancée and his 'upper crust' friends. Talk about betrayal. There were a lot of things worse than having your boyfriend dump you for your cousin. A lot worse, miles apart in worse, we were talking North Pole, South Pole difference in degrees of worse.
"Oh God, Rose that's awful! I'm sorry." I exclaimed.
"Be still. You better not mess up my work." With a firm hand she pressed me back into her chair. "It was a long time ago and I killed each and every one the bastards. Each and every one had a slow and painful end. I didn't spill a single drop of blood either." She smiled with remembered satisfaction.
"Good for you!" I shouldn't advocate murder but they clearly deserved it. If they had lived on the reservation I would have pushed them over the border so she could get them. "Wait, you didn't drink a drop of their blood? Not even one?"
"Absolutely not!" She shuddered at the thought. Nate wasn't kidding about blood not being the most important thing to a vampire.
"I thought Royce was my happily ever after and he wasn't. By the time I found Emmett I had a chance to really contemplate the forever before me and be terrified of spending it alone. To be honest, when I first saw him he reminded me of a baby I once knew. Emmett gave me reason to want to exist."
"You know Rosa-bell," She cringed at the moniker and I grinned, "My life was charmed too. My mama and daddy loved me. My daddy spoiled me rotten, he didn't mean any harm but all the same he did. Seems like he would have noticed I was wolfing out but his health was slipping fast in those last months..." I went off on that tangent wondering why, as close as Daddy and I were, how could he not have noticed my growth spurt? Tangents set the tone of how the conversation flowed. I talked and rambled, Rose listened interactively and passively at times. We had more in common than I would have guessed. Not just our uncivilized lovers but our 'before' lives too. We were the pretty girls who knew it, we were the popular girls who wielded power... we were girls who expected life to stay easy and perfect. If, for some reason, our natural lives had crossed and we were peers, we still wouldn't have been friends. We would have been in competition but we understood each other.
We talked for ages; I believe it was therapeutic for both of us. Rose relived the fuzzy memories of her youth, her family, and her life as we both contemplated a future that scared us with its sheer abundance. We talked ourselves out and I felt all the better for it. I whined, bitched and moaned as much as I wanted to. Did Rose listen to every word? I have no idea but she didn't suggest stealing a baby or tell me to suck it up. She kept the scissors moving and made the right soothing noises at the appropriate times.
Finally the scissors stopped moving and Rose switched the flat irons to off. "I'm done. Your hair is beautiful, a real work of art." She passed me a hand mirror, "Lovely isn't it?"
"Very lovely," I agreed with Rose since she didn't leave any other option.
"Yes, it is. It will grow out in about a week. Come back for a trim."
"Sure, I mean if you," my stomach growled loudly, insisting on having its say in the conversation. I paused; to talk over her would be rude. When my stomach finished I said, "If you don't mind."
"Mind? No. Your hair... and how do I say this politely?" Rose pondered aloud.
"And you care about politeness since...," I reminded her.
"True. Your hair was a total mess. It offended my sensibilities. Now, if we could do something about the smell," she finished, scrunching her nose for effect.
"Yes, if only," I wrinkled my nose disdainfully, though the truth was my nose was beginning to burn. Admittedly, it was taking longer and longer for that reaction to begin.
"I don't smell except to the evil. My scent is like holy water to your kind." I shook my freshly cut hair in her direction to waft my scent into the air, because really, I don't know when to stop. "Seriously though, is this the first real cut you've ever done?"
"Yes, I did a great job if I do say so myself." Rose reminded me yet again. I wanted to give her shit about being so cocky, but she had crafted each strand of hair to frame my face just so to emphasize my cheekbones and my eyes. The back was tapered, not too severely but still with an edge. I wanted to find a flaw but sadly it was perfect.
"Yeah, it's gorgeous and all that. Where did you learn to cut hair?"
"The internet and I bought a book a couple weeks back." Rose made her way to the window. "You really stink, a lot."
"The internet? Like YouTube? You could have really fucked my hair up."
"I couldn't make it worse and besides," Rose gave me the hair toss, "I don't do fuck ups."
My stomach began to call me forward and I prepared to make my excuses to Rose. "Rose, I could stand here and trade insults with you all day but I'd rather thank you and keep it moving."
She raised a hand to shush me, "Leah, listen. Your life is not over, you have many years to share with your family and those who you love. Don't ruin it by worrying about a future that's not here. Live in the moment."
Before I could remind her that she didn't have any profound words of wisdom, the door flew open. Esme barreled toward me with a plate loaded with roast beef sandwiches in one hand and a glass of tea in the other. Bella glided in behind her, going straight to the windows, throwing them all open wide. Seriously, a chick could get used to service like this.
Mom came into the room last. She had removed her robe and looked relaxed sporting just her sweats. She stood before me assessing my face, "Are you okay Leah?"
I nodded, wanting to say more but the half of roast beef sandwich in my mouth made it impossible.
Unfortunately, Mom kept talking. "I'm sorry you had to find out about my relationship with Charlie like this." Was she fucking kidding me? I knew from the first time she came home smelling freshly scrubbed with Irish Spring and if I'm not mistaken, Head and Shoulders shampoo plus that tiny hint of Old Spice to let me know there was a good night kiss. Did she think that I thought she spent nights there holding hands being silent with Charlie?
I swallowed quickly, "Mom, I've known since Christmas, well the day after. I'm okay with it. Perhaps," I couldn't resist a little teasing, "Perhaps you should have considered precautions. You're never too old to practice safe sex." I took another huge bite. Crying had taken a lot out of me.
Instead of getting a rise out of Mom as I hoped she responded like our roles were reversed, "I know, I know, it was just the one time without a condom," Oh God, no! It was so much easier to hear that word when Mom was telling me to use one rather than hear her admit she forgot one.
"Mom, you don't...," I wanted to let her know that no explanation was necessary, but she didn't understand. She cut me off.
"It had been such a long time for both of us. You know your father's health problems... it had been two years, closer to three... I stopped taking the pill... I didn't even think about those things anymore... and well, Charlie is a confirmed bachelor..." I looked for and caught Bella's eye. I needed to know someone else was as freaked out by this conversation as I was and Seth wasn't in the room. Bella would have to do. She was standing by the window lightly chewing her lip and fidgeting. One activity dangerous for a vampire and the other unnecessary meant she too had no desire to have any insight into our parents' sex life.
"We were both so alone. Worried too, and so scared. We needed each other. Do you understand?" Mom asked.
I chewed double-time. -Oh God-if I didn't answer she was going to keep talking.
"Sue, no one's judging you." Esme's clear sympathetic voice came to my rescue.
"Yeah, you make my Dad happy. That's all that matters." Bella smiled sadly, leaving the rest unsaid. She was glad Charlie would have a family when she finally had to leave. But, and that's a big ass BUT... no one was going to give a shit about Charlie's happiness in the face of the delicious gossip of Sue Clearwater pregnant with the chief of police's baby less than a year after her wonderful (his goodness would grow with every re-telling) husband passed away. People would speculate that something was going on before that honorable, kind-hearted man had passed (see it was already growing). Surely Bella knew the world didn't revolve around her. I mean mine did, obviously, but not everyone else.
With my mouth clear I attempted to take control. "Mom, of course I understand. Charlie cares about you." Now for the obvious change of subject, "Not that I mind but, what are you still doing here?"
"I didn't want to leave without checking in on you. You were so..," Mom gestured with her hands unable to put 'this close to a nervous breakdown' into words. There was no other description. I could still see the cliff in my mind, the plunge into a total loss of sanity was so very close I almost tipped over.
Not one to linger on the past, Mom slipped back into the briskness that was more comfortable for both of us. "Besides, Charlie is talking shop. I couldn't drag him away if I tried."
My eyes rolled from side to side taking in both Bella and Esme. "What? Come again?" Surely it must be generalized occasional break-ins and what not. Bella's eyes and Esme's both slid past mine. Not good, not good at all.
Mom sighed with resignation, "Well if you must know..."
What I must know was confirmed the second I stepped from Rose's room and only grew clearer as I moved swiftly to the lower level.
"What you have to understand is that setting an example is crucial. The example is the deterrent." Charlie was speaking confidently to a rapt male audience with my Nate at the center. According to Mom, Nate asked for Charlie's advice as an officer of the law on 'certain patrol and crime prevention issues.' My hand slipped into Nate's as I silently took my position at his side.
"So as I was saying in this particular instance, not that I know the details," Charlie scooted in his disclaimer, making eye contact with Sam whose jaw was set, Edward whose face was frozen and Nate whose expression was serious and assessing, "You need to make an example of a transgressor. It's like speed traps. You could lock all the speeders up and people still come racing through the town but you write them a ticket instead. They go forth and tell the world that Forks has speed traps, slow down in Forks, speeding is not tolerated in Forks. You get me?"
