Chapter 28

(Aly's POV)

By the time Skye had dropped me off at the dormitory for the transfer initiates, it was well past time that everyone typically went to bed. In my defense, it was rather hard to keep track of time when we were deep in discussion in the secret and secluded ledge right off the Pit that had somehow become our spot. But I digress. By the time I got back to the dormitories, all of my fellow initiates were asleep, or so I thought.

"Alyssa! Where, in hell, have you been?!" Snow's whispered furiously as I climbed into my bed, which was right next to hers.

"Oh, just out, with Skye, you know," I whispered back, as nonchalantly as I possibly could.

Snow sighed, and I could almost see her exasperated eye-roll despite the darkness. "Of course." There was a pause, and then she hesitatingly said, "You know I'm happy for you, Aly. There's no question about that. I see how happy you are with him... But you did just meet him, and I would've thought- I would've thought you would've at least told me before disappearing like that!"

Although she kept her voice at a whisper, I could still hear the undercurrent of hurt, and immediately I felt horrible. What kind of friend was I? I itched to tell her, no, a good portion of that afternoon was spent in as a prisoner of Blade's and Eric's! But, I knew I couldn't. Six and Four had warned us that we shouldn't speak of it, lest word reach the leaders, who would be forced to take action against Blade and Eric, and making enemies of those two would be... very dangerous. Instead, I opted, reluctantly, to tell her, "I'm sorry, Snow. I didn't mean to." Mean to what? Make her worry? Ditching her? I didn't know.

Luckily, she just said, forgivingly, "It's fine. We should sleep." A pause, and then she added on, "Another long day tomorrow with our instructors poking around in our heads awaits us!"

I chuckled lightly and turned over, eager to relax and slip away from the throbbing pain that Blade had left.

When morning came, I didn't count on the light exposing the bruises lining my arms and face.

Snow was shocked and angry, and asked, "What, exactly, were you doing with Skye yesterday?"

Tess interjected unhelpfully, "Yea, there are bruises all over your face!"

Well, it wasn't like I could just say Blade punched me to try to get me out of the running and to fulfill whatever agenda Eric had. "Oh, just a little light sparring with Skye," I replied, even as I could feel the dull throbbing indicating that, if we did indeed spar, it was most definitely not light.

Tess seemed to accept this explanation, but Snow was a little more reluctant. I could practically see the gears turning in her half Erudite head, and a stab of regret stabbed through me. She was my friend, and she was concerned for me. What right did I have to lie to her? She was bound to find out the truth sooner or later, I told myself, justifying my withholding of the truth.

But she just frowned, and studied me with intelligent eyes. I forced a smile and said, "I'm fine, I promise." Snow nodded with a slight jerk of her head, and I internally breathed a sigh of relief.

(A few hours later)

Having completed the simulations for the rest of the initiates, Six and Four dismissed all but Snow, Skye, Ivy, and myself. A quick glance at who was left reminded me of Six and Four saying that they'll help us overcome our "divergence".

Closing the door to the outer room, Four turned to the four of us and the hard mask melted just a tad, now that there weren't so many people around.

"So, we promised yesterday that we would help you guys get through without discovery in Stage Three. If any of you did what you did yesterday to overcome your fears in Stage Three, you would immediately be discovered by the leaders, and consequently would get thrown out. Not to mention there would be questionings for Tris and I regarding why we didn't report any of you now," Four began. "I would rather not get in trouble with the Dauntless leaders, nor would I like to see any of you ending up dead by an 'accident'."

"So, with that said, we're going to take you through a combination of your fears, one from each of you, in a generated multi-stage simulation. I will be there with you, in the simulation, and Four will be outside to monitor. You will face your fears the way you would in Stage Three. That is, try to control your heartbeat, or convince yourself that you can overcome it without altering the simulation itself, understand?" Six added.

At the nods of everyone, we walked into the smaller room where initiate simulations were conducted. Since there was only one chair, we all arranged ourselves comfortably around the room, sitting with our backs against the walls to prevent us from falling mid-simulation. Predictably, Skye sat next to me, and pulled my right hand into his own warm, slightly callused ones.

Looking at his face, I couldn't help but loathe Blade and Eric even more, bruising his fine-boned complexion even more than mine. But before I could say anything, Four walked up to me and injected the liquid into my neck, and did the same for Skye.

I could feel my head dropping onto Skye's shoulder, and then the room disappeared.

~ . ~ . ~ . ~ . ~ . ~ . ~

We stood in a drab gray room- Skye, Snow, Ivy, Six, and myself, that is.

"Whose fear is this?" Ivy asked, confused. Nothing was happening, as yet.

But a glance at my first and best friend answered that question. Snow was looking queasy, and she replied as she glanced at her fingers. Quietly, she replied, "It's mine."

I looked at my hands also, startled to find that they were slightly green-tinged, and becoming thinner by the second.

Snow began to breathe heavily, but then, Six said, softly, "Control. Breathe. Tell yourself: this isn't real."

Snow nodded shakily, wild fear and dread swirling in her eyes as she watched the poison spread from her fingertips up her arms like parasitic tendrils. Her chest rose unsteadily, and I whispered, "It's not real," to her, trying to help her. But she nodded slowly, breaths steadying.

A few moments later, the room disappeared and we stood in an open field.

Nothing looked wrong, until I heard a quiet buzz. A dark mass flew ever closer, hovering around the top of our heads for a few seconds before a few flew directly at our five-man group.

Ivy cringed away from the bees, trying to avoid them, but that only drew all three of them to her. Having acquired a target, the mass all divebombed her. Ivy promptly fell to her knees, hands over her ears, a high-pitched scream arising from her.

"Ivy!" Six said sharply, "Remember! Get control!"

But she couldn't hear Six over her own scream. The bees began to disappear with faint pops, and I knew that she was manipulating the simulation.

Six walked up to her, and yanked her up from her knees with surprising strength. "Control yourself, initiate!" she barked, her harsh voice contrasting with her soft eyes.

The scream slowly dissipated, and Ivy took an unsteady breath. The bees stopped disappearing, although there was still a startling amount in the air. This wasn't one of my fears, so I looked uncertainly at Skye and Snow, unsure of what to do. They looked equally lost.

Ivy looked up, her hands detaching themselves from her ears and falling weakly to her sides. Her bright eyes were wide with unnatural awareness and fear, but she listened to Six, breathing deeply and exhaling.

Six placed her hands on Ivy's slim shoulders, squeezing gently. "That's it, keep it up. Good... It's not real, remember. Just control yourself, pretend the bees aren't there..."

A minute later, the scene faded, and Ivy looked as collected as she usually did.

Suddenly, we were tossed by an unseen force into some sort of endless pool. Looking around, I couldn't see where it started, and where it ended. It was a river, something I'd heard about, but never seen. Apparently, they all disappeared after the terrible war ravaged the planet. The beauty captivated me, and I wondered how something this vast, this great, could've been destroyed by mere humans. The awe coursed through me, and I ignored the waves pounding at me, threatening to pull me under, until I realized that there were four of us, and we'd gone through two. Since this wasn't my fear, it must've been Skye's.

As I turned to look at him, a wave finally pulled me under, but I drifted back up, unfazed. Looking to my right however, I saw how frantic Skye was. Shaking water from his hair, he blinked multiple times, trying to force from his mind the picture of the fast water rushing through and splitting at the sharp, gray boulders poking out from the water.

I turned to Six, expecting her to guide him through this, but evidently this must've been one of her fears too, because she looked a little panicked (though not nearly as much as Skye), and was clinging to a rock, taking calming breaths herself. But this wasn't her simulation, so it wouldn't move on even if she was calm. I turned back to Skye and swam towards him. Clinging to a rock near his position, I yelled over the crashing water, "It's- not- real!" I took a breath through my mouth, and tried to imitate Six. "Calm down. Swim to me, Skye!"

He listened, swimming toward me in slow but steady strokes. Once he reached the rock I was clinging to, he held on with both arms, gasping for breath while shaking the water out of his hair.

He closed his eyes and took a slow breath, gulping as he strained to hold onto the slippery rock without cutting himself. Similarly, I was thusly occupied, but in a moment, miraculously the scene rippled and changed, and the water evaporated right off.

But I knew- I was the last one. This had to be my fear. The Amity farms appeared and I knew right away: this was it.

Lines of wheat and other crops were in the background in orderly rows, but they were set ablaze. The Great Fire- four years ago, and still haunting me now. I stood on a packed dirt-road about seven paces across, between the wheat crop farm ahead of me and the potato fields behind me, but all around me was chaos. People rushed around, mothers clutching children to their bosom and father holding the hands of sons and guiding the older members of their family. But while I noticed that, the main focus was on the four people standing in front of me. Try as I might, my eyes were glued- they disobediently refused to be torn away from the sight of those four, the red and orange flames in the background just enhancing their features.

My biological mother and my father stood there, sticks in their hands, eyes hard. Their mouths were open, reprimanding me about one thing or the other, surely, but I couldn't hear them through the screams of everyone running around. Standing next to them- America and Maxon, my chosen family- were quiet, disappointment in their eyes as they shook their head in regret.

"I can't believe we even bothered saving you from Agatha and Xenos," the red-haired twenty-year-old whispered, although her soft voice carried right to my ears. My eyes widened, and I could feel the tears lining my lashes as Maxon opened his mouth and shouted, "We treated you like one of our own! And you left us to die!"

Distantly, I could hear someone yelling my name, telling me to calm myself, but only a corner of my mind registered that.

My eyes darted to the hem of America's dress, which had caught fire from the flaming crops. I darted forward, hands outreached, ready to swat the fire until it died, but the more steps I took, the farther she was. Wasn't this pathway just seven paces across?!

I lunged again, but something caught the back of my jacket and yanked me back.

Blindly, I tried to smack the hand away. "NO!" I yelled, still trying to reach America, my first true friend, a woman that was my sister- and mother-figure all those years, even as the red flames licked the hem of her dress and crept up, consuming her.

Maxon's eyes were glued to her as she shrieked in pain, encased in the fire, but then he turned his gaze to me, and nothing filled those brown eyes other than hate. Those eyes that had taught me to look upon the world with compassion were filled with disgust and loathing- and it was directed at me.

I collapsed, but couldn't- something was still holding onto my jacket.

Someone was yelling at me to control my breathing but didn't they understand? My biological parents and best friends/siblings/mentors had just perished in the Great Fire... And it was all my fault... And oh hell I was going to Damnation for this... I should never have left them like that...

I felt myself slipping away, but then a stinging pain from my cheek jerked me from my thoughts.

The pain appeared again, and I realized that Skye was holding me with one hand and had slapped me with the other.

With tears lining my eyes and shame washing over my face, I couldn't meet his gaze. I wasn't worthy of friends like Snow and Skye and Tess.

I gulped down a breath, my vision blurred.

"This isn't real! This- isn't- REAL!" Skye yelled, his eyes conveying his urgency.

Somehow, I mastered my breath, and the simulation ended. I found myself walking away from the simulation room a few minutes later, my head ringing. Snow, Ivy, ad Skye all trailed behind me, keeping their distance, but not letting me out of their sight or, in Snow's case, her reach.

Mindlessly walking around the compound, slowly I realized how'd I'd completely lost control in there. I hated it, hated it.

A few minutes later, I found myself with Snow, Ivy, and Skye in a strange apartment that Skye had brought us to. Out of nowhere, I heard myself blurt out, "It was four years ago. The Great Fire." I swallowed, reaching out with my hand and finding Skye's. "I lost my family there. I left them."

Snow's and Ivy's arms wrapped around me, and Skye squeezed my fingers.

In that moment, I realized, even though I'd lost America and Maxon in Amity, I'd still found my family. After all, friends are the family you choose, and without a doubt, I'd choose Snow, Ivy, and Skye, over and over.

That's just what you did for people who would have your back... No matter what.

A/N: I know I said I'd stop this story, but a friend inspired me again, and left me with thoughts on how I felt when authors stopped updating, and how you all must feel. I'm so terribly sorry for that. I won't be able to update as often as I'd like, but I hope you guys give me another chance, just as I gave this story one. Thanks~

~myperfectionismyimperfection