I wanted to publish this next chapter early, instead of next week. I feel so bad for leaving you on the hook for so long, so expect some these last chapters pretty quickly. Enjoy!
We pack up the Jeep one last time.
Katniss carelessly throws her duffle into the backseat, on top of mine, and runs hers hands through her hair. She still hasn't braided it, which I love, but also think is immensely strange. When I first met her it seemed like she held on to that thing for dear life; it was a part of her identity. But now, the waves down her back are loose and free and she doesn't seem to mind the change at all.
She puts her hands on her hips and turns towards me, where I'm leaning against the driver's door. Her grey eyes pierce through my soul, my heart clenching in my chest. It hurts to look at her. It hurts to know I can never be with her; not in the way that I wish I could, not in the way she deserves. I look away from her as quickly as possible, not wanting to fall any harder. I already know I'm fucked when it comes to Katniss; and now I just want to make the fallout a little less painful.
"I don't really see the point in packing my bag delicately," she says, explaining the haphazard organization. "We only have to be in the car for another few hours."
Was it just me, or did she sound a little bit sad when she said that?
But I quickly dismiss that idea. I need to stop thinking about how much I want her; stop fantasizing about a future that can't exist because of my fucked up history.
"Good point," I reply with a shrug of my shoulders.
Katniss takes a step towards me and pulls her bottom lip into her mouth. Fuck, what I wouldn't do to take that lip into my own. Then she opens her mouth to speak, staring into my eyes—her own wide, in what looks like fear.
But before she has the chance to say word, my cell phone explodes with the first few bars of "Push It" by Salt-N-Pepa—Finnick's ringtone.
I mumble a curse under my breath at Finnick for interrupting whatever Katniss was gonna say, whisper an apology to her, and quickly answer the phone.
"Hello?"
"Peeta!" Finnick shouts so loud I have to pull the phone away from my ear. "When are you gonna be back?!"
"In a couple hours, actually," I tell him. "Katniss and I are seconds away from hitting the road—we're in Tulsa."
"Fuck yes! I can't wait dude. Gale and I have been waiting for you to come back. We want to hear all about the trip with the sexy orphan."
"Hey, don't say that." My tone instantly changes from jovial to pissed off. Katniss isn't an object Finn can talk shit about. She's…special. I lock eyes with her once again but I can tell that she can't hear anything Finnick is saying because she just raises her eyebrows questioningly.
"Woah, okay, sore spot," Finnick replies, no longer jovial either. "We'll talk about that when you get here. But speaking of getting here, why don't you bring her over?"
I turn my back to Katniss, focusing just on what Finn just said. "What?"
"Yeah, Gale and I are chilling at my place later; playing some darts and cooking bratwursts, so you should bring her by. We'd love to see the girl who obviously has your heart."
"Does not," I defend like a twelve year old, careful not to mention Katniss's name so she doesn't know we're talking about her.
"Peeta," Finn says in his serious voice. The one he uses when he's about to tell me something actually profound or personal. "You only get that defensive when I spew my usual shit if it's about someone you love."
I choose not to dignify that with comment. I still don't want to be in love with Katniss. My heart…can't take what it would mean to feel that way about her. So I'm ignoring the signs.
"Let me just get home and maybe I'll stop by," I say instead.
"I'm taking that as a yes, Peet. See you at three." And he hangs up before I can refute him.
I turn back to Katniss, who looks bored, leaning against the Jeep like I was not two minutes ago.
"My buddy, Finnick," I explain. "He invited us for lunch when we get into town. If you want to go. My friends are good guys, but they are a little crazy—and they don't really have a filter."
Katniss eagerly nods her head, taking me by surprise. "Yeah, that sounds fun."
She jogs around to the other side of the car and hops into the passenger seat without another word, whatever she was going to say forgotten.
The last few hours of our road trip fly by—and I hate it. Usually the last part of the trip is the worst. You're home-sick and you just want to get back and sleep for three days straight in your own bed. But I don't want this to end. As much as I've tried to fight it and ignore it and, sometimes, relish in it, Katniss means something to me. Maybe something big. And home is nothing but the guarantee that she will leave my life forever. And honestly, as much as I don't want to actually utter the words aloud or to myself, that's the last thing I want.
Katniss and I quickly drop by the bakery and get two big hugs and hellos from my Dad, but head to Finnick's with the promise that we will come back at 7:30 for dinner with him.
Finnick lives about two miles from the bakery in a big apartment complex in the shape of a squared "U". There's a large outside pool in the center of the complex, where Finnick will be grilling like he usually does.
I park in the lot just outside the building and hop out of the car; I open the backdoor to ruffle through my bag for my swim trunks.
"You should grab a swimsuit, just in case you feel like hopping in the pool they have," I tell her. I see her nod her head out of the corner of my eye before she gets out of the front seat and joins me in the back, rummaging through her own bag. She pulls out some light green fabric and tucks it under her arm just as I find my navy blue shorts, tucked into the bottom corner of my bag. "Okay, let's go."
I head towards the direction of the gate surrounding the apartments; and when I'm about to reach the door, I feel something soft wrap around my bicep. I'm so thrown I actually have to look down in order to believe that Katniss's beautiful, delicate fingers are holding onto me. My pulse instantly quickens and my stomach erupts in butterflies at her touch. She's got a hold on me, both literally and metaphorically, and my body can't help but to respond and savor how good she feels.
The two of us wrench open the gate and walk into the community. It takes about half a second before I spot Finnick cannonballing into the pool like a crazed seven year old hyped up on red Kool-Aid and Cheetos. We head towards the water, spotting Gale on lounge chair next to the grill, laughing in the direction of the pool.
We only take a few more steps before Gale spots us and leaps up to greet me.
"Peet, hey man! Glad you're back!" He gives me a hug with a firm slap on the back. I do the same to him, mumbling my hellos into his shoulder.
As soon as I pull away, Katniss's hand his back on my arm and I can't help but smile at her as I introduce Gale.
"Gale, this is Katniss Everdeen. Katniss, this is Gale Hawthorne—my buddy for way too long." Katniss reaches towards him with the hand that isn't connected to me and shakes Gale's vigorously.
"Nice to meet you," he says.
"Same," she responds.
By that time, Finnick has jumped out of the pool and his running towards us, leopard-print speedo and all.
"How many times have I told you never to wear that?" I ask when he reaches the three of us.
"Like I ever fucking listen to you," he says with a smack to my shoulder. But he almost instantly ignores me and looks at Katniss instead. "My, my, my. Peeta you told me you were beautiful but I didn't realize how gorgeous you would actually be."
Finnick reaches for her hand and I try not to blush. I called Finnick once when we were stopped at a gas station and he wouldn't shut up until I told him whether or not Katniss was hot. And now I'm regretting what I told him. Actually, I seem to do that a lot.
"This is my friend, Finnick. Don't listen to a single word he says—it's mostly bullshit," I tell Katniss when I'm over my embarrassment.
"Good to know," she says, releasing him from their handshake.
The four of us stand around awkwardly for approximately a second before Finnick breaks the ice, like only Finnick can.
"So who wants to get fucked up?"
I'm on my third beer, feeling a slight buzz, when I finally hop into the pool. My belly is full of bratwursts and barbeque chips, but I don't care. It's hot out and the cool water is just too hard to resist.
Katniss has easily melted in with Gale and Finnick. She answers all of Gale's questions straight forwardly but not formally and rolls her eyes every time Finnick says a word to her. It's incredible. It's like watching someone ride a bike for the first time without training wheels; she catches on effortlessly.
Not long after me, when I'm comfortably wading around in the overly chlorine-d water, Katniss decides to join me in the pool.
She leaves us momentarily to put on her swimming suit in the bathroom and as soon as the door closes behind her, Finn is in my face, grinning manically.
"Please tell me you hit that," he almost begs, sitting on the edge of the pool, his feet in the water.
"I'm not saying shit," I tell him, my usual response for almost everything he asks.
"That means you did. Holy fuck, you banged her!" he shouts.
"Shut the hell up, she'll hear you," I chastise him.
He immediately looks apologetic. "You're right, I'm sorry. But I like her a lot, man. She seems good for you."
Before either of us can say another word, Katniss emerges from the bathroom. And I can't help but let my mouth drop. She's pretty covered up, actually. It doesn't seem like many women under the age of forty wear anything but a bikini these days, but she looks amazing in her one piece. The stretchy fabric clings to every inch of her, hiding nothing but revealing the sexy curves that make up Katniss Everdeen. Her breasts are perky and popping from the top of her suit and her thick muscled thighs look so incredibly strong and sexy in juxtaposition to the bright green. She looks beautiful. Unequivocally so.
She walks right into the pool without a word and Finnick unawkwardly takes his leave, plopping down in the chair next to the one Gale is taking a nap in.
Katniss immediately paddles towards me and I can't help but pull her into my arms as soon as she's within my reach.
And she smiles at me—a true, open, not-hiding-anything smile. Her hands fall on my neck and I slide my hands down her back, just smiling back at her.
We're silent for several minutes, just breathing each other in. My eyes roam over the beautiful, flawless expanse of her neck and shoulders before I lock eyes with her. I want to kiss her so bad, more than anything. And I think I can see it in her eyes: she wants to kiss me too. Her silver eyes bleed into mine, mesmerizing me.
But before I can do anything, I'm attacked by a waterfall.
Katniss shrieks and I think I do as well. I'm blinded by chlorine until I wipe my eyes. And what I discover is nothing but the obvious: Finnick.
"Sorry, I just couldn't help myself." He grins like the Cheshire cat.
Katniss splashes him in the face before I can even react and I just watch and laugh as Finnick's face changes into a look of unadulterated surprise—before his grin pops up again.
"Oh, I really like this one," Finnick says—and then he retaliates.
And before we know it, the squirt guns are out and we're all in a different corner of the pool, yelling and fighting for our lives.
The smile won't fade from my face. I haven't felt this light in the longest time. The last few weeks have been nothing but an up and down of heart-wrenching emotion; attraction and absence; lust and loss. But just fucking around with Katniss and Finnick and eventually Gale—when I shot him in the face with my squirt gun and he came at me with a vengeance—was so easy and emotion free.
Katniss makes me feel so much—but she can also make me feel nothing at all. And I never knew that. But I like it. I like being free of heavy emotions…with her.
I finish running a towel over my head and turn around to watch Katniss wring the water out of her hair and onto the faded burgundy cement blocks.
I only take one step towards Katniss before I'm stopped by Gale. He puts his hand on my shoulder and steers me in opposite direction, several yards from where Finn has just approached Katniss with his innocent grin.
"Peeta, take a chance," Gale says immediately, when we're what he thinks is an appropriate distance away from the two of them.
I furrow my eyebrows at him. "On what exactly?"
He rolls his eyes at me. "On her, man. Katniss." I guess I look confused, because he continues, "I see the way you look at her—all the time. Every time she moves, you notice. Every time she expresses an emotion, you express it two milliseconds later."
"Gale—"
"No," he interrupts, "shut the fuck up. Just listen to me and get it through you thick skull." Gale has never been this abrasive with me before—I shut up instantly. "Those other girls meant nothing. They were a way to pass the time while you were looking for the real thing. And shit, Peet, Katniss is the real thing."
He takes a deep breath before he continues, "I know I don't usually meddle with your life—that's Finn's job—but I'm doing it now because I see it. I see the difference she has made in you in two weeks. So much so that I can't even imagine what you're gonna to be like if you continue to spend more time with her—except better. I know you will be better." Gale's eyes are burning with such fervor. "Finnick told me a little about what she's been through, and it sounds like hell, but you can be there for her. That's what you were made to do, Peeta. And you haven't been through all that nice of things either, and if you two can help each other, then hell, take a fucking chance."
I don't know what to say. Gale has never said something to me like this before; he's a man of few words and fewer expressed opinions. All I can do is nod, my head spinning.
Gale and I walk back to the other two and Katniss puts her hand on my arm like she did before. It feels both perfect and unbelievably scary.
"See you two later," I tell my two best friends, still reeling.
And then we're off.
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