"Aye, uh Sam, Billy told me about that that meth dealer trying to operate on your reservation. You warned him right? You could have done otherwise," Charlie faltered slightly but a quick glance at Edward told me what I need to know. Charlie knew what we were capable of. Sam could have made that dealer disappear without a trace. I was learning to read faces by reading Edward, who had in turn become so comfortable with his mortal enemies that he didn't put his guard up. Good lord, we were one step away from singing together in a circle holding hands. Perish the thought.
Sam answered Charlie in the affirmative letting Charlie proceed with his lesson, "That dealer may have gone on to deal another day but he didn't come back to La Push and more importantly he spread the word to his kind that you can't deal in La Push. You haven't had one incident since then. You might one day but that little warning worked. You get me?" Charlie asked again gruffly.
"Yeah- 'Operation Run Tell That' starts tonight." Emmett chortled and fist pounded with the now present Jacob. Laughing matter it was not, but having some sort of plan of action to stem the steady stream of hostile vampires made us all feel better.
"Thank you Charlie for your input," Edward began graciously, "Put that way it makes perfect sense. I see where Bella gets her brilliant mind." Charlie flushed with pleasure, whether from being a contributor to the secret world or being called brilliant I wasn't sure.
"Both." Edward blurted apropos of nothing, only to clumsily follow up with, "you and Sue are welcome to stay for lunch, Esme is making enchiladas."
Charlie's eyes went to Mom's for permission. How'd she do that? "No, Sue and I will be leaving shortly." Mom had drifted down at a more sedate pace but just like Bella, Rose and myself she had taken her place with her man.
"Sam, your pack is welcome to stay for lunch, as well." Edward offered.
Sam shook his tremendous head. I bet that thing had gravitational pull. Poor Emily was going to have to give birth to his kids. I cringed for her instead of being filled with envy and sadness. Nah, it was going to take a C-section to get those heads out. "Thank you but no. I need to get this kid home and come up with some reasonable explanation as to why he was out all night." Sam sighed, stressed.
"Look, how about I run him over in the squad car and explain to their folks that he was up to some youthful shenanigans and I called you to resolve it in a non-official capacity. Sound good?"
Sam agreed while Bella and I exchanged incredulous looks. Charlie was really getting it, rolling with this supernatural lying at the drop of a dime thing.
"Wait, before you go, I need to give you instructions on David's care," Carlisle claimed Sam's attention.
"Na-u-Hu-ue-el," Charlie called Nate with the customary make it up as you pronunciation plus extra syllables. He usually did one or the other; both must mean this was important. "I couldn't help but over hear you say couldn't continue here. I want you to reconsider... if you're worried about overstaying your welcome here, I have an extra bedroom. It's yours if you want it." Okay maybe Charlie didn't get it.
"But Dad, no!" Bella whined, "He can't stay at your house."
"Bella," Charlie was shocked, "You should understand. What if Edward had a single solitary friend, outside his family? Just one? Say, if he and Jake were as close then as they are now. He could have stayed here and we could have avoided that whole cliff jumping mess. I almost had you committed. Do you understand? No, we can't let that happen. Not again, not if I can help it." Charlie glanced at me, his face haggard momentarily, and I knew he was recalling the state he found me in this morning. I couldn't get it together enough to climb from the bed. Together they had worked to tow me free. Mom had attempted to take the Nate scented pillow from my clutch and I freaked out, well, freaked out more. Charlie made soothing sounds and promised the pillow was mine as long as I wanted it. Between the two of them they got me to the car, my pillow was still in there. When boyfriends leave girls go crazy, absolutely certifiably crazy.
"But you don't understand Dad!" Bella pleaded with Charlie and he truly didn't.
"You had Edward there every night! I can't believe you Bella!" Uh, uh it wasn't me. Nope, not Leah. I'm not fond of the girl but even I wouldn't tell that. That was my little brother, Seth, secret teller extraordinaire, in protective mode.
Seth was pissed. Oh no. Nature abhors a vacuum and an angry Seth. An angry Seth threw the whole room off. Jagged conversations broke out across the room. The present Cullens talked all over each other about Nahuel's acceptance into their household as long as he wanted to stay. Mom tried to calm Seth, Edward tried to calm Bella while she sputtered through an explanation that she wasn't scared of what Nate would do but the trouble he attracted.
I couldn't help but rejoin that he didn't attract any more trouble than she did. The difference was Nate could handle his shit. She came back at me with the sleep thing and perhaps that's why I wasn't focused on Nate when he spoke to a purple faced Charlie. "That is very kind of you but certainly you will be moving to the reservation will you not?"
"What? No. What are you talking about?" Charlie looked confused.
"When you and Miss Sue marry you will make your home on the reservation." Nate pressed. Bella and I were still exchanging words.
"You're getting ahead of yourself son... Is this true Bella? You had that boy in your bed, under my roof at night?"
"It wasn't like that Dad." Bella defended only to be loud talked by me.
"It was exactly like that! He practically lived there!"
Nate patiently explained to Charlie, "Miss Sue is having your child. I assume you will marry very soon."
"What?" Charlie exploded, then calmed in the surprised silence of the room. The volume dropped to negative one. The silence was confirmation to Charlie that indeed he was the last one in the room to know but he had to ask anyway, "Sue is this true? Are you...?"
"Yes, it's true. I'm pregnant," Mom stated quietly with confidence.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Charlie ran his hand through his hair at a loss.
Mom grabbed his agitated hand. "I only found out this morning shortly before you arrived. I haven't had a chance to mention it to you in private."
My own hand tightened on Nate's as I jerked it to get his attention. I arched one eyebrow to question him. He kissed my cheek and whispered in my ear, "Charlie is not a child."
Charlie freed his hand from Mom's grasp to rub both hands up and down her arms, I guessed to check if all of this was real. Welcome to the club buddy, nothing makes sense anymore and it's always real. "Don't cha need to see a doctor first just to be sure?"
"Sue is pregnant." Carlisle called out for an even further perplexed Charlie who in his ignorance probably assumed there should be some sort of an exam, not simply visual contact with a doctor. "I'll write her a prescription for prenatal vitamins before you two leave."
Poor Charlie was stunned speechless which I could completely understand. Nate didn't. "So you see, you will be relocating to the reservation."
"No!" Bella shouted in ringing tones as access to her father was being cut off when she always thought the timing would be her decision.
I actually felt bad for her and started to say something when Sam interjected, "I'll be glad to help you move. We can use my truck."
Paul volunteered, "I'm free the rest of the day, I'll help and Jared, too. It won't take any time."
Bella opened her mouth again only to be cut off by Edward. "It's for the best love." A statement that placated Bella but not Charlie.
"Wait just a damn minute. Slow down. I'm not going anywhere Bells." He reassured his daughter, reaching out to remove her from her husband's arms. "I'm not going anywhere." Charlie hugged her lightly and let go, I swear so he could ignore the impossible to ignore, coldness of his daughter's body. I realized Nate was right. Charlie was not a child nor was he ignorant, neither was Bella. He was in heightened danger just by knowing us, and not telling him anything didn't decrease that danger one bit.
"It's for the best Dad," Bella conceded.
Following Nate's lead I spoke, "You will be safer, that's our only concern here," lending my voice to the general concern to safeguard Charlie. We never let protection for the reservation lapse and although the Cullens had again extended their stay in Forks, at some point they would have to move away. We wanted Charlie on the res.
We called that wrong. WRONG in all caps. Scream it out loud WRONG! Do you know what else Bella got from her Daddy? Stubborn as all get the fuck out. No, wrong words because this kind of stubborn wouldn't do just that, Get the Fuck out. Charlie was staying put. Even when Mom said, "The kids are right Charlie. It would be better if you came to the reservation."
To our utter surprise he said "No." Not an emphatic no. Just a simple no that couldn't be argued with. It didn't give reasons. It stood there in the room. Charlie is an officer of the law, as in sworn to protect and serve the sleepy little town of Forks. We overlooked this minor detail. He might not know the specific danger but he sure as hell wasn't going to run away and hide and leave the town unprotected.
Jacob told us later that Edward told him Charlie was more clever than we gave him credit for. He reasoned that as long as he was in Forks, that we would keep him safe there by providing protection for his beloved town. Clever Charlie, very clever but not wise because he was taking a vampire home to live with him.
A vampire and a werewolf, actually. Because despite the ruckus he had already caused, Nate wasn't shy about admitting the problem was he needed to be with me. Charlie had seen me this morning; he didn't hesitate to welcome me in his home.
Bella had protested mostly amused, "Dad, you're going to let them live with you? They aren't even married."
"Evidently I normally have a young unmarried couple under my roof; I'm just setting things back to rights. Sam, is the offer of your truck still open? I'm sure Leah will want to bring some things from her house."
That's how I inadvertently stole Bella Swan's life. Well, not the whole thing, just the part of living with Charlie and going to bed with a vampire every night. The major difference? I totally intended to have lots and lots of sex with my vampire. Lots.