Disclaimer: I do not own these character. I do take them out to play with from time time
Chapter 17 The End of Limbo
Today was the day. I drove home from the reservation Thursday evening thinking this was it. It had to be. Tomorrow was Good Friday, the kids were out of school and blissfully so was I. Even my dance class on Saturday morning was on holiday break. Anthony was taking his wife on a vacation to enjoy her break from the middle school in Forks where she tortured preteens for a living, leaving Nate off work the entire week as well. Our plans included clubbing and camping and yes the two do go together. You can't beat the hotel savings, a backpack and a bar of soap and we were set.
The mid April weather was bliss which should make tramping around Vancouver Island pleasant. Nate would love it and admittedly so would I. The forest was an adventure, not a sentence when we were hiking side by side, soaking up the world. However, I would not enjoy it with this black cloud hanging over my head. I tried to downplay it, after all we were together and would be forever through thick and thin because nature and magic or perhaps the nature of magic has decreed it so. There was nothing, NOTHING to worry about. That usually worked for about ten minutes until I started kicking myself in the ass for not setting a date when he had been keen to walk me down the aisle. What was I in eighth grade? Did I need a real honest textbook confession of I love you, do you love me?
Yes, I did. I couldn't be mature enough to let things progress like Mom suggested when we had our traditional Sunday morning breakfast. She said our relationship was like an arranged marriage, and to give it time. She also pointed out that we were very lucky to have a good chemistry from the beginning. I balked at that making her scoff, "Leah, you and I both know where babies come from." Seeing my discomfort she added, "It's a fun and exciting place." She shrugged, "I've been there."
Rising to the bait I ribbed back, "Three times, huh?"
Mom laughed and rubbed her protruding belly, "More than that, only three times I brought back souvenirs."
"Ew, gross! You win that round. I guess you think I'm being silly."
Mom laughed at me awhile longer before getting serious. "No, not silly. Uncertainty is nothing to be ashamed of. You can't compare yourself to your friends here who have the same background as their significant others. For instance, even if Rachel doesn't remember Paul all that well from growing up, they grew up on the same reservation, shaped by the same community and have the same values. Nate is ...completely different and tremendously other. You can only be Leah and Nahuel, not Emily and Sam, or anyone else. Be patient."
Even then I knew me, "Mom, I just don't know if I can be that patient. It's got me all unsettled inside."
"Child, relax. Have you considered, Nate may not know how he feels? You almost died, that my is going to have a significant impact on how he perceives the relationship."
"If anything, shouldn't that make him more attached? I would think so. I mean, I know it made me feel more for Sam, when I was scared he was dead." Agitated, I jumped up to clear the table. "If I thought for even a moment I was going to lose him I would have smothered him with 'I love you's' morning noon and night."
"And that is you, not necessarily him. Some people withdraw, not because they don't care." Mom grabbed her cup and started to rise. "It's a self-defense mechanism. I've seen it play out at the hospital many times."
Gently, I nudged her back down, removing the cup from her hand. "I got this, you relax." Then asked, "Are Seth and Charlie helping you out around here?"
"Does your brother even live here?" Mom joked.
Seth called out from the living room, "Yes, Mom, I still live here. I keep my room clean, take out the trash, and wash whatever dishes I use, you know, same as always." Seth poked his head into the kitchen, "Is there something else you need me to do Mom?"
"No, Seth you're fine. Charlie does well too." Mom assured us. "Long time bachelor like him, he expects to do housework. He doesn't always do it well- the one rag method was a no go - and he certainly doesn't expect criticism, so we are learning each other."
"Are you done with this kitchen hen party?" Seth asked," I have House Hunters ready to play in the living room." I raised an eyebrow on that. What had we done to my little brother?
Seth responded to the eyebrow, "Whatever, its International, in Tuscany. I'm never going to visit, so let me enjoy Italy the best I can. "
"We're just about ready. Leah," Mom called my name in that serious tone that meant full attention I so sat back down at the table. "I urge you again, be patient. When you were hurt it was a very scary time for all of us, Nate included. He insisted on you being in your home, the one you share with him, and he didn't leave your side doing all the awkward nurse work. Not many men will wash your ass, not when your mother's a nurse and standing right there. He cares deeply, and I know that you know that. You're getting caught up in voluntary and involuntary, but answer me this how voluntary is love? If I had it my way, I wouldn't feel this way about Charlie so soon after your father. We didn't choose to fall in love, anymore than you chose to imprint."
Seth came back in the kitchen, "Are you still going on about that? Still? Excuse me Mom - Leah if you ever heard him go on and on about how you look in white slacks..."
"White slacks?" Mom asked.
"White slacks?" I parroted.
"White slacks." Seth uttered with disgust. "Every time you wear them he talks about how they skim the top of your feet, how they make your legs long and elegant. That's not so bad, but then he gets to the back."
Mom said, "Oh!"
I sucked my teeth, "So what, he likes checking out my butt. I know he finds me attractive."
"If that was all I wouldn't have brought it up. If they were tight I would have kinda understood. You're my sister, but I'm a guy so I check out girls in tight jeans with religious devotion."
"Seth your mom's right here," Mom reminded him.
"You and Leah have scarred me for life. Even if I'm in the other room I can still hear you joke about where babies come from. Nate goes on about how the fabric...caresses..." Seth paused and screwed his face up, "your butt. This is a lot more weird to talk about than I realized." Then he fell silent.
"No, go on," Mom urged. "We scarred you, so surely you're tough enough to keep going." Mom had offered him an out earlier she wasn't going to cut him any slack now.
"He likes to talk about how the cut hints at your 'curvy delights' but doesn't reveal them. How they lay smooth on the planes of your...posterior." Seth flinched. "He says that means a... why did I start this."
"Brother, if you can't stand the heat, get your butt up out the kitchen." I prodded him, because I wasn't entirely comfortable with my little brother talking about my ass.
"Okay." Seth jumped, he was ready, but Mom was ready too, she clamped his wrist leaving Seth to again say, "Okay," but with way less enthusiasm.
"It means a ..thong, a wisp of cloth so your beautiful brown flesh is covered only by soft white. Anyway the thing is he couldn't have forgotten he's talked about this before so it's like he's so fascinated with you he feels the need to talk about how you look in pair of pants that aren't even tight. I don't get it, I don't want to get but I've heard this speech two, no at least three times. My point is that's not just attraction and certainly not duty. You tell us Nate stories and Nate tells the guys Leah stories so how ever you feel about him, he probably feels the same way."
"Huh. I wore cream slacks just one time...to a church with Mrs. Spenser. It was out-of-town and late in the day, she was afraid to drive at night, and you know how Nate is with his old ladies."
"Is she the one vicariously teaching school through you or the one that thinks you're fat?" Mom asked.
Seth interrupted Mom. "Or the one that breaks stuff to get Nate over there? You know, the one Nate told her faucet was fine until she wore it out with her cane...",
Mom took the conversation back, "That he was sure the paint scratches matched, if not the dents." Mom laughed then said, "She took a big risk doing that. What if he was unavailabe or couldn't fix it?"
"Do I really tell Nate stories like that?" I asked amazed.
"Ah...yeah. You kinda do." Seth said.
Mom nodded in agreement, "I do enjoy them though so don't stop."
Mom and I eventually joined Seth on the sofa to enjoy House Hunters in Tuscany, which had me convinced I wasn't missing anything there. The houses were crazy old - yet younger than Nate- and hell'a expensive, but less than Bella's Ferrari. I like old and I like expensive but I don't like crumbly old houses which was good for me because Italy was not a place a shapeshifter like myself should aspire to visit. We had a good time together huddled around the television. Seth eventually left to go see the Cullens, again. I told him they don't change and its a good chance they were exactly where he left him them yesterday. Mom who had no additional chores for Seth loaded me up with a variety of tasks I didn't know existed.
When Sam brought Nate by after their own breakfast with Joshua and Delores had concluded, I had no problem palming my new chores off on my mate, who attacked them like a kid on an Easter basket. Chocolate bunny versus dust bunny, I can easily tell you which one Nate relishes. Mom napped while the Nate and Sam Show, good housekeeping edition, played out. "Your mother made me coffee flavored oatmeal-I would say washing Miss Sue's, trash cans will be more pleasant."
"She was just trying to be nice." Sam muttered.
"I know, that is the only reason I ate it...coffee oatmeal..with whole beans sprinkled in to give it some crunch." Nate explained to me, and passed me a slip of paper, "Beautiful, she was very proud of the recipe. She wrote it down for you. It is known that I like coffee but..."
Nate broke off talking to me to lay into Sam, "What are you doing? Put down the spray and paper towels, you have to take it outside and wash it thoroughly with soap and water." He gave Sam a cleaning rag from under the sink and dish soap. I kinda thought he was trying to buy us some time alone but he turned to me to say, "I will take care of house. Why don't you go see Emily?" Conversation with Mom had me in a good place mentally and I tried not to read too much into him choosing Sam's company over mine.
Four days was as long as I could last. I wanted to know right now. I had to know something one way or the other. We would talk today. I parked the car and let myself in through the front door, calling out, "Nate."
My attention was immediately refocused on the brown package sitting on hall table. I picked the box up and shook it. Not sure why I did that, habit I suppose. It did smell like leather and it sounded like shoes. The squeal passed my lips and I wasted no time manhandling the box open. The cutest, and I mean that if you assembled every sandal that had ever been made in the history of the world, the sandals in that box would be declared the cutest damn shoe in the bunch. I picked one up and twirled around.
"Oh, it's so darling and perfect." I gushed to Nate where he stood in the kitchen door. My hands were busy removing my offensive rundown sneakers. "These sandals deserve a night on the town." One sneaker plopped to the floor. I looked up at my lover to ask, "Do you want to hit Olympia with Abby and them or take the Cullen kids to Seattle? We could just go dazzle 'em by ourselves." I babbled while lacing the sandals straps around my ankle. I loved a shoe that looked good and that I could dance in all night long and these fit the bill perfectly.
"You love those shoes already. What are they called?" Nate questioned me from the doorway.
I rattled off the name of a supermodel and a high-end fashion design company before refocusing on the straps. They were trickier than the picture indicated.
"You do love killing them with your shoe game. Abby and Jamie would be the best outlet."
"I suppose you're right. I stretched my foot out in front of me thoroughly pleased with the sight of my perfectly painted toe nails and my brand spanking new sandals.
"Leah, we must talk."
"Sure, I'm game." I glanced up at my darling reluctantly. I was still entranced by the effect and could hardly wait to put on the second one. One look at Nate gave me a serious pause. "What's on your mind?"
"If I worked all month, and saved every dime, I could not buy you shoes like that." Nate gestured to my foot. I cannot give you the things you desire most in life. You love the nightlife with your friends, driving fancy cars and wearing garments that are out of my reach to provide for you. I cannot give you the life you want."
"When have I ever asked you to buy me anything?" I wondered perplexed. Beyond 'bring me a drink from the bar' I couldn't recall asking anything material of him.
Nate walked into the room a few steps, then jerked to a stop crossing his arms on his chest. "You do not need to ask me for anything for me to know I cannot adequately provide for you. These last couple of months hanging out with your friends has shown me the natural path your life could be on were it not for me. You could be happy with someone like your friend Tak. You could be as fabulous and as flashy as you are wont to be without me holding you back in this unnatural life where our secrecy must be guarded above all else.
He had me reeling, unable to digest it all so I took parts, "Tak, seriously, you're throwing Tak at me?"
We had run into Tak no more than a month ago while hanging out in some spot in Seattle Abby and Jamie had been dying to go to. We had driven up directly after dance class one Saturday afternoon. I was returning from the bathroom, Abby at my side when a guy with short dreadlocks gripped my arm. "Shorty, don't I know you from somewhere?"
I snatched my arm away and whipped around getting ready to jump down his throat...but Abby's, 'Leah's always starting something' groan helped me catch myself. I didn't want to start anything...tonight. My loss of temper nearly cost me my life so I was trying to keep it in check. I gave him a fairly standard stink eye drill, slow appraisal down, then back up, eye contact and a slight eye roll of dismissal. The fuck you look encompassed him and his whole crew, then I smirked, "No."
The offender smiled openly at my hostility and said loudly, "I like mean girls." Then he winked at me. I could beg to differ based on the two simpering girls at the table looking at me like I was guilty of some faux pas. Whatever.
"Shorty, do you know who I am?" Again with the cocky smile.
I rolled one hip forward, my hand landing there involuntarily as my swagger came into play, "The question is 'Do you know who I am?"
"Are you Pocahontas? Nah maybe Sacajawea. Yeah, yeah that's it." He looked to his crew for approval of his lame ass joke.
"That's tired and played out, you know kinda like you." I threw back at him.
"Girl, I'm Tak! I'm big time. A 206 sensation. I gotta song in heavy rotation on all the stations, my video is blowing up on youtube. I'm rolling in a tricked out 77 Impala, a classic. So what's up? You wanna ride with me?"
I lifted my perfectly arched eyebrow. Yes, it was perfect. "I'm Leah. I still don't know who you are and frankly I don't care." I turned to walk away but how could I resist the urge to twist the knife? "Oh by the way, I don't need your Impala...I'm pushing a cherry red Fer-ra-ri, brand spanking new, it was a classic the day it was born." I smirked again. It wasn't mine but Tak didn't need the details.
He grabbed at my arm again. "Hold up shorty."
I shot him the ugly look, "Hold up Leah." Damn he was trainable. "I might need to switch up and ride with you."
"No can do. There's only room for me and my boo."
"Maybe I can upgrade you. Bring my wit and charm into the picture.." Tak didn't seem to take hints, broad or otherwise.
"You would hardly be an upgrade." I looked pointedly over at Nate where he sat with our friends. Any other guy a little less self involved than this Tak would have followed the direction of my stare but not him.
"What's he got on me?" Tak swept his hands down his body, indicating the easily resistible package in front of me. I tried another tactic.
"You wanna meet him?" Before Tak could answer I snapped my fingers. Nate's head whipped around and he was on his way. Tak and crew watched as the world's deadliest predator stalked across the nightclub towards them. Nate was in full human hunting mode with smooth grace in every step. I called this the peacock method, his full glory was on display. Sensuality oozed from him creating an aura. He was too good to be true, one knew that any minute he was going to stop and hawk cologne or shampoo and you would know the picture before you was indeed a trick.
Nate knew what I wanted of him. His eyes met mine and slid past me slightly. He was doing the look, the 'Am I not the sexiest mutherfucker you ever laid eyes?' vampire hunting look. It was a very effective. The look didn't work on me, but everybody at Tak's table was silent watching Nahuel. Abby was too, but that was the norm for her regardless of what Nate was doing.
When he reached me, his arms wrapped around my body. He kissed me quickly but deeply. There was tongue involved for sure. He released me from the kiss but kept his arms looped around my waist, then looked deep into my eyes before saying, "Beautiful, you summoned me." He paused, letting his words linger. "What can I do for you?" I heard one simpering 'honey on each arm' girl exclaim, "Dayum!"
"Umm," What did I call him for...? The vamp dazzle look didn't work but his kiss worked every time, for a moment I couldn't have told you my name much less what I wanted other than hot sex. I blinked twice before saying, "Yeah, I wanted to introduce you to my friend here, Tak?"
"Nice to meet you Tak. I like your song, you have a rather unique style." Nate didn't take his arms from around me. He acknowledged Tak by inclining his head.
"Do it again. Yo, did you see that?" He asked his friends at the table. "Did you see that shit? Fuck. I mean, hell I wouldn't change out the passenger seat either. I'm gonna learn that walk. "Beautiful, you summoned me" Tak did his impression of Nate. "I need to take some lessons from you, Leah. Girl, you did good for yourself."
That was when the other shoe dropped. I did know this dude from a million years ago. He was in my annual summer dance camp on Whidbey Island. "El...was all I got out of Elbert before Tak, grabbed me in a hug and whispered desperately, "Please don't go there."
I didn't out Elbert, who had been my one-week-during-the-summer love of years twelve and thirteen. He had been one of the few boys at camp and totally fun. He was fun now. Hanging with him was entrance into the hottest spots, late night clandestine street racing and a few other activities that weren't exactly mom approved. Abby, Jamie and their rotating selection of friends not currently in danger of academic probation were glad to become part of a real honest to god entourage. Tak's star was rising which was...a freaking bad idea for my kind to become involved with.
"What the hell are you talking about? Tak? My little friend Elbert? You know that's his parents money right? Why would that be appealing to me? I don't want exposure like that. I can't fucking stand his friends!" Words poured forth disjointedly.
"Without me you could give up the phasing and his rising fame would not be a hinderance to you." Nate responded. "You could be in his videos, sing a hook for him and walk the red carpet with him and whatever else he has asked of you. I hear him pleading with you to join him in the limelight. You would love the adoration and although you hate his friends you thrive on the conflict. It would be much safer than the conflicts you encounter in this life."
There was in my mind, pre-weird Leah who would have embraced everything Tak was trying to throw at me. I loved being the center of attention. Tak did know me of old. What kid never dreams of being rich and famous? I was no exception, but I wasn't a kids any longer and my life was about more important things than fifteen minutes of fame.
"Whatever. Do you know who knows me and would be awaiting any excuse to wipe out my whole pack, probably the whole reservation? That fucker Aro. You know he knows me ...What the hell are we even talking about? I don't like Tak like that and haven't since I was a kid. Hell, he has a fucking man crush on you! We could have shook him by now if he wasn't sweating you... not me, you. He jealous of me 'cause I'm with you." The guy wanted to walk like Nate, talk like Nate, respected Nate's opinion of his music, and don't get it twisted vampires are discerning critics so it wasn't like Nate was saying, "Yeah man, that's dope." It was more like you can get more bars out of that beat. Whatever that meant. I didn't care as long as I could dance to it. Yeah, I'm that type. So what, I don't go dancing to get an epiphany from the music.
I was on my feet leaning into this argument. "When a woman trades a man, she trades up, not to his damn groupie. What the hell are you going on about? I don't want Tak nor do I need someone to buy me outrageously expensive shit." I picked up the other shoe that had yet to grace my foot to punctuate my point. "Do you think I ordered this shoe? I haven't shopped for clothes in months, I fucking support two charity thrift stores and I have still have two closets brimming with crap I haven't worn." Alice was horrified if she saw me in the same thing twice. Scandalized was more like it, she thought it was the height of selfishness not to share the clothes with those less fortunate who liked nice clothes yet couldn't afford retail. A part me wanted to sell the stuff but she had given them to me and in good conscience I couldn't profit from it.
A thought popped into my head , "You made me take it. When I tried to talk to her about it, you made me shut up. You insisted that I continue being her big ass Barbie Doll. You!" I let the shoe fly with force at the wall behind Nate's head. He didn't flinch and he didn't move.
My temper was flaring and my skin felt agitated all over, I held my body rigid. This was insane. "What is this about? It's certainly not the nightlife. You made me take that too. I can't keep my ass off the dance floor but, you... you... you have yet to meet the karaoke bar that you can walk by." Nate loved to sing. I didn't give him shit about it nor hesitate if he wanted me to sing a duet. I'd butcher whatever song he wanted me to. "What is this really about and don't give me any bullshit!
"This is about the life or rather the lie. I do not fit in here. I cannot continue here in this existence. What is it you expect of me? To one day become Sam-like, the responsible family man? We will never be them. I cannot be your Sam and you cannot be Emily. What is the point of going to our plodding jobs, earning a pittance, eking out a living? What are we building towards Leah? Nothing. I am not that man Leah. That is not me."
Tension coiled throughout my body constricting my lungs, squeezing my heart. I was angry, confused and scared. I couldn't fail to see what was going on. My imprint was trying to breakup with me. He had experienced all of me and found me lacking. Part of me, that freaky imprint part, yearned to help him. It had trouble seeing him struggle, floundering in his arguments. That part wanted to release him if that's what he wanted. That part was not the sum total of me. I was a woman desperately fighting for that which gave my life meaning, purpose and joy.
"What are you saying? One minute you accuse me of being a gold digger, of wanting the nightlife and next of trying to make you be the man in the minivan, coaching little league. You can't have it both ways. Give me the goddamned truth. What the hell is wrong with you?"
Nate stood still by the kitchen door. His arms crossed on his chest, his eyes were unblinking, focused on me. They were so cold and distant. Where was the sunny warm laughing lover I knew? Who was this unmoving stranger? I pulled a deep breath, closed my eyes and focused, it was time to put it all out there. "Nate, I love you more than anything. Please tell me what's going on."
His grim expression cracked with a humorless laugh. "You do love Nate, a construction of your imagination, set to fit with ease into your life. I am Nahuel, always have been and I always will be. Nahuel, no last name, no permanent home, a nomad who claims all of South America as home, and more importantly, I am a vampire. I am the creature in the night stealing lives. I am what you hunt. I am the enemy. I am Nahuel not Nate. You love Nate, you do not acknowledge the existence Nahuel."
Had I done that? Did I give him that nickname and make him fit the mold I had in mind? My mind cast its net back over our sadly short history. Did I never acknowledge who he truly was?
He took my silence as acquiescence. "Leah, I cannot be your replacement Sam."
"How can you possibly be throwing Sam up in my face now? How is that even possible. This is about you and me, this is about NaLeah."
"Is it not always about Sam with you? He is the one you chose. The one you pursued, two inches from his face, that is what you said, so he would know you were interested. You are with me because you had no choice. Sam", he sneered again. "The first time you said you loved me, you said it to him. My heart rejoiced and I waited for you to tell me to my face." He must have seen the confusion on my face.
"We were at Sam and Emily's wedding, I was dancing with your grandmother and I heard you tell Sam, "I love him so much." You loved me so much you did not tell me. I asked you to be my wife and you didn't say. I have to conclude you said it for his benefit, for his huge guilty conscience. I waited and you could not say it again until you were drugged out your mind. You love me? Not hardly."
I couldn't believe this was happening. I was still at the front door, still in one sneaker and one sandal. My life was trying to fall apart. "Please don't do this. Please don't do this to us." I pleaded looking at his hard face feeling the futility of my words as I forced them through my lips.
"Leah, the novelty of being Nate has worn off. It has been fun, my passion for you has been real. But this life," he swept his arms out indicating our living room, the one we chose the furniture for and repainted together, "This life is not mine, I have asked you numerous times to join me in my world, in the world of who I am, Nahuel, but you dismiss the idea without consideration. The passion as I said has been real, but it has only been passion. I simply do not love you." He finally stepped further into the room and despite everything he said, I thought he was coming to comfort me. He was a part of me, and I needed him badly.
He didn't come to me, he turned for the stairs